Just a suggestion here, I think you should number these, so people can tell them apart by title.
#2
- Thread starter Mark J Kline
- Start date
wow I was just thinking this.Eric the Orange said:
I do know how it can feel like the ship has sailed. I am only 16 and I felt that when I was in elementary because I was very far behind socially. (bullying and social rejection furthered the problem) When I was home I wouldn't go to another friend's house because why would I go see the people I just spent 6 hours avoiding?
Obviously, the column will get redundant if every edition is about gaming less. Probably a good way to go extinct if you write a column for a gaming journal as well! I actually do not have a mission of getting people to game less--I accept we will all probably be gaming lots, and I truly believe there can be much good about it for many of us. I find myself trying to help people develop what I call a "healthy integration" between their gaming lives and their real lives, though I also know many folks who have become so engrossed and even addicted where this seems impossible. For them, its got to be less gaming or there are serious consequences.Playbahnosh said:
I hope to address a wide variety of issues related to gaming and the issues it creates in people's lives. Many don't have to do with whether or how much you play. If there is any psychological issue that affects your gaming life or relates to your game play, give me a holler!
[quote="Meemaimoh" post="6.204428.6981783"
I can absolutely relate to the first guy. I'm only 22, but I've essentially been a recluse for the last five years thanks to severe social anxiety. I'm starting to work my way out of it, but already I'm starting to get that "ship has sailed" feeling. My university colleagues are all younger than me, my highschool friends have moved on, and I have no social network beyond my family and boyfriend. I know it's ridiculous - I'm only 22, for god's sake - but in my worse moments, I still feel it.
My boyfriend is 30 and is in the same boat as me. The feeling of being left behind haunts him a lot more. I'll link this article to him, I think. It might be helpful.[/quote]
I think we are discussing two related issues.
One is the impact of gaming and other technologies on social development. I think Susan and others have spoken quite thoughtfully about this and its a huge issue in my profession. Are kids and teens missing out on the developmental experiences which will allow them to cope with the subtleties of non-verbal cues and other social input that are very important in managing complex social interaction? From my own professional experience, I can tell you that middle schools and high schools are seeing an epidemic of these kinds of issues. Its easy to attribute it to too much gaming/technology time, but one can wonder if it also has to do with less relaxed social time in families where kids can learn some of this stuff through modeling from the parents. These days many parents lead stressed, busy lives and the kids have a million activities as well. The relaxed family dinners I remember from my childhood (when we weren't yelling at each other or throwing food) are for many families a thing of the past.
The other issue, pointed to by this post, is that some people are simply more anxious socially--there are actually studies that show certain babies are more shy and reticent than others (I want to say some of them were by Jerome Kagan at Harvard, who did seminal work on infant temperament, but my memory is a bit foggy so I can't vouch for the reference). For folks with particularly shy and socially anxious dispositions, gaming may provide a tremendous respite and relief, and it may be a conduit to a kind of social life that is tolerable. This is mostly to the good, but what if it provides so much comfort that the social anxiety issue is never really addressed, at least as much as it could have been? That's where I worry it becomes a dodge. Game all you want to, but don't give up trying to achieve the optimal social adjustment possible for you in the real world. After all, there are some social experiences that we haven' t yet been able to simulate with games! And there are good treatments for social anxiety disorders which I have seen make a huge difference in many clients' lives.
I can absolutely relate to the first guy. I'm only 22, but I've essentially been a recluse for the last five years thanks to severe social anxiety. I'm starting to work my way out of it, but already I'm starting to get that "ship has sailed" feeling. My university colleagues are all younger than me, my highschool friends have moved on, and I have no social network beyond my family and boyfriend. I know it's ridiculous - I'm only 22, for god's sake - but in my worse moments, I still feel it.
My boyfriend is 30 and is in the same boat as me. The feeling of being left behind haunts him a lot more. I'll link this article to him, I think. It might be helpful.[/quote]
I think we are discussing two related issues.
One is the impact of gaming and other technologies on social development. I think Susan and others have spoken quite thoughtfully about this and its a huge issue in my profession. Are kids and teens missing out on the developmental experiences which will allow them to cope with the subtleties of non-verbal cues and other social input that are very important in managing complex social interaction? From my own professional experience, I can tell you that middle schools and high schools are seeing an epidemic of these kinds of issues. Its easy to attribute it to too much gaming/technology time, but one can wonder if it also has to do with less relaxed social time in families where kids can learn some of this stuff through modeling from the parents. These days many parents lead stressed, busy lives and the kids have a million activities as well. The relaxed family dinners I remember from my childhood (when we weren't yelling at each other or throwing food) are for many families a thing of the past.
