This is just a little story from a session of Mount and Blade: With Fire and Sword that you all might find amusing. (There is a bit of fabrication in the form of my character interacting with people and role-playing, but not much..):
So, I decided to load up on of my old M&B saves from last year. Cornelius Ergrimash is his name. In my last time playing, he conquered a city, a castle, and two fiefs from the Polish Commonwealth. Knowing full well what this likely means, I load up and prepare myself for war, making sure my territories are well supplied with experienced soldiers and commanders. I lie in wait for an attack to come from either the Polish or the Swedish, who are my other neighbors.
....Nothing happens for three days. Baffled, I take a look at my relationships with the other nations and nobles. (In Mount and Blade: With Fire and Sword, unlike with the other games, when you conquer a city, you don't really get to found a new nation. You are labeled as the "Rebel" nation. But, I role-played myself as the kind of rebel who was distinguished, gentlemanly, and genuinely thought he could do better with the territory than the current establishment. (I'll get to that in a minute.))
According to the reports, there is only one noble who -isn't- indifferent to me. It's some Polish war lord whose name is too long to remember... We're going to call him Warlord Grump. It turns out that Warlord Grump hates me because I now own his territory. But everyone else? ...They're perfectly okay with that. The Polish Commonwealth is not at war with me, and the lowest relation score aside from Warlord Grump's is -2.
I decide to put my finances in order and set out to do some quests. Against all logic, I approach the king of the Polish Commonwealth. I introduce myself and he responds thus, "Oh yeah... I heard about you from somewhere. I don't know from where, though." In response, I casually glance out a nearby window and stare blankly at my city, which is hardly a few miles from the castle we're talking in. I turn to him and demand that he surrender or die! He stares at me and raises a brow, after which I apologize and casually ask him if he has any jobs I can handle.
The King, oddly enough, hires me to collect some taxes from one of his villages. (Isn't that like Abraham Lincoln hiring Robert E. Lee to guard Washington D.C. -during- the American Civil War?) Regardless, I set off on my task to collect the dues that these peasants dare skip out on. The king warns me that the peasants are wily and cunning like a fox, so I of course prepare for whatever silly attempts at persuasion they throw at me.
My forces and I arrive at the village.....to find it completely destroyed. The prompt for a looted town pops up on my screen announcing burned down homes and scattering souls. I stand there, stumped. I look around...there aren't any enemies or enemy towns nearby. This village just randomly burned down. No wonder they haven't payed taxes, Mr. King. I spot a survivor over by the wreckage of a building and try to ask him what's going on. "What went on here?!" I ask in exasperation. "Well, sir, we burned our village down." "You...burned down the entirety of your own village?" "Well, of course we did! It was that or pay taxes!" "Oh..yeah..."
I decide to return in a few days to check on things. I head back to my territories and discover that there's quite a bit of profit and military presence there. People are rejoicing under my rule and our borders have never been more secure. I being to seriously wonder how a rebel like myself, albeit a well-mannered, honorable rebel, is able to perform better than the Commonwealth could with the land given years of time before me.
I come back to the village, which is now rebuilt. I guess they realized how silly they were and were ready to pay up. ...Apparently not. I start collecting taxes and get jumped by an angry mob. Geez, guys, I know taxes suck and all, but this is a bit much!
I limp back to the King, who is standing next to a Swedish castle, with the tax money in hand. He beams merrily and seems to take a liking to me for my good work. I ask him if he needs anything else. He nods and points to the castle that he and his entire army are standing literally right next to. "I need a letter delivered to the general of this castle. Could you trek over there and give it to him? I'd do it myself or send one of my soldiers, but the distance is far too great and you might get there quicker than we can." "...Err..sure. I was heading there, anyway," I reply. I'm seriously beginning to wonder about King Jan's common sense at this point.
I take three steps and walk into the gate of the castle, then talk to the General stationed there. He thanks me for my services and sends me off. The king sees me leave, then seems to wait...Then orders his troops to commence attacking the fortress! I stare in awe as waves of his soldiers crash against the stone walls. I imagine the General opening his letter to the following message: "10...9...8....7....6...5...4..3...2..1.. Look out your window."
I politely ask King Jan what the hell going on. He looks at me and smiles. "Ah, there you are! I need another letter delivered!" For the next few days, I deliver letters to various people while the king endlessly sieges the castle... Then, one day, he asks me to collect debt money from a noble who borrowed from him. As I leave, I dread to imagine what horrible lengths this noble has gone to in attempt to avoid his debts..
