The Dumbest Dungeons & Dragons Monsters Ever (And How To Use Them)
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To be fair, I've used a paeliryon as is in a campaign. It was a second in command, and I played up its absurd apperance to the disturbing level. holding hand to the side of its mouth, doing the 'dohohohohoho!' laugh, etc. And despite looking 'silly' from an outside perspective, when they're towering over you, razor sharp nails extending feet long...they can be quite terrifying.
You mentioned Flumphs, but not their number one use: As cushions for falling adventurers [http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0074.html]
Eh, problem with this is that some of those are too famously bad, and people have made fun of some of them already in much the same way, more than once. Was expecting to see the rabbit on the tree stump thingy.
Having said that, the Flumph is only a few steps away from a Tyranid Spore Mine (or Mycatic Spore, perhaps), and the Flail Snail is close to a sort of Beast of Nurgle. OTOH, calling it the Flail Snail is a massive problem by itself, like the Vegepygmy, which, as noted, is wrong mostly due to it's name.
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I don't see why making a creature less like Lady Gaga makes it more scary. Like, if you were walking along a dark alley at night and found yourself surrounded by Ladies Gaga, and they were all staring at you without saying anything, and once you got past them and started to relax you heard them starting to walk after you...that'd be scary.
Having said that, the Flumph is only a few steps away from a Tyranid Spore Mine (or Mycatic Spore, perhaps), and the Flail Snail is close to a sort of Beast of Nurgle. OTOH, calling it the Flail Snail is a massive problem by itself, like the Vegepygmy, which, as noted, is wrong mostly due to it's name.
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I don't see why making a creature less like Lady Gaga makes it more scary. Like, if you were walking along a dark alley at night and found yourself surrounded by Ladies Gaga, and they were all staring at you without saying anything, and once you got past them and started to relax you heard them starting to walk after you...that'd be scary.
Gah, I was hoping I could get the honour of being the first to mention that, but I'm always happy to see other people like something I like.Falterfire said:
Very good article, there are quite a few books to go through to find that selection. I might even use a few of those ideas myself. And I do have a suggestion for a use of number 10 (the stench kow), which I might just use: if your players have
1) a place to live (room at an inn, house, apartment, keep, or other, doesn't matter much as long as it's not completely warded beyond everyone's capacities)
and
2) have accrued some rivals that don't necessarily want them dead
and
3) been out
then...
"As you return to your home, vary after your noble quest/dastardly schemes/binge drinking/other [select appropriate option], you are startled to find what looks like a cow in your [select whichever room is most inconvenient, embarrassing and/or expensive]..."
Should have some effect, methinks...
Blasto the Hanar Spectre = Flumph Gunslinger in Pathfinder
On a REAL note, I see potential in the Stench Kow. Make them into bulls from the abyss. They're born from the flesh of humans killed by demons and used for food by the demonic hordes. Their stench can be the smell of rotting human flesh. Probably an undead outsider type. Maybe have them covered in faces of those the demons killed, constantly muttering about their unknowable pain and begging for death. Maybe have a former party member who was killed by a demon appear on the side of one to add to the horror of the creature.
The monster I want redeemed is the Wolf-in-sheep's-clothing
Pathfinder tried for this one, but I don't think it worked.
I think the problem with a lot of hated monsters in D&D is that they tend to have been used as straight-up opponents in fights. There's a lot of the D&D bestiary that doesn't work like that, but as creatures that live in the world to be interacted with in manners other than "stab with sword, loot". Even iconic things like changelings and illithids aren't great in a stand-up fight, because they aren't supposed to be fighting every adventurer head-on. Used right, everything can be cause for terror. Look at Tucker's Kobolds.
Flumphs are a perfect example. The 1e Fiend Folio didn't do a great job talking about their ecology, but Pathfinder actually did a decent job. They are Lawful Good, which means they are normally expected to be working with players rather than against them. They know they're fragile and hideous to our eyes, so the seek to secretly recruit adventurers and help them defeat abominations from the Far Realms. "Quest-giver or ally" is exactly what the average flumph should be for most games.
Similarly, the Ragamoffyn may seem silly, but task the adventurers with investigating a haunted house and have one of those jump out of the closet at them. They can win the fight pretty easily if they keep their heads, but it's still a nasty scare, especially if they were alone.
Also, at one point there was a psionicist (PC) who was causing trouble in Baldur's Gate, so the word was put out by the city's government that they would pay whoever could bring the vigilante to justice. He fought off the first couple with ease. Then a pair of elves arrived with magic versions of Magneto's helmet, and a starved thought eater in a cage...
Flumphs are a perfect example. The 1e Fiend Folio didn't do a great job talking about their ecology, but Pathfinder actually did a decent job. They are Lawful Good, which means they are normally expected to be working with players rather than against them. They know they're fragile and hideous to our eyes, so the seek to secretly recruit adventurers and help them defeat abominations from the Far Realms. "Quest-giver or ally" is exactly what the average flumph should be for most games.
Similarly, the Ragamoffyn may seem silly, but task the adventurers with investigating a haunted house and have one of those jump out of the closet at them. They can win the fight pretty easily if they keep their heads, but it's still a nasty scare, especially if they were alone.
Also, at one point there was a psionicist (PC) who was causing trouble in Baldur's Gate, so the word was put out by the city's government that they would pay whoever could bring the vigilante to justice. He fought off the first couple with ease. Then a pair of elves arrived with magic versions of Magneto's helmet, and a starved thought eater in a cage...
