If she desires to remain abstinent, you shouldn't try to talk her out of it. If you can live with that, great! If you can't, better to dump her now before you go insane.
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I clicked yes without reading your post initially because clearly if you feel the need to ask a random selection of Internet people about the future of your relationship it does not mean a great deal to you.
I then read your post, which concluded my initial thoughts were correct. I think you have some more experiences to have until you can use the word love as it's reasonably apparent that the meaning is lost on you.
It's up to you how you want to react to her needs, though I will say this, it almost certainly wont last a further 4 years if you stay with her.
I then read your post, which concluded my initial thoughts were correct. I think you have some more experiences to have until you can use the word love as it's reasonably apparent that the meaning is lost on you.
It's up to you how you want to react to her needs, though I will say this, it almost certainly wont last a further 4 years if you stay with her.
3 years? With the flat out statement of another 4 years. No sex before marriage? Who is this girl? We've obviously got a childhood sweetheart here who has decide not to grow up.MaxTheReaper said:
Sex is one of the healthy building blocks of a long term relationship, to expect a partner to go without for 7 years is archaic. It's not so much 'thinking with your dick' as actually probably better for the relationship because I can hands down guarantee you that a couple with a healthy sex life will last longer than one without.
Stick to it and talk to her about it. Despite what people may say, physical intimacy is an important part of a relationship. Its a natural urge and repressing it is going to do your relationship no good.
Relationships are about compromise, people saying you don't love her because you don't "respect" her decision are idiots, it works both ways. Also consider the fact that you could be with this girl for 4 years and then break up the day before your wedding. Life is too short to put off the pleasurable aspects just because she has some strange belief that its immoral or slutty.
Relationships are about compromise, people saying you don't love her because you don't "respect" her decision are idiots, it works both ways. Also consider the fact that you could be with this girl for 4 years and then break up the day before your wedding. Life is too short to put off the pleasurable aspects just because she has some strange belief that its immoral or slutty.
Sorry Ross, but rational arguments and logic just don't cut it with Max when it comes to sex.rossatdi said:
Long as shit post on its way... Bear with me... I'm making things up as I go along... Well... Not "making things up"... Just stringing together the thoughts as they come.
In my opinion, you shouldn't have been together in the first place.
You've spent 3 years together so you're obviously committed to a long haul relationship, but getting together at the age of 15 with the prospect of marriage somewhere down the track is a bit much.
I'm not insulting you or anything, quite the opposite, most people at the age of 15 are lucky to last more than 3 months and you've been together 3 years. I applaud you. You're 18 now and I see that you have the maturity to value waiting till later in life to get married (which is a good idea).
In my opinion if you remained friends until this point and got together now, you'd be better off. Then again, I can sympathise entirely with why you didn't wait. When you have someone you really like (and think you might be able to love) you don't really want to just sit around and wait to be older. I'm 19 now... Got together with my girlfriend at 17 and decided I wanted to be with her forever around 18... We decided, like you, that marriage before university/careers/whatever is an incredibly dumb idea to even entertain and we weren't going to proceed until things were sorted. Christian faith is what you're dealing with I'm guessing? Same here.
If you've been going for 3 years well... It'll be difficult, but you've been this far already... Going further isn't going to hurt anything. You're obviously onto a good thing. Stay with it.
As for the more intimate side of things... Yeah... I can sympathise with that. My girlfriend and I didn't do anything for a good while and when we started there were several "go/no-go" decisions where we decided we wouldn't do anything further... We broke that wall many times and made new ones further. We now have a wall in place that will never be breached. Its made of Adamantium and sealed with magic and shit.
Just because she says "no" now, doesn't mean she'll say no later. I'm not saying, you'll have wild sex in a few months, you may not have sex at all until marriage, who knows? What I'm saying is that it's likely that she'll one day deem a breast grab as no big deal and its likely that she'll come to terms with the more sexually based attraction that lies outside of personalities.
Sex is important yes, but it isn't the be all and end all of a healthy relationship. Trust and friendship are whats most important and since you have 3 years under your belt I'm thinking you already have those virtues in trumps.
Stay with it if you really do love her. Things will work out for good.
In my opinion, you shouldn't have been together in the first place.
You've spent 3 years together so you're obviously committed to a long haul relationship, but getting together at the age of 15 with the prospect of marriage somewhere down the track is a bit much.
I'm not insulting you or anything, quite the opposite, most people at the age of 15 are lucky to last more than 3 months and you've been together 3 years. I applaud you. You're 18 now and I see that you have the maturity to value waiting till later in life to get married (which is a good idea).
In my opinion if you remained friends until this point and got together now, you'd be better off. Then again, I can sympathise entirely with why you didn't wait. When you have someone you really like (and think you might be able to love) you don't really want to just sit around and wait to be older. I'm 19 now... Got together with my girlfriend at 17 and decided I wanted to be with her forever around 18... We decided, like you, that marriage before university/careers/whatever is an incredibly dumb idea to even entertain and we weren't going to proceed until things were sorted. Christian faith is what you're dealing with I'm guessing? Same here.
If you've been going for 3 years well... It'll be difficult, but you've been this far already... Going further isn't going to hurt anything. You're obviously onto a good thing. Stay with it.
As for the more intimate side of things... Yeah... I can sympathise with that. My girlfriend and I didn't do anything for a good while and when we started there were several "go/no-go" decisions where we decided we wouldn't do anything further... We broke that wall many times and made new ones further. We now have a wall in place that will never be breached. Its made of Adamantium and sealed with magic and shit.
Just because she says "no" now, doesn't mean she'll say no later. I'm not saying, you'll have wild sex in a few months, you may not have sex at all until marriage, who knows? What I'm saying is that it's likely that she'll one day deem a breast grab as no big deal and its likely that she'll come to terms with the more sexually based attraction that lies outside of personalities.
