Dr. Evil's Laser Shark Plan Finally Comes to Fruition

John Funk

U.N. Owen Was Him?
Dec 20, 2005
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Dr. Evil's Laser Shark Plan Finally Comes to Fruition

Sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads!

In all fairness, the 50mW laser beam on the shark seen here to the right is not actually on its head, but rather clipped to its dorsal fin - which is close enough, really. The stunt was the work of marine biologist/nature show host Wicked Lasers [http://luketipple.com/], to test a "clamping apparatus" that Tipple had invented. Frankly, if you want to test a device that clips something to something else, you might as well test it on the apex predator of the ocean.

Initially, says Tipple, he was against the idea, considering it a frivolous stunt. But when he realized that it could be a way to test his clamps - normally used for actual scientific equipment - he reconsidered, reports Wired [http://www.wired.com/gadgetlab/2012/05/wicked-lasers-shark/]. "It was a low-powered laser that couldn't be dangerous to anyone, and there's actually useful applications in having a laser attached to the animal."

Believe it or not, Tipple's "useful applications" have nothing to do with the sheer coolness of laser-beam-sharks. The laser helped monitors track the shark's velocity and trajectory relative to a target in real time, he said. "You can get a very clear description, via the laser, of what the shark's body is doing."

Beyond that, he had hoped to test anecdotal evidence that sharks were repelled by laser beams of certain colors and wavelengths - only to find that the opposite was true. Sharks were actually attracted to the Wicked Lasers light, which means that anyone intending to use laser beams to fight off sharks in a scuba-diving scenario would probably want to reconsider.

Though Tipple stressed that the experiment posed no threat to the shark at all - the new clamp is designed to be as non-invasive as possible, after all - and he does have the credentials [http://www.sharkfreemarinas.com/] to back his claims up, some have disagreed with the experiment.

"[If] this is just to respond to a scene in the Austin Powers movie, I don't see value," said Rosenstiel School of Marine and Atmospheric Science assistant professor Neil Hammerschlag. "You're just causing unnecessary stress on the animal. It's not respectful." He did, however, agree that the clamp seemed the right way to do it.

Meanwhile, Wicked Lasers was warning about another threat, as of yet unforeseen by any qualified biologists - the danger that sharks could figure out how to turn their laser equipment against others. "Depending on the power of the laser that they are armed with, the sharks could be significantly more dangerous," said CEO Steve Liu.

"If there was a way the shark could operate the laser on its own accord and use it against humans, we wouldn't even attempt this."

Source: Wired [http://www.wired.com/gadgetlab/2012/05/wicked-lasers-shark/]

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DevilWithaHalo

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Mar 22, 2011
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It's Sharks... with FRICKIN laser beams attached to their heads! (Dorsel fins... but whatever)

And this potentially causes them stress? So not only did you piss the Shark off, but you gave him a laser to which he could vent his frustrations. Brilliant!
 

Evilsanta

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Apr 12, 2010
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Thit could in now way come back and bite us in the ass. Or fry us.

OT: So it's for monitoring the sharks, You could have fooled me.
 

Hazy992

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Aug 1, 2010
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I don't see how this will backfire at all. I for one welcome our new shark overlords.
 

The Great JT

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Oct 6, 2008
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I have one dream, and that is SHARKS WITH FRICKIN' LASER BEAMS ATTACHED TO THEIR HEADS. Today, that dream is realized.
 

DustyDrB

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Jan 19, 2010
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You fools! What have you done!? You exposed my laser sharks before we installed their bionic legs. The element of surprise was key! Now everyone will be watching the shore, looking out for the day when my army of laser sharks walks out of the sea.

I'll have you thrown into the Pit of Mild Melancholy for this.
 

Saulkar

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Aug 25, 2010
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DevilWithaHalo said:
It's Sharks... with FRICKIN laser beams attached to their heads! (Dorsel fins... but whatever)

And this potentially causes them stress? So not only did you piss the Shark off, but you gave him a laser to which he could vent his frustrations. Brilliant!
You sir just provided the plot of the next Michael Bay monstrosity(<--I think there is an "e" somewhere in there). Hats off to you.
 

Hollyday

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Mar 5, 2012
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John Funk said:
Sharks were actually attracted to the Wicked Lasers light, which means that anyone intending to use laser beams to fight off sharks in a scuba-diving scenario would probably want to reconsider.
Duly noted!

Quality journalism. Not only is this story beyond awesome and out the other side into [insert appropriately over-the-top adjective here] but it's also educational.

Saulkar said:
You sir just provided the plot of the next Michael Bay monstrosity(<--I think there is an "e" somewhere in there). Hats off to you.
I would watch this. Don't judge me...
 

Draconalis

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Sep 11, 2008
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Motha fucking sharks!

They're in your oceans, rivers, and lakes! Motha fucking sharks...

Now with lasers!
 

Preacher zer0

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Jun 13, 2010
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Tipsy Giant said:
Thank you science very nice, very nice.
And up next is....?
Up next is Nike promoting their products by putting running shoes on a bear and having it do a little dance.

Of course that probably won't go down quite as well...

>.>
 

Tipsy Giant

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May 10, 2010
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Preacher zer0 said:
Tipsy Giant said:
Thank you science very nice, very nice.
And up next is....?
Up next is Nike promoting their products by putting running shoes on a bear and having it do a little dance.

Of course that probably won't go down quite as well...

>.>
Nike shoes will never be as cool as a lazer and bears never as cool as sharks