A hard choice.

[Blights]

Okay, so one of my best friends has started going out with a girl, normally I'd be happy for him, but I like her too, which sucks for me.

I've only really gotten to know her over the past week, but she's amazing and I do really like her. But see, my friend isn't so good with a relationship. Us and some friends went out on a saturday, they got drunk and ended up having each others tongues down each others mouths in the bathroom, right, he knows how to do... that. But his last relationships ended up with him and the girlfriend only really talking on those kinds on nights, half conscious and unaware of everything.

He's going to fuck it up, and I'm not being mean, he is, badly. But there are two things I can do.

1) Wait, I can let it play out and let it blow over, they'll break up, I know it.

2) Talk to both of them, and get him to do something more than just on those saturday nights.

What should I do?

Also: I know this is a gaming forum, and that you people probably don't want to give out or listen to relationship advice, but I feel safe on this site and knowing there a people like me on this site comforts me.

EDIT: Can a mod move this to the Advice Forum? Cheers in advance.

Edit: This has been moved from Off-Topic. -Mod

 

[Gxas]

I'm in a similar situation, except she knows that I like her and has told me that she really likes me. My friend, however, is only really in it for the sex and she doesn't want that anymore.

Currently, I'm hanging out with her a lot and just waiting for their thing (whatever it is) to end. Be a friend to her and perhaps she'll see that she could have what she really wants (you/a stable relationship) over what she has (him/sex buddy).

Or perhaps I'm misunderstanding your situation?

 

[Ace of Spades]

Your first option worries me slightly. "They'll break up eventually" is not a healthy attitude to have in this situation, but nevertheless, I would recommend letting the situation unfold.

 

[Blights]

Well other than my disappointment in you for doubting your friend so severely (I don't know the guy so you might be right), let it play out.

His last relationship ended because he said he was "Too Pimp"

The guy's hilarious but can be a real douche sometimes.

 

[wkim564]

This probably isn't really perfectly applicable but, "Bros before Hos". I'd just help them get through the relationship regardless of my feelings, and if it still doesn't work out at least you know you tried to be helpful.

 

[Trivun]

I'm going to sound like a dick for this, but if you yourself want to be happy then it's the best advice I can give you. First, ignore ANYONE who spouts out about the 'Bro-code'. That 'code' does not exist, it is meaningless and complete bullshit. Really, you just need to use common sense, not subscribe to some idiotic idea that you have to be 100% loyal and faithful to a made-up set of rules that don't really matter to anyone.

Anyway, if you like this girl, then don't do anything at all to break up her and your friend. Code or not, doing that would be a really shitty move on your part. But be there for them both as a friend, and especially be there for the girl AS A FRIEND, nothing more. If they don't break up then they're meant to be together and you'll just have to move on. If they do break up, then you're already there as a friend and you can be her shoulder to cry on, while still supporting your friend through it too. Then you can subtly make a move on her, when she's single, and it'll be much more natural, as well as giving you the moral high ground if your friend starts complaining that you've started a relationship with his, at this point, ex.

The reason I say this is because really, you should be looking out for Number One. That's how people become happy, by doing the stuff that makes them happy instead of pandering to everyone else all the time. But there is a line you need to keep on the good side of, and not make any shitty moves like breaking up relationships and stuff, because if you do that then you're just being a dick. Stick to the plan I outlined above, and everyone will be happy, especially you, and you can achieve that without making a dick move in any way.

 

[Blights]

I'm in a similar situation, except she knows that I like her and has told me that she really likes me. My friend, however, is only really in it for the sex and she doesn't want that anymore.

Currently, I'm hanging out with her a lot and just waiting for their thing (whatever it is) to end. Be a friend to her and perhaps she'll see that she could have what she really wants (you/a stable relationship) over what she has (him/sex buddy).

Or perhaps I'm misunderstanding your situation?

About the same, except I really don't know how strong his feelings are for her, he hasn't really let on too much.

 

[Trivun]

This probably isn't really perfectly applicable but, "Bros before Hos". I'd just help them get through the relationship regardless of my feelings, and if it still doesn't work out at least you know you tried to be helpful.

See my last post. 'Broes before hoes' is the stupidest rule I have ever heard before, and I tend as a rule to not take seriously anyone who gives that out as advice in any situation. You shouldn't make a dick move at any point, but neither should you always pander to a stupid rule no-one cares about. Look out for Number One. That's my rule.

 

[Best of the 3]

We have an advice forum. This is a gaming website but it is diverse. Just a little tidbit of info incase something you need help with happens again.

As for actualy advice I don't have much to give. Sorry. Tivium covered pretty much all of it.

 

[Justank]

First, ignore ANYONE who spouts out about the 'Bro-code'. That 'code' does not exist, it is meaningless and complete bullshit. Really, you just need to use common sense, not subscribe to some idiotic idea that you have to be 100% loyal and faithful to a made-up set of rules that don't really matter to anyone.

I disagree wholeheartedly with that statement, the few men I refer to as my brothers are entirely honor-bound men like myself who have proven time and again that we have each others backs in any situation, including when it comes to women. If you have fine gentlemen friends who are worthy of such brotherhood, it is very real and very worthwhile.

