A knock at the door

[mjcabooseblu]

Personally I would grab my trusty knife

Then mag-lite in one hand, sword in the other.
Shine the light in their eyes and deck 'em if they look hostile.
Keep them pinned until the cops show, then back to bed.

I have every right to put a 12 gauge to their temple. Shoot first, call the cops later, though they need to make the first move.

I answer the door with a knife sometimes even when I'm expecting someone. In this case I would tell them to identify themselves before threatening calling the police.

I always have a knife at my side, so I'd do my usual peep-hole view then open the door with my hand ready to draw.

What I did last time something like this happened, grab one of my swrods/batons and yell in a unsteadily elevating psychotic sounding tone "I'm GOING TO ENJOY THIS!" and start heavily stagger stepping to the door... If the person is a friend of mine, they shout their identity, if they're not my friend they have a chance to run.

In the middle of the night, it's either a friend or a foe, there are very few jehova's witnesses, or door to door salesmen stupid enough to bother me at night.

Fact is, most people who are just there to try a B&E job, don't like large, angry, armed people very much, and tend to avoid them, there are plenty of defenseless elderly people around, and they all have more valuable stuff than me... If it's an assasin sent to kill me, a confrontation is inevitable, in that case, I will have no choice other than disposing of the assailant(of dying in the attempt) and then fleeing the country to hide somewhere under an assumed Identity to stay alive anyway.

(You are not nearly as important as you think you are, man.)

Firstly, wander why, if they are trying to break into my house, they havent smashed in the front windows that are like, 3 feet from the front door.

After that thought, head down to the basement of my house, grab my 870, load it with bird shot, and wait for them to make the next move.

"A Knock At The Door;" A thrilling tale of Escapist forum members accidentally killing a slew of injured, lost, or frightened people, plus maybe one burglar.

Seriously, though, you guys are aware that you sound like psychopaths, right?

 

[grey_space]

Answer the door. However, I am a big angry man. Chances are they (eventually) will be more scared of me than I would be of them.

And if they woke me up, they had better not be looking for my neighbour.

 

[COMaestro]

After saying "Who is it?" and them not saying anything, I'll head over to the door, open it up, and likely just a I've expected, it'll be a big fat hermaphrodite with a flock-of-seagulls hair cut and only one nostril.

Man, I hate it when you're right

OT: Since I live in an apartment, loud knocking at 2 AM would definitely not go unnoticed. I would probably switch on the outside light while NOT standing in front of the door, in the off chance someone plans to try to shoot through it. After a few seconds of no gunfire, I'd glance through the peephole, and if it was no one I recognized, I'd call out and ask the situation. Meanwhile, my wife would probably be on the phone with the police.

Our entryway is very narrow, so it would be hard to swing anything in there, but I would probably grab a knife or hammer to have on hand, just in case.

 

[kommando367]

Look out window. If I recognize them, let them in. If I don't, don't let them in.

 

[Easton Dark]

There was a rapping at my chamber door?


I'd yell at who ever was tapping, rapping, at my chamber door.

Because they're being fucking rude.

 

[DoomyMcDoom]

*snip*

(You are not nearly as important as you think you are, man.)

"A Knock At The Door;" A thrilling tale of Escapist forum members accidentally killing a slew of injured, lost, or frightened people, plus maybe one burglar.

Seriously, though, you guys are aware that you sound like psychopaths, right?

First off, you seem to be unaware of the idea of absurdity for the sake of humour.

Secondly, I AM a deranged psychopath, who's killed hundreds nay thousands of people, how did you know? *BIG LETTERS SO YOU CAN SEE IT* THIS IS A JOKE *SERIOUSLY*

I fail to see how you can have an internet connection, and be part of a forum, and not see this shit coming a mile off, the posts you quoted, are either made in some form of twisted jest, or made by people who, under the safetynet of anonymity, think that their innate fear shown through a lense of paranoia makes them seem tough or something.

 

[Tuesday Night Fever]

Where I live, If there's someone knocking on my door at that time, it's not going to be anything good. None of the people I know would do that without calling first.. So that leaves people I don't know, and frankly, I have zero trust or faith in people I don't know until they give me reason for it.

