Beauty Isn?t Just Pixel-Deep
We learn that being skinny isn't all it's cracked up to be.
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We learn that being skinny isn't all it's cracked up to be.
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Beauty Isn?t Just Pixel-Deep
- Thread starter Lara Crigger
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Sexual preferences are normal but the problem is it's imprudent to be ruled by those preferences because it makes dating harder. It's like saying you only want to out with a girl with ginger hair- not only are you restricting yourself to what.....1/20th of the female population? (Depending on the ethnicities of those you live with). Unless you are some sort of Casanova, narrowing yourself to so many options will only make it harder to meet someone.
re: Otaku - A lot of folks have this same problematic perception. When we look at other cultures, no matter how deeply we may try to look, we're still only able to see what they export. That's why many non-American folks have wildly-skewed views on America (either we're all the worst people in the world, or we all live in a magical world of opportunity and plenty).Lara Crigger said:
Most of the "exports" we see from "East Asia" (by which you almost certainly mean "Japan, or something that looks close enough") are heavily sexual in nature. That colors our subconscious perception of the culture and its women. We may see a few features we like (submissive women willing to act out our fantasies, for instance) and grow to believe that women from this culture embody those features.
At the same time, we see America as empowering women to go after what they want (at least to a larger degree than many countries)... and wouldn't it just be nicer not to have those conflicting wants? At least, that's the thought that may be going on in the subconscious. The same thing happens with "Eastern European" women -- hence the proliferation of the "Russian mail order bride" image.
It's entirely about you, though. You have some fundamental misunderstandings about the culture, and these cause you to idolize the women from this imagined and constructed culture you hold in your mind. Look into what the defining features of that self-created culture are, and you'll begin to see what it is you're really looking for. Only once you face that can you start to unravel the knots it has tied in your mind.
^ Is it possible that maybe he's not just attracted to them because of societal misconceptions? I too am attracted to "East Asian" women but I know that they're not actually submissive real dolls that cater to my every need. I think that they are just very beautiful the same way that a straight man finds a woman (of any type) beautiful. I see "East Asian" as a sub-attraction of my attraction to women in general. I like women of all races but there's just something I find very beautiful about "East Asian" girls. Like I said, (for me) this isn't rooted in a desire for submissiveness or servitude or a rose-tinted view of "East Asian" culture.
^ I apologize for the fact that I'm not using the quote function. For some odd reason it doesn't work while I'm at work.
I suppose that's true. But let's hypothetically say that he has the same mindset as me. Is it not possible that his appreciation of their physical features is so strong that he finds them more appealing than others to the point of aversion?
Also, Alan Turing was a good man.
I suppose that's true. But let's hypothetically say that he has the same mindset as me. Is it not possible that his appreciation of their physical features is so strong that he finds them more appealing than others to the point of aversion?
Also, Alan Turing was a good man.
Actually, East Asian is a more proper term, since that really only covers China, Korea and Japan. Geographically, they share similar racial and physical features than with people from South and South-East Asia, such as Thailand or Laos. So him being attracted to people from a specific region isn't that unusual.
Also, so what if the initial attraction is something about eye shape or food preferences? That's why it's initial attraction, it doesn't have to be rational it just has to be something that sparks interest. Can you build a relationship off of someone's culture? No, but that can be a great starting point. I mean, chastizing him for being attracted to slanted eyes or black hair also translates into chastizing men for being initially attracted to boobs or for a woman being interested in a man's bank account.
Attraction is attraction, it's not really rational and even if he "Has a thing for asian chicks" doesn't mean that is all the relationship is going to be about.
Also, so what if the initial attraction is something about eye shape or food preferences? That's why it's initial attraction, it doesn't have to be rational it just has to be something that sparks interest. Can you build a relationship off of someone's culture? No, but that can be a great starting point. I mean, chastizing him for being attracted to slanted eyes or black hair also translates into chastizing men for being initially attracted to boobs or for a woman being interested in a man's bank account.
Attraction is attraction, it's not really rational and even if he "Has a thing for asian chicks" doesn't mean that is all the relationship is going to be about.
Nickolai77 said:
I heard someone say "choosers dont get laid" or something... i guess that rings true in this context
well... my guess?? he has never had one and keeps getting more and more desperateJaredXE said:
sooo.... yah... just an unfulfilled fetish
BTW! I find that last guy hilarious because he keeps lumping together SEX with EMOTIONS, I mean Sexually?? yeah, I LOVE BIG BREASTS and MILKY WHITE SKIN and I find slit eyes SO DAMN HOT and well... everything in a Japanese girl to be precise, (yes, I can tell the difference thanks to the thousands and thousands of Asian women I have seen in the web... yes I am a weird porn loving guy... yes I know not all Japanese women are big breasted but the ones i have seen are) but my current girl is dark skinned and 32 B and couldn't have her eyes more open if she tried with "Ulzzang" do I shy away from sex because she doesn't fulfill every physical fantasy I have?? hell no! its even hotter to be with someone that you love and you know she loves back
My advice?? go to Vegas, get in a cab and ask to be taken to a sex ranch, rent an Asian girl (Its legal there and you must be 21 but hell i would do it if i felt the way you do), get over with your urges and once you realize its just another female vagina regardless of race, you will be able to connect with someone more emotionally... regardless of race... again...
mmm... does preferring one race over the other makes someone "racist"????
I agree! and if a Japanese woman (for the sake of example i´m going to focus on them)is exactly what he wants, the odds are she is not interested in him, and if one DOES shows interest in him the odds are she is nothing like what he imaginedDastardly said:
(anyone heard about "Xenophobia"??)
