15 Things i learned from videogames (1985-95)
- Thread starter jim_doki
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When your in town walking into any unlocked house and going through all the compartments, like urns, chests and clocks and keeping everything you find is completely acceptable. (Most RPGs)
When you have broken into someones house make sure you trash all the pots they have. They might contain money or items that you can use. Also make sure to blow holes in all cracked walls. (LoZ)
If you see Santa Clause make sure you sneak up to him, only making sure you stop and stay still when he looks up from his sack. Then you can scare the crap out of him and nab the presents he drops in the process while he flies away with a jet pack. (Toejam and Earl)
Make sure you have a large talking carrot inspect all your gifts before opening them as some contains bad food which you instantly have to eat or even worse they could be Total Bummers that instantly kills you. (Toejam and Earl)
Nerdy looking guys with a white robe and a blue pointy hat, both covered in stars can heal you to perfect health if you pay him a buck and shouts Hallelujah with him. (Toejam and Earl)
Mailboxes might be evil monsters (Toejam and Earl)
Beware of ice cream trucks, they will do their best to run you over. (Toejam and Earl)
A pirate I was meant to be, trim the sails and roam the sea. (Curse of Monkey Island)
When sword fighting on land you defeat people by insulting them. (Monkey Island)
When you sword fight at sea your insults have to rhyme. (Curse of Monkey Island)
By pouring frying oil on the skin letting the skin burn in the sun and peel you can remove tattoos. (Curse of Monkey Island)
If you find anything not glued/nailed down take it and keep it, it will become useful at some point. Though you might have to combine it with something else you have picked up. (Any point and click adventure game)
I could list more of these but I'll let you others have a few =P
When you have broken into someones house make sure you trash all the pots they have. They might contain money or items that you can use. Also make sure to blow holes in all cracked walls. (LoZ)
If you see Santa Clause make sure you sneak up to him, only making sure you stop and stay still when he looks up from his sack. Then you can scare the crap out of him and nab the presents he drops in the process while he flies away with a jet pack. (Toejam and Earl)
Make sure you have a large talking carrot inspect all your gifts before opening them as some contains bad food which you instantly have to eat or even worse they could be Total Bummers that instantly kills you. (Toejam and Earl)
Nerdy looking guys with a white robe and a blue pointy hat, both covered in stars can heal you to perfect health if you pay him a buck and shouts Hallelujah with him. (Toejam and Earl)
Mailboxes might be evil monsters (Toejam and Earl)
Beware of ice cream trucks, they will do their best to run you over. (Toejam and Earl)
A pirate I was meant to be, trim the sails and roam the sea. (Curse of Monkey Island)
When sword fighting on land you defeat people by insulting them. (Monkey Island)
When you sword fight at sea your insults have to rhyme. (Curse of Monkey Island)
By pouring frying oil on the skin letting the skin burn in the sun and peel you can remove tattoos. (Curse of Monkey Island)
If you find anything not glued/nailed down take it and keep it, it will become useful at some point. Though you might have to combine it with something else you have picked up. (Any point and click adventure game)
I could list more of these but I'll let you others have a few =P
Breaking into people's houses and smashing thier beloved possessions right in front of thier faces will not garner any response, unless they collect vases. Then, they won't let you even go near thier stuff.
In case you don't know, that las part is a reference to LOZ: Oracle of Seasons.
In case you don't know, that las part is a reference to LOZ: Oracle of Seasons.
Women are completely helpless. Except Samus.
Guys are extremely slow to act, and stand around waiting for you to beat the shit out of them when not in groups. Girls however, know how to block, jump kick, and use their hair as a weapon (Maximum Carnage)
Fat people can jump really high (any beat-em-up).
Common back-alley thugs fight with their fists. If they're a bit higher up in rank, they might have a knife. If they're the big boss, they have a gun.