The other issue, pointed to by this post, is that some people are simply more anxious socially--there are actually studies that show certain babies are more shy and reticent than others (I want to say some of them were by Jerome Kagan at Harvard, who did seminal work on infant temperament, but my memory is a bit foggy so I can't vouch for the reference). For folks with particularly shy and socially anxious dispositions, gaming may provide a tremendous respite and relief, and it may be a conduit to a kind of social life that is tolerable. This is mostly to the good, but what if it provides so much comfort that the social anxiety issue is never really addressed, at least as much as it could have been? That's where I worry it becomes a dodge. Game all you want to, but don't give up trying to achieve the optimal social adjustment possible for you in the real world. After all, there are some social experiences that we haven' t yet been able to simulate with games! And there are good treatments for social anxiety disorders which I have seen make a huge difference in many clients' lives.
It depends on the people. I work in retail, so I come across 400 odd people a day; and to them - and people here - I'm chatty (sometimes too chatty) but put me in a room full of people and I tend to slink off.Vodka Dude said:
People in general are really nice, but there's always that occasional dickhead that wants to prove themself at your expense. And there's no /ignore in real life.
Growing up, I can remember numerous times where I was attacked (sometimes physically) for no other reason than I was there. Playing in MUDs/MMOs gave me confidence to approach people from behind the mask of who I was playing, and strengthened me to the sheer brutality of certain people.
It's not just the "shut-ins" that have to deal with this as well. People who are easily picked out of a group tend to suffer a lot from unwanted attention, be it for positive or negative reasons. Coping with that can take a lot out of you, and that's often what turns people away from "the public".
For us, gaming can provide an easier way to compete on a level playing field; because we have something we can be praised for. And a little bit of praise now and then is what we all need.
Obviously, games can't replace real social interaction, but it's a good training ground to find out what is and isn't accepted. And who knows, perhaps there's a young elf out there who wants to know you IRL as well?
children like sims cause it is the only sim of its kind. nothing more complicated. they grow quite fast of it, my sister only played both first sims for year each and when facebook came she stopped playing petville just 2 months after she started. Guess that says she ain't a complete retard.
I've always kind of wondered whether the "80% of interpersonal communication is nonverbal" statistic is true. Does that mean that an utterly charming, completely extroverted person could talk about pie charts and convey the same thing as someone telling a joke whose body language was only 80% on the mark? I mean, what calculates the percentages?
This is exactly why I quit World of Warcraft. I was never addicted in the classic sense (eg. I never felt a compulsion to play that was stronger than wanting to watch my favourite TV shows), but I was utterly reliant on it as an escape. I very rarely interacted with others for long periods of time via that game. I was only ever in one guild. I interacted a little in random 5-man groups and usually felt a false sense of accomplishment from that. I'm now careful to stay away from games that might give me that same feeling, because I know that they'll only be harmful in the long run.mkline said:
Gaming doesn't have to be a crutch, though - it can also be a motivator. One of my goals for the future is to attend a LAN party. It's a highly social situation that seems like a lot of fun. And it has a few prerequisites I'm yet to achieve, like having a few friends to go with.
Try telling someone something completely true while rubbing your ear, putting your hand over your mouth, without making eye contact or with a stuttering voice.UnclGhost said:
Now watch a politician speak about something you know he doesn't have an interest in. (Watch his hands for instance)
80% is a good number.
Even better, imagine BRIAN BLESSED telling you about Pie charts, or the softer tones of David Attenborough, or Patrick Stewart. You'd listen to them telling you anything, despite only BRIAN having a direct approach. But you'd believe and follow any of those three, purely by how they make you feel. BRIAN commands, David compels and Patrick inspires. All non-verbally.
That's what online interaction lacks, and why lots of people believe it can't equal real friendship. But there's still that 20% there.
It took me forever to get down nonverbal communication. Not due to games (only got a console in High School, but did have a gameboy. Hell I didn't have a cell phone till HS!) but due to sheer shyness.
I got better around the end of highschool, but it was college that really helped put the nail in the coffin. When you have no one that you know around you, no friends, and a dorm full of unknown personages you kinda have to step out and start growing socially.
I got better around the end of highschool, but it was college that really helped put the nail in the coffin. When you have no one that you know around you, no friends, and a dorm full of unknown personages you kinda have to step out and start growing socially.
I have mixed emotions about online friends compared to real people. I have no problems in the communications department, but people seem much less willing in person to want to actually converse with someone else in order to learn something about them.
