A question about alcohol-consumption habits.

[Blunderman]

Now that you brought it up, this is probably the root of my issue with the whole damn thing. I feel reduced as a human being when parties with strangers while under the influence comes before spending time with me.
I guess that's something I should work on improving with myself. My self esteem is pretty much nonexistent, these days.

I don't know about meeting new friends. Maybe when I go to school once more, but until then, I'm pretty much disconnected from the rest of the world.
What a pain.

Thanks for your input.

I'm not sure I believe in self-esteem. It's not my duty to convince people to like me, they'll decide that all on their own. If I'm behaving without any restraint and make a friend, then I know that there won't be the said kind of compromises in that relationship. There's no measure of what you do or don't deserve, or what you are or aren't good enough to have.

It's just their choice. No matter how you word this you still are looking down at them for their choice.

If someone is of the opinion that drinking is a bad habit then that's their right, it doesn't mean they look upon drinkers as lesser beings. Your penchant for drinking seems to make you feel a need to defend yourself, but that's ok.

If they enjoy it who are you to want them to stop? If you're a friend and want to spend time with them. Make compromises. They'll more than likely make compromises for you too.

If not. Then they're not friends.

I do loads of stuff with my mates that I don't particularly love doing. They do the same for us.

And if you tried one of their nights out you might even enjoy it. Getting drunk and having a laugh with your friends is one of my favourite pass times. Infact I was out about 5 hours ago. The only reason I'm sober enough to be typing this now is because I didn't have the money on me to stay out for longer.

Though I'd be firmly against advising someone to start an unhealthy habit (one can have just as much fun sober as drunk, inebriation isn't a pre-requisite for anything but hangovers) if it means a lot to person to show solidarity among friends, then it might be something worth considering. Keeping in mind that everyone has their own requirements on friendship. Some people are willing to overlook lots of things where as others need friends that are almost entirely the same. Both are perfectly fine but one shouldn't feel a need to change persuasion. Not only is it hard but for equal or lesser effort one can find new friends where you needn't compromise so much.

Speaking as someone who developed in an entirely different direction than everyone else, I can well relate to the sensation of wishing people were more like you but it's counter-productive and no one should disabuse anyone else of their right to their own life. You can't be friends with everyone.

 

[2fish]

Never saw the coolness factor in it. Then you get to legal age and are so happy you can drink. Then it gets boring, really boring. I drink very rarely as booze=money that I don't have.

Also too much booze can kill me before I know I had too much, gotta love medical stuff.

 

[burningdragoon]

does "it depends" help at all? Cuz it depends.

I don't drink either. During school most of my friends drank, but didn't have to go and party at every possible moment. Quite a lot of people did though. Hopefully you'll meet some people who don't need to party all the time.

The dying down once you reach the legal age is mostly true, but not always. It depends. >.>


edit: another thought: at this stage, it is still very possible that you start drinking yourself eventually. Most of my main group of friends didn't drink for the first couple of months freshman year. Then on night that was not the case any longer. I know a few people who don't drink, but I don't think I've met anyone from school who hasn't.

 

[Kwaren]

I drink a glass of Captain Morgan if I have had a really stressful day. Other than that I don't drink.

 

[Grayjack]

About 80% of my school consumes alcohol on a regular basis. I'm part of the other 20%. The only alcohol I've ever had is church wine and a sip from my parents drinks. I think it tastes disgusting.

 

[knhirt]

I'm not sure I believe in self-esteem. It's not my duty to convince people to like me, they'll decide that all on their own. If I'm behaving without any restraint and make a friend, then I know that there won't be the said kind of compromises in that relationship. There's no measure of what you do or don't deserve, or what you are or aren't good enough to have.

My interpretation of self-esteem is: My own opinion on my worth as a human being. I'm not very healthy in that regard.

Though I'd be firmly against advising someone to start an unhealthy habit (one can have just as much fun sober as drunk, inebriation isn't a pre-requisite for anything but hangovers) if it means a lot to person to show solidarity among friends, then it might be something worth considering. Keeping in mind that everyone has their own requirements on friendship. Some people are willing to overlook lots of things where as others need friends that are almost entirely the same. Both are perfectly fine but one shouldn't feel a need to change persuasion. Not only is it hard but for equal or lesser effort one can find new friends where you needn't compromise so much.

Speaking as someone who developed in an entirely different direction than everyone else, I can well relate to the sensation of wishing people were more like you but it's counter-productive and no one should disabuse anyone else of their right to their own life. You can't be friends with everyone.

