15 Things Dead Space Taught Me

Paragon Fury

The Loud Shadow
Jan 23, 2009
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I like to learn at games as a learning experience, and see what I can glean from all of them. Fortunately, Dead Space has turned out to be one of the more informative games. Here is a list of 15 things I learned while playing Dead Space.

1: In the future, all religion shall be banned. Nothing good ever comes from it. EVER.

2: Every space-faring ship and space station must be compartmentalized, so that they can be ejected from the larger unit at a moments notice. If there are creepy alien face eater things in the Crew Compartment, I should be able to just blow the Crew Compartment out into space.

3: At least a full 45% of any space vessel or space staton must be dedicated to providing power to said object. There should be a Backup for the Backup for the Backup to the Emergency Power of the 10th Power Generator. The only way for any section of something to lose power should be for the entire damn thing to be blown up.

4: Everyone at birth will now be equipped a radio tag, that, when their heart stops or they suffer massive physical trauma, frys their entire nervous and muscular systems, rendering the body useless and making sure nothing can use it.

5: All ships of any kind must have triple redundant auto-pilot and navigation.

6: Industrial power tools will now be the standard-issue weaponry for all military forces everywhere.

7: All space vessels and space stations are required to have a "Purge" function, which destroys all biological material inside within 2 hours, including the person who activates the button.

8: AI are to exist for personal recreational use only, and are not to be put in charge of anything useful or important or dangerous, ever.

9: When someone goes nuts and starts rambling about "alien monstrosities" and weird symbols, they are to be taken completely seriously and several battalions of military forces are to be dispatched to hunt the source down.

10: Engineers will be put in charge of everything, because they're the only ones with @#$%^&& clue.

11: We will not touch weird alien thingies we find in the ground. We will not touch weird alien thingies we find in the ground. We will not touch.......

12: Deep inter-personal relationships are forbidden in the future. They may only exist for as long as necessary to reproduce, and then must end, with the two participants being separated. This is to prevent these relationships from interfering with people in emergency situations, such as when a genocidal race of alien freaks has decided to take over your space station.

13: All places expecting to regularly deal with children must be rigged to explode with several large quantities of explosives in the case alien invasion.

14: Medical stations containing at least several days of medical supplies are required to be placed every 15 feet on-board space stations and space vessels.

15: Devices for deploying chest-high and face-high walls shall be placed every 15 feet in the floor of any station. Research has shown that these are the most effective ways of confusing, slowing and and even stopping alien freaks from tearing off important body parts.
 

No-Superman10

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16: The "Activate Emergency Protocol" button will automaticall seal ALL doors, air vents, maintenence tunnels and transport elevators. Let's see the buggers get around THEN.
 

Sniper Team 4

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Here's what Dead Space taught me:

If a ship full of 1,000 people is not answering, signaling, or showing any signs of life whatsoever, turn around and come back with back up. If, out of all those people, no one has been able to notify or response to rescue in any way, a small detach of five people is not going to be enough.
Whenever someone on your team starts to lose it, kill them. Insane laughing or worshiping the very things that just slaughtered everyone qualifies. As soon as the words, "That's it. We're all going to die. They're going to kill us all!" leaves a person's mouth, shoot them. Bad for moral, and those that have seen Dead Space Downfall know what I'm talking about.
 

Paragon Fury

The Loud Shadow
Jan 23, 2009
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ArMartinez02 said:
You sir, have made my future worth living.
Then wait until next week, when I unveil my "15 Things I Learned While Playing Dead or Alive" list.
 

Skorpyo

Average Person Extraordinaire!
May 2, 2010
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Sniper Team 4 said:
Here's what Dead Space taught me:

If a ship full of 1,000 people is not answering, signaling, or showing any signs of life whatsoever, turn around and come back with back up. If, out of all those people, no one has been able to notify or response to rescue in any way, a small detach of five people is not going to be enough.
Erm... shouldn't StarCraft have taught you that?