So that brings me to my response. First order of business is to prepare for the worst-case scenario. While we keep our firearms locked up in a gun safe that would take too long to access in an emergency, we keep a Remington M870 pump action and a box of shells hidden away for home defense emergencies. Since this would qualify in the worst-case scenario as a potential emergency, getting that and loading it is the first order of business. The next is to try and identify who is at the door. If I can't see anyone from the windows, I'd move to take up a defensive shooting position by the door, take aim, and ask the person to identify themselves. If what the person responds with sounds sketchy to me in any way whatsoever, I call the police (I live fairly close to the town's police station, so I can expect a response time of around 2 to 5 minutes since they're usually bored and have nothing better to do). After calling, I inform the person on the other side of the door that I've called the police and that they'll be there soon.

If the person is in legitimate trouble, the police will be there soon to help them. If the person is playing some kind of prank, they'll freak out and leave. If the person has bad intentions but isn't particularly determined to carry them out, they'll freak out and leave. If the person has bad intentions and is determined to carry them out, they'll be opening my door to a chest full of buckshot.

Perhaps my response would be considered by many to be an overreaction. They're entitled to that opinion. But we've been seeing home invasions on the rise in this region, and I'm going to defend the people I care about, myself, and my property to the best of my abilities with whatever means available to me.

 

[Voidrunner]

Presumably If I heard someone knocking at the door I'd ask "Who's There?" They'd tell me a seemingly nonsensical name to which I would demand "____ Who?" and then they would respond with some witty pun and I'd force a laugh and go back to bed.

 

[Hagi]

Erm...

Open the door?

Whilst I was living in South Africa I could understand the paranoia for strangers at unusual times. Here in the Netherlands however I, as a two meter tall poor male, have little to nothing to fear.

I do find it a bit weird to see so many so scared, is it really that bad wherever you guys are from?

 

[Kyr Knightbane]

Its happened to me before, Secure second deadbolt, tell whoever is banging that they have the wrong address and re-secure my trusty ninjato by my computer desk.

Yes its really there.

Yes its really sharp.

No, i wont hesitate if you break in.

Other than that, i'll call 911 and simply wait til they either go away or i hear tazers clicking behind my door

 

[Yopaz]

My building is like fort Knox. Seriously. You need a card key to open a door to the entrance, then card to open the door to the stairs, then a card to open the door to my hall, then a key to open two doors in order to get into my apartment.

If someone knocks on the door it's someone who lives here or works in the building so I will open the door to see what's going on.

 

[mjcabooseblu]

*snip*

(You are not nearly as important as you think you are, man.)

"A Knock At The Door;" A thrilling tale of Escapist forum members accidentally killing a slew of injured, lost, or frightened people, plus maybe one burglar.

Seriously, though, you guys are aware that you sound like psychopaths, right?

First off, you seem to be unaware of the idea of absurdity for the sake of humour.

Secondly, I AM a deranged psychopath, who's killed hundreds nay thousands of people, how did you know? *BIG LETTERS SO YOU CAN SEE IT* THIS IS A JOKE *SERIOUSLY*

I fail to see how you can have an internet connection, and be part of a forum, and not see this shit coming a mile off, the posts you quoted, are either made in some form of twisted jest, or made by people who, under the safetynet of anonymity, think that their innate fear shown through a lense of paranoia makes them seem tough or something.

Absurdity for the sake of humour isn't what's happening here. You can totally be funny by implying you're paranoid and psychotic. Though I don't know why I was expecting wit from from this forum...Really, though, just because I'm not amused by you doesn't mean I don't have a sense of humour or understanding of ways it can be employed. Absurdity for the sake of humour depends heavily on a careful distance the joke is removed from the reality of the situation, while still carrying a pretense of sincerity. It hinges on how dedicated you are to the ruse while still being able to make known, subtly or not, that it IS a ruse; after all, answering late-night door-knocking with a gun is a thing people actually DO, and just saying you do it isn't inherently funny--nor is detailing the ways you would ambush your visitor. The point is, regardless of whether or not the intent was to be humorous, the execution failed. It's not funny, just somewhat uncomfortable to read.

TL;DR maybe you just aren't funny.

 

[Tuesday Night Fever]

I do find it a bit weird to see so many so scared, is it really that bad wherever you guys are from?

Speaking honestly? No.

Home invasions in my area are on the rise, but they're far from common place. That's not the reason for my response being as it is.

The reason is that I don't want those I care about or myself to be a victim. It's very easy to assume that because the chances of it happening are low it'll never happen to you... but real life doesn't work that way. I'm sure the people out there who are victims never wanted or expected to be victims, they just weren't careful and didn't take precautions.

Yes, I understand that this outlook on life can perhaps be seen as paranoia. So be it. The way I see it though, when it's easy enough to reduce risk at no tangible cost to anybody, it's negligent not to.

