A question to any females.

[M4yce]

Hi again everybody, so I was sitting around thinking to myself about my current situation (that's in another post) and I got to thinking. What to women think of when they first see a guy? I think we're all pretty sure what we guys are thinking when we first see a girl, and yes it has to do with sex. At least for me anyways, I'm not going to apologize I know it's superficial but if I find I don't like her as a person then I'm not attracted to her anyways. I just want to know what clicks in a females mind when she sees a guy, I'm interested in seeing the perspective of the other side, I'm interested in what you're thinking.

Thanks.

 

[Hairetos]

I'm not a female, but just to clarify, when a girl first "sees" a person, it's going to be just as superficial, since it can't be based on anything other than appearance.

 

[Gekkeiju]

Hair, clothing and facial structure?

I dislike hair that is too short, I like them to be well dressed- so no yucky tracksuit bottoms and old shapeless tshirts and I like their face even and well defined. Generally without facial hair too.
Then I'd like to talk to them to get an indication of intellegence and personality? Im not sure what you want me to say really

 

[M4yce]

@Hairetos

I figured, I never really thought about it but once I started thinking about it I wanted to know if it was the same as me or not.

@Gekkeiju

No that's perfect, even if it is the same for women as it is for men I'd like to know what it is that attracts women when they first see a guy.

Thanks.

 

[tharglet]

Well, depends on the girl in question a lot... it varies more so than blokes I feel.
Also depends on the ol' monthly cycle. During certain times, females are more prone to "check out" guys.

I don't tend to think "that way" about men when I first meet them - it takes time to know if it would be someone I'd be interested in, because I'm more attracted to personality traits than physical appearance.

 

[LetalisK]

The first thing she is thinking has to do with assessing details about yourself, such as how you hold yourself, the condition of your clothes, hair, etc. Not all of this is done consciously, though.

 

[Gekkeiju]

Here's an interesting fact for you though:

When women are using the birth control pill, they are more likely to fall for guys who are softer and more feminine rather than the rugged types. This is because when a woman is on the pill her body always thinks it is pregnant and is more inclined to favour a man who will be more caring and gentle, thus better bringing up any children.

But if she's not on the pill and she's ovulating, she'll favour the more rugged manly man, as he will produce better offspring or w/e.

Maybe I subconsciously have no choice after all..

 

[M4yce]

tharglet

Ok so what personality traits show up to you then or to all girls/women (not sure if I'm offending anyone here by saying girls over and over again). I'm assuming confidence of course, that seems to be the staple across all women.

LetalisK

Argh I know nothing of style X.X, guess I've got to learn.

Gekkeiju

Well that's an interesting tidbit, I know tharglet said it too so thanks as to not dismiss your contribution. Interesting but I don't think I can work much on that myself.

Anything else?

 

[LetalisK]

tharglet

Ok so what personality traits show up to you then or to all girls/women (not sure if I'm offending anyone here by saying girls over and over again). I'm assuming confidence of course, that seems to be the staple across all women.

LetalisK

Argh I know nothing of style X.X, guess I've got to learn.

Gekkeiju

Well that's an interesting tidbit, I know tharglet said it too so thanks as to not dismiss your contribution. Interesting but I don't think I can work much on that myself.

Anything else?

You don't have to know anything about style, just don't look like shit. A sense of cleanliness is what's more important. And really, a polo shirt and jeans is the go-to outfit with some exceptions on specific types of dates.

Also, to add another of my $0.02, good conversational skills and self-confidence are the only really universal traits I can think of. A lot of people will say sense of humor, and it's true, but everyone's definition of a good sense of humor is different, so it's kind of meaningless to say that trait.

There are a lot more traits that there is no good reason not to reinforce them, but I wouldn't necessarily count them as universal.

 

[M4yce]

Letalisk

Lol I guess I won't throw away my entire wardrobe just yet.

Aylaine

Hmmmm yeah it's sounding more and more like a crapshoot as the thread goes on, I was really just wondering if there's anything I could change about myself that would make me more approachable to women. So far I'm seeing I really need to work on the whole self confidence issue, but really I just need to find something to be good at again and it'll come back.

I just wish I knew where to meet nice girls though, the places I frequent don't really cater to the female demographic. So where would one go to where women wouldn't feel like they're being eyed like a piece of meat? I mean yeah my initial response to a pretty girl is a bit base, but I do my best to not make her feel uncomfortable by NOT staring at her awkwardly. I dunno I feel that most pretty girls probably get enough bad attention in a day that I don't need to add to it. So where would I go to meet girls where they wouldn't feel like I'm just another guy trying to "hook up?"