I finally catch up to the dead beat in a town he was resting in. I casually approach him in the Lord's hall with a polite introduction, to which he replies, "FOR THE HONOR OF WARLORD GRUMP! I CHALLENGE YOU TO COMBAT TO THE DEATH!" My hand immediately goes to my rapier, expecting him to lunge at me in mindless rage and financial insanity. ...His entire tone of voice then drastically changes in the span of a microsecond. He smiles at me as if I were a friend of his and asks "So, what can I do for you?" 'Maybe he just needed to get it off of his chest', I think to myself.
"Hey, you owe King Jan a good sum of money. I'm here to collect." "Psssh. You mean that three thousand gold I owe him? I had it coming to me after all my years of good service." I quirk a brow. "No, no..he considers it a debt. You probably wanna pay it, pal. Kings usually behead deadbeats.." I knew exactly what that noble had done all those years. He had virtually no military force and spent his entire time standing around in various castles and staring at the wall or flirting with the ladies of the court. If he considers that good service, I'm a Polish patriot. I took their own land and turned it into my own version of Liechtenstein. I try to persuade him from this suicidal course of action. "Oh..really? Well..how about you pay me to pay my debt?" "...Then you would owe me money, because I don't just give out money like that." "..How about I lower the price a bit?"
We continue this exchange back and forth a few times before he finally relents. He hands over a perfect pile of 3000 gold and tells me to get lost. I can't help but notice that the repayment of debts hardly dented his wallet. Does the Commonwealth have some kind of paralyzing fear of paying debts?
I finally return to the King and give him his money. Unlike my other visits, I don't ask if he needs anything this time and let him focus on his defiant siege of the same castle he's been conscript-spamming at for the last week or so. I go to the nearest Polish town and visit the tavern to replenish troops and spread the generosity of paying for everyone's nightly drink. One of the travelers there then mentions how great my territory is doing and how the Polish Commonwealth might benefit from my leadership. I turn to him and shake my head, explaining how it would be too much hassle.. I then drink myself to sleep.
The End.
Hope you all enjoyed and feel free to share other stories in this thread.
So, I decided to load up on of my old M&B saves from last year. Cornelius Ergrimash is his name. In my last time playing, he conquered a city, a castle, and two fiefs from the Polish Commonwealth. Knowing full well what this likely means, I load up and prepare myself for war, making sure my territories are well supplied with experienced soldiers and commanders. I lie in wait for an attack to come from either the Polish or the Swedish, who are my other neighbors.
....Nothing happens for three days. Baffled, I take a look at my relationships with the other nations and nobles. (In Mount and Blade: With Fire and Sword, unlike with the other games, when you conquer a city, you don't really get to found a new nation. You are labeled as the "Rebel" nation. But, I role-played myself as the kind of rebel who was distinguished, gentlemanly, and genuinely thought he could do better with the territory than the current establishment. (I'll get to that in a minute.))
According to the reports, there is only one noble who -isn't- indifferent to me. It's some Polish war lord whose name is too long to remember... We're going to call him Warlord Grump. It turns out that Warlord Grump hates me because I now own his territory. But everyone else? ...They're perfectly okay with that. The Polish Commonwealth is not at war with me, and the lowest relation score aside from Warlord Grump's is -2.
I decide to put my finances in order and set out to do some quests. Against all logic, I approach the king of the Polish Commonwealth. I introduce myself and he responds thus, "Oh yeah... I heard about you from somewhere. I don't know from where, though." In response, I casually glance out a nearby window and stare blankly at my city, which is hardly a few miles from the castle we're talking in. I turn to him and demand that he surrender or die! He stares at me and raises a brow, after which I apologize and casually ask him if he has any jobs I can handle.
The King, oddly enough, hires me to collect some taxes from one of his villages. (Isn't that like Abraham Lincoln hiring Robert E. Lee to guard Washington D.C. -during- the American Civil War?) Regardless, I set off on my task to collect the dues that these peasants dare skip out on. The king warns me that the peasants are wily and cunning like a fox, so I of course prepare for whatever silly attempts at persuasion they throw at me.