Sex is important yes, but it isn't the be all and end all of a healthy relationship. Trust and friendship are whats most important and since you have 3 years under your belt I'm thinking you already have those virtues in trumps.
Stay with it if you really do love her. Things will work out for good.
I'm not saying sex isn't awesome here, and I'm quite glad I had experiences before my husband, but there's no law saying premarital sex is necessary.
Sex is a big part of growing into adulthood, not having sex, but coming to an understanding of how you see your body and how you interact with the opposite sex. Hollywood distorts things and it can be very difficult to come to terms with the realities of sex. I understand that having to delay that kind of maturity is very frustrating, and for everyone giving him the 'oh you don't really love her' speech, that's pretty frickin harsh on a young lad.
It's obvious that you and she are progressing in different ways here. It's outdated to only want postmarital sex, but it shows she has a great deal of respect for her own body, and doesn't want just anyone to get what she has to offer. You should value her in the same way.
If you decide to stay with her then don't worry about the sex. It'll be great. Any two lovers with enough practise and dedication will have great sex.
The same can't be said about two people who can't talk. If you can't discuss the issue with her rationally and impress upon her that your feelings and your personal growth aren't really listening to her schedule, then she has a good reason to think that someone else will be her husband.
If you really love and respect this girl, and think she is someone you could spend your life with, talk to her about it. Tell her you're frustrated and unsure. If she can't understand that and help you work through it, then is she really the kind of person you want to be with?
Sex is a big part of growing into adulthood, not having sex, but coming to an understanding of how you see your body and how you interact with the opposite sex. Hollywood distorts things and it can be very difficult to come to terms with the realities of sex. I understand that having to delay that kind of maturity is very frustrating, and for everyone giving him the 'oh you don't really love her' speech, that's pretty frickin harsh on a young lad.
It's obvious that you and she are progressing in different ways here. It's outdated to only want postmarital sex, but it shows she has a great deal of respect for her own body, and doesn't want just anyone to get what she has to offer. You should value her in the same way.
If you decide to stay with her then don't worry about the sex. It'll be great. Any two lovers with enough practise and dedication will have great sex.
The same can't be said about two people who can't talk. If you can't discuss the issue with her rationally and impress upon her that your feelings and your personal growth aren't really listening to her schedule, then she has a good reason to think that someone else will be her husband.
If you really love and respect this girl, and think she is someone you could spend your life with, talk to her about it. Tell her you're frustrated and unsure. If she can't understand that and help you work through it, then is she really the kind of person you want to be with?
And the more intelligent of us will sit back and say:MaxTheReaper said:
"Oh that Max, isn't he a riot."
Then we'll laugh because the asexual has an opinion on the role of sex in relationships.
Seriously, you aren't interested in sex and you think that makes you cool, fair enough. However since most of us don't look down on you for your abnormal (note: not unnatural) way of thinking, I think it'd be widely appreciated if you'd stop claiming we're inferior for our ours.
Alternatively stop speaking your point of view out loud, it seems you can't do so without being a troll. Worst of all, an arrogant, unapologetic and popular troll.
I'm going to apologise in advance for the above post of mine. Its quite possible that a shitstorm will be the result of my words, and whilst I feel they needed to be said, perhaps I could have done so in a way less provocative.
Basically if you feel that sex and the desire for it is something pointless, silly and immature that's one thing. However last I checked it wasn't acceptable to flame someone because they believe in having sex before marriage or indeed because they believe in sex at all.
Basically if you feel that sex and the desire for it is something pointless, silly and immature that's one thing. However last I checked it wasn't acceptable to flame someone because they believe in having sex before marriage or indeed because they believe in sex at all.
Well that's all very nice but what you've just stated is your opinion with no explanation.MaxTheReaper said:
I state:
1) Sex is a healthy part of a relationship.
2) With three years in a relationship and at the age of 18 you are ready. Unless there is a serious history of abuse or something 18 is ready.
3) No sex before marriage is risky and antiquated. Long happy marriage and a long happy sex life are linked.
4) This guy wants a full relationship with this girl, that includes sex.
5) She is saying, no, I want 7 years of an entirely non-physical relationship.
6) I think if he talks to her about it and he is still unhappy about it, he should walk, because he won't be happy about it.
And if he's ready and she's not, and not prepared to attempt to bridge the gap some way, he should look for another partner who will make him happy. So yeah,MaxTheReaper said:
Step 1) Talk to her.
Sex possible as a mutually shared and enjoyed activity?
"Yes" go to 2) "No" got to 3).
2) Hooray! -> Buy condoms, insert penis (joking joking, well kind of).
3) Consider if you're going to be happier looking for another partner.
Haha ooh Max.. You are so dark and brooding.
Anyways.
Man, I know its hard, my last girlfriend didn't want to have sex until she was ready. This, I admit, took longer then I wanted and we broke up before anything happened. However, its not like we didn't do 'anything' so perhaps that is an option?
I really think you should talk to her before doing anything to rash. Try not to make it out to be her fault or anything, generally, try to be as un confronting as you can.
Best of luck =D
Anyways.
Man, I know its hard, my last girlfriend didn't want to have sex until she was ready. This, I admit, took longer then I wanted and we broke up before anything happened. However, its not like we didn't do 'anything' so perhaps that is an option?
I really think you should talk to her before doing anything to rash. Try not to make it out to be her fault or anything, generally, try to be as un confronting as you can.
Best of luck =D
I don't think your psych is to blame. If you want sex, you want it. Measure how badly you want to get laid in the coming 4 (or more) years, against how much you love her. What do you want the most, and what are you willing to sacrifice. And if you're really that desperate, you can always "shake the banana tree" yourself.