 

[Evidencebased]

Cleanliness/basic hygiene, decent haircut, nothing obviously skeevy about you is a good start. Confident posture without looming or staring, smiling, eye contact with her actual eyes... all very beneficial. When a guy looks terribly scruffy or dirty that's almost universally going to put off a woman, and I know that it gives me the creeps when some guy sort of slouches or ooozes over to mumble a dejected "hi" to me (you don't have to strut like a model but stand up like a vertebrate, at least! )

Unless you are jaw-droppingly ugly you can probably dress alright and hold yourself comfortably and at least avoid actively turning women off. The only other reason most women would make a snap judgment about you would be if you're stunningly gorgeous, but then you probably wouldn't mind. (Obviously, women often aren't interested in a guy period, or just not then, or maybe they really hate your hair color or whatever, and there's nothing you can do about that. Approaching with a chill and decent attitude is a plus, and try not to take any rejections personally; bitter misogynists are really unsexy.)

I'm not saying women won't check out a guy, or don't appreciate a sexy visual! But I think most women are realistic enough not to automatically reject anyone just because he isn't Brad Pitt. The snap judgment I personally make first is "is he acting like a skeeze?" (if he is then he gets shot down fast) rather than "is he super hot?" (which is less of a deal-breaker, because most grown women have realistic expectations!)

 

[Paksenarrion]

Depends on the girl. If we're going to get technical, it depends on the distance we first see a guy. From a distance, body type. From up close, face shape.

To get into more detail would take too much time I don't have at the moment.

 

[LetalisK]

Letalisk

Lol I guess I won't throw away my entire wardrobe just yet.

Aylaine

Hmmmm yeah it's sounding more and more like a crapshoot as the thread goes on, I was really just wondering if there's anything I could change about myself that would make me more approachable to women. So far I'm seeing I really need to work on the whole self confidence issue, but really I just need to find something to be good at again and it'll come back.

I just wish I knew where to meet nice girls though, the places I frequent don't really cater to the female demographic. So where would one go to where women wouldn't feel like they're being eyed like a piece of meat? I mean yeah my initial response to a pretty girl is a bit base, but I do my best to not make her feel uncomfortable by NOT staring at her awkwardly. I dunno I feel that most pretty girls probably get enough bad attention in a day that I don't need to add to it. So where would I go to meet girls where they wouldn't feel like I'm just another guy trying to "hook up?"

We are in the Golden Age of dating. The internet has made it so easy to find people to date while avoiding the awkward "Oh shit, gotta find out if she's single or not" moments. Besides the typical dating sites like match.com, hotornot.com is actually pretty good and I met my current girlfriend on craigslist. The key to it, just like it is with dating without the internet, is to cast as wide of a net as possible. Honestly, that's where a lot of unsuccessful men fuck it up. They just focus in on one woman, get shot down, become discouraged, and give up. The successful ones also get shot down. A lot. They just maximize the opportunities to meet women, so the chances of them finding a compatible woman rises. Try everything.

Bar and clubs are the exception. Honestly, they aren't that great for picking up women.

 

[Kortney]

I don't really look at anything specific. Just an overall picture!

 

[Erana]

Cleanliness/basic hygiene, decent haircut, nothing obviously skeevy about you is a good start. Confident posture without looming or staring, smiling, eye contact with her actual eyes... all very beneficial. When a guy looks terribly scruffy or dirty that's almost universally going to put off a woman, and I know that it gives me the creeps when some guy sort of slouches or ooozes over to mumble a dejected "hi" to me (you don't have to strut like a model but stand up like a vertebrate, at least! )

Unless you are jaw-droppingly ugly you can probably dress alright and hold yourself comfortably and at least avoid actively turning women off. The only other reason most women would make a snap judgment about you would be if you're stunningly gorgeous, but then you probably wouldn't mind. (Obviously, women often aren't interested in a guy period, or just not then, or maybe they really hate your hair color or whatever, and there's nothing you can do about that. Approaching with a chill and decent attitude is a plus, and try not to take any rejections personally; bitter misogynists are really unsexy.)

I'm not saying women won't check out a guy, or don't appreciate a sexy visual! But I think most women are realistic enough not to automatically reject anyone just because he isn't Brad Pitt. The snap judgment I personally make first is "is he acting like a skeeze?" (if he is then he gets shot down fast) rather than "is he super hot?" (which is less of a deal-breaker, because most grown women have realistic expectations!)

