Kane & Lynch Movie Loses Director

[Logan Westbrook]

Kane & Lynch Movie Loses Director

Filming has been delayed on the troubled production as it loses its second director.

Sources suggest that the movie based on the Kane & Lynch videogames has come to a screeching stop, as director Patrick Alessandrin, who also directed sci-fi action movie District 13: Ultimatum [http://www.amazon.com/District-13-Ultimatum-Cyril-Raffaelli/dp/B00369ERCY/ref=sr_1_1?s=gateway&ie=UTF8&qid=1285691638&sr=8-1], has quit the project.

It's suggested that the film's producers are looking at Training Day. [http://www.amazon.com/Running-Scared-Paul-Walker/dp/B000F5WR4W/ref=sr_1_1?s=gateway&ie=UTF8&qid=1285691661&sr=8-1] This isn't the first time the movie has had issues with its director, as Alessandrin was a replacement for the original director Simon Crane, until differences between him and the studio saw Crane leaving the film.

The Kane & Lynch videogame, and presumably the movie too, told the story of two death row inmates who break out of jail and team up to pull a massive bank heist. Bruce Willis and Jaime Foxx are currently attached to play the title roles, provided the movie ever gets off the ground. Filming was supposed to start next month, but it seems unlikely that it will begin before the first quarter of 2011 at the earliest.


Source: LA Times [http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/movies/2010/09/kane-lynch-bruce-willis-patrick-alessandrin-videogame-movie.html] via 1up [http://www.1up.com/news/kane-lynch-movie-stalled-director]


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[Sneaklemming]

Thank god for small favours. Hopefully this one will go to development hell.

 

[WrongSprite]

Please God, don't replace him with Uwe Boll.

 

[Traun]

Michale Bay incoming.

 

[garfoldsomeoneelse]

Screw Willis, he could easily just "Nutty Professor" this and play both roles in composite shots.
​

Jamie: So, who do I play?
Exec: You play Kane.
Jamie: Er... the white guy?
Exec: What white guy?
Jamie: They... they're both white.
Exec: So what's your point?
Jamie: ...I wouldn't necessarily describe the resemblance as... a resemblance. I mean, Willis kinda looks like beard guy, but I'm not sure why I was cast for this role. Again, I just don't see much of a resemblance.
Exec: To what?
Jamie: Christ, have you even played the game? Or looked at the box art?! Or seen an advertisement for it anywhere?!
Exec: Hahaha, what?! Fuck no! We're making an independent movie with only the names in common.
Jamie: That's... why?! Why would you do that? That's like casting Beyonce as Lara Croft.
Exec: BRAND RECOGNITION. Don't fuck with me, I went to business school for two years. Besides, any criticism towards the decision to cast you will be dismissed out-of-hand as abhorrent racism.
Jamie: Fine. But you know this is based on games that absolutely tanked, so your target demographic, gamers, are going to regard this with derision at best?
Exec: We'll get IGN to start reviewing movies, then bribe our way to a 9/10.
Jamie: So you're expecting this shit to suck. You know I won an Oscar for portraying Ray Charles, right? Remind me why I'm doing this shitty little film.
Exec: Your tax returns show you recently purchased a Maserati. A fleet of them, actually.
Jamie: Oh, right. But before we get this shit over with, how'd you get Willis?
Exec: Because his only other choice was Die Hard 5: Die Hardest, and the contract stipulates that he'd have to share the screen with the douchey Mac spokesman again.
Jamie: Truly, the world is a cruel and unjust place.
Exec: You just bought a fleet of Maserati's. Don't get preachy.
Jamie: Don't break character, you're supposed to be a strawman caricature of a studio executive.
Exec: Shit, you're right. MONEYMONEYMONEYMONEYMONEYMONEYMONEYMONEY, HOOKERS AND BLOW, HOOKERS AND BLOW!!!!

 

[008Zulu_v1legacy]

Jamie: Truly, the world is a cruel and unjust place.
Exec: You just bought a fleet of Maserati's. Don't get preachy.

lol.

Yhatzee shredded the game, maybe Movie Bob will shred the movie.

 

[Lieju]

I don't really care either way, whether this movie gets made or not.

At least it's not a good game they're spoiling. If I liked the game I'd be more concerned.

 

[Outlaw Torn]

Jamie: Truly, the world is a cruel and unjust place.
Exec: You just bought a fleet of Maserati's. Don't get preachy.

lol.

Yhatzee shredded the game, maybe Movie Bob will shred the movie.

It's not like he could get any less like Yahtzee is it? Might as well go the whole hog.

Anywho. Why exactly is a black guy cast as a white guy in a film based (loosely) on a crap game? Is it going to be set in an alternate WWII Germany where aliens are assisting the Swiss in taking peoples' gold and using it to rebuild their spaceship so they can come back and rescue their fellow aliens but two misfits break who broke out of jail and teamed up show up to stop the day wearing black suits and firing endless cringeworthy one-liners all over the place until they decide to actually plot to kill Hitler in a theatre but they are get shot in the process and have to escape to an alien moon to get some unobtaiable minerals to heal themselves but get transported into the 1960s and have to disguise themselves as a nanny to stalk some children and there are dinosaurs? Well. Is it?

 

[Catalyst6]

"Oh no".

Wait, wait, let me try that again.

"Oh, no! We've lost on of Hollywood's... movies"!

Gah, just can't get myself to care.

 

[Jesus Phish]

They'd be better off dropping the name Kane and Lynch, using the idea of "two guys breaking out of jail for one last heist" and then hiding all evidence of any connection with a shit game that was reviewed badly, even when people got payola for the first one.

More people would maybe go see it, if it wasnt a brand adaptation of a video game.

 

[Jared]

Its a sign right there...dont do it people - We dont want to see it, seriously

 

[Zhukov]

Hang on a sec... there's a Kane & Lynch movie?

Didn't both the game kinda tank? Why would they then go and base a movie on them?

 

[Gerrawn]

Why on earth would you make a film based on Kane & Lynch?

 

[Blue Musician]

I am quite happy with this news, since I hated that game...

 

[GodKlown]

Ah Kane and Lynch... sort of like Army of Two, except somehow more linear and less interesting. I suppose they could get Ice-T to give a blurb about this movie saying "It's gangsta!" on Twitter. Everybody believes Ice-T about these things.
Who am I kidding? I hope this is one turd that doesn't float.

 

[Something Amyss]

Jamie: Truly, the world is a cruel and unjust place.
Exec: You just bought a fleet of Maserati's. Don't get preachy.

lol.

Yhatzee shredded the game, maybe Movie Bob will shred the movie.

Movie Bob will probably praise it. He's been in the corner of a lot of crap.

 

[MercurySteam]

I thought that you were supposed to make movies of good games? Mass Effect, Red Faction and Bioshock are all worthy. Even the Halo movie which never quite transcended into the land of existent movies.