I get along with my friends very well, but they don't have time during the weekends. That's my main problem. I've gone to parties, even attempted some light drinking (the taste kept me away). I have no problem with spending some time with my friends when they're doing their weekend thing, but it's something that I'm really just not socially a part of. One of my friends, for example, goes to a school that I've never been to. His get-togethers either have something to do with his band or his school, something that I'm just not a part of.
The problem is: Aside from their drinking and partying, these few individuals are astoundingly similar to me in a lot of ways and spending time with them is immensely enjoyable. I can't keep up a conversation with more than about four people in this world at the moment.

I can't be friends with everybody, I've known this since I was a child. In fact, I only have about four people that I can really call my friends.
I don't spend much time with them, but when I do I have the time of my life.
Long evenings with nothing but a computer screen for company when the people I love are all doing other things (mostly due to alcohol-parties) make me immensely depressed.


--


Jeez, what a pathetic rant. I'm sorry.

 

[ethaninja]

Yeah apparently it's "cool" to underage drink. Right up there along with smoking and acting like a tool. I'm assuming these guys were underage.

I don't understand why people have to get, as they say, "smashed", "maggoted?", "shit-faced", etc to enjoy a social event.

 

[knhirt]

edit: another thought: at this stage, it is still very possible that you start drinking yourself eventually. Most of my main group of friends didn't drink for the first couple of months freshman year. Then on night that was not the case any longer. I know a few people who don't drink, but I don't think I've met anyone from school who hasn't.

I really don't think so. I've just got such a bad feeling about the whole thing. There's nothing I would gain from drinking alcohol, except possibly the ability to tolerate the intoxication around me.
I'd lose more than I'd gain, though. Not a very attractive prospect.


Edit: I think it's time for me to go to sleep. I've got all the replies I was looking for, my thanks to all those who gave their input.

 

[burningdragoon]

edit: another thought: at this stage, it is still very possible that you start drinking yourself eventually. Most of my main group of friends didn't drink for the first couple of months freshman year. Then on night that was not the case any longer. I know a few people who don't drink, but I don't think I've met anyone from school who hasn't.

I really don't think so. I've just got such a bad feeling about the whole thing. There's nothing I would gain from drinking alcohol, except possibly the ability to tolerate the intoxication around me.
I'd lose more than I'd gain, though. Not a very attractive prospect.

I can understand that. There was a small window where I considered drinking myself and then xyz and now I can't see myself ever partaking. Those xyzs can have big effects on people.

 

[koops]

You know why your friends do it? Because it's just plain fun. I'm in the opposite situation, in my group of friends, there is this one guy always ragging on us because whenever we get together, all we do is drink. I realize it's a novelty because we are underage but seriously, getting drunk is fun. That's it. And I hope they don't let you ruin their fun.

 

[Blunderman]

My interpretation of self-esteem is: My own opinion on my worth as a human being. I'm not very healthy in that regard.

It's interesting to me that society continuously perpetuates the suggestion that a person needs to question the fact that they're no more or less worth than anyone else, particularly since that's what we're always told by every adult we ever met, ever. Maybe that's why it doesn't work. Somewhere down the line it became an empty platitude because of the youth culture's ever-ongoing popularity contest, which may in fact be the very cause of the problem itself. As long as the young people of the present get to inbreed mentally amongst themselves, this will never change. Those who mature and grow out of it are replaced by the fresh younger generations who've grown up into the very same self-perpetuating stereotype.

Generalisations aside, being logically aware of your own equal worth is a good step, though emotions are admittedly more recalcitrant. Self-esteem is one of those quintessential issues of the present and even though I've gotten out of it a long time ago the only thing I can share is that there's no miracle cure. Except that it's something one has to do alone, building it on what'll always be there, since other people can always come and go.

I get along with my friends very well, but they don't have time during the weekends. That's my main problem. I've gone to parties, even attempted some light drinking (the taste kept me away). I have no problem with spending some time with my friends when they're doing their weekend thing, but it's something that I'm really just not socially a part of. One of my friends, for example, goes to a school that I've never been to. His get-togethers either have something to do with his band or his school, something that I'm just not a part of.
The problem is: Aside from their drinking and partying, these few individuals are astoundingly similar to me in a lot of ways and spending time with them is immensely enjoyable. I can't keep up a conversation with more than about four people in this world at the moment.

I can't be friends with everybody, I've known this since I was a child. In fact, I only have about four people that I can really call my friends.
I don't spend much time with them, but when I do I have the time of my life.
Long evenings with nothing but a computer screen for company when the people I love are all doing other things (mostly due to alcohol-parties) make me immensely depressed.


--


Jeez, what a pathetic rant. I'm sorry.

You're all right, you don't have to apologise. Have you thought about talking to your friends about this? Then again, maybe you already have.

