A Question for Any Straight Girls...

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

Okay, so far in this thread we've had someone saying there's a "thin line" between flirting and harrassment and now you comparing flirting to sleeping with 15 year olds.

What's going on here? Is it all those dumb tv shows like Sex in the City giving everyone the impression that you have to be a total uncaring ass to be slightly friendlier than usual to a person so as to indicate you might possibly like them? Also I don't think you should be using surgeons behavior as something to be aspired to, since they have one of the highest rates of bullying, harassment especially against women.

Context. You stated that our biological urges are not subject to will.

No, I said not entirely. How are you able to prevent pheromones from escaping your body and reaching a potential mate? You didn't answer that. How are you able to control heart-rate and sweating, blushing? They are all identifiers of attraction and controlled by the autonomic nervous system. It is correct to say they are not wholly subject to the will.

Whether or not I like someone is irrelevant at work, however at the same time, in a recreational environment, they would know if I liked them as soon as we make eye contact. There is a time and place for everything. Work is for work, flirting is for when you want to fuck someone. Yes, people often want to fuck someone while they are at work, but that is why we have this thing called " self control" and hold our urges until a more appropriate time and place, Advancement of female surgeons is not what is being discussed here, as women can be just as much bullies as any man if they so choose to be.It is just a matter of what is and what is not socially acceptable as to what people are allowed to get away with. It would not only not be appropriate for a surgeon, a pilot or many other fields to stop what they are doing to address their sexual desires, it would also make them incompetent.

And again the problem is, biology doesn't recognise 'work environment' when it comes to our impulses. It is totally indifferent to the circumstances of attraction.

It is irrelevant whether or not someone is turned on, or their pheromones reach other people, how you act on that is what you control. It doesn't matter if a woman is turned on 99% of the time, that 1) does not mean she is interested in a particular guy because she " shows signs of being turned on",2) nor does it show that she wants to be approached at work. It simply means she is horny. Someone being horny does not mean they want to have sex with you, it just means they want to have sex, hell they could be more attracted to the broom handle at that point than to you, and that is where "will" comes in. How someone behaves to someone else acts on being around someone turned on is up to their will as well. Just because a man is around a horny woman does not mean he has to act on it.

Women can be horny, blush and sweat and not be interested in you at all. They can just be Horny and that does not necessarily have anything to do with you. Yes, we can be horny at work. What matters is how we act on it.

 

[Something Amyss]

Jeez, this thread is nearly completely filled with buzzkills.

Totally. Where is the romance in this generation? When you're lying in your deathbed at the age of 104, do you really want to be telling your grandchildren how well-behaved you were in your 20s and always did a professional job and never did anything unexpected, or how you were coy with the new girl at the checkout and got fired for flirting but won yourself a date which led to a memorable relationship (however short-lived).

Seriously. Haven't you all read/seen The Hobbit?

Are you seriously going the route that the only options are "never do anything unexpected" and "get yourself fired for hitting on a coworker?"

Because that's really the only way this thread is full of buzzkills.

Also, I really have no interest in grandkids, but if I did I still wouldn't be telling them about my sexual escapades on my death bed. Mostly because it would mean that their inheritance would go to threapy.

 

[Something Amyss]

And again the problem is, biology doesn't recognise 'work environment' when it comes to our impulses. It is totally indifferent to the circumstances of attraction.

Biology also doesn't recognise "bathrooms."

Actually, no. I won't even go there. Our higher brain functions regulate impulse. It's what separates us from most animals. The "biolgy" excuse doesn't work, because this is part of our biology.

 

[Hagi]

I think what everyone is trying to say here is flirting/dating in a workplace is a high risk high reward situation.

Why "high reward"? I don't think anybody actually claimed that. At most, I'd class it as "low to medium" reward. Where/how did you get the idea it was something different?

Have you ever spent a 15 minute break making out in a bathroom stall? Or even shared a look across the room during a boring staff meeting?

I'd classify that as high reward

Maybe I'm just crazy weird but a bathroom stall at work honestly sounds like one of the least attractive places to make out. And I'm working at a small place where the toilets are regularly cleaned and everyone cleans up after themselves...

 

[Something Amyss]

Maybe I'm just crazy weird but a bathroom stall at work honestly sounds like one of the least attractive places to make out. And I'm working at a small place where the toilets are regularly cleaned and everyone cleans up after themselves...

There's something about taboo or risque places that tends to lend an appeal over the normal factors.

 

[DoPo]

And again the problem is, biology doesn't recognise 'work environment' when it comes to our impulses. It is totally indifferent to the circumstances of attraction.

Biology also doesn't recognise "bathrooms."

Don't be such a buzzkill! When you're lying in your deathbed at the age of 104, do you really want to be telling your grandchildren how well-behaved you were in your 20s and always went to the bathroom, or how you puilled down you pants and took a dump in the middle of your workplace, which led to a memorable shift (however short-lived).

 

[Hagi]

Maybe I'm just crazy weird but a bathroom stall at work honestly sounds like one of the least attractive places to make out. And I'm working at a small place where the toilets are regularly cleaned and everyone cleans up after themselves...