 

[Alcamonic]

It's probably just a drunk schmuck. I'll get up on the roof are proceed to urinate on him, he will leave after a while.

 

[DoomyMcDoom]

*snip*

(You are not nearly as important as you think you are, man.)

"A Knock At The Door;" A thrilling tale of Escapist forum members accidentally killing a slew of injured, lost, or frightened people, plus maybe one burglar.

Seriously, though, you guys are aware that you sound like psychopaths, right?

First off, you seem to be unaware of the idea of absurdity for the sake of humour.

Secondly, I AM a deranged psychopath, who's killed hundreds nay thousands of people, how did you know? *BIG LETTERS SO YOU CAN SEE IT* THIS IS A JOKE *SERIOUSLY*

I fail to see how you can have an internet connection, and be part of a forum, and not see this shit coming a mile off, the posts you quoted, are either made in some form of twisted jest, or made by people who, under the safetynet of anonymity, think that their innate fear shown through a lense of paranoia makes them seem tough or something.

Absurdity for the sake of humour isn't what's happening here. You can totally be funny by implying you're paranoid and psychotic. Though I don't know why I was expecting wit from from this forum...Really, though, just because I'm not amused by you doesn't mean I don't have a sense of humour or understanding of ways it can be employed. Absurdity for the sake of humour depends heavily on a careful distance the joke is removed from the reality of the situation, while still carrying a pretense of sincerity. It hinges on how dedicated you are to the ruse while still being able to make known, subtly or not, that it IS a ruse; after all, answering late-night door-knocking with a gun is a thing people actually DO, and just saying you do it isn't inherently funny--nor is detailing the ways you would ambush your visitor. The point is, regardless of whether or not the intent was to be humorous, the execution failed. It's not funny, just somewhat uncomfortable to read.

TL;DR maybe you just aren't funny.

Nice retort, I guess.

I mean I have answered the door holding a katana before, but I was in the middle of demonstrating something to someone when a jehova's witness rang the bell... The look on his face was priceless... But that's a different situation it was around noontime.

Also did I ever say I would answer the door with a gun, or ambush someone? Nope, I would probably have a sword or cudgel of some sort at hand and check through the peep hole, as you never know when the pounding might turn into kicking the damn thing open and innitiating violence, never can be too careful.

The assasin bit was the joke, do you get it now?
I'm a nobody, I work at a gas station I own little/nothing of actual value, and nobody gives enough of a shit about me to want me dead. I am lucky to have friends who try to keep my ass alive when bad stuff happens, but that doesn't make me an assasination target, I would have to be a total idiot to think I was, and that was the joke of it.

Do you get it now? Or are you still taking me wayyyyyyy too seriously?

Also, this is the internet, if I didn't think you needed to chill a bit, I wouldn't even bother replying.

As it stands, most of what people say about themselves on here is a lie, so don't overreact to things, just read it and move on.

 

[username sucks]

I would punch myself in the face and jump out the window, because that is exactly how my recurring nightmare starts. If that didn't work, I would go answer the door, but with a weapon nearby.

 

[The_Waspman]

inb4;

I'd just ignore the knocking, and wait for Slenderman to get whoever it is.

 

[mjcabooseblu]

*snip*

(You are not nearly as important as you think you are, man.)

"A Knock At The Door;" A thrilling tale of Escapist forum members accidentally killing a slew of injured, lost, or frightened people, plus maybe one burglar.

Seriously, though, you guys are aware that you sound like psychopaths, right?

First off, you seem to be unaware of the idea of absurdity for the sake of humour.

Secondly, I AM a deranged psychopath, who's killed hundreds nay thousands of people, how did you know? *BIG LETTERS SO YOU CAN SEE IT* THIS IS A JOKE *SERIOUSLY*

I fail to see how you can have an internet connection, and be part of a forum, and not see this shit coming a mile off, the posts you quoted, are either made in some form of twisted jest, or made by people who, under the safetynet of anonymity, think that their innate fear shown through a lense of paranoia makes them seem tough or something.

Absurdity for the sake of humour isn't what's happening here. You can totally be funny by implying you're paranoid and psychotic. Though I don't know why I was expecting wit from from this forum...Really, though, just because I'm not amused by you doesn't mean I don't have a sense of humour or understanding of ways it can be employed. Absurdity for the sake of humour depends heavily on a careful distance the joke is removed from the reality of the situation, while still carrying a pretense of sincerity. It hinges on how dedicated you are to the ruse while still being able to make known, subtly or not, that it IS a ruse; after all, answering late-night door-knocking with a gun is a thing people actually DO, and just saying you do it isn't inherently funny--nor is detailing the ways you would ambush your visitor. The point is, regardless of whether or not the intent was to be humorous, the execution failed. It's not funny, just somewhat uncomfortable to read.

