214: Sex and the Single Player
- Thread starter Russ Pitts
- Start date
Russ is right, gamers should marry gamers. I ended up marrying the girl I met on World of Warcraft and couldn't be happier. I wrote about it here [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/issues/issue_192/5835-The-MMOG-Connection].
Back when being a gamer meant playing D&D, (late 80s, early 90s), I had a name for these women - "Gamer Princess". With a 20 or 30 to 1 ratio of men to women, and with at least half of those men having pretty minimal social skills, the kind of women that would subject themselves to the snakepit of sweaty, awkward, "I'm paying attention to you but I don't want to look like I'm paying attention to you" socializing tended to have, as you say, "issues."Cilliandrew said:
As tough as it is finding a gamer girl today, you kids should thank your lucky stars you weren't trying to make a go of it then. The internet may have existed, but the "web" didn't; computer gaming meant sitting in front of your TV or computer alone in your house, and the only face-to-face time you got with other gamers was over a table of dice or hanging out at the local wargaming shop. Don't get me wrong - I loved playing RPGs, but Howard Stern was right when he said that every hour you play D&D delays your loss of virginity by 1 week.
Me? I ended up marrying a wonderful woman who likes the occasional boardgame or Popcap game, but also understands that gaming is my hobby. Instead of trying to find that dream gamer girl, I'd suggest just expanding your net a bit, but make it clear that gaming is "that thing you do." For thousands of years, men and women have understood that their partners will have pastimes that are for them alone, whether it's fishing, bowling, knitting or reading romance novels. At least with gaming, you have the advantage of being able to squeeze it into all those spare moments - don't abuse the privilege.
I married a gamer and it does work out well that way.
I don't bother her when she monopolizes the computer every time a Sims expansion comes out and she doesn't bother me when a new GTA comes out and I'm glued to the tv. The only point of contention is when there's a single player game we both want to play like Fallout 3 but most of them are fun to watch too so it doesn't become a problem.
I don't bother her when she monopolizes the computer every time a Sims expansion comes out and she doesn't bother me when a new GTA comes out and I'm glued to the tv. The only point of contention is when there's a single player game we both want to play like Fallout 3 but most of them are fun to watch too so it doesn't become a problem.
Hopefully, as the non-casual female gamer audience rises, the next-gen geeks will have better luck in love... Meantime, I guess those looking for gamer love should try geek-centric dating sites. They certainly are making it easier. What I really really want to know is, where do female gamers meet other female gamers for friendship? I'm *SO* tired of having only male friends. Guys are nice, but they can't braid hair worth a damn, and as much as I love slaying slavers in Fallout 3 and jumping on 16-bit Goombas, I have paroxysms of girlie-ness every so often that can only be quashed by mutually hating the Imagine series of DS games and gabbing about how ridiculous Ninja Gaiden boobs are. And for that, I need to hang with a fellow gal who isn't into gaming just to hang with guys and get attention. And THAT, my fellow forum-posters, is the hardest-to-obtain easter egg of geekdom - being a female gamer and having female gamer friends.
you dont need to marry a gamer though that would be a plus you just need to find a woman thats as addicted to her interest as you are to yours like a anime addict you could even game while you watch or a avid book reader preferably scifi/fantasy so you can read the books too
Interesting article.
I've never really given much thought to how gaming could undoubtedly interfere with my social life in relations to the opposite sex. I've had girlfriends before and gaming hasn't ever really been all that much of an obstacle. I'm not as big into gaming as I was earlier this year (I finally got over an MMO addiction) so I actually find myself doing other things with my time (like posting here, writing random stuff, catching up on movies/tv shows) and at this point I really don't see myself getting into another relationship.
So okay it's been well over three years since I've known the touch of a woman but what I've surmised about myself at this point is that my relationship with women has nothing to do with a gaming lifestyle. I know this for a fact because my general view of them hasn't changed since I've started to fill my time with more constructive things. Which when it comes down to it, my general view of women is the same as anyone else.
I would put into detail what this view is but I find a lot of people I mention it to are often perplexed by it.
I've never really given much thought to how gaming could undoubtedly interfere with my social life in relations to the opposite sex. I've had girlfriends before and gaming hasn't ever really been all that much of an obstacle. I'm not as big into gaming as I was earlier this year (I finally got over an MMO addiction) so I actually find myself doing other things with my time (like posting here, writing random stuff, catching up on movies/tv shows) and at this point I really don't see myself getting into another relationship.
So okay it's been well over three years since I've known the touch of a woman but what I've surmised about myself at this point is that my relationship with women has nothing to do with a gaming lifestyle. I know this for a fact because my general view of them hasn't changed since I've started to fill my time with more constructive things. Which when it comes down to it, my general view of women is the same as anyone else.
I would put into detail what this view is but I find a lot of people I mention it to are often perplexed by it.
Through some fate and a hell of a lot of luck and a really big amazing and non inspiring story I met the woman who would be my wife at a convention also though it was an Anime convention! She was introduced to me by a friend and that same friend made sure that I finally got the clue and purposed to my now wife =) Added bonus was she was a Table top gamer with a minor in Mushes, now she plays right next to me and even shows me new games that she thinks I would want to play!
Russ, I have to say, I'm disappointed.
I really dislike discourses on "women and gaming" that open with this premise. Start by positing that women don't like gamers because women are selfish, and then move to how rare/difficult it is to find a girl who games - the recipe is stale. Attractive, intelligent, emotionally and mentally stable gamer women are all over the place, and most of us are looking for men who share our hobbies, just as you men are looking for women who do.