The guy in blue is the hero destined to save the world. The guy in red is his rival. The guy in black is an enemy turned anti-hero. (Sonic and Mega Man)
Men are strong. Women and children are fast. (any beat-em-up)
Explosive barrels are your friend. They will kill any enemy within your field of vision, but they will not harm you (any beat-em-up)
If you drive really fast into a stop sign that's in the middle of the road, your car will blow up, only to reappear a few seconds later (Ghostbusters)
When shopping, you must use a forklift to carry objects to your car (Ghostbusters).
Guys are extremely slow to act, and stand around waiting for you to beat the shit out of them when not in groups. Girls however, know how to block, jump kick, and use their hair as a weapon (Maximum Carnage)
Fat people can jump really high (any beat-em-up).
Common back-alley thugs fight with their fists. If they're a bit higher up in rank, they might have a knife. If they're the big boss, they have a gun.
The guy in blue is the hero destined to save the world. The guy in red is his rival. The guy in black is an enemy turned anti-hero. (Sonic and Mega Man)
Men are strong. Women and children are fast. (any beat-em-up)
Explosive barrels are your friend. They will kill any enemy within your field of vision, but they will not harm you (any beat-em-up)
If you drive really fast into a stop sign that's in the middle of the road, your car will blow up, only to reappear a few seconds later (Ghostbusters)
When shopping, you must use a forklift to carry objects to your car (Ghostbusters).
A yo-yo is an extremely dangerous weapon in the hands of a star pitcher from Seattle. (Startropics)
One hundred years after global thermonuclear war is plenty of time for residual radiation and nuclear winter to subside. Oh, technology is garbage now, but hey, you've got magic! (Crystalis)
Bees hate bears who want to steal their honey. Bees REALLY hate bears who also collect gems and wear magic hats. (Crystal Castles)
Narcotics officers do not work undercover to collect evidence to make big drug busts. Instead, they walk to the right along long streets, wearing one-color outfits and carrying an automatic weapon and a rocket launcher. Actually arresting perpetrators is beneficial, but optional. (NARC)
Jumping over load-bearing pegs on a skyscraper under construction causes them to vanish. Eventually you will collapse the building this way. Don't worry, you'll freeze in mid-air when this happens. (Donkey Kong)
The United States Armed Forces routinely sent in a single soldier armed only with a combat knife to rescue hostages and perform covert espionage. (Rush'n Attack)
Early Neanderthals routinely battled hostile creatures by headbutting them. (Bonk's Adventure)
In hand-to-hand combat, participants are perfectly capable of fighting at full strength no matter how much punishment they take... until their life bar is empty. Then they fall over. (pretty much any fighting game or side-scrolling beat-em-up)
One hundred years after global thermonuclear war is plenty of time for residual radiation and nuclear winter to subside. Oh, technology is garbage now, but hey, you've got magic! (Crystalis)
Bees hate bears who want to steal their honey. Bees REALLY hate bears who also collect gems and wear magic hats. (Crystal Castles)
Narcotics officers do not work undercover to collect evidence to make big drug busts. Instead, they walk to the right along long streets, wearing one-color outfits and carrying an automatic weapon and a rocket launcher. Actually arresting perpetrators is beneficial, but optional. (NARC)
Jumping over load-bearing pegs on a skyscraper under construction causes them to vanish. Eventually you will collapse the building this way. Don't worry, you'll freeze in mid-air when this happens. (Donkey Kong)
The United States Armed Forces routinely sent in a single soldier armed only with a combat knife to rescue hostages and perform covert espionage. (Rush'n Attack)
Early Neanderthals routinely battled hostile creatures by headbutting them. (Bonk's Adventure)
In hand-to-hand combat, participants are perfectly capable of fighting at full strength no matter how much punishment they take... until their life bar is empty. Then they fall over. (pretty much any fighting game or side-scrolling beat-em-up)
Red barrels ALWAYS explode when shot.
If you randomly walk into someone's house and steal all their stuff the only thing they will do is give you some useless information.