Don't agree with changing the Raggamoffyn, magical rags or clothing that can posses someone is a rather unique monster and the options for changes are ooze, mist or a swarm of things? You know, the kind of things every single other piece of media ever will use to represent some unknown possessive force or entity? At least the Raggamoffyn has some kind of reasoning behind it albeit silly.
Raggys always seemed to me to be 'miss-described' in how they should function. They shouldn't be just roving bands of attack clothing, they should wait for some hapless fool to put them ON, and then take over. Not inspired by kill-la-kill strictly, but it did show how you can take 'evil mind controlling clothing' seriously. to a degree.GothmogII said:
Thought eaters are actually terrifying, more so in the original version than the modern one imo, because the original could attack while ethereal. Steadily draining your characters intelligence until they lay down and die, and the thing behind it all is the deformed thoughtless beast that you normally can't see or fight. The appearance can detract from the horror somewhat but anything that can invisibly and silently kill your mind is terrifying in my book, much more so than the modern incarnation that's basically some skeletal wolf thing that attacks you with claws and maybe drains int in the process.
At one stage I became obsessed with ecology, hygene and waste disposal in my dungeons, and invented a number of monsters to deal with the problem. Some were quite cool - for example, the Giant Fan Spider, which lives in long tunnels and spins in a circle to cause a strong gust of wind, drawing prey into its web (and coincidentally acting as a useful ventilation system), and the Oxygen Root, a plant which grows strong roots that exude oxygen, which causes CO2 to build up above ground (protecting the plant from grazers), but also causes a serious fire risk nearby when the roots find their way into cave systems - as they often do, since intelligent dungeon dwellers cultivate them.
On the other hand I also invented the Trinie (pron. 'treenie'), a hard bowl-shaped creature that exudes digestive fluids and is often used by dungeon dwellers as a toilet. It needs to be used with care, though, because if disturbed, it spits acid.
I was rather proud of another occasion when the players encountered what a sign declared to be a bathroom, but it turned out that the H had been added as graffiti, and it was actually a bat room.
On the other hand I also invented the Trinie (pron. 'treenie'), a hard bowl-shaped creature that exudes digestive fluids and is often used by dungeon dwellers as a toilet. It needs to be used with care, though, because if disturbed, it spits acid.
I was rather proud of another occasion when the players encountered what a sign declared to be a bathroom, but it turned out that the H had been added as graffiti, and it was actually a bat room.
I always thought it would be cool to play a character who had developed a symbiotic relationship with a Raggamoffyn, feeding it small animals and the occasional Hat of Disguise in return for its service as magical armor. They're even intelligent enough to use some interesting tactics, like leaping off the player to immobilize a dangerous spellcaster while the party deals with other threats. It's got all the cool RP potential of an intelligent magic item, plus the potential danger of working alongside a monster who would usually think of you as food.Uratoh said:
On the subject of useful creatures, I had a section of a story that took place in a newspaper office, and came up with a couple of rather nice monsters for them.
The Ink Mite lives on paper, particularly printed paper, and stores ink in a special sac to use as a weapon, spraying it in attackers' eyes. It can also inject the ink directly if it lands on an opponent. Ink mites are considered valuable because their ink is high quality and they are used in the tattooing trade.
The Scribbler reproduces by means of spores which are secreted in a sticky ink-like resin. Most of the year the spores are an infertile waste product and Scribblers can be trained to use the 'ink' to make copies of paper given to them - which they do with such dedication that any disturbance will cause them to react in a fury, spraying ink and emitting bright flashes of light.
(The same campaign also included some great magical items, my favourite of which was Ronay's Magic Spicer, an item a bit like a peppergrinder that produces a spice that if produced in just the right quantity turns any food into the equivalent of a low-grade healing potion. I miss Dungeon Mastering
)
The Ink Mite lives on paper, particularly printed paper, and stores ink in a special sac to use as a weapon, spraying it in attackers' eyes. It can also inject the ink directly if it lands on an opponent. Ink mites are considered valuable because their ink is high quality and they are used in the tattooing trade.
The Scribbler reproduces by means of spores which are secreted in a sticky ink-like resin. Most of the year the spores are an infertile waste product and Scribblers can be trained to use the 'ink' to make copies of paper given to them - which they do with such dedication that any disturbance will cause them to react in a fury, spraying ink and emitting bright flashes of light.
(The same campaign also included some great magical items, my favourite of which was Ronay's Magic Spicer, an item a bit like a peppergrinder that produces a spice that if produced in just the right quantity turns any food into the equivalent of a low-grade healing potion. I miss Dungeon Mastering
)I'd use it as a scare in a game honestly. Have the players be attacked by some monster and hack it to pieces, only to have the pieces be pulled back together by the clothes and brought back. Or have the monster screaming "Stop, don't kill me, I don't want to hurt you!" The whole while apparently fighting its hardest to butcher the players.GothmogII said:
Really any monster here can be really effective in a horror setting as long as the DM has a little creativity and keeps a sense of mystery to every encounter. Never flat out tell your players what they are fighting, just describe it and their imaginations will do the rest.
The Catoblepas is still pretty hard to redeem though. A creature that has a hard time lifting it's own head, even when they head has a petrifying gaze is pretty sad.