254: The OCD Gamer

[Anticitizen_Two]

I have OCD, and I'm a gamer, but I don't game as a compulsion. That's really interesting that you do. Still, I know what emotions you've gone through. Good luck resisting it in the future. It;s really stressful to do it at first, but after the anxiety goes away it feels much better.

 

[TheScarecrow]

"People with Asperger syndrome often display behavior, interests, and activities that are restricted and repetitive and are sometimes abnormally intense or focused. They may stick to inflexible routines, move in stereotyped and repetitive ways, or preoccupy themselves with parts of objects.

I have it too but I don't relate to that definition much.

Great article, it's good to see it from a sufferer's perspective. It's made me a bit paranoid about my own, much milder, OCD.

 

[Jfswift]

I don't have this so much with games although I think I am a little bit. I know that feeling when you think you've left something running like the stove or you keep doing repetitive things. I can relate there. I'm glad that seeing someone about is helping you too. That's good to hear really. ^^

 

[delabrandoso]

I can more than relate here.

(snip)

I completely understand what everyone here is talking about, and I've gone through some very big changes to my gaming routine due to the realization that I just wasn't ENJOYING my gaming anymore. The thrill of seeing the story unfold or having fun with friends had turned into the desire to see the next level come for my character, the next weapon unlocked, or a new achievement earned.

This really isn't what gaming should be about, and for many of us, it's what it has devolved into! I used to spend at least 20 hours a week on games - now, I spend perhaps two or three maximum, and at that point I've recognized that I'm not enjoying myself anymore, I'm just grinding and wishing I could be doing almost anything else.

 

[GoodShrapnel]

Damn, one of the best articles i've read on the escapist in a while. Great job and good luck

 

[Daelda]

I was diagnosed with "Mild OCD Traits" as they call it. Maybe if I told them about what I do in my gaming, they might think it was a bit more than that. I am an "Alt-O-Holic". I feel a need to have at least one character of each class (and crafting profession...and race if possible). Granted, if the game won't allow that, I can't afford another account just to satisfy that need, but if there is another way to get it (a one-time micro-transaction), I will do it. I then feel the need to get each crafting profession maxed out in skill - get all of the "patterns/recipes" that I can - spending hours upon hours grinding materials, auction houses, etc. I also volunteer to organize the Guild Bank - spending hours sorting items and putting them in order. Sure, I have fun playing, but often days will go by where I don't really have much, if any, fun at all. I am just satisfying this need.

I am disabled due to bipolar disorder and some other anxiety disorders, so I have all day to spend on the computer (as long as my wife doesn't need me or the computer). I have played MMOs for 7+ years now. In the 6 months I played LotRO, I logged 6 hours a day on average (I did the math one day). The flip side is that because of my anxiety disorders, MMOs and online is really my main form of social interaction. I have some trust issues due to something that happened about four years ago.

My pdoc is aware of my gaming, and how much I game, and overall she approves of the fact that at least it gets me interacting with other people. So...I guess I just acknowledge that my OCD is probably a bit worse than diagnosed and go from there. Thanks for this article - at least it got me thinking. I did associate what I did with my OCD...but not to this extent. Not sure where I'll take this from here, but it's a start.

 

[Kiithid]

It's good to see no matter how we feel we are never truly alone. I can relate to and congratulate you for trying/overcoming such feelings.

It's a fact life can be hard and evil at times, but if having fun playing helps to deal with then it's all game, the problem I've noticed reading the article is when your escapism turns into a escape from a escape. Much like chasing a rainbow and there's no cake at the end of it, but you can't help it to continue looking for one.

It turns out when we play for the sake of playing our gamer stigma turns out to be right, facing a problem is way better than pretending to be having fun.

 

[FutureHousedad]

Beautifully written article. As a 21 y/o I am transitioning into the world of finance and I also suffer similar social anxieties and compulsions. I also find I have an almost compulsive need to play video games after work to unwind otherwise I build up a lot of tension. I too have tried to talk to my family about my problems but am always quickly dismissed. I am considering therapy as well as I feel life would be more enjoyable if i were just able to "relax" so to speak. Congrats on your progress.

 

[rddj623]

Very interesting. I too have OCD tics and tendencies. Not to an extreme degree, but little things. Alphabetizing my dvd's and games, etc. I do enjoy games though. I try to keep changing things up to not let them become OCD habits. It seems to work pretty well for me.

