214: Sex and the Single Player

[Russ Pitts]

Sex and the Single Player

The Escapist's own Editor-in-Chief examines the obstacles gamers face when trying to make the jump from single player to co-op in real life.

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[HardRockSamurai]

A few things popped into my mind when I began to read this article. The first was "Five pages? Jesus Christ!". As I kept reading, the second thought emerged; "Dude, this is the most depressing sexual memoir I've ever read."

Admittedly, the first three or so pages are pretty grim, but I'm glad it finished up with a happy ending. Considering the fact that male gamers outnumber female gamers ten to one, actually managing to marry one must be some kind of achievement.

Congratulations Mr. Pitts. You just beat life...on HARD difficulty...

Still, even though I liked this article a lot, I can't really place my finger down on the moral. I can't decide between "if you're a gamer, marry a gamer" and "if you work for the Escapist, you will get laid."

[small]To beat life on INSANE difficulty, you have to marry TWO gamers, who are also supermodels.[/small]

 

[BlueInkAlchemist]

"If only I had learned sooner that a successful relationship is best formed with a fellow gamer." Truer words were never written.

[small]To beat life on INSANE difficulty, you have to marry TWO gamers, who are also supermodels.[/small]

The words "now make out with each other" come to mind.

 

[Dooly95]

Interesting read - if not as a "future maybe if I'm lucky" read, then just as a "one lucky gamer among one hundred" that passes the time.

Oddly enough, this article has also made me rethink my position as a self-proclaimed gamer. I enjoy the odd game, but I don't mind if I have to give it up for a night out. I'm almost certain that I would TRY to stay awake, just so all that slot money doesn't go to waste, and I wouldn't mind the story of the roadie.

It's sad, I think, to pick between love and games - but since that's the view most non gamers have, I suppose being in the minority means we get less of a voice.

 

[dochmbi]

Well, if you don't want a relationship with someone who will constantly demand things of you and hold you to a high standard, you need to find someone who has a low sexual economic market value, i.e. a fat and ugly person, which is exactly what my strategy is. Makes sense to me cause I'm a low-value male myself and I wouldn't have the purchasing power to go for something better.

 

[scnj]

You know, now that you've said we would never believe that chain of events that led to you and Mrs Pitts getting together, you have to write a follow up. Otherwise it's just a tease.

 

[Kiutu]

I guess I have to remind my boyfriend how lucky he is.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

[small]To beat life on INSANE difficulty, you have to marry TWO gamers, who are also supermodels.[/small]

And before you try cheating, it only counts if they're female. Male supermodels will shag anything.

It's amusing all the groups that you would expect to go together that just don't. While Russ talked about Rockers and Gamers, there's major splits between Historical Re-enactment and LARPers, VAMPIRES and Vampire players, Genre Novelists and "REAL" novelists, Retail Workers and Humanity...

Never expect a cute gamer to be ready to marry you, and never expect a cute non-gamer to ignore you. Sometimes, just sometimes, there's that little spark that leads to something wonderful. And sometimes, that little spark will burn your house down.

 

[Sevre]

Assuming you don't dedicate your entire life to your XBL gamerscore, there's always someone out there for you, gamer or not. Hobbies aren't the only way to connect to someone on a deeper level you know.

Good for you if you get a gamer wife/husband , I traded mine in for an Icy wand of +4 dexterity. They go for high prices in the Auction house.

 

[Sennz0r]

I really need to go abroad, there's a shortage of gaming women here.

Great read, Russ

 

[Labyrinth]

It amuses me no end that my advice to friends who have had jerk partners a fair bit tends to be "Find game you like, you'll probably meet a gamer who you like as well." That goes for both sexes actually so I am no doubt the cause of some shortages in the culture. Oh well, all in a day's work.

Some of this comes from stigma, some of it comes from a very male-centric industry and a lot of dickheads running around. Every so often someone turns up who's more than the screams of "NOOB!!!" or a lingering scent of 'Dew and old sweat. They tend to be the popular ones, so there's a moral to the story really. Or you could go with the media fame.

 

[matsugawa]

Cool story

 

[Tiamat666]

Very entertaining read.

I also consider myself lucky to have a gamer girlfriend. I still remember how dumbfounded I was when she told me that she had played Morrowind. It was like a glitch in the Matrix. Two parallel lines crossing. My brain was divided by zero.
Girls play aligning colorful orbs, solitaire or maybe the Sims, if they play videogames at all.

It was all love after that.

 

[riskroWe]

What about those of us who are both musicians and gamers?
Do we have to choose?

 

[Clemenstation]

Oh man, too bad about those Russians though.

 

[Florion]

I laughed out loud at that! What the hell? (this hasn't happened in days. I'm serious.)

-Xboxen
-Fallout > sex
-Doomscream
-MARRIED A GAMER.

\o/ I bow to your skills, Mr. Pitts.

 

[Spucktier]

Congratulation Russ, you're a lucky guy. Being in a gamer-relationship isn't always a jackpot. Sadly, I speak of experience.

 

[Same River New Water]

Haha, I see nobody tells the editor to stick to the word limit!

Russ, I hope your friend did meet up with those Russian girls, like he said. The world is a better place if his story is true. (Too bad for you, though.)

As for going out with a gamer: I highly recommend it. Truly, it is good to be one of the Chosen Few. Ok, so when we met my girl had lapsed from a Nintendo childhood to a PopCap adolescence, and our tastes aren't perfectly aligned (she will never play Advance Wars, and she will never, ever, EVER play Fire Emblem - two of my favourites), but her Xbox Live gamerscore is currently well over double mine. And she's hot, so... to paraphrase Beyonce, I like it so much I may just put a ring on it.

it took you how many years to find out you should date people with similar interests? Have you ever seen eharmony commercials? I mean, you don't have to find someone based upon 29 proven dimensions of compatibility, but common dude, finding someone who understands one of your (if not the) biggest passions in your life seems like a given!

That's just the problem: finding someone. Presumably there are also legions of Twilight fans out there, wishing for a man who could just understand their passion...

 

[Master Exon]

See, the gamer's definition of "cranking it" may be staying up until 4am, playing Rock Band and going through the motions of being a rock star, but the musician's definition involves actually being a rock star.

I can't believe you just said that.

it took you how many years to find out you should date people with similar interests? Have you ever seen eharmony commercials? I mean, you don't have to find someone based upon 29 proven dimensions of compatibility, but common dude, finding someone who understands one of your (if not the) biggest passions in your life seems like a given!

That's just the problem: finding someone. Presumably there are also legions of Twilight fans out there, wishing for a man who could just understand their passion...

Twilight's popularity and obsessive fan-base is a slap in the face to both feminists and men.