a cool idea for a story?

[shootthebandit]

im not usually the type of person who writes stories but i had a dream which would make a good story

the story follows a guy who lives in a damp dark one bed apartment without anyone who loves him. he is almost broke working a dead end job. he goes home smokes a pack and drinks heavily. he decides that he is going to commit suicide, so he heads down to a forest with a loaded gun. hes about to shoot when he hears a scream. he finds that a woman is being raped so he shoots the rapist and she falls in love with him and his life is turned around.

good story? or do i just have some fucked up dreams?

 

[Naheal]

I've been waiting to use this one.

Sounds emo. Give the main character some redeeming qualities or your target audience is going to lose interest.

 

[Palademon]

I say both. But fucked up just means unusual, which is good.
To me it kinda sounds like a fantasy I'd have.

But the story needs a bit more to it than that to be more interesting and less "Awww, lonely guy found love by shooting a rapist".

EDIT: Why is everyone assuming that just because a guy is sad and wants to kill himself it must be the stereotypical emo image? To me that just makes a story more reaslistic that a guy actually has feelings. I hate the idea that is a character is whiny or depressed he's a just a loser or an emo. What about the point about Neon genesis Evangelion? If you were those people, how would you feel?

 

[TriggerHappyAngel]

were you planning to focus on the emo side of the story, or the being in love side?

 

[bojac6]

I would say you have fucked up dreams. What would be the point of this story? This just doesn't sound like it would make a good read if you fleshed it out. It's a few sentences that, in my opinion, sums up the entirety of the story and the action; where do you expand it to from here?

 

[TheTaco007]

Sounds kind of corny. The whole suicide thing makes it seem like a soap opera.

 

[Naheal]

EDIT: Why is everyone assuming that just because a guy is sad and wants to kill himself it must be the stereotypical emo image? To me that just makes a story more reaslistic that a guy actually has feelings. I hate the idea that is a character is whiny or depressed he's a just a loser or an emo. What about the point about Neon genesis Evangelion? If you were those people, how would you feel?

How I as a person would feel is irrelevant in the context of a story. The problem with NGE was Shinji. Hell, even Asuka had some redeeming features, mostly lying in an actual strong personality, but Shinji had the problem of... well, pretty consistently whining about everything and being little more than a doormat. Hell, if the story had focused more on Asuka, Misato or even Rei it'd be more interesting, but Shinji didn't have the redeeming factors of even a mildly caring personality.

 

[Paksenarrion]

It sounds too emo. You need more realistic characters that are perpetually happy, muscle-bound, and continuously spouting corny sayings like, "Have a nice trip, see you next fall" after tripping the rapist over the edge of a cliff.

Also, more car chases. You want this to sell, right?

 

[shootthebandit]

were you planning to focus on the emo side of the story, or the being in love side?

to be honest, im not remotely emo and the character i had imagined wasnt an emo either he was just a normal bloke pushed to the brink and by a miracle has his life turned around. what really surprised me was that i cared about him despite not having any dialogue (i told you my dreams are strange). but after the incident there is a change of character which is emphasised by giving him speach. i would focus on both before and after equally and show progression in his character

 

[Naheal]

were you planning to focus on the emo side of the story, or the being in love side?

to be honest, im not remotely emo and the character i had imagined wasnt an emo either he was just a normal bloke pushed to the brink and by a miracle has his life turned around. what really surprised me was that i cared about him despite not having any dialogue (i told you my dreams are strange). but after the incident there is a change of character which is emphasised by giving him speach. i would focus on both before and after equally and show progression in his character

How were you planning on getting your audience attached to him initially? Even a woobie will have a reason why you want to give them a hug.

 

[shootthebandit]

I would say you have fucked up dreams. What would be the point of this story? This just doesn't sound like it would make a good read if you fleshed it out. It's a few sentences that, in my opinion, sums up the entirety of the story and the action; where do you expand it to from here?

yeah i dont really know anything about writing i just thought it was a cool concept

 

[Hauntghost20]

EMOOOO
Change it a bit to be a BIT HAPIER

 

[robotam]

Sounds all right I suppose, it's hard to tell. Once you think of more details be sure to post 'em.

ps needs more cowbell.

 

[Zyphonee]

To be perfectly honest, there is really no point of interest in the story; is there a conflict or character development? Any polysemy surrounding any characters or something to keep the story from being a stale cardboard cutout of a man who would be labeled as a lost cause finding redemption through love? It seems to me that, with some proper development, this could be the introduction to a decent story, but right now, it just falls short and is lacking.

 

[shootthebandit]

were you planning to focus on the emo side of the story, or the being in love side?

to be honest, im not remotely emo and the character i had imagined wasnt an emo either he was just a normal bloke pushed to the brink and by a miracle has his life turned around. what really surprised me was that i cared about him despite not having any dialogue (i told you my dreams are strange). but after the incident there is a change of character which is emphasised by giving him speach. i would focus on both before and after equally and show progression in his character

How were you planning on getting your audience attached to him initially? Even a woobie will have a reason why you want to give them a hug.

i didnt want an audience, i just thought it was a cool concept.

i felt sympathy for him. i didnt expect the rapist and i didnt want him to die

 

[BritishWeather]

it's been done too many times. Get Frank Miller to direct it and it'll turn out o.k

 

[Ossian]

Oh common people, as a fellow wannabe writer I say lay off the story. He just gave you the overall story outline. Add in details, subplots, supporting characters, and a middle and end to the story and he'll be well on his way.

I started my book by saying "what if people were living around the gas giants after earth dies" After that I created my characters, gave them purpose and plots. I'm a couple chapters in and every page I get a new idea about where the book is going.

Yet I'd still explain my story as "Life around the gas giants"

 

[shootthebandit]

To be perfectly honest, there is really no point of interest in the story; is there a conflict or character development? Any polysemy surrounding any characters or something to keep the story from being a stale cardboard cutout of a man who would be labeled as a lost cause finding redemption through love? It seems to me that, with some proper development, this could be the introduction to a decent story, but right now, it just falls short and is lacking.

its really hard to describe in detail but i seen it and it wasnt me who created it (conciously anyway). im not a writer nor am i creative, i was aweful at english at school. i was better at maths and physics. so i dont know much about character development and that sort of stuff

 

[bojac6]

I would say you have fucked up dreams. What would be the point of this story? This just doesn't sound like it would make a good read if you fleshed it out. It's a few sentences that, in my opinion, sums up the entirety of the story and the action; where do you expand it to from here?

yeah i dont really know anything about writing i just thought it was a cool concept

Well, I'm not trying to be a jerk about this or anything, I just don't see it right now. You'd need to flush out the guy more. And the biggest problem I see is that people who have nobody that love them generally aren't loved for a reason. They're self-involved, jerks, boring, or some other reason that prevents them from making friends. What you need to do is make it believable that nobody loves this guy in the beginning, but then how he grows as a person and becomes somebody worth loving by the end. Otherwise, this will just be a rather lifeless and whiny story about how this guy is lonely and nobody loves him, but only because nobody gives him a chance. That always falls flat.

Also, you have to somehow avoid the creepy factor. Saving a woman from a rapist causes psychological trauma. Unless you portray it right, it just seems like it would come across as defeating loneliness through what essentially amounts to brainwashing.

I'm not saying you shouldn't write it, just trying to steer you. Writing is hard. Writing something half-way decent is damn near impossible. Best way to learn is to try.

 

[MikeOfThunder]

Sounds like an interesting tale. Granted a very very rough summary of events but i like it. Would be a dark love story is take it?