There's something about taboo or risque places that tends to lend an appeal over the normal factors.

I don't know...

I mean there's sex in your girlfriend's childhood room taboo and sex in your girlfriend's child's room taboo.

For me at least this would be in the latter category. Some taboos exist for a reason.

But hey, unlike my example this doesn't seem to have any risk of lasting emotional harm so to each their own I guess. Just please lock the door would be my advice.

 

[Sable Gear]

I have never dated anyone that hit on me while I was working, nor would I. It comes across to me as being extremely disrespectful to hit on someone while they are working, so if they showed that little respect before even getting to know you, how bad would they be once they are " comfortable around you?"People are at work to do a job, not pick up dates. Hot and likable are irrelevant while I am working. I have however dated a guy I met while working, but he at least never tried to hit on me at work, instead he caught me after work while out with friends.

This is how you do. Time and place, people, keep it professional at work.
(Btw, OP; your question is poorly phrased and carries an air of "I'm only asking for a friend, totally not asking for myself.")

 

[Blood Brain Barrier]

Jeez, this thread is nearly completely filled with buzzkills.

Totally. Where is the romance in this generation? When you're lying in your deathbed at the age of 104, do you really want to be telling your grandchildren how well-behaved you were in your 20s and always did a professional job and never did anything unexpected, or how you were coy with the new girl at the checkout and got fired for flirting but won yourself a date which led to a memorable relationship (however short-lived).

Seriously. Haven't you all read/seen The Hobbit?

Are you seriously going the route that the only options are "never do anything unexpected" and "get yourself fired for hitting on a coworker?"

Because that's really the only way this thread is full of buzzkills.

Also, I really have no interest in grandkids, but if I did I still wouldn't be telling them about my sexual escapades on my death bed. Mostly because it would mean that their inheritance would go to threapy.

It's interesting your mind goes straight to "sexual escapades" when I made no mention of sex in my post. The flirting could have led to a lifelong relationship or marriage, so telling the story of meeting one's grandmother isn't inappropriate at all. I just think a lot of people in this thread have such a negative view of flirting, there's a tendency to think of harassment and sex rather than love and romance. Which is quite ridiculous and very sad, in my view.

 

[Something Amyss]

Don't be such a buzzkill! When you're lying in your deathbed at the age of 104, do you really want to be telling your grandchildren how well-behaved you were in your 20s and always went to the bathroom, or how you puilled down you pants and took a dump in the middle of your workplace, which led to a memorable shift (however short-lived).

I'm glad I wasn't eating or drinking when I read that. I might have died.

...that was your plan the whole time, wasn't it?

I don't know...

I mean there's sex in your girlfriend's childhood room taboo and sex in your girlfriend's child's room taboo.

For me at least this would be in the latter category. Some taboos exist for a reason.

But hey, unlike my example this doesn't seem to have any risk of lasting emotional harm so to each their own I guess. Just please lock the door would be my advice.

I make no promises!

<.<

I'm pretty sure having sex in front of your girlfriend's kid (which I'm assuming must be the case, since you're talking emotional harm) is nowhere near the same category as screwing around in a bathroom. One clearly is taboo for a reason (you're harming a child). The other? I'm not so sure about.

It's interesting your mind goes straight to "sexual escapades" when I made no mention of sex in my post.

Well, except you literally quoted my post verbatim, and it didn't go straight there. In fact, you have to ignore most of my post to draw that conclusion. Like, two thirds of it.

But then, you would also have to ignore a good chunk of this thread and the context it created, including your own later posts, to claim that sex was in any way an out-of-line or unprecedented conclusion.

Just like you have to ignore higher brain functions to make your argument about sexual impulses.

Calling me on something I didn't do and then calling that sad is disingenuous and reads like a dodge. And given that you also stopped responding to lil devils, I'm further inclined to believe that it is a dodge.

Also, you go from "short-lived" to "how you met their grandmother." You had to change your tune to get there.

 

[DoPo]

I'm glad I wasn't eating or drinking when I read that. I might have died.

...that was your plan the whole time, wasn't it?

Curses! Foiled again. I'll get you next time, Something Amyss! NEXT TIME!!!

Spoiler

 

[Strazdas]

Biology also doesn't recognise "bathrooms."

Actually, no. I won't even go there. Our higher brain functions regulate impulse. It's what separates us from most animals. The "biolgy" excuse doesn't work, because this is part of our biology.

Actually, it does. Well, not bathrooms specifically but "places to release excrement" rather. This can be seen throughout almost entire animal kingdom. animals, especially mamals, dont shit where they sleep. they have in fact evolved special muscles just for the sole reason to keep it in long enough to get to the "bathroom". Even Sloths go down to ground to poop.

 

[sniddy_v1legacy]

Seeing as I met my wife at work...I guess my perception is biased

But watching 'the hot girl' near me constantly getting what I can only call harassed I'd say there is a line...make an approach maybe try to open lines of communication but be mindful of the environment

 

[Hagi]

I don't know...

