What is the stupidest movie ever made?

[Xprimentyl]

The Queen Of The Damned

It's the ostensible sequel to Interview With The Vampire of the film adaptations of Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles. Have you ever seen a movie adapted from a book where they get it so wrong, it's actually offensive? The author herself removed her name from the marketing for the film, that's how bad it was. Nevermind they took two books worth of content and sloppily mashed them together (The Vampire Lestat is actually the second book of the Chronicles; QOTD is the third,) but they took so many liberties as to make the film completely unrepresentative of the text. I was livid. Probably not the worst movie I've ever seen, but certainly the worst I've seen for which I had very specific expectations.

Pretty much every book written after IWTV is from the point of view of Lestat, who usually within the first few pages describes his blonde hair, so in the film, of course they made him brunette. Enkil, 6,000-year-old husband of Akasha, the Queen of the damned, one half of Those Who Must Be Kept? Yeah, we edited him out entirely. The red-headed twins? We only need one of those; thanks. Oh, and the entire latter half of the book? We're just gonna take the characters and wing it. Like, why did they even bother adapting the book when the film is basically a generic vampire film with characters coopted from an existing text? I can't help but think someone somewhere is happy about the death of Aaliyah which overshadowed the piss-poor box office performance of her final film.

 

[The Rogue Wolf]

Probably practically everything directed by Seltzer and Friedberg.

Stupidest I've actually seen is probably one of those Friedman/Seltzer "parodies".

It's because they absolutely rush through every production they start up in order to cash in on the hot new trend. Quality takes time!

 

[umatbro]

Eddie The Eagle. He is an embarrassment to the Olympics and his stardom and 2016 movie are little more than participation trophies.

Do "documentaries" count?

To keep tippy toppo topical, a couple of offensively bad ones in the sense they very much actually contribute to current behaviours linked to a solid, rising death toll;


Do not look at the comments in there if one's sanity is valued.

What's really disappointing about Songbird is that it's neither pro-vaxx or anti-vaxx, its just Romeo and Juliet with COVID.

 

[Agema]

I've just watched Iron Sky: The Coming Race - that has to be right up there as the stupidest movie ever made. The original passed muster as a B-movie, and I am staggered at the colossal drop in quality from even that modest start point.

Witless, incoherent, unfunny, boring.

 

[Hades]

The new Mortal Kombat one?

Where they thought that the thing making Mortal Kombat better was if they added a dreadfully boring and utterly unconventional original character who naturally descends from the most popular character.

 

[Drathnoxis]

The problem with this question is that if I find a movie genuinely stupid I'll just turn it off. So the stupidest movie I've ever seen I've probably never finished and don't remember too well.

That's still valid. I only watched 15 minutes of Kung-Pow. That was more than enough to tell.

The new Mortal Kombat one?

Where they thought that the thing making Mortal Kombat better was if they added a dreadfully boring and utterly unconventional original character who naturally descends from the most popular character.

It can't possibly be stupider than Mortal Kombat: Annihilation.

 

[gorfias]

While this says it was made in 1998, I think I took the boy to see it more like 2001. Earlier someone mentioned losing IQ points watching something this bad. My thought with this movie. Odd morality. The Pokemon turn into pacifists when they can't win fights.

Pokémon: The First Movie - Mewtwo Strikes Back (1998) ⭐ 6.3 | Animation, Action, Adventure

1h 36m | G

www.imdb.com

I was not dragged to see the first of 3 Hobbit movies, based upon one brief children's book. Nope. That one was all my fault. It is the only movie I think I have ever seen in the theater and fell dead ass asleep.

 

[Agema]

I was not dragged to see the first of 3 Hobbit movies, based upon one brief children's book. Nope. That one was all my fault. It is the only movie I think I have ever seen in the theater and fell dead ass asleep.

The Hobbit trilogy was a triumph of Hollywood moneymaking at the expense of quality: corpulent, complacent, and crass.

Three movies across nine hours? Who the fuck were they kidding? Should have been half the length, but they want to eke out three films for extra sales and for some ungodly reason fashion dictates an epic blockbuster should take three hours when nearly all movies would be better off under two.

I have almost never been so bored with a fight scene as watching Thorin v. Azog, although the swathes of tedium I sat through just to get there surely didn't help my frame of mind.

 

[Gordon_4]

The Hobbit trilogy was a triumph of Hollywood moneymaking at the expense of quality: corpulent, complacent, and crass.

