North Korean Satellite is Best Satellite, Nothing Wrong, Very Excellent

[PatrickJS]

North Korean Satellite is Best Satellite, Nothing Wrong, Very Excellent

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Last week, North Korea launched a multifunctional satellite despite widespread condemnation from world leaders; it now appears that their high-tech gambit is tumbling uselessly in orbit.

Last week, North Korea proudly launched the best-ever satellite. It's such a good satellite - you have no idea.

The launch was for scientific and peaceful purposes, for sure. World "leaders" from the United States and other "countries" condemned the launch as a front to test ballistic missile technology, which is just silly.

Kwangmyŏngsŏng-3 Unit 2, the best satellite, is filled with top-secret technology. Some might say it is "tumbling in orbit," but they clearly do not know optimal orbiting trajectories when they see them. And what's all this "utterly useless" talk? Sounds like the top-secret technology is working out pretty well.

Yoon Dong Hyun, who you know as the best vice director of the Ministry of the People's Armed Forces, said that comments like those from the West amounted to "nothing more than a puppy barking towards the moon." So eloquent!

Above, best of the best Kim Jong-un examines model rockets. "Should be bigger!" says the supreme leader.

Source: CNN [http://www.cnn.com/2016/02/08/asia/north-korea-rocket-launch/]



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[Tsaba]

that link doesn't work.... other than that I do enjoy the humor it's not like....

 

[crimson5pheonix]

Clearly, NASA and Roscosmos have been made redundant on the face of Our Glorious Leader.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

And then China states it has observed an alien spacecraft clumsily tumbling through our atmosphere. But it's ok because they neutralised it (shot it down) before it could do any harm to any of us. Whoo! Go China! They saved the world from those nasty invading aliens! Hang on...why is there a DPRK flag on the side??

 

[PatrickJS]

that link doesn't work....

Best link, excellent worker. (Fixed)

 

[Saltyk]

Man, this almost reads like Taco News. Honestly, considering we're talking about North Korea, that is probably appropriate.

 

[Darth_Payn]

This is one of the funniest articles I read here. Just thanks for that.

 

[Silentpony_v1legacy]

I had no idea Donald Trump was the head of the North Korean space agency!

 

[Blacklight28]

that link doesn't work

Our glorious links are as infallible as our glorious satellites!

 

[Bke]

Maybe they heard of Kessler Syndrom and sorta hoped this would do something?

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

North Korea would be absolutely hilarious but for the fact that its a real country with suffering people lorded over by a handful of morons.

 

[Souplex]

Poor North Korea, they so badly want to be cool.

 

[Dalisclock]

Kim: So, these are what we launch into space right?
Scientist: Not sir, these are models of what we launch into space.
Kim: I want to see our rockets lined up like this in a museum, not some models!
Scientist: But sir, we don't have any assembled right now and they're too large.
Kim: Guards! Feed this man to the sharks and find me a scientist who knows how to build rockets properly.

No, you've got it backwards. He is looking at the real rockets. Those launch videos were shot to make everything look larger.

The real satillite is actually only a few centimeters large.

 

[Dalisclock]

I had no idea Donald Trump was the head of the North Korean space agency!

I hate to say it, but Trump would probably run it better, at least once he turned the space center into a hotel and then sold it off.

 

[008Zulu_v1legacy]

As a side note, I always laugh when I read the phrase "world leaders have condemned..." or some variation thereof, to me it's basically them saying "We don't like what you did." People like Lil Kim don't give a flying hoot. Publicly condemning is the same as doing nothing at all.

 

[Squilookle]

To be honest- whether the satellite is rotating in orbit or not- is there really any surprise that a US official is reporting to CNN that a North Korean satellite is a failure?

Besides, if even the US is saying it's tumbling 'in orbit', then that's pretty much an admittance that it's reached an orbit, isn't it?

 

[chocolate pickles]

As a side note, I always laugh when I read the phrase "world leaders have condemned..." or some variation thereof, to me it's basically them saying "We don't like what you did." People like Lil Kim don't give a flying hoot. Publicly condemning is the same as doing nothing at all.

Yeah, it's why we need to send a strike force into NK and put a bullet in the little pig's brain.

 

[Neverhoodian]

Well of course North Korea has the best satellite; they used unicorn magic to build it!

 

[aceman67]

it now appears

The above quote should read "according to the news story I'm referencing from that was posted 8 days ago" (The news story linked in the article is from February 9th).

The Pentagon knew the satellite was tumbling in orbit almost immediately after launch, and released that information the same day.

I understand that this is a Gaming Newsmedia outlet, but if you're going to give us world news stories like this, at least post them in a timely manner so that the relevance isn't lost and don't try and cover that fact up with shoddy writing.