My best friend, whom I met in junior high, still communicates with me via the internet because we live a good eight hours and two states apart. However, he feels the dynamic of our friendship has changed because we only converse through the internet and the occasional phone call, so that has somehow demoted my status from best friend to merely a friend (at best). We work together on projects and audio production, but rarely get an opportunity to visit each other, maybe once every five or six years. I was personally offended when I had heard he referred to me as a "friend" instead of his best friend because we really only talk on occasion outside of working together. These occasions have been getting further and farther apart because life has that funny way of intruding on your plans, regardless of the level of intention you have to stay in touch with someone.
But I get the lonely bug every once in a while, and I don't like having to dress up to impress people enough to get them to talk to me when I'd rather sit in my room in front of the computer and mindlessly chat about nothing of any relative importance. I've got a few friends online for that sort of thing, and it accomplishes the same result as talking to someone in person. People over I'd risk to say 35 have a little trouble wrapping their heads around the online friend concept, but if it works for you, more power to you.
My best friend, whom I met in junior high, still communicates with me via the internet because we live a good eight hours and two states apart. However, he feels the dynamic of our friendship has changed because we only converse through the internet and the occasional phone call, so that has somehow demoted my status from best friend to merely a friend (at best). We work together on projects and audio production, but rarely get an opportunity to visit each other, maybe once every five or six years. I was personally offended when I had heard he referred to me as a "friend" instead of his best friend because we really only talk on occasion outside of working together. These occasions have been getting further and farther apart because life has that funny way of intruding on your plans, regardless of the level of intention you have to stay in touch with someone.
But I get the lonely bug every once in a while, and I don't like having to dress up to impress people enough to get them to talk to me when I'd rather sit in my room in front of the computer and mindlessly chat about nothing of any relative importance. I've got a few friends online for that sort of thing, and it accomplishes the same result as talking to someone in person. People over I'd risk to say 35 have a little trouble wrapping their heads around the online friend concept, but if it works for you, more power to you.
Interesting stuff, can't say I don't sympathise with using the comp to avoid people in the house, but that doesn't mean i'm going to seek any form of interaction with them.
I used to have more social problems outside of the house too, but in my early teens i found alcohol, and all my inhibitions disappeared... so did what could have been a promising career in whatever or correct typing, but these sacrifices are already made now, and at the time I don't see it happening any other way.
I used to have more social problems outside of the house too, but in my early teens i found alcohol, and all my inhibitions disappeared... so did what could have been a promising career in whatever or correct typing, but these sacrifices are already made now, and at the time I don't see it happening any other way.
This. Well, mostly, anyway.Noelveiga said:
People say that the internet and, by extension, on-line gaming, have reduced interpersonal communication, despite the opposite obviously being true.
What the internet has reduced is the ability to read body language, which is typically used, among those who take public speaking "seriously," simply to lie or misdirect. Working in a position that gives me the ability to observe salesmen all day, I note that they're always ready to shake someone's hand and offer a smile even as they sell a worthless service contract or equipment they know is sub-par.
When you're talking, or typing, to someone on-line, you have to carefully choose your words. There's little ambiguity. "Say what you mean and mean what you say," to quote the March-Hare.
There's a reason that most gamers have friends who are also gamers. Partially the shared activity, but more that we're substantially more likely to take someone at face value, and ask that they do the same with us.
Meanwhile, in my non-gamer interactions, I have to communicate with people who act like every word of every sentence needs to be de-constructed, and expect me to do the same. I don't want to have to devote all of my processing power to what should be a simple interaction. It exhausts me.
Sounds a bit like me.Meemaimoh said:
I'm also 22, and I've been diagnosed with Agoraphobia and Social Anxiety.
I used to be a social gamer, going down to the LAN cafe all the time, but ever since leaving school I moved around a bit and lost all ties with old friends. Now where I am now, it's difficult to make new friends because everybody now sticks within their own circles.
I've got "friends" all over the world. I've got friends who I meet up and play TF2 with, and it's tons of fun all from the comfort of my own home. But that's not where the problem is, if I leave home and happen to come across a large enough crowd of people, that's when I break down socially. I get pretty damn nervous at Supermarket checkouts when I have the guts to go and buy food every now and then, the funny fact? I used to work on them for 3 years.
I can't stand answering the phone unless I know it's definitely for me, the funny fact? I worked in a Call Centre.
If I continue University, a lot of people will be younger than me. But age is a minor problem I guess.
TBH, interacting with these people online is probably what's helped me through a lot of things.
The good part is when games "help" with my Social Anxiety. If I'm nervous about an appointment or am just nervous from some unknown trigger, playing games helps. How? Distracting me. It's much easier to get rid of anxious thoughts when you're not thinking about them and instead worrying about your game team's survival and giggling and laughing and having fun.