Three movies across nine hours? Who the fuck were they kidding? Should have been half the length, but they want to eke out three films for extra sales and for some ungodly reason fashion dictates an epic blockbuster should take three hours when nearly all movies would be better off under two.

I have almost never been so bored with a fight scene as watching Thorin v. Azog, although the swathes of tedium I sat through just to get there surely didn't help my frame of mind.

As I understand it, the Hobbit was originally pitched as two films: An Unexpected Journey and There And Back Again. New Line demanded three films and they ended up plundering the appendices and bits of the Silmarillion to pad the run time out. Whoops.

While this says it was made in 1998, I think I took the boy to see it more like 2001. Earlier someone mentioned losing IQ points watching something this bad. My thought with this movie. Odd morality. The Pokemon turn into pacifists when they can't win fights.

Pokémon: The First Movie - Mewtwo Strikes Back (1998) ⭐ 6.3 | Animation, Action, Adventure

1h 36m | G

www.imdb.com

The weird thing about Pokemon is that the 'message' of the film is vastly different if you watch it in Japanese compared to English. Also, Mew is fucking jerk in Japanese.

 

[Thaluikhain]

As I understand it, the Hobbit was originally pitched as two films: An Unexpected Journey and There And Back Again. New Line demanded three films and they ended up plundering the appendices and bits of the Silmarillion to pad the run time out. Whoops.

And then didn't bother with that for the third and stuck giant worms and Billy Connolly and a comic relief character in drag in instead.

 

[Gordon_4]

And then didn't bother with that for the third and stuck giant worms and Billy Connolly and a comic relief character in drag in instead.

Also that. Double whoops.

 

[Bartholen]

If we're talking purely by stupidity, I'm sure it's a Neil Breen movie or something akin to that. The incoherence in his work is genuinely next level, but so is the entertainment factor, and because of that I can't fault his movies for that.

But if we're talking what movie aggravated me the most with its stupidity, I genuinely struggle to think of a better candidate than Equilibrium (2002). Holy fuck that movie felt like a first draft written by a 12-year old who got halfway into their first Philip K Dick novel, but then got bored and watched the fight scenes from The Matrix instead. And then wrote out whatever delirious shreds of memory still lingered in their head 3 hours past their bedtime after chugging 3 litres of coca-cola.

It's not just that the world is badly thought out, but the writing constantly undermines the entire premise, which itself in turn is so staggeringly juvenile I'm astonished it was made into a feature length movie. And then they throw in that stupid looking gun martial arts which looks so ridiculous I burst out laughing every time they did it. And the fact that the movie takes itself 100% seriously only underlines it further.

 

[BrawlMan]

If we're talking purely by stupidity, I'm sure it's a Neil Breen movie or something akin to that. The incoherence in his work is genuinely next level, but so is the entertainment factor, and because of that I can't fault his movies for that.

But if we're talking what movie aggravated me the most with its stupidity, I genuinely struggle to think of a better candidate than Equilibrium (2002). Holy fuck that movie felt like a first draft written by a 12-year old who got halfway into their first Philip K Dick novel, but then got bored and watched the fight scenes from The Matrix instead. And then wrote out whatever delirious shreds of memory still lingered in their head 3 hours past their bedtime after chugging 3 litres of coca-cola.

It's not just that the world is badly thought out, but the writing constantly undermines the entire premise, which itself in turn is so staggeringly juvenile I'm astonished it was made into a feature length movie. And then they throw in that stupid looking gun martial arts which looks so ridiculous I burst out laughing every time they did it. And the fact that the movie takes itself 100% seriously only underlines it further.

If you think that's bad, the directors next follow-up film, Ultraviolet, is even worse. Equilibrium I can at least watch on occasion and enjoy myself.

 

[Thaluikhain]

If you think that's bad, the directors next follow-up film, Ultraviolet, is even worse. Equilibrium I can at least watch on occasion and enjoy myself.

I don't mind those films. Yeah, they don't make much, or any sense, but there's some cool stuff, especially in Ultraviolet. Milla Jovovich is a vampire with clothes that keep changing colour and zillions of guns hidden in hyperspace and she can reverse gravity with some gadget she has for a bit. And she's in soft focus so she only sometimes has a nose.