OT: If he considers himself 'too pimp', he's not going to want the relationship to last anyway so just let it blow over.

 

[Icarion (aka Stockholm)]

what the Beast of 3 said. There is an advice forum. But seriously let it play out. And be prepared to play the role of comforter towards both of them after the breakup. Don't be a dick about it, wait a few weeks (after the breakup) before asking her out. That's my advice

 

[Sajuuk-khar]

Well if he is your friend you should pick 2. Not that I'm saying you should always involve yourself with your friends relationships, but picking 1 and then also try yourself to go out with his then ex-gf would be a rather evil move.

 

[ComicsAreWeird]

There´s nothing useful I can add. Maybe...Have a bit more faith in your friend. He might actually not screw this up. Don´t interfere,unless one of them asks you to do so. It´s their relationship, not yours. If they break up, it´s because it was not meant to be.

My 2 cents

 

[Blights]

Okay, so one of my best friends has started going out with a girl, normally I'd be happy for him, but I like her too, which sucks for me.

I've only really gotten to know her over the past week, but she's amazing and I do really like her. But see, my friend isn't so good with a relationship. Us and some friends went out on a saturday, they got drunk and ended up having each others tongues down each others mouths in the bathroom, right, he knows how to do... that. But his last relationships ended up with him and the girlfriend only really talking on those kinds on nights, half conscious and unaware of everything.

He's going to fuck it up, and I'm not being mean, he is, badly. But there are two things I can do.

1) Wait, I can let it play out and let it blow over, they'll break up, I know it.

2) Talk to both of them, and get him to do something more than just on those saturday nights.

What should I do?

Also: I know this is a gaming forum, and that you people probably don't want to give out or listen to relationship advice, but I feel safe on this site and knowing there a people like me on this site comforts me.

Just another "I go out an drink, But I am still a better guy than him" claim.
What makes you so much better if I may be so bold and criticizing?

I never said I, myself was better than him, he's a good guy, but he's one of my best friends, I know him too well and I have, seen him devastate relationships. I could be about as hopeless. He almost had sex with about 3 other girls when going out with someone he was trying to get to like him for months.

 

[wulfy42]

I think it depends on what your looking for.


If you just want to hook up with her then does it really matter that much? If thats what he's looking for as well then it will end eventually and you'll have a shot. Just have fun around him/her and let her know you think she's hot (not telling her but tell him, perhaps where she can hear heh...as in "Dude your lucky" kinda letting him know...while she can hear but doesn't realize you know it).

If you want a long term relationship with her then it's actually gold that she's going out with your friend as she can get to know you better without as much sexual tension etc first. Makes it more likely that if you do get together you'll know each other well enough to stick around awhile.

Main problem will be not having him get upset especially if you do more then have a fling with her and he really liked her. Best bet is to talk about this stuff BEFORE it comes up. Forget the whole bro code thing, it's stupid. Set up ground rules with your best friends about dating in a logical way before hand. He'll probably still be upset but at least it will all be out in the open and you can talk about etc....and he'll be expecting it.

No cheating with friends GF's while they are still together for instance is an important rule.
No trying to break them up etc.

But if they break up and it doesn't seem like they are going to get back together (talk to him first) you should be free to see if she's into you.

Easiest thing to do is put her on a back burner as someone you like and think is hot. You enjoy her company obviously and sexual tension is never a bad thing even when it can't be acted on. Just enjoy her as a friend for now and if the opportunity comes up later to make it more then a friendship worry about it then.

Till then at least you know what you like, go try and find someone similar. Perhaps she has friends that are like her etc. I know we always used to try and hook each other up with our GF's friends etc so we could all hang together easily. There was a huge group of us that used to hang out in our 20's so it was pretty much a constant stream of hooking each other up with our GF's friends lol.

Worked out well

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

*whistles casually*

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/index/538-Advice-Forum

Moving on.

I would do option two: Show you care for the girl by helping her.

 

[Blights]

*whistles casually*

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/index/538-Advice-Forum

Moving on.

I would do option two: Show you care for the girl by helping her.

Was... was that always there? I haven't been on this site for a while, apologies.

 

[Jedoro]

Wait it out. Last thing you want is bad blood between you and your friend.

It sucks and generally isn't worth it.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

*whistles casually*

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/index/538-Advice-Forum

Moving on.

I would do option two: Show you care for the girl by helping her.

Was... was that always there? I haven't been on this site for a while, apologies.

It's... sort of recent.

It has been here for nearly a month, give or take, it's to a point I've gotten used to it but I still remember the forums without it.

Here, contact Aylaine [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/profiles/view/Aylaine], the most active moderator in the Advice Forums, and ask her to move your thread to the Advice Forums.

 

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

You should probably just mind your own business.

I took the liberty of checking your profile. At 14 you don't need for your relationships to match adult relationships. Leave your friend to do his thing, if it doesn't go well...so be it.

Also, you've known her a week and she's already on a pedestal?