#3

[Mark J Kline]

#3

This week, Dr. Mark tackles questions about kids playing videogames and whether girls really need to hang out with other girls.

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[Jared]

Really great article again Dr.

Its really nice to get your point of view (As someone who knows what hes talking about!), and, the female gamer one...(Despite been male myself) has certainly given me food for thought.

 

[_Janny_]

It's wonderful to see an actual psychologist admit that some so-called "violet games" aren't as bad as parents make them out to be. Great read a usual, and looking forward to the next article!

 

[NinjaKiwi]

Its a great topic and it applies to more than just gaming. I play D&D with my fiance and she gets quite excited when we are able to convince one of her female friends to play with us just so she's not the only girl at the table

 

[Flying Dagger]

If there was a "gamer girl" sort of forum, I'd imagine 9/10ths of the people there would be guys pretending to be girls to try and get some female contact.

 

[runnernda]

Thank you for printing and answering the gamer girl letter! I was in the same situation as she is. I actually joined a sorority in college, simply because they seemed fun and I was desperate to have some sort of connection to girls. I still mainly hang out with guys, but there are some things you can only talk about with girls. Maybe we should start a girl gamer usergroup here!

 

[MomoHime64]

I'm letter-writer number two. I just want to say thank you so much for responding and your kind words about my role in her life. In addition, you got it EXACTLY RIGHT about the social aspect of gaming in relating to her peers. Her birthday party was this weekend, at a skating rink, and it was Mario-themed (complete with a homemade and incredibly awesome Mario cake). All the kids invited from her class and her summer camp group were excited specifically over the Mario theme - and it seems to have upped her "cool factor" in her group. I also got to talk with other parents and "sparents" at the party, and it seems like video games really are pervasive in even the five-to-seven year old demographic. Most of all, none of the adults at the party thought this was a bad thing - they were my age group, late twenties to mid thirties, and it seems like they use video games much in the same way we do. It's a motivator, used in moderation, and enhances imaginative play instead of replacing it. Interestingly enough, it seems to be something parents do with their kids and a way for them to talk to one another as equals (we all had a story about how our respective child whomped our butts at one game or another).

Between the party and your response, Dr. Mark, I feel a LOT more secure in the role video games are taking in her life. I just have to keep that balance of time between gamespace and meatspace in check, and make sure she has a new challenge in play now and then so she doesn't fall into a habit of playing only one game over and over (it leads to boredom which is always a bad thing for a smart and mischievous kid). Luckily I can see when it's happening - I have maxed out my skill tree in Re-Direction and Whine Deflection! But I think, as she gets older, I'll start to incorporate other types of games into her play - I might start with the Pokemon CCG. And she's expressed interest in Bakugan as well (I have to admit the little magnetically-rigged figures are pretty neat). And she loves Break the Ice - I have to dig that out of my closet tonight! So I will definitely look into integrating more games outside of the electronic realm.

As a side note, fortunately she was just as excited to get skates for her birthday as her own DS. My favorite thing though, is walking in on her playing Tea Party with her new Beauty and The Beast tea set and her Pikachu, Mario and Toad 6 inch figures.

Thanks Dr. Mark! Can't wait to see your future post about violence in gaming.

 

[MomoHime64]

Also, letter writer number one - I am in your EXACT SAME POSITION. I commiserate and offer my camaraderie.

 

[maxben]

I love Dr. Mark!

 

[Alar]

Nice article, Doc! The second page gives me some idea of how I might go about raising a child in the future, something I find myself occasionally pondering about (being a potentially good parent is something I find important, and sometimes find myself worrying about).

 

[Anacortian]

To the first letter-writer:

It is unnatural, though not impossible, but very difficult, to form lasting friendship with one of the opposite sex. By definition, it must be passionless, and Eros is always ready and eager to slip in. Such a pairing of friends requires something that makes the thought of sex unthinkable, or it will be thought by one of them to the detriment of the platonic attempt. Thus, it is very natural for you to notice that lack of friends among your acquaintances and astute of to realize that you might be barking up the wrong gender.

If you can find no women interested in gaming, then it might be time to diversify your interests. As a wise man once said, "If video games and the gaming ephemera are all you know, you are a boring person." Gaming is not a religion, and you will not apostatize in finding something else diverting. If male gamer asked my how to find a lady, I would tell him to go where the ladies are, and I now give the same advice.

 

[Eri]

http://www.megavideo.com/?v=1R2Y7O0V
NSFW

 

[Khornefire]

I almost missed this great column! They should've put it among one of the three main articles.

 

[Hulyen]

I'm in the same boat as the first letter writer to a degree - I've ALWAYS found it easier to hang out with guys than girls and as a result I have mostly guy friends. I do however have some very close female friends who share many of the same sensibilities and interests as me and that does help.

It's sort of strange, but my boyfriend is pretty much the same in that most of his close friends are female, but he has a couple close guy friends as well. (In fact, one of my closest female friends and one of his closest guy friends are married which is rather convenient, heh)

 

[Formica Archonis]

Can't believe I almost missed this one! These articles are really good; Dr. Mark is one of about three professional advice-givers I've seen whose advice makes good sense and doesn't make me want to tear my hair out.

http://www.pmsclan.com/

Ah! Met two of their members when they were gaming at a promotional event in the store where I work (and mopping the floor with all challengers). Can't speak for the clan as a whole, but those two young women were nice people.

 

[rsvp42]

It is unnatural, though not impossible, but very difficult, to form lasting friendship with one of the opposite sex. By definition, it must be passionless, and Eros is always ready and eager to slip in. Such a pairing of friends requires something that makes the thought of sex unthinkable, or it will be thought by one of them to the detriment of the platonic attempt. Thus, it is very natural for you to notice that lack of friends among your acquaintances and astute of to realize that you might be barking up the wrong gender.

I see what you're getting at and while I agree in some ways, I don't think opposite-gender friendships are all that difficult. There's been plenty of girls with whom I've been friends where I haven't been the least bit attracted, romantically, sexually, what have you. In addition, I've had plenty of female friends to whom I have been attracted, but for whatever reason was still able to have a healthy platonic relationship. Obviously strong sexual/romantic attraction can make platonic friendship difficult, but it's not all that hard to look beyond it if need be, and even then it's only a concern for that upper echelon (in terms looks/personality/rapport/chemistry) of female friends to whom one might attracted.

There's no guarantees of course, but it's rare that I find myself head-over-heels for someone and I'm sure I'm not alone. Usually that uncontrollable kind of attraction takes a special confluence of events and happenstance, without which I find it rather easy to relate to a woman platonically. Yes, the desire may be there, but that's to be expected, biologically speaking. Perhaps I'm just projecting my own mindset on others, but I imagine many people are similarly capable of overcoming instinctual urges if they're intellectually compelled to do so.


To Dr. Mark: great post again! I'm really enjoying these so far. I think it's these kinds of discussions that have made this my favorite gaming site over the past months. There really are a lot of overarching cultural, social, and psychological considerations with gaming and gaming culture, and it's great to read your thoughts. Keep 'em coming!

 

[kementari]

Is there a problem with being a girl and not having a ton of girl friends?

I'm in a nearly identical position to the young lady in the post, but I've never really felt that I'm missing out on all that much. It comes down to this: Would you rather have friends who share your gender, or friends who share your interests? I've always had one (or occasionally two) good female friends who share my love of gaming, and that's quite enough for me. I'd rather deal with the straightforwardness and mild social ineptness of males than deal with the complex fakeness and manipulation of what I've begun to refer to as "female nonsense".