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[NOLAftw]

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[Drtfgf5]

Short story!?
More like the LOTR series in one thread!
That is all.

 

[NOLAftw]

Yeah, it's a bit long, but it's still technically a "short story"

 

[NOLAftw]

Sorry for the double post, but would this be more suited to the advice forum? Or is it fine in this section?

 

[CODE-D]

Your my hero for not putting this in the scary thread.

 

[NOLAftw]

Your my hero for not putting this in the scary thread.

Haha why? Was it not scary enough?

 

[NOLAftw]

Nope, just a coincidence. I've never played Half-Life so I didn't actually know who that was until I googled it just now.

I actually chose the name bc Gordo means "fat or obese" in Spanish, and the character in the story is described as fat.

 

[Loop Stricken]

Tiniest bit predictable, and there's some unnecessarily fancy wording there. And somewhere there was a word repeated very soon after itself somewhere.

But yeah, 's alright.

 

[NOLAftw]

Tiniest bit predictable, and there's some unnecessarily fancy wording there. And somewhere there was a word repeated very soon after itself somewhere.

But yeah, 's alright.

Thanks for the reply. Could you give an example of the too-fancy wording I used? Would be much appreciated.

Also, was the fact that the narrator was a shape-shifting monster that turns into the last thing he ate the predictable part? Or was it simply the fact that the narrator was the monster that was predictable? I meant for the reader to be somewhat suspicious of the narrator throughout the story, but never quite sure.

Thanks again.