I watched:
Mean Girls
You could probably translate the whole Bible using nothing but memes from Mean Girls ("In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was Fetch"). To the movie's credit, it still works as a comedy even after roughly all of it has been meme'd to death. It's tightly written and excellently paced and won't waste an opportunity for a gag. It kinda gangs up on you. And although the movie definitely works as a time capsule of the early 00s, it also feels relatively timeless compared to something like Clueless or 'Murican Pie. Are there still high school cliques? Feels like consumerism has achieved singularity and pop culture has plateau'd and everybody's into everything these days.
The Karate Kid Part III
You know what, I liked it better than 'Kid 2, sue me. In many ways I feel this would've been a better Part II than Part II. Yes, it's still a retread but at least it's about a dark turn in the Daniel / Mr. Miyagi relationship, instead of an Okinawan nothing burger. Keep the flashback at the beginning with Kreese playing the bonus stage from Street Fighter II and then cut all those scenes setting up the villains for the movie. Two 'Nam psychos is one too many. Kreese either dies or "dies" off screen and let Terry Silver show up as Dark!Miyagi like he does in the movie, only we don't know he's trying to Palpatine their relationship (or if we do, we at least don't know why until Daniel sees a picture of Kreese and Terry chilling in Da Nang or something). As is though the movie becomes a case of waiting for the shoe to drop. And there are way too many scenes with Johnny Lawrence 2.0 trying to reach Daniel about his vehicle's extended warranty. Just sign the fucking paper, man.
I'm legally required to mention whenever two Twin Peaks actors show up somewhere else: Robyn Lively as Daniel's platonic squeeze (Ralph, 27, apparently vetoed a romance subplot with Robyn, 16; Cormac McCarthy wrote the director in protest) and Frances Bay (the old lady in everything).
Harold and the Purple Crayon
A very Nick Jr. movie starring Shazam and my wife Zooey Deschanel. Based on the kid's book (reading age: 2-5 years) but kinda working as a sequel, since it's about Harold escaping his storybook world and going on a fish-outta-water romp in the real world, Masters of the Universe (1987) style. Like every live action kids' comedy from the 90s, a department store is thrashed and the message is believe in yourself. And like every story about "being able to conjure anything", the plot defaults to the usual sight gags that never quite live up to the boundless imagination being touted. The movie ends confronting Hollywood's two favorite hombres - manchild vs incel - in a duel that would be over as soon as someone draws a Luger but no, it's roller blades and giant springs and catapults until someone just Scribblenauts a dragon.
Beetlejuice Beetlejuice
A very nice sequel starring Michael Keaton and my wife Monica Bellucci. The best thing I can say for it is that it feels as silly and macabre as a Tim Burton movie, and that it mostly avoids the pitfalls of the legacy sequel of turning the original into some kind of grandiose prophetic gospel while simultaneously cannibalizing it. There's also a case of throwing a whole bunch of shit at the wall and then keeping everything because everything stuck: Lydia being a hack sellout (alright, Tim) and dating her manipulative producer, Lydia trying to mend her relationship with her daughter (played by America's current favorite grumpy Latina, Jenna Ortega - every generation gets one! From Katy Jurado to Michelle Rodriguez to Aubrey Plaza, apparently they can't have enough), Lydia dealing with her husband's death and also her dad's, Delia being artsy and aimless, Beetlejuice trying to win Lydia back, Monica trying to kill Beetlejuice, Lydia's daughter's YA romance subplot, etc. Most of which wraps up rather anticlimactically, although that's kind of in line with the movie's wacky flippant shits and giggles whateverness I guess.