Instead of just killing you when your weak villains will send minions of ascending strength after you and wait until your strong enough to fight him.
If you randomly walk into someone's house and steal all their stuff the only thing they will do is give you some useless information.
Instead of just killing you when your weak villains will send minions of ascending strength after you and wait until your strong enough to fight him.
The LAPD has been turn into pigs...
...and pigs are evil. Evil bastards that want to steal our chicks!
I will shrink you, and i will step on you.
Screw flamethrowers. Freezethrowers are way better.
I have an endless supply of $1 bills... as long as i use them on strippers.
And damn, i make this look good.
...and pigs are evil. Evil bastards that want to steal our chicks!
I will shrink you, and i will step on you.
Screw flamethrowers. Freezethrowers are way better.
I have an endless supply of $1 bills... as long as i use them on strippers.
And damn, i make this look good.
Sega Master System Version.Indigo_Dingo said:
Also, if you don't get enough money to get into the Shandor Building (or Zuul, as it's called in the game), and the city gets destroyed, you can try again from the beginning, except you'll have everything you had before the city got fucked up.
If a team of Ghostbusters has to walk to the roof of a really tall building, they send one guy at a time to go. If he makes it to the top, the other 2 (there are only 3 Ghostbusters) will be right there with him.
- Our culture is just, and kicking the shit out of a prehistoric ***** prooves it (Ghostbusters, NES)
When Aliens invade they shall move very slowly left and right occassionaly dropping a bit while our last line of defence are three mountains and what appears to be a train (Space Invaders)
Standing in a dimly light room makes you invisible (Oblivion)
Boxes are a spies best friend (Metal Gear)
Mutes are the greatest heroes (Various Nintendo games)
Waving a little wand or playing musical instruments allows you to change just about everything (Various Zelda games)
No one ever seems to have use of the toilet anymore unless you are an unlucky henchman
Gaurds don't care if you pickpocket but push the mentally deficient and your a wanted man for death row (Assassins Creed)
Big huge bastards can be killed by a few stabs by a tiny sword (Shadow of the Collossus)
You can fly an aeroplane and helicopter, drive a tank and train or sail a yacht with no prior training (GTA series)
Standing in a dimly light room makes you invisible (Oblivion)
Boxes are a spies best friend (Metal Gear)
Mutes are the greatest heroes (Various Nintendo games)
Waving a little wand or playing musical instruments allows you to change just about everything (Various Zelda games)
No one ever seems to have use of the toilet anymore unless you are an unlucky henchman
Gaurds don't care if you pickpocket but push the mentally deficient and your a wanted man for death row (Assassins Creed)
Big huge bastards can be killed by a few stabs by a tiny sword (Shadow of the Collossus)
You can fly an aeroplane and helicopter, drive a tank and train or sail a yacht with no prior training (GTA series)
Finally, someone else who remembers that exists.The Rogue Wolf said:
Anyway...
One guy in town carries every conceivable weapon/spell/potion/stuff-I-missed, and always at very reasonable prices. (Zelda, Willow, etc, etc, etc...)
Old guys in caves, and, rarely, random people in town are willing to give you stuff if you claim to be on a mission, or, if not give it to you, again sell at reasonable prices. (See above)
Alternate dimensions always carry cool shit you can use back in the real world (Any 2D Sonic game, pick one)
Also, not all women are helpless. Samus, obviously, but also... never-named lady from Guardian Legend (excellent game, highly recommended by me) and not-mentioned-at-all-in-the-game, mentioned-in-an-obscure-book-and-somehow-became-canon-afterwards Eve from Blaster Master (also recommended). But most are.