Rise Against's Audience of One neatly encapsulates the growing up time of life, especially in terms of friends. I suppose it's rather sad in a profound way but it still echoes Frost's realisation that "life goes on".

 

[knhirt]

You know why your friends do it? Because it's just plain fun. I'm in the opposite situation, in my group of friends, there is this one guy always ragging on us because whenever we get together, all we do is drink. I realize it's a novelty because we are underage but seriously, getting drunk is fun. That's it. And I hope they don't let you ruin their fun.

Ugh, I can't resist replying to this:

Do you think I rag on my friends for drinking?
I do not.

Furthermore, why the fuck would me not drinking ruin their fun? I thought I made it abundantly clear in this thread that my friends get up to a lot of fun. My problem is that not being able to take part in this fun results in loneliness while I spend my weekend nights not doing anything.

Try reading the topic next time, man.

 

[lacktheknack]

I'm alcohol intolerant, so I feel your pain.

I usually go with them, take very compromising photos, and sell them back to them for five bucks.

 

[koops]

You know why your friends do it? Because it's just plain fun. I'm in the opposite situation, in my group of friends, there is this one guy always ragging on us because whenever we get together, all we do is drink. I realize it's a novelty because we are underage but seriously, getting drunk is fun. That's it. And I hope they don't let you ruin their fun.

Ugh, I can't resist replying to this:

Do you think I rag on my friends for drinking?
I do not.

Furthermore, why the fuck would me not drinking ruin their fun? I thought I made it abundantly clear in this thread that my friends get up to a lot of fun. My problem is that not being able to take part in this fun results in loneliness while I spend my weekend nights not doing anything.

Try reading the topic next time, man.

My mistake, sorry about that. I'm just frustrated about my situation and this just reminded me of it. It's your choice to stay away from alcohol if you so choose. I hate to say this but, it might just be simpler to just drink with your buddies. One question though, I know you don't drink alcohol now but have you ever been drunk in the past? Just because you can't make those assumptions without actually trying.

Again, sorry, just frustrated.

 

[knhirt]

My mistake, sorry about that. I'm just frustrated about my situation and this just reminded me of it. It's your choice to stay away from alcohol if you so choose. I hate to say this but, it might just be simpler to just drink with your buddies. One question though, I know you don't drink alcohol now but have you ever been drunk in the past? Just because you can't make those assumptions without actually trying.

Again, sorry, just frustrated.

I realize fully that it might be simpler, but see, that's a compromise I'm not willing to make. I'll make a list of six simple reasons:
1. Taste.
2. Intoxication makes people ridiculous.
3. I'm unemployed and can not for that reason afford alcohol.
4. Alcoholism runs rampant in my family and I've been negatively affected by it.
5. Hangovers.
6. I don't like the idea of losing motor skills.

I've never been drunk, but I've tasted drink (many different types) and it does not appeal to me. Also, see above list.

It's interesting to me that society continuously perpetuates the suggestion that a person needs to question the fact that they're no more or less worth than anyone else, particularly since that's what we're always told by every adult we ever met, ever. Maybe that's why it doesn't work. Somewhere down the line it became an empty platitude because of the youth culture's ever-ongoing popularity contest, which may in fact be the very cause of the problem itself. As long as the young people of the present get to inbreed mentally amongst themselves, this will never change. Those who mature and grow out of it are replaced by the fresh younger generations who've grown up into the very same self-perpetuating stereotype.

Generalisations aside, being logically aware of your own equal worth is a good step, though emotions are admittedly more recalcitrant. Self-esteem is one of those quintessential issues of the present and even though I've gotten out of it a long time ago the only thing I can share is that there's no miracle cure. Except that it's something one has to do alone, building it on what'll always be there, since other people can always come and go.

You're right, I'm sure. It is a difficult trap to get out of. I've been trying to claw my way out since I was eleven years old or even younger. I wonder what it feels like, not to have compare myself with everyone I see (or rather, everyone who I judge as superior to me). The worst part is being aware of the problem while it affects me. It's like seeing an infection spread before my very eyes.

You're all right, you don't have to apologise. Have you thought about talking to your friends about this? Then again, maybe you already have.

Rise Against's Audience of One neatly encapsulates the growing up time of life, especially in terms of friends. I suppose it's rather sad in a profound way but it still echoes Frost's realisation that "life goes on".

I would, but I don't feel that they deserve to bear any guilt for what is essentially a part of expected social behavior. I feel that it would be selfish to drag them into my own problems. Despite what some people might think of me, being a non-drinker, I'm very aware that my unusual disposition and situation is a tough issue to drag into conversation with my friends.

Ugh.

Well, this will really have to be my last post for the evening. Thanks a lot for your input Chatney, I appreciate it.

Good night everyone.