This stereotype will never dissipate, and women will never be seen as equals in gaming communities, if people (especially people like, say, the editor-in-chief of the Escapist) keep repeating it. Female gamers will be relegated to the "gamer princess" stereotype mentioned earlier in this thread, or else as an achievement to unlock and thereby "win life".
Pro tip: Some girls like having a lot made of them, but almost all of us have insecurities that wind up magnified if people make a big deal out of us. Stop treating us like elusive creatures, and just treat female gamers you meet like any other gamer. Stop repeating this line about girls being unusual and maybe we'll stop being so.
Kementari, while I appreciate your point-of-view I have to disagree with you.kementari said:
If my sharing that tale does harm to The Cause, then I apologize, but I don't repent. This article is not about "women in gaming." It is about me. My experiences. Which include discovering that girls who are as into games as I am being rare.
The simple fact is, regardless how this suggestion makes you feel, you are rarer and more unique than you think you are. Stereotypes exist for a reason. They're rooted in a truth. Are girls who enjoy games as rare as diamonds (which are not actually all that rare)? Perhaps not. But they're rare enough for it to have been difficult for me to find one I could get along with.
a few things to say about the article so I'll list:
1st: Come on Russ, that article is just bragging about your luck, disguised with some less-than-happy writing at the beginning, no girls I know are gamers in the slightest, some even seem to have a fear/hatred of said games.
2nd: I hope that I don't get banned for tearing apart the very essence of an article written by the Editor-in-Chief of the Escapist and by extension these forums.
3rd: Seeing some twilight references here (mainly in the beginning) and I say that in a year or two it will be basically forgotten, I mean there's nothing to keep it going, so no worries.
4th: I too would enjoy dating a female gamer, however as previously mentioned they seem to be very rare, if not none existent, here; I hope my intellect, personality or even luck will at least cause me to be introduced to one, and judging by the posts there is a decent chance of success, but a larger one of failure.
5th: /point finger at Russ. You had the chance with two hot Russian chicks and screwed it horrifically, a massive laugh in your direction
6th: I hope I don't get banned for that either.
7th: Hot Russian chicks!
1st: Come on Russ, that article is just bragging about your luck, disguised with some less-than-happy writing at the beginning, no girls I know are gamers in the slightest, some even seem to have a fear/hatred of said games.
2nd: I hope that I don't get banned for tearing apart the very essence of an article written by the Editor-in-Chief of the Escapist and by extension these forums.
3rd: Seeing some twilight references here (mainly in the beginning) and I say that in a year or two it will be basically forgotten, I mean there's nothing to keep it going, so no worries.
4th: I too would enjoy dating a female gamer, however as previously mentioned they seem to be very rare, if not none existent, here; I hope my intellect, personality or even luck will at least cause me to be introduced to one, and judging by the posts there is a decent chance of success, but a larger one of failure.
5th: /point finger at Russ. You had the chance with two hot Russian chicks and screwed it horrifically, a massive laugh in your direction
6th: I hope I don't get banned for that either.
7th: Hot Russian chicks!
It may have come down more to personality clashes than whether you were dating gamers or not. Some people just don't find the right person to settle down with for a while.Russ Pitts said:
Now I admit that my guy friends are more likely to know what I'm talking about when I'm talking games, it doesn't mean that women who are seriously into games are the proverbial unicorns some male gamers hoist onto those pedestals. (And I actually have had a guy call me a unicorn before, or say how my boyfriend is lucky.)
I've been gaming since I was very little and it's second nature to me. The stereotypes don't bother me in a general sense but it is a matter of being othered when a lot of us merely want to just have fun and play and not stand out for it.
That said, I don't think I could date a guy who wasn't a gamer or at least tolerant and understanding about gaming (or me needing my time to write or cook). As things have turned out I'm not just dating a gamer, but a game journalist. And I myself have been an Escapist contributor several times (though I am posting under my normal account since the one created under my name I can't access). So I definitely think that it helps to be compatible in this area.
I remember reading this. Great little story. I met my boyfriend in an MMO. Good luck to you guys.BlueInkAlchemist said:
Im a musician and a gamer and i seem to get on quite well with my self most of the timeRuss Pitts said:
well by "musician" i meen a drummer
Congrats Russ, its nice to know that it does happen. By the way I meant the marrying a fellow gamer part, not the stumbling into two bums having sex part.
After a 15-year-relationship with a fellow gamer ended (2 years ago) for reasons not related to gaming at all, I have found myself back in the position of determining how to present myself. I will always be a gamer and will always claim that regardless of the reaction it elicits from a prospective girlfriend. I've been gaming for over 30 years (ever since my father bought us a Radio Shack pong system) and I'm not about to give it up for some shallow chick.
Thanks for your story. It was very honest and heartfelt about what gaming "nerds" go through in the dating scene. I appreciate your willingness to share and, trust me, wearing an Ubuntu t-shirt to work hasn't done me any favors either (I suppose I should bury my OpenSolaris, "All your base are belong to us", and XTracPads t-shirts).
Thanks for your story. It was very honest and heartfelt about what gaming "nerds" go through in the dating scene. I appreciate your willingness to share and, trust me, wearing an Ubuntu t-shirt to work hasn't done me any favors either (I suppose I should bury my OpenSolaris, "All your base are belong to us", and XTracPads t-shirts).