Eternals
hooo boy. It is a ...stinker. I went and saw this in theaters today, just to try and catch the spectacle. I mean a guy...with another guy WTF. kidding, no I wish its problems were so socially driven. It's not good, on any level, by any standard. According to rotten tomatoes it got an 50% critic 80% viewer. Over the last couple years I've noticed a real divide forming between critics and audiences. I like Bright, critics did not, I hated TLJ, critics loved it, I loved The Hunt, critics puked all over it. Same thing with Run.Hide.Fight which I loved. With that in mind I thought I'd give it a gamble since I love anything marvel, hell I enjoyed Black Widow overall. No bueno on this one.
The first hour+ of the film is an absolute slog. Its a weird constant back and forth jump from present to past tense, trying to balance getting you caught up on who these characters are while moving the plot forward, but it never gives any of the characters time to develop or grow on you and theres constant marvel quips but ..every..single..one falls flat like whomever wrote the dialog doesn't really understand timing or wit so often characters will make a joke that sounds like they don't even get it, they're just reading off cue cards. I swear I'm an easy sell, but this was bad like really bad. Often the film literally talks at you rather than engaging you. Using exposition rather than just showing you. In a rather strange scene disconnected from the plot a character goes insane and for the next five minutes they just stare in the camera to explain to you some nonsense about an Alzheimer's like disease with minimal payoff. Its doesn't really play into a pivotal moment at the end of the film, just interspersed throughout to make the character kinda useless.
The celestials talk in this which is already off-putting, but its also in the announcers voice from Honest Trailers and its just cringy. Like youd expect a being larger than a planet to have an otherworldy voice or maybe even just communicate in images, but no its just some dude in baritone.
Once the films starts to come together with a single linear, plot and pacing its fun, but thats nearly 2 hours in. I was squirming in my seat in the first hour. God I just wanted it to end.
As I was walking out I overheard two guys discussing it and one says "man I couldnt get attached to anybody" to which the other responds "yeah there were like nine main characters" and I think that root of the issue. Aside from the incredibly poor, forced Marvel jokes this needed to be two movies. One that introduces the characters and what they've been doing for 7000 years and then a modern one with the main macguffin. Even the sub-villains the deviants dont really get enough time on screen. I highly suspect Chloe zhao shot or planned like 4 hours of material and the producers stepped in and chopped it up as best they could into one film. Theres like 5 or 6 credited writers which is never a good sign. Even some of the jokes that fell flat might have worked better if the characters on screen comradery was given more oxygen. For context this is the first Marvel movie I've found pretty unwatchable. Like Id rather watch Thor: Darkworld twice than watch this again.