My forces and I arrive at the village.....to find it completely destroyed. The prompt for a looted town pops up on my screen announcing burned down homes and scattering souls. I stand there, stumped. I look around...there aren't any enemies or enemy towns nearby. This village just randomly burned down. No wonder they haven't payed taxes, Mr. King. I spot a survivor over by the wreckage of a building and try to ask him what's going on. "What went on here?!" I ask in exasperation. "Well, sir, we burned our village down." "You...burned down the entirety of your own village?" "Well, of course we did! It was that or pay taxes!" "Oh..yeah..."
I decide to return in a few days to check on things. I head back to my territories and discover that there's quite a bit of profit and military presence there. People are rejoicing under my rule and our borders have never been more secure. I being to seriously wonder how a rebel like myself, albeit a well-mannered, honorable rebel, is able to perform better than the Commonwealth could with the land given years of time before me.
I come back to the village, which is now rebuilt. I guess they realized how silly they were and were ready to pay up. ...Apparently not. I start collecting taxes and get jumped by an angry mob. Geez, guys, I know taxes suck and all, but this is a bit much!
I limp back to the King, who is standing next to a Swedish castle, with the tax money in hand. He beams merrily and seems to take a liking to me for my good work. I ask him if he needs anything else. He nods and points to the castle that he and his entire army are standing literally right next to. "I need a letter delivered to the general of this castle. Could you trek over there and give it to him? I'd do it myself or send one of my soldiers, but the distance is far too great and you might get there quicker than we can." "...Err..sure. I was heading there, anyway," I reply. I'm seriously beginning to wonder about King Jan's common sense at this point.
I take three steps and walk into the gate of the castle, then talk to the General stationed there. He thanks me for my services and sends me off. The king sees me leave, then seems to wait...Then orders his troops to commence attacking the fortress! I stare in awe as waves of his soldiers crash against the stone walls. I imagine the General opening his letter to the following message: "10...9...8....7....6...5...4..3...2..1.. Look out your window."
I politely ask King Jan what the hell going on. He looks at me and smiles. "Ah, there you are! I need another letter delivered!" For the next few days, I deliver letters to various people while the king endlessly sieges the castle... Then, one day, he asks me to collect debt money from a noble who borrowed from him. As I leave, I dread to imagine what horrible lengths this noble has gone to in attempt to avoid his debts..
I finally catch up to the dead beat in a town he was resting in. I casually approach him in the Lord's hall with a polite introduction, to which he replies, "FOR THE HONOR OF WARLORD GRUMP! I CHALLENGE YOU TO COMBAT TO THE DEATH!" My hand immediately goes to my rapier, expecting him to lunge at me in mindless rage and financial insanity. ...His entire tone of voice then drastically changes in the span of a microsecond. He smiles at me as if I were a friend of his and asks "So, what can I do for you?" 'Maybe he just needed to get it off of his chest', I think to myself.
"Hey, you owe King Jan a good sum of money. I'm here to collect." "Psssh. You mean that three thousand gold I owe him? I had it coming to me after all my years of good service." I quirk a brow. "No, no..he considers it a debt. You probably wanna pay it, pal. Kings usually behead deadbeats.." I knew exactly what that noble had done all those years. He had virtually no military force and spent his entire time standing around in various castles and staring at the wall or flirting with the ladies of the court. If he considers that good service, I'm a Polish patriot. I took their own land and turned it into my own version of Liechtenstein. I try to persuade him from this suicidal course of action. "Oh..really? Well..how about you pay me to pay my debt?" "...Then you would owe me money, because I don't just give out money like that." "..How about I lower the price a bit?"
We continue this exchange back and forth a few times before he finally relents. He hands over a perfect pile of 3000 gold and tells me to get lost. I can't help but notice that the repayment of debts hardly dented his wallet. Does the Commonwealth have some kind of paralyzing fear of paying debts?
I finally return to the King and give him his money. Unlike my other visits, I don't ask if he needs anything this time and let him focus on his defiant siege of the same castle he's been conscript-spamming at for the last week or so. I go to the nearest Polish town and visit the tavern to replenish troops and spread the generosity of paying for everyone's nightly drink. One of the travelers there then mentions how great my territory is doing and how the Polish Commonwealth might benefit from my leadership. I turn to him and shake my head, explaining how it would be too much hassle.. I then drink myself to sleep.
The End.
Hope you all enjoyed and feel free to share other stories in this thread.