 

[Kyrian007]

If we're talking purely by stupidity, I'm sure it's a Neil Breen movie or something akin to that. The incoherence in his work is genuinely next level, but so is the entertainment factor, and because of that I can't fault his movies for that.

But if we're talking what movie aggravated me the most with its stupidity, I genuinely struggle to think of a better candidate than Equilibrium (2002). Holy fuck that movie felt like a first draft written by a 12-year old who got halfway into their first Philip K Dick novel, but then got bored and watched the fight scenes from The Matrix instead. And then wrote out whatever delirious shreds of memory still lingered in their head 3 hours past their bedtime after chugging 3 litres of coca-cola.

It's not just that the world is badly thought out, but the writing constantly undermines the entire premise, which itself in turn is so staggeringly juvenile I'm astonished it was made into a feature length movie. And then they throw in that stupid looking gun martial arts which looks so ridiculous I burst out laughing every time they did it. And the fact that the movie takes itself 100% seriously only underlines it further.

The thing I hate most about Equilibrium, is how much love it seems to get everywhere. Other than me not liking it and finding it incredibly derivative, your post might be the first time I've ever seen anything like criticism of it. I recently saw it on a listicle of "underappreciated" 2000's movies. I actually wrote to the editors. "Underappreciated?" Nobody I've ever met or seen opinions from has ever had anything but praise for that garbage. Its only "underappreciated" by the professional critics who contributed to its 40% critic score on rotten tomatoes. Meaning around 60% of the critics who reviewed it actually know what good movies are, and it isn't Equilibrium. Its overall 80% audience rating shows how far from "underappreciated" it actually is, as well as indicating the depressingly awful percentage of the population who actually has good taste in movies.

I still say Monster Man or Shoot Em Up is worse, but nobody likes those in anything but an ironic sense. Equilibrium somehow makes me angrier, because people who's opinions I actually respect have recommended that movie to others. People see something enjoyable in that movie that I clearly did not.

 

[BrawlMan]

I don't mind those films. Yeah, they don't make much, or any sense, but there's some cool stuff, especially in Ultraviolet. Milla Jovovich is a vampire with clothes that keep changing colour and zillions of guns hidden in hyperspace and she can reverse gravity with some gadget she has for a bit. And she's in soft focus so she only sometimes has a nose.

I do know the studio screwed the guy out of director's chair and made the horrible cut themselves. I know there is a 9 minute version that fixes some things, but movie was supposed to be an R-Rated two hour film, that got slashed in to a 90 minute PG-13 cut with special effects that weren't finished. The execs claimed the original cut was "too emotional". Whatever the fuck that means! Even Milla hates the theatrical cut of the movie, and she disowned that version too, just like the director. Even if two hour version came out, I still would have not been a fan. The movie would have been better, but I still would have been bored out my fucking skull. Everything about it reeks of the mid 2000s that already been done to death in being either similar to The Matrix, the live-action RE "adaptions", or any film trying too hard to be "stylish" that it comes off as boring or luaghable.

Equilibrium somehow makes me angrier, because people who's opinions I actually respect have recommended that movie to others. People see something enjoyable in that movie that I clearly did not.

Equilibrium never made me angry, and I always found it as just average. Some entertaining moments here and there, but just average overall. I could not care what most film critics say, because most of them have nothing worthy to listen to begin with. For me anyway. Honestly, people liking the movie or finding it "underappreciated" are not worth the heart attack or headache over losing it.

 

[Xprimentyl]

Can't believe this one slipped my mind. Probably a repressed memory as the trauma was indeed very real, but I was reminded of it in the thread about the upcoming Mario Bros. movie.

Super Mario Bros. (1993)

What a festering pile of dog shit. Did the producers even know what a Nintendo was let alone had they ever played SMB?? The only thing they got right was the spelling in the marketing. Everything else? Fuck off.

 

[BrawlMan]

Any of the live action Resident Evil movies after the second one. Paul WS Anderson just didn't care at that point. It just became Resident Evil: Check Out My Hot Wife & God Mode Sue OC. May all these movies burn in hell. Monster Hunter even show that nobody wants these movies anymore. Not even the Chinese. Also, anything by that tax loopholing, jackass, Uwe Bowell.

 

[09philj]

Well that I've seen it's Norbit.

Eddie Murphy does yellowface in it.

 

[AnxietyProne]

This shot on video...THING...called "Killers in the Woods".

You people are lightweights.