Last week, I made an thread about 15 Things I Learned While Playing Dead Space [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/9.263437-15-Things-Dead-Space-Taught-Me?page=1], which turned out to be fairly popular. Now on much cajoling, I'vee been challenged to keep up a "15 Things List" every week for as long as possible. So I've picked the next low-hanging fruit, Dead or Alive.
So here 15 things I learned while playing Dead or Alive.
1: Falling from great heights is no big deal. At worst it will break a finger or maybe leave a bruise to bone, but falls of several stories will not kill you.
2: Fights can occur anywhere, from back allies to the tops of skyscrapers to beaches to zeppelins to dinosaur parks. This is apparently perfectly normal, and no police or military intervention is ever necessary, even when energy blasts and weapons start to get involved.
3: Ninjas are the most powerful weapons known to man. A lone ninja is more powerful and destructive than the strongest nuclear weapon. Tanks, helicopters, soldiers, boats, entire buildings, demons; nothing can stop a ninja. It is recommended that military spending be redirect into Tactical Ninja Research and Development.
4: Opera Singers, Students and Geisha are apparently as strong and combat-ready as Russian commandos, ninjas and SPARTANs, able to hold their own and even beat them in single, hand-to-hand combat.
5: BOOBIES. ARE. AWESOME.
6: Every male apparently has either an 6-pack or a keg. There is no in-between. Except the odd 8 Pack + Keg combo, which shall not be mentioned ever again.
7: Physics are in play, but apparently only when nothing awesome is happening, or until attractive females don swimwear.
8: Water slides are the most dangerous form of recreation ever invented, what with their being hundreds of feet off the ground with no safety netting, obscene speeds and ludicrously large loop-de-loops.
9: Apparently spending your new-found trillions of dollars on treasure to recruit aliens to help you bring your island back is cheaper, safer and wiser than, you know, just buying a new island.
10: When you finally meet the main bad guy at the end of any villainous plot, one of two things will occur.
- They will cheat like a @#$$%^& whore.
- They will be replaced by someone unexpected, who will then proceed to cheat like a @##$$%%^&^ whore.
11: Heels are practical and easy for females to fight in, particularly in comparison to normal footwear. Conversely, fighting in skin-tight leather clothing while doing all sorts of crazy-ass backflips and stunts has no negative ramifications for males.
12: Women are easily wooed by skimpy swimwear and other beach-related knick-knacks. It is apparently also perfectly acceptable to deliver a gift of perishable food to someone, and then forget to tell the person that the gift is perishable, leaving them to find out the hard way. (Thanks, Zack. I love the rotten pizza you got me).
13: Apparently it is possible to be a female pro wrestling star, a rockstar, a pro skateboarder and a world-class fighter at the same time. It is apparently possible to perform all these actions at the same time. While wielding a cap-size that most women would kill for.
14: BOOBIES. ARE. AWESOME.
15: The Japanese have NO idea what a French accent sounds like.
So here 15 things I learned while playing Dead or Alive.
1: Falling from great heights is no big deal. At worst it will break a finger or maybe leave a bruise to bone, but falls of several stories will not kill you.
2: Fights can occur anywhere, from back allies to the tops of skyscrapers to beaches to zeppelins to dinosaur parks. This is apparently perfectly normal, and no police or military intervention is ever necessary, even when energy blasts and weapons start to get involved.
3: Ninjas are the most powerful weapons known to man. A lone ninja is more powerful and destructive than the strongest nuclear weapon. Tanks, helicopters, soldiers, boats, entire buildings, demons; nothing can stop a ninja. It is recommended that military spending be redirect into Tactical Ninja Research and Development.
4: Opera Singers, Students and Geisha are apparently as strong and combat-ready as Russian commandos, ninjas and SPARTANs, able to hold their own and even beat them in single, hand-to-hand combat.
5: BOOBIES. ARE. AWESOME.
6: Every male apparently has either an 6-pack or a keg. There is no in-between. Except the odd 8 Pack + Keg combo, which shall not be mentioned ever again.
7: Physics are in play, but apparently only when nothing awesome is happening, or until attractive females don swimwear.
8: Water slides are the most dangerous form of recreation ever invented, what with their being hundreds of feet off the ground with no safety netting, obscene speeds and ludicrously large loop-de-loops.
9: Apparently spending your new-found trillions of dollars on treasure to recruit aliens to help you bring your island back is cheaper, safer and wiser than, you know, just buying a new island.
10: When you finally meet the main bad guy at the end of any villainous plot, one of two things will occur.
- They will cheat like a @#$$%^& whore.
- They will be replaced by someone unexpected, who will then proceed to cheat like a @##$$%%^&^ whore.
11: Heels are practical and easy for females to fight in, particularly in comparison to normal footwear. Conversely, fighting in skin-tight leather clothing while doing all sorts of crazy-ass backflips and stunts has no negative ramifications for males.
12: Women are easily wooed by skimpy swimwear and other beach-related knick-knacks. It is apparently also perfectly acceptable to deliver a gift of perishable food to someone, and then forget to tell the person that the gift is perishable, leaving them to find out the hard way. (Thanks, Zack. I love the rotten pizza you got me).
13: Apparently it is possible to be a female pro wrestling star, a rockstar, a pro skateboarder and a world-class fighter at the same time. It is apparently possible to perform all these actions at the same time. While wielding a cap-size that most women would kill for.
14: BOOBIES. ARE. AWESOME.
15: The Japanese have NO idea what a French accent sounds like.
btw next week if you want a really popular thread just do it about (insert Valve game here) You'll have views in the millions (give or take about 989000)