This.
People fail to realize how much grooming plays into someone's attractiveness. Just go look at pictures of crowds of countries you consider to be generally attractive people. Are they all really that pretty, or are they just smartly dressed, have good posture and are nicely coiffed?

Still, the first thing I see in guys is their posture and the expression on their face. Smelling nice (Aka: not smelling of body odor or reeking of cologne) are also very good.

 

[M4yce]

We are in the Golden Age of dating. The internet has made it so easy to find people to date while avoiding the awkward "Oh shit, gotta find out if she's single or not" moments. Besides the typical dating sites like match.com, hotornot.com is actually pretty good and I met my current girlfriend on craigslist. The key to it, just like it is with dating without the internet, is to cast as wide of a net as possible. Honestly, that's where a lot of unsuccessful men fuck it up. They just focus in on one woman, get shot down, become discouraged, and give up. The successful ones also get shot down. A lot. They just maximize the opportunities to meet women, so the chances of them finding a compatible woman rises. Try everything.

Bar and clubs are the exception. Honestly, they aren't that great for picking up women.

Yeah but this is where I come into a problem, if I'm interested in one girl then that's who I'm focusing on. I don't feel comfortable courting (is that word too old?) multiple girls, it just feels wrong to me. Is that weird?

 

[LetalisK]

snip

Ah, god damn it. The forums ate my post. Let me try this again.

It's not weird, since many people do it. It's just unnecessary and counter-productive. Besides increasing the odds of finding someone who you are compatible with, there are other side-benefits. You're less likely to deify a specific woman, become way too invested too early, or be needy. You're also going to learn more about dating faster, be exposed to many more experiences, have more time and perspective before committing to a person, the sting of rejection will be far less, and you'll actually be more appealing since you'll be in demand. There are others, but I'm just too lazy right now.

Also, I don't mean you end up going into month 8 with 5 women. I had a 1 month rule, which basically said I would not become exclusive with a woman until I had dated her for at least a month(which, isn't long at all and probably should have been 2 months so I could get a better picture of the bad and good).

 

[M4yce]

I guess I just don't apply as much logic as you do Letalisk, I never really thought to myself as an emotional person till recently. I still haven't really resolved the issues from my last thread, but I thought I'd ask about this topic seeing as how it very well might just not ever work out. If it didn't I figured I'd really need to know more about myself and women, and this thread has shown me a lot of both.

I don't know if I can do it the way you can Letalisk but you do make a very convincing statement. I just don't know I kind of feel it's wrong, to me anyways. If it wasn't then why do people get so mad or so hurt if they find out you're going out with someone else? Why can't you tell the two or three about each other without someone getting upset? I dunno I'm young and inexperienced so maybe I just haven't seen it yet, but I've felt it and it doesn't feel good...

 

[LetalisK]

I guess I just don't apply as much logic as you do Letalisk, I never really thought to myself as an emotional person till recently. I still haven't really resolved the issues from my last thread, but I thought I'd ask about this topic seeing as how it very well might just not ever work out. If it didn't I figured I'd really need to know more about myself and women, and this thread has shown me a lot of both.

I don't know if I can do it the way you can Letalisk but you do make a very convincing statement. I just don't know I kind of feel it's wrong, to me anyways. If it wasn't then why do people get so mad or so hurt if they find out you're going out with someone else? Why can't you tell the two or three about each other without someone getting upset? I dunno I'm young and inexperienced so maybe I just haven't seen it yet, but I've felt it and it doesn't feel good...

There is a couple reasons they could freak out. If you didn't let them know in the beginning, for one. I don't mean say "Oh btw, I'm totally dating other chicks." More along the lines of "I don't think I know you well enough to be exclusive" and I would also explain that a month was a decent enough time to begin to feel comfortable with being exclusive. As long as you let them know early, you should be fine. The women I dated were fine with it. They even were curious and asked about the other women, which brings me to my next point. Never, FUCKING NEVER, go into detail about who you are dating with anyone else you are dating. Not even names. It turns into a fucking god damn disaster. It's your responsibility to let them know you aren't ready to be exclusive. Anything beyond that is none of their business and is really for everyone's sake because logic is no match for emotional jealousy. All they should know is you're not ready to be exclusive yet and have no idea if you're even seeing anyone else.

Of course, if you introduce sex into the mix, then it gets really messy. It's best to reserve that until you do become exclusive. If not, then it involves a lot more self-applied rules.