A small pile of problems.

[Admiral Stukov]

First of all let me say, I'm not really the kind of person that shares his issues, for better or for worse, but there have been quite a bit of small issues that have started to pile up, and I felt I had to do something besides suppressing them.

Right, on with the less than happy stuff.
Individually none of these issues are major ones, but well they add up.
It started five years ago when my then girlfriend left me, which to be honest she was right to do, I had been quite an ass. I was a bit down for a while but got over it fairly quickly.
Then we fell in love again and started a second relationship about 2-3 months after the previous break-up.
It ended badly. Really badly, and I went from being a very open and optimistic person to pretty bitter and rather reserved one with trust issues.

It took me about a year and a half to finally allow myself to get a crush on someone.
So there I was having allowed myself to develop some feelings for another girl, but I still hadn't worked up enough courage to actually do something about it, the bad memories from the previous relationship fresh in my mind.
Eventually I told myself to stop stalling and ask her out.
I then learned that she had similar feelings for me, or rather used to have.
Turns out she got herself a boyfriend. Less than a month before I was finished working up enough courage.
Sufficient to say it didn't exactly do wonders for either my self-esteem nor my bitterness, and it took me almost two years before I got a crush on someone else.

Then came the next two years and four girls, where I fell in love, worked up courage, and found out that in three cases they had been taken less than a month earlier, and girl number three of those was a lesbian, in a steady relationship. Which I knew about, but still couldn't help to develop feelings for her. The latest one, about a year and a half ago, got a boyfriend the day before I asked her out.

Next problem, fall '09 I started an education I really wanted to go, that being Master of Science in Space Engineering, but ended up dropping out because I was absolutely overwhelmed by the math.
So then one of my oldest friend convinced me to move to another city, and attend another university with him and a bunch of other friends.
Half a year later, present day, they all have dropped out and I'm stuck alone in a city I don't know a single person in until summer, at the very least.

Now, I'm not much of a people person, I prefer Quality over Quantity in my social life.
As a result I have rather few friends. Good friends mind you, but none live closer than 1,5 hours away, most 4 hours or more, 24 for the friends of my first year on university.

And as a result from the problems I've had with girls, among other things, I'm now quite reserved around people I don't know, and bitter as all hell.
Add to that that I'm pretty damn terrified of adding another one to the list "asked out slightly too late", the end result gets rather depressing.

And because I feel like it I'll throw in a picture of the scarred cynic writing this post.

Spoiler: Pic

At the very least someone might get some brief entertainment mocking my hair, or something similar, I don't mind.
That's actually the best picture of myself I have, I'm awful at pictures, and that one is from Dreamhack where I have slept too little and is more or less high on caffeine.



So if someone were to fling some encouragement in my general direction, it would be appreciated.

 

[quiet_samurai]

As far as the girl problem goes, you know exactly what your fault is.... waiting to long. So stop doing it and make your intentions known early. Like right away, seriously... next time you meet a girl throw down as fast as possible. The rest of the stuff isn't so horrible and are easily remedied.

 

[Tron-tonian]

Alrighty, let's begin:

1. Haw-haw! Your hair suxx0rs! I kid. It's fine.

2. Women: it sucks. It well and truly does, and I speak as someone who has the same introverted tendencies. To get out of this rut, I would advise throwing up a profile on a dating site. Explain that you're new to town, don't know many people and would like to. Best case scenario - you meet the love of your life and live happily ever after. Worst-case - you get some funny / horrible dating stories to tell at parties.

It should be noted that moved to a new city with a girl, broke up and found himself in the same boat, followed the above advice and is now married to someone I wouldn't have met save for online dating. I also met some cool women, some of... loose morals ( :-D ), and wound up with some funny stories.

3. School - keep at it. Find what you like, and (as importantly) will allow you to pay the bills in the future. If you're looking at a Master's degree, I'm guessing you've already got a Bachelor's degree? Why not go to work and make some cash? Or are you set on the Masters degree?

On that note - I barely made it through Calculus I. People who get engineering degrees scare me.

 

[Admiral Stukov]

3. School - keep at it. Find what you like, and (as importantly) will allow you to pay the bills in the future. If you're looking at a Master's degree, I'm guessing you've already got a Bachelor's degree? Why not go to work and make some cash? Or are you set on the Masters degree?

On that note - I barely made it through Calculus I. People who get engineering degrees scare me.

I'm not sure how that translates to the swedish education system, but I do know that getting a jog in the forseeable future with my current qualifications are nigh impossible.

As for dating, chances are I'll move to another city where I know at least someone in the general are, and it have something more in line with I want from my education than my current city have to offer, but I do have to complete a number of courses here first to afford continued studies, (the Swedish state gives me money as long as I complete enough courses per year), so I'm rather hesitant to reach out to someone here if I'm going to move away again in 4-6 months.

 

[Imp Poster]

And as a result from the problems I've had with girls, among other things, I'm now quite reserved around people I don't know, and bitter as all hell.

Add to that that I'm pretty damn terrified of adding another one to the list "asked out slightly too late", the end result gets rather depressing.

And because I feel like it I'll throw in a picture of the scarred cynic writing this post.

Spoiler: Pic

At the very least someone might get some brief entertainment mocking my hair, or something similar, I don't mind.
That's actually the best picture of myself I have, I'm awful at pictures, and that one is from Dreamhack where I have slept too little and is more or less high on caffeine.