I LOVE THE MONKEY ISLAND SERIES!!!!! 'Door Hinge' almost rhymes with 'Orange'!!!!MaxRaine said:
-Moving along:
Delivering the newspaper was dangerous! And people never appreciated getting a free paper they didn?t have to pay for! Also, no matter how many times you broke the windows, you were never forced to apologize (Paper Boy)
Bouncing a ball back and forth with a paddle at bricks was pointless fun! (Breakout)
Bouncing a ball back and forth with a paddle at bricks which sometimes gave capsules that gave extra abilities could save the world! (Arkanoid)
Unicycles could magically race by themselves, even upside down! (Uni Racers)
Apparently it is necessary to fly through magic floating rings (Various Games)
Killing Nazi?s is fun! (Wolfenstein 3D)
There were a lot of games that began with ?Super?
Earthworms can save the world (Earthworm Jim)
Boogers really can kill! (Boogerman - A Pick and Flick Adventure)
In order to prove that you are mature enough to play certain games, you had to answer history questions (Leisure Suit Larry)
Most of this refers to the arcade... I figured it was important to the 80's.
1) An arcade game ceases to be fun once you buy the damn thing (Street Fighter II)
2) Any street-fighting hero will become pathetic and useless when you operate them with a keyboard (This is why SFII stopped being fun)
3) Any game found in a motorway service station isn't worth the time... just use the bathroom and get out (See the M1 for details)
4) Italian Plumbers love humping flagpoles
5) Norse warriors thrown forward in time have no trouble mastering the computer and the JCB (The Lost Vikings)
6) Racing games are so much sweeter when you can upgrade your cars to destroy your opponents (Rock N' Roll Racing, DeathTrak)
7) Racing games get better still when you can do the former to a digitised version of Black Sabbath's "Paranoid" (Rock N' Roll Racing)
8) Spending 20 quid in 10p coins may indeed get to you to the top of the leaderboard, but the guy you usurped will have got his spot back within 24 hours (any game I got good at)
1) An arcade game ceases to be fun once you buy the damn thing (Street Fighter II)
2) Any street-fighting hero will become pathetic and useless when you operate them with a keyboard (This is why SFII stopped being fun)
3) Any game found in a motorway service station isn't worth the time... just use the bathroom and get out (See the M1 for details)
4) Italian Plumbers love humping flagpoles
5) Norse warriors thrown forward in time have no trouble mastering the computer and the JCB (The Lost Vikings)
6) Racing games are so much sweeter when you can upgrade your cars to destroy your opponents (Rock N' Roll Racing, DeathTrak)
7) Racing games get better still when you can do the former to a digitised version of Black Sabbath's "Paranoid" (Rock N' Roll Racing)
8) Spending 20 quid in 10p coins may indeed get to you to the top of the leaderboard, but the guy you usurped will have got his spot back within 24 hours (any game I got good at)
Here are some of mine from that era:
Planets will mysteriously explode simply because you killed all the bad guys that live there (Fury3)
In spite of having a huge military and corporate fleet at the service of Earth, you are still the only thing that can save the entire galaxy from a robotic scourge, using a single fighter craft (Descent I and II)
Stepping through a teleporter at the right time will make the final boss randomly explode (Quake)
You can use your blaster to dig holes to trap the mad monks in the ground, but you can't just shoot them in the face with it (Loderunner)
A mouse making a funny face through a magnifying glass will terrify a cat and cause it to run off like its balls are on fire, and although dragons are invincible and stationary, kicking them in the bum will cause them to spew fire (The Incredible Toon Machine)
Planets will mysteriously explode simply because you killed all the bad guys that live there (Fury3)
In spite of having a huge military and corporate fleet at the service of Earth, you are still the only thing that can save the entire galaxy from a robotic scourge, using a single fighter craft (Descent I and II)
Stepping through a teleporter at the right time will make the final boss randomly explode (Quake)
You can use your blaster to dig holes to trap the mad monks in the ground, but you can't just shoot them in the face with it (Loderunner)
A mouse making a funny face through a magnifying glass will terrify a cat and cause it to run off like its balls are on fire, and although dragons are invincible and stationary, kicking them in the bum will cause them to spew fire (The Incredible Toon Machine)