 

[turbo_girl]

I think it's really important for people to understand that OCD isn't just about hand-washing or hoarding or what have you. It can manifest differently for each person, and sometimes in ways you wouldn't expect. I would know; my OCD revolved around people and social situations. It's hard to explain, but the author makes a very true point here. OCD can show up anywhere, even in our leisure.

Thinking about it now, when I was younger all the games I really got hooked on were repetitive: Starfox 64, Harvest Moon, The Sims. They're all very different types of games, and while I did (and still do) truly enjoy them and have fun with them, I remember playing them obsessively in times when I was under social stress. Those times I wasn't having fun, I was just taking comfort in a repetitive activity I was familiar with and that I knew would be exactly the same (to some extent) every time I turned it on. When my social life felt out of control, I turned to games to feel like I had some semblance of control over my life. I didn't realize I used gaming as one of my coping mechanisms until I read this article.

I don't do that so much anymore though. I suppose I do still find comfort in the repetitive actions of gaming, but I think the fact that I have a hard time playing a Harvest Moon game past Year 2 attests to the fact that I've improved.

Thanks for being brave enough to write this article, Michael. I know getting a bad reaction from a family member or close friend can often be discouraging, but I think a lot of people will benefit from the experiences you've shared.

 

[Straz]

I can more than relate here.
Snip

I think I sorta play the same way.
I got full completion for fable II, despite it having like five ours of gameplay, and I can definitely see some similarities between the author's bubble bobble (or whatever)and my ngame, and I only over play MW2 on free for all, stressing out when my k/d is not positive, so I think I can sympathize.

 

[Michael Comeau]

Damn, one of the best articles i've read on the escapist in a while. Great job and good luck

Thank you so much for this comment. It really was stressful putting all this down on paper finally.

 

[Michael Comeau]

"People with Asperger syndrome often display behavior, interests, and activities that are restricted and repetitive and are sometimes abnormally intense or focused. They may stick to inflexible routines, move in stereotyped and repetitive ways, or preoccupy themselves with parts of objects.

I have it too but I don't relate to that definition much.

Great article, it's good to see it from a sufferer's perspective. It's made me a bit paranoid about my own, much milder, OCD.

No need to be paranoid - it's not the end of the world and everyone has their quirks.

 

[kakan]

That was an incredible article Michael Comeau! You really moved me. Keep it up!

 

[CUOCGAS]

Thank you for your recent post on your experiences with OCD. More than 2 million adult Americans suffer from OCD. In an effort to better understand this common disorder, Columbia University/New York State Psychiatric Institute is conducting a study to examine possible genetic contributions to OCD. The study is sponsored by the National Institute of Mental Health.

We are looking for individuals with OCD who would be interested in participating. Participation involves a 2-3 hour interview and a blood/saliva sample for DNA. We also ask that family members (parents or siblings) provide a blood/saliva sample for DNA. Individuals with OCD are compensated $75 for their interview and DNA sample, and family members receive $35 for their DNA sample. Study procedures can take place in the home or at our medical center.

If you would like to help us gain a deeper understanding of OCD, you may contact Columbia University research staff at 212-543-5364 or e-mail [email protected]. Confidentiality is assured.

 

[Michael Comeau]

Thank you for your recent post on your experiences with OCD. More than 2 million adult Americans suffer from OCD. In an effort to better understand this common disorder, Columbia University/New York State Psychiatric Institute is conducting a study to examine possible genetic contributions to OCD. The study is sponsored by the National Institute of Mental Health.

We are looking for individuals with OCD who would be interested in participating. Participation involves a 2-3 hour interview and a blood/saliva sample for DNA. We also ask that family members (parents or siblings) provide a blood/saliva sample for DNA. Individuals with OCD are compensated $75 for their interview and DNA sample, and family members receive $35 for their DNA sample. Study procedures can take place in the home or at our medical center.

If you would like to help us gain a deeper understanding of OCD, you may contact Columbia University research staff at 212-543-5364 or e-mail [email protected]. Confidentiality is assured.

Wow, I think I saw a notice for this in my therapist's office.

 

[joing_da_fun]

I have a mild case of autism and i walk around inside my house for a hour or two and socialised. I enjoy the great article, its like people like you create these wonderful stories and continue to coming back to the escapist.