So if someone were to fling some encouragement in my general direction, it would be appreciated.

First off, I wish you would have put this in the Off topic forums, because advice is well for.. advice. Anything less like mocking would put posters a lick from a banhammer with a degree proportional to the severity of what the comment said. Management takes advice forums seriously.

With that said, I know how you feel about the dating part. I feel like I must wronged Murphy and he laughing at me. Murphy's Law happens to me more times than I wish for, but everything is by chance. There are times when all you are getting is shit. Which is why you must not give up hope because there is going to come a time where you find gold. And I swear, all the shit you been getting will go out the door once you find it. But you got to keep trying in order to get gold.
The other thing about dating is you don't have to take the act of dating seriously. When I am single, I try and date as many as I can fueled by some sort of attraction for them. If I feel some lover's relationship forming on one of them, that is the one I go with. Girls would do the same. If they are given a choice with a couple of guys hitting on her, she will choose and form a lover's relationship with uh, hopefully just one. In general, it is just a difference in power between genders. Guys can choose who he wants to ask and girls can choose to accept from whoever asks. Of coarse, it doesn't have to be the norm, but usually, it is how it works.

Lastly, your hair makes you half way there to cosplay Cloud Strife. As tempting to comment worse, please, banhammer, be nice to me. haha

 

[Admiral Stukov]

snip

I don't think the mods well frown upon someone making snide remarks about my hair, when I outright stated it was very much allowed.

And that last part was just to lighten up the thing a bit, if I weren't looking for some kind of advice I wouldn't have put this in the Advice section.

 

[Imp Poster]

snip

I don't think the mods well frown upon someone making snide remarks about my hair, when I outright stated it was very much allowed.

And that last part was just to lighten up the thing a bit, if I weren't looking for some kind of advice I wouldn't have put this in the Advice section.

Hmm, honesty, I never saw it that way. I always thought the rules were the rules in here. If you allow it in your own thread, I could assume that we could go by what you say even though it is against the rules.
And yes, I get that you were doing that at the last part, but it is just like last time,
I took something lightly in here, I got a warning for it. Sorry, if I put you in a bad mood here, but it is like walking on a fine line in here.

 

[zombiesinc]

It took me about a year and a half to finally allow myself to get a crush on someone. So there I was having allowed myself to develop some feelings for another girl, but I still hadn't worked up enough courage to actually do something about it, the bad memories from the previous relationship fresh in my mind. Eventually I told myself to stop stalling and ask her out. I then learned that she had similar feelings for me, or rather used to have. Turns out she got herself a boyfriend. Less than a month before I was finished working up enough courage.

You really can't allow yourself to let such events diminish your self-esteem. I'm sure it didn't feel good to learn that you possibly missed your chance to ask this girl out, but that really shouldn't be something that discourages you from asking girls in the future. If a girl starts dating someone else between the time you notice them, and finally ask them, it simply is. People date, and if someone is already dating another person, or isn't interested in you, it shouldn't make you feel like any less of a person, or more of a failure. The more you dwell on should'ves and would'ves, the more you're going to bring yourself down, unnecessarily so.

Then came the next two years and four girls, where I fell in love, worked up courage, and found out that in three cases they had been taken less than a month earlier, and girl number three of those was a lesbian, in a steady relationship. Which I knew about, but still couldn't help to develop feelings for her. The latest one, about a year and a half ago, got a boyfriend the day before I asked her out.

Of course you couldn't help developing feelings for this girl, 'cause they're out of your control, and as such, is in no way a failure on your part, or something you should put yourself down for.

Next problem, fall '09 I started an education I really wanted to go, that being Master of Science in Space Engineering, but ended up dropping out because I was absolutely overwhelmed by the math. So then one of my oldest friend convinced me to move to another city, and attend another university with him and a bunch of other friends. Half a year later, present day, they all have dropped out and I'm stuck alone in a city I don't know a single person in until summer, at the very least.

That's unfortunate, but that is no reason to sit around and wish you had friends. The more time you dwell on not having friends in the same city, the more time you'll waste on not getting out there and meeting new ones. The more you dwell on what isn't, the more isn't you're going to find yourself with.

And as a result from the problems I've had with girls, among other things, I'm now quite reserved around people I don't know, and bitter as all hell. Add to that that I'm pretty damn terrified of adding another one to the list "asked out slightly too late", the end result gets rather depressing.

The only problem you've had with girls is not asking them out when you first notice them, nothing else. Once you start making more of an effort in that department, the better you'll feel (even if they don't feel the same way). This isn't something that should depress you. It's life, and it's a lesson. Learn from it, and move on. Don't allow yourself to dwell in negativity.

The struggles you've dealt with are difficult, but I feel you're focusing on them to a point in which you're starting to believe they're more of an issue than they are. Worse, you're starting to feel as if you're somehow to blame for these. Keep your chin up, and focus on what is under your control. The rest (relationships especially) will happen naturally. Avoid looking, avoid hesitating, and especially avoid focusing on the negative.

[hr]

First off, I wish you would have put this in the Off topic forums, because advice is well for.. advice. Anything less like mocking would put posters a lick from a banhammer with a degree proportional to the severity of what the comment said. Management takes advice forums seriously.

If you genuinely feel that a thread is better suited in another forum, simply PM a moderator, rather than discouraging a user who is obviously being sincere, and as such, has tried to lighten the air at the end of their post.