TL;DR maybe you just aren't funny.

Nice retort, I guess.

I mean I have answered the door holding a katana before, but I was in the middle of demonstrating something to someone when a jehova's witness rang the bell... The look on his face was priceless... But that's a different situation it was around noontime.

Also did I ever say I would answer the door with a gun, or ambush someone? Nope, I would probably have a sword or cudgel of some sort at hand and check through the peep hole, as you never know when the pounding might turn into kicking the damn thing open and innitiating violence, never can be too careful.

The assasin bit was the joke, do you get it now?
I'm a nobody, I work at a gas station I own little/nothing of actual value, and nobody gives enough of a shit about me to want me dead. I am lucky to have friends who try to keep my ass alive when bad stuff happens, but that doesn't make me an assasination target, I would have to be a total idiot to think I was, and that was the joke of it.

Do you get it now? Or are you still taking me wayyyyyyy too seriously?

Also, this is the internet, if I didn't think you needed to chill a bit, I wouldn't even bother replying.

As it stands, most of what people say about themselves on here is a lie, so don't overreact to things, just read it and move on.

As far as I know, yours wasn't the only post I quoted. Don't overreact to things, just read it and move on.

Though you do present an attitude I've been meaning to address that seems to come up constantly on the internet...Apparently, if someone disagrees with you they must be straight up flipping out, and if they'd just calm down they'd see how right you are. Maybe I just think you're wrong.

 

[SirPlindington]

I can see the door from my window, so I look down. If it's a large scary man obviously concealing something beneath his trenchcoat, I grab my trusty .44 caliber, fully loaded, semi-automatic cell phone and call the police. If it's a bunch of enterprising girl scouts getting a jump on the competition, I'll buy some Thin Mints and go back to the bed.

 

[DoomyMcDoom]

*snip*

*snip*

*snip*

*snip*

Nice retort, I guess.

I mean I have answered the door holding a katana before, but I was in the middle of demonstrating something to someone when a jehova's witness rang the bell... The look on his face was priceless... But that's a different situation it was around noontime.

Also did I ever say I would answer the door with a gun, or ambush someone? Nope, I would probably have a sword or cudgel of some sort at hand and check through the peep hole, as you never know when the pounding might turn into kicking the damn thing open and innitiating violence, never can be too careful.

The assasin bit was the joke, do you get it now?
I'm a nobody, I work at a gas station I own little/nothing of actual value, and nobody gives enough of a shit about me to want me dead. I am lucky to have friends who try to keep my ass alive when bad stuff happens, but that doesn't make me an assasination target, I would have to be a total idiot to think I was, and that was the joke of it.

Do you get it now? Or are you still taking me wayyyyyyy too seriously?

Also, this is the internet, if I didn't think you needed to chill a bit, I wouldn't even bother replying.

As it stands, most of what people say about themselves on here is a lie, so don't overreact to things, just read it and move on.

As far as I know, yours wasn't the only post I quoted. Don't overreact to things, just read it and move on.

Though you do present an attitude I've been meaning to address that seems to come up constantly on the internet...Apparently, if someone disagrees with you they must be straight up flipping out, and if they'd just calm down they'd see how right you are. Maybe I just think you're wrong.

Actually if you had just "disagreed" with me I would have either not bothered to respond, or I would have just said "I was joking" and left it at that.

Also though I wasn't the only person you quoted, I WAS the only person who you quoted and added bold text tag to exemplify where I'm apparently being some kind of idiot, which was brought into a personal context by saying

(You are not nearly as important as you think you are, man.)

which hints at an apparent intent of personal attack, I felt the need to clarify that I was joking, because I prefer for people to understand what I say, rather than just straight up assume that I'm some sort of half retarded, paranoid, narcissistic freak.
When all you have are words, no inflections, or tones, or body language, the use of directed terminology, as is evident here

"You are not nearly as important as you think you are, man."

or

"maybe you just aren't funny."

could possibly lead a person to believe there was some form of intended offense.

I apologize if I mislead you, or failed to appease your personal sense of humour.

However, I appeal to your ability to percieve that you may have, at least seemed to have overreacted by using vocabulary in your quotation, that might lead a person to believe that you meant personal offense.