 

[My1stLuvJak]

I've wondered for a while if I have some kind of anxiety disorder...the definitions really throw me, though.

I know that I'll stay far later than I should after work, some days - I've been at my job until 2 in the morning, unable to find a reason as to why. It's not like I don't have other things to do...like sleep...it's hard to rationalize some of my behaviours.

I'd say I have mild OCD, if I was to guess, as these fits only happen occasionally. They don't permeate my gaming, but I do feel some pangs when I look at my trophy level - I want to get 100% on infamous, but I see no reason why I have to hurl grenades while riding a train until I kill 100 goons (or whatever it is). I can clearly see that it doesn't make sense, that it isn't fun, so I don't do it. I'm missing a few blast shards, but I won't scour the city for the couple that I need for the same reasons. I don't have the classic "flip light on and off ten times before leaving a room" thing - I don't count how many times I do things. That said, I might still double, triple check something just in case I got it wrong - only some things, though, like a food recipe.

My gaming ALways has to be fun. I have some completionist tendencies, but only as far as finishing a game. I won't play some sequels until I beat the earlier games, but I won't play the prequels, as I don't like some part of the game. Killzone 1 is a terrible game, but I won't play KZ 2 until I beat it...so, probably never. This means I own a LOT of games that I haven't even touched...MGS4 came with my PS3, but I haven't played it - I've beat all the other console Metal Gears, even the MSX, but just because I don't find Sons of Liberty to be any fun, I won't play the final game. Same with Ratchet and Clank - I have ToD, but since I haven't beat the PS2 ones, I won't let myself just enjoy it. I honestly HATE trophy support, because I see what the addition of trophies does to a lot of gamers; it makes gaming itself a game. It makes Nintendo games unenjoyable (for some people), as they don't add to your online rank. To me, it's absolutely ludicrous - if a game's fun, I'll play it. I don't get any medals for playing Megaman, but I'll play those games again and again because I ENJOY them.

Yeah, trophies suck. I have Valkyria Chronicles, Ninja Gaiden Sigma, Elder Scrolls Oblivion, Saint's Row 2, but because I don't have trophy support for any of them, other games take priority, games I might not be all that interested in, like Deadspace.

I plan on seeking help, but my head does get in the way a bit - there are places I want to be in my life, and, although seeking help might get me there faster, I just want to get through my problems on my own, thinking they're manageable, even when my habits suck up so much of my time. Maybe if a make a list weighing pros and cons, and see how overwhelmingly they favour seeking help, I'll bite the bullet and just do it. This article definitely strikes a chord with me - I don't have the same issues as a lot of people out there, but I realize how dibilitating some behaviours can be, and how hard it is to break the habit. I'd say mine are WAY more manageable than others, but, regardless, I would benefit from some professional help. Or maybe some meds, if I'd let myself be prescribed to them...I don't think I NEED them, so I don't want them

LOL, I'm a mess. You made me think, Mike! Good on ya. Nothing I haven't repeatedly thought about before, but it's good to share these kinds of experiences, I guess. Yay, Sociology! No one's alone in their problems

 

[Michael Comeau]

I think it's really important for people to understand that OCD isn't just about hand-washing or hoarding or what have you. It can manifest differently for each person, and sometimes in ways you wouldn't expect. I would know; my OCD revolved around people and social situations. It's hard to explain, but the author makes a very true point here. OCD can show up anywhere, even in our leisure.

Thinking about it now, when I was younger all the games I really got hooked on were repetitive: Starfox 64, Harvest Moon, The Sims. They're all very different types of games, and while I did (and still do) truly enjoy them and have fun with them, I remember playing them obsessively in times when I was under social stress. Those times I wasn't having fun, I was just taking comfort in a repetitive activity I was familiar with and that I knew would be exactly the same (to some extent) every time I turned it on. When my social life felt out of control, I turned to games to feel like I had some semblance of control over my life. I didn't realize I used gaming as one of my coping mechanisms until I read this article.

I don't do that so much anymore though. I suppose I do still find comfort in the repetitive actions of gaming, but I think the fact that I have a hard time playing a Harvest Moon game past Year 2 attests to the fact that I've improved.

Thanks for being brave enough to write this article, Michael. I know getting a bad reaction from a family member or close friend can often be discouraging, but I think a lot of people will benefit from the experiences you've shared.

It actually wasn't a really bad reaction - my Mom is just kind of a funny lady sometimes.