This. You come up with the best things sometimes, Lara. Hope you don't mind me saying this to a buddy of mine. He more or less has the same "problem."
I'm guessing it is the exports coloring the writer's mind with ideals of what "East Asian" girls are/act like. I've known a couple girls of Japanese descent who have gone out on dates with white guys, and even though they thought the date was going fine they were essentially told that they weren't "Asian enough" for the guy and never heard from them again.Dastardly said:
On the one hand, that's seriously offensive. On the other hand, thank god they weren't "Asian enough" for the guy's fetish needs.
Of course. It's, in large part, the old "exotic = erotic" phenomenon. Couple that with how what we see of the (exported) culture is so heavily sexual, and you're in dangerous territory.daftalchemist said:
And there's also the notion that Japanese women are more submissive to men, which is borne out in a lot of the exported media (whether it is true or not). And the fact that a foreign women would, in a sense, more heavily depend on an American man to help her get around...
It's a cocktail that strikes right at the most basic male instincts, so it's no wonder it grips as many men as it does. But as long as we (as men) recognize that instinct is almost always selfish, we can work to prevent it from coloring our perceptions of other people -- and turning them into the (potential) objects of our own fetishes.
How are the list of related articles chosen? Keywords? Because the top one is about a Korean marrying a body pillow and I'm a bit ashamed to say it made me giggle.
As far as the first one... I'm REALLY hoping that's a typo, because six-foot-three and 104 pounds for a man isn't just underweight- that's skeletal. The body needs at least a certain amount of fat reserves to be able to operate, and if "Red Warrior" would like to live to see more Christmases with his girlfriend, he'll seek some sort of medical help immediately.
Granted, if your partner is willing to change something about the way they look because they'll enjoy how happy you are, that's a big turn on. For instance, I generally prefer medium-length hair on a guy, and I don't like beards. That's not to say I'd avoid a bearded guy with a pony tail, but if he decided he wasn't attached to the beard and the ponytail and decided to trim, I'd be delighted and he might also be delighted that I was delighted.
The idea is, if you decide to change something, do it for your own sake (because you're feeling adventurous, or whatever), not for your partner at the *expense* of what you want.
In my experience, guys tend to be MORE attached to their look than women are--possibly because no look really ever turns a woman into the goddess of unfathomable beauty she wants to be, so she's always willing to try something different in the hopes that it'll be better. Guys, on the other hand, find a style that suits them and stick with it. Changing things up feels, to them, like they're occupying somebody else's unfamiliar (and itchier) body.
That's a broad generalization and probably not true for remotely everybody, but I've almost never heard of a guy wanting his gal to change things about herself--well, unless she's fat and he's decided he'll "settle" because she's "such a nice girl" or similar, which is the worst kind of ugly delusion. Guys are much more likely to be startled and perhaps even put off when their fem decides she wants a different hairdo or clothing style or whatever.
The idea is, if you decide to change something, do it for your own sake (because you're feeling adventurous, or whatever), not for your partner at the *expense* of what you want.
In my experience, guys tend to be MORE attached to their look than women are--possibly because no look really ever turns a woman into the goddess of unfathomable beauty she wants to be, so she's always willing to try something different in the hopes that it'll be better. Guys, on the other hand, find a style that suits them and stick with it. Changing things up feels, to them, like they're occupying somebody else's unfamiliar (and itchier) body.
That's a broad generalization and probably not true for remotely everybody, but I've almost never heard of a guy wanting his gal to change things about herself--well, unless she's fat and he's decided he'll "settle" because she's "such a nice girl" or similar, which is the worst kind of ugly delusion. Guys are much more likely to be startled and perhaps even put off when their fem decides she wants a different hairdo or clothing style or whatever.
Sad to say that I'm the poor sap that sent in the question. To the doubters: I really wish it WAS a typo, screw-up on the scale, whatever. I actually just got out of the hospital for- guess what? -heart problems and fainting. I'm not missing limbs yet, though!
Looking for my camera right now. Pics or it didn't happen, yeah?
EDIT: Oh, here we are. Hoping that shows up.
Looking for my camera right now. Pics or it didn't happen, yeah?
EDIT: Oh, here we are. Hoping that shows up.
Anyone else find this subtle dig terribly amusing?
With that said, I'm not entirely sure that the response to the East Asian question was in-depth enough to be helpful. There are a number of ideas that could have enriched the response.
For instance, it may be worth mentioning that if you have a thing for people broadly from East Asia, then you should perhaps learn about the individual cultures more extensively and make your preference more specific. At least in this way, you know what you want, and you can open with "I am fascinated with X culture" when you meet someone from that country, and have a serious conversation about it, possibly even in their native language (after ensuring that they know the same one as you do).
That kind of learning really helps you to cross cultural divides and any other barrier that may be stopping you. A real interest in culture is different from a real interest in race, and clever women can often tell this difference on your first meeting - if it is true of you at the time and not just a fad. Be real. Don't pretend that you are what you're not - become what you want to be.
Another idea which could have been mentioned is that you could be approaching your target in a way considered rude in the person's individual culture. There are many different ways to say "hello", and being a classic Westerner, you may assume that the casual, Western style will be attractive to them. Though the differences may be subtle, subtlety is immensely important in coming across as a man of finer tastes and ideas, so learn, learn, learn until you know what is going to work for all sorts of East Asian cultures if you find you really like all of them that broadly.
So while I think that the article is on the right track that there is a change of knowledge needed to surmount the issues discussed, I feel that there are many more ideas which can help the subject along.