 

[freedomweasel]

I've found that at least with the people I'd want to hang out we drink more often, but is less quantity. So in college it's novel and cool to get blasted on saturday night, but once I could buy my own drinks and the like I'd just have a glass of bourbon or a beer after work most days, or wine with dinner. I'd say I get *drunk* maybe once every month or two, I just don't wanna feel like crap the next day.

Of course there are people who never get out of getting drunk every weekend, and if you don't like that, I'd make it known to them when the time comes, and maybe find new people to hang out with if it bugs you. I certainly stopped hanging out with people who couldn't get out of the 'frat party' phase.

 

[Blunderman]

It's their choice to think it's a bad habbit. But wishing their friends would be sober more is certainly looking down on them.

It most certainly is not. He very clearly stated that he wants to have more in common with his friends. He doesn't want them to stop drinking because there's something wrong with the habit, which is what you seem to be implying. It would only be "looking down on them" if he went in and actively propagated his point of view as if it was anything other than just his own opinion. Disagreement is not a judgement call.

It's not unhealthy to drink a few pints every couple of weeks. He doesn't need to go to the extremes his mates do if he's against it. But just being part of what his mates are up to would likely be enough.

To me, it doesn't sound like his friends are only drinking a few pints once every couple of weeks but rather that they're in fact having drinking parties where the end goal is to get massively wasted, and that they have these frequently enough for him to feel left out. If it was only every now and then I'm sure it wouldn't be a problem.

The inherent problem with the non-drinker at a drinking party is that he will be more and more left out as time goes by and the other attenders become increasingly inebriated. Obviously, there's a large behavioural gap between the sober and the drunk and it's potentially impossible to overcome.

The longest standing group of friends I have couldn't be more different from me. But that's why we make sacrifices now and again. We really enjoy each others company and have some funny ass times with each other. But personality and lifestyle wise. We're at opposite ends of the spectrum. That's probably why we get on so well. I do things with them that I wouldn't usually do. They do the same for us.

You're side-stepping the point. You yourself may well be inclined to compromise in the manner you mention. That does not mean it's a duty in friendship. Some people change themselves to conform to how their friends behave and some don't. Neither one is any more or less valid than the other.

In the post above yours, the OP clearly states the reasons for why he doesn't want to compromise and start drinking himself. Even if he had no reasons, it would still be a valid position since, like mentioned, no one is under any obligation to make compromises in friendships. People grow apart and friends are lost, that's what happens at the verge of adulthood. No one should feel compelled to change themselves because their friends have developed differently.

 

[unoleian]

I'm sick of spending my nights alone, but I really don't want to take part in the alcohol-culture. Am I doomed to lonely nights, or does your experience indicate that people stop drinking so much in their early twenties?

I'm pretty sure I know the answer already, but I'd really like some input from people who have gone through this phase in their lives.

Depends on the people. Some people wean themselves off the constant drinking and turn it into the occasional get-together, others mark time until they can get to the bar again. I for one mainly weaned myself away from the constant drinking, er, for a while, but the past couple of months saw me go on wicked weekend binges. Trying to get away from that again...

Among my sister's friends, who are now pushing into their 30's, most hardly ever go out and drink anymore, maybe like once or twice a month at most, and occasionally at BBQs or what have you. Some LOVE getting smashed, others, not so much.

You can't really predict this kind of stuff...

...but generally, I would say yes, a majority tend to slow down on the drinking the higher into the 20's they go.

 

[The Lawn]

When I was a senior in high school I'd get invited to parties frequently with the fact that alcohol would be there as the main hook.
Yes I'd go sometimes if one of my friends was going, but it would just be loud music and people drinking themselves stupid.
I would talk to people who weren't drunk off their tits and usually get roped into a 8 or 12 person game of whatever halo was current back then, I think it was 2, and eventually the police would come to see what was up with all the noise.

Everyone who was drinking would book it while I would just sit on the couch with my can of coke or Dr. Pepper and not need to worry because I didn't drink hard liquor.

Though you could say for me that my drinking habits were slightly inverse to the norm as you state it, as in, I drank more after I turned 21 than before as I could count the number of drinks I had on one hand and have 3 fingers left unused.
Where as now, most weekends I have a couple beers and maybe a mixed drink if the situation calls for it.

 

[Virus49]

Its fairly simple to me and some of my mates. Alcohol in the right dosage leads to fun times. Doing stupid things that make you say in a few weeks or so "remember that time when we -something stupid-.

Not to mention dutch courage. Thats cool.

as long as you dont overdo it and drink yourself half to death its a good thing to do on the occasional weekend.

Thats just my opinion on the matter though. Some people dont like it and I respect them for not caving to peer pressure.