Paragon Fury said:
Then wait until next week, when I unveil my "15 Things I Learned While Playing Dead or Alive" list.
I'm going to be looking for that. ;)
 

IBlackKiteI

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Mar 12, 2010
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Sniper Team 4 said:
Here's what Dead Space taught me:

If a ship full of 1,000 people is not answering, signaling, or showing any signs of life whatsoever, turn around and come back with back up. If, out of all those people, no one has been able to notify or response to rescue in any way, a small detach of five people is not going to be enough.
Whenever someone on your team starts to lose it, kill them. Insane laughing or worshiping the very things that just slaughtered everyone qualifies. As soon as the words, "That's it. We're all going to die. They're going to kill us all!" leaves a person's mouth, shoot them. Bad for moral, and those that have seen Dead Space Downfall know what I'm talking about.
The only thing I can think of being more demoralizing than one of your team members losing it would be for your leader, the guy who's order you follow and you are supposed to entrust your life to, executes said lost it team member right in front of you.

Anyways about 5 things on this list pretty much only apply to 'space zombies.'
I mean, a 'radio tag' which fries someones body upon death so it can't be used?
Eh?
 

Catalyst6

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Apr 21, 2010
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17. All funerals in the future will revolve around a hologram of the deceased, not the casket. Why? Because the occupant of said casket has been taken to pieces and thrown out the airlock. In the box, of course, don't want an arm getting caught up in little Jimmy's window.
 

MiracleOfSound

Fight like a Krogan
Jan 3, 2009
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19. Avoid walking in front of a gigantic spinning centrifuge.

20. Never trust a baby or doctor.
 

Nieroshai

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Aug 20, 2009
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Hindsight is perfect, isn't it.


Although in all seriousness if you consider the comics and animated movie canon, EarthGov has known about the Necromorph plague for a good couple centuries and, stereotypically, kept it under wraps to turn into a bioweapon. Their attempts at covering up the bacterium and the marker are what spawned the cult of Unitology anyway. Also, the Ishimura did have redundant systems, but they were all sabotaged by the Unitologist crew members.
 

Paragon Fury

The Loud Shadow
Jan 23, 2009
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ArMartinez02 said:
Paragon Fury said:
ArMartinez02 said:
You sir, have made my future worth living.
Then wait until next week, when I unveil my "15 Things I Learned While Playing Dead or Alive" list.
Looking forward to it. lol
Crap.

I may have just backed myself into a rather ban-worthy corner here.

However, it is a challenge I will not shirk.
 

Just_A_Glitch

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Dec 10, 2009
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Paragon Fury said:
Then wait until next week, when I unveil my "15 Things I Learned While Playing Dead or Alive" list.
Are you actually making this a recurring thing? Like, a new list each week?

Or has this been going on and I've missed it, because I loved this.
 

The Rogue Wolf

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Nieroshai said:
Hindsight is perfect, isn't it.


Although in all seriousness if you consider the comics and animated movie canon, EarthGov has known about the Necromorph plague for a good couple centuries and, stereotypically, kept it under wraps to turn into a bioweapon. Their attempts at covering up the bacterium and the marker are what spawned the cult of Unitology anyway. Also, the Ishimura did have redundant systems, but they were all sabotaged by the Unitologist crew members.
Well then....

21. Do not attempt to keep galaxy-spanning alien plagues under wraps. It never works (seriously, governments suck at keeping secrets) and it always causes more problems than it solves. Forewarned is forearmed, and forewarned and armed is even better.

22. Do not attempt to use freaky-deaky alien plagues as bioweapons. This also never works and always causes more problems than it solves.
 

Naheal

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Sep 6, 2009
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Paragon Fury said:
1: In the future, all religion shall be banned. Nothing good ever comes from it. EVER.
The Emperor approves. Worship of him is not a religion, it is the only truth.
 

ShiningOmega

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Jun 28, 2009
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23. Give all crew members packets of thick red paint to be carried on their person at all times to be used in emergency wall-writing. It lets them convey all the seriousness of writing in blood, but without the necessity of injury.

Loved and agree with #10
 

Paragon Fury

The Loud Shadow
Jan 23, 2009
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Naheal said:
Paragon Fury said:
1: In the future, all religion shall be banned. Nothing good ever comes from it. EVER.
The Emperor approves. Worship of him is not a religion, it is the only truth.
Am I allow to point out that said worship is ironically the biggest weakness holding back humanity, or is that not allowed?
 

Naheal

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Sep 6, 2009
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Paragon Fury said:
Naheal said:
Paragon Fury said:
1: In the future, all religion shall be banned. Nothing good ever comes from it. EVER.
The Emperor approves. Worship of him is not a religion, it is the only truth.
Am I allow to point out that said worship is ironically the biggest weakness holding back humanity, or is that not allowed?
Questioning the Emperor is heresy. Thoughts of heresy create impurity. Prepare to be purged.