I mean there's sex in your girlfriend's childhood room taboo and sex in your girlfriend's child's room taboo.

For me at least this would be in the latter category. Some taboos exist for a reason.

But hey, unlike my example this doesn't seem to have any risk of lasting emotional harm so to each their own I guess. Just please lock the door would be my advice.

I make no promises!

<.<

I'm pretty sure having sex in front of your girlfriend's kid (which I'm assuming must be the case, since you're talking emotional harm) is nowhere near the same category as screwing around in a bathroom. One clearly is taboo for a reason (you're harming a child). The other? I'm not so sure about.

Was more talking about the risk of said kid walking in and/or finding any remains. But yeah, as I said in my post there's a clear difference.

It was just an example that there's two types of taboos. With bathroom stall at work make-out sessions, in my opinion, of the wrong type.

I don't know... I'd just feel guilty to my boss and co-workers for wasting time they'd possibly have to make up for as well as the risk of a colleague having indigestion and getting up to noisy and smell business in an adjacent stall. But hey, that might just be part of the thrill I'm missing out on.

 

[James Theesfeld]

The problem with hitting on someone at work is that they're generally required to be nice to you, and it's difficult for them to get away from you. I had two young female employees that evening shifts for me in the department I run at this grocery store. They would complain all the time about guys hitting on them. Not once did they ever say they liked it, or appreciated it. They ALWAYS said it made them uncomfortable and nervous and they'd either go take their break ASAP or hide in the back room for a while until they left. Didn't matter how nice the guy was - they even admitted tgat not every dude was a creeper. They just didn't want that attention at night while stocking shelves.

People, don't hit on my employees while they're working.

 

[Eddie the head]

What's wrong with flirting at work? Obviously being a creepy weirdo is a bad thing, but flirting is harmless. Back when I used to work in a cafe it was about a 40/60% boy/girl split, so there was pretty much constant flirting (to be fair though, there was a bunch of super-inappropriate stuff going on as well). Flirting isn't isn't something you do to someone, it's something you do together- especially if you actually know them fairly well.

I've seen a few people who seam to have the idea that relationships, and therefor the things you do to get into them, are things you do to people. Like you "romance" someone rather than doing something romantic with someone. I don't know something I've noticed.

Also a lot of people appear to have shitty jobs.

 

[Something Amyss]

Curses! Foiled again. I'll get you next time, Something Amyss! NEXT TIME!!!

Spoiler

Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again!

(I didn't have a good Inspector Gadget quip, sorry).

I don't know... I'd just feel guilty to my boss and co-workers for wasting time they'd possibly have to make up for as well as the risk of a colleague having indigestion and getting up to noisy and smell business in an adjacent stall. But hey, that might just be part of the thrill I'm missing out on.

You ever seen how inconsiderate the general population tends to be when it comes to this sort of thing? That's not really why it's taboo. It's taboo for the same reason it's exciting--the risk of being caught. It's inconsiderate in ways that are socially acceptabe, just like public displays of affection. Thing is, even making out in a bathroom is rather tame.

 

[Hagi]

I don't know... I'd just feel guilty to my boss and co-workers for wasting time they'd possibly have to make up for as well as the risk of a colleague having indigestion and getting up to noisy and smell business in an adjacent stall. But hey, that might just be part of the thrill I'm missing out on.

You ever seen how inconsiderate the general population tends to be when it comes to this sort of thing? That's not really why it's taboo. It's taboo for the same reason it's exciting--the risk of being caught. It's inconsiderate in ways that are socially acceptabe, just like public displays of affection. Thing is, even making out in a bathroom is rather tame.

Fully aware, I've absolutely no problem with other people doing it barring co-workers from whom I need shit done now.

But it being high reward? That's the part I just can't wrap my head around.

If you're going for risky taboo things with high risk of being caught I can see so many more fun and exciting places and ways... That aren't toilets regularly being used by others...

It's not that I don't get risky being exciting. What I don't get is why of all places you'd pick an office bathroom and call it high reward?

Why not do some heavy petting in a public park in a somewhat secluded spot? Cop a feel under the table in a restaurant? Some teasing while stuck in traffic?

I don't know... Maybe I'm just not cut out for the exciting world of office romances...

 

[Something Amyss]

Why not do some heavy petting in a public park in a somewhat secluded spot? Cop a feel under the table in a restaurant? Some teasing while stuck in traffic?

Don't look at me. I've been there and done that. Movie theater, elevator....

I don't know... Maybe I'm just not cut out for the exciting world of office romances...

Neither am I. I'm more speaking to the draw of why one might do something in an office.

...now, if we want to talk other buildings....

 

[Hagi]

Why not do some heavy petting in a public park in a somewhat secluded spot? Cop a feel under the table in a restaurant? Some teasing while stuck in traffic?

Don't look at me. I've been there and done that. Movie theater, elevator....

I don't know... Maybe I'm just not cut out for the exciting world of office romances...

Neither am I. I'm more speaking to the draw of why one might do something in an office.

...now, if we want to talk other buildings....

Spoiler: The dream...

The only question that remains is if it's already been done...