A small situation...

[Thunderhorse31]

My advice would be to be honest with girl B, regardless of the consequence.

I add "regardless of the consequence" because I was in the exact same position a while back, only I had two "girl B's" who I had to let down - like you, I was just being nice and they got the wrong idea.

Anyway, one of them ended up having a party where she burned all pictures of me (to exorcise the demons, I assume), while the other got ticked off and joined the Army ROTC so she never had to see me again.

So yeah, be honest, but... erm, be ready for potential blowback. Bitches be crazy.

 

[Frozen Donkey Wheel2]

If you really did have a conscience, you'd tell Girl B that you don't have feelings for her, rather then just leading her on and setting her up for disappointment.

 

[Dectomax]

That is a tough situation.

The easiest way to do this would be mentioning in passing one day that you have a girlfriend. Just in casual conversation. If she talks to you about it, that's where it gets tough. Just explain that it's not anything wrong with her, that it's a simple matter of compatibility, not a problem on her end. That's always an awkward conversation, but with your kindness, she should be able to sense your sincerity.

Good luck, man.

Yeah wise words, cheers! Although I'm still scared of the woman-rage...

 

[manythings]

Are you sure it is kindness and not you being a little *****? The quickest way out is through. I think you might be overvaluing yourself friend, this isn't a wacky sitcom where girl B will start stealing your shoes because you got a girlfriend.

Actually...I'd start fearing for my life, let alone hiding my possessions! She is a bit crazy...

I know a girl for whom the phrase "Attacked several people with a cutthroat razor in public and seriously fucked up the hand of another guy I know" isn't an exaggeration. Are you sure you aren't exaggerating?

 

[Dectomax]

Puch girl B in the face and leave her, then burn anything in common with her.

Dude, You win for advice

haha

 

[Dectomax]

My advice would be to be honest with girl B, regardless of the consequence.

I add "regardless of the consequence" because I was in the exact same position a while back, only I had two "girl B's" who I had to let down - like you, I was just being nice and they got the wrong idea.

Anyway, one of them ended up having a party where she burned all pictures of me (to exorcise the demons, I assume), while the other got ticked off and joined the Army ROTC so she never had to see me again.

So yeah, be honest, but... erm, be ready for potential blowback. Bitches be crazy.

I'm more frightened of her burning me to be honest and my house and all the things residing in my house!

 

[Dectomax]

Are you sure it is kindness and not you being a little *****? The quickest way out is through. I think you might be overvaluing yourself friend, this isn't a wacky sitcom where girl B will start stealing your shoes because you got a girlfriend.

Actually...I'd start fearing for my life, let alone hiding my possessions! She is a bit crazy...

I know a girl for whom the phrase "Attacked several people with a cutthroat razor in public and seriously fucked up the hand of another guy I know" isn't an exaggeration. Are you sure you aren't exaggerating?

I might be a bit....but I wouldn't want to be in the same room as her when telling her lol

 

[Thaius]

That is a tough situation.

The easiest way to do this would be mentioning in passing one day that you have a girlfriend. Just in casual conversation. If she talks to you about it, that's where it gets tough. Just explain that it's not anything wrong with her, that it's a simple matter of compatibility, not a problem on her end. That's always an awkward conversation, but with your kindness, she should be able to sense your sincerity.

Good luck, man.

Yeah wise words, cheers! Although I'm still scared of the woman-rage...

Well I don't know her, obviously, but she will probably contain any anger if you mention it casually and in public. It would be more of a concern if you took her aside to explain it. Most women I know are much more likely to get emotional than to rage anyway.

 

[atalanta]

True, What I find difficult about the situation is I didn't help it in the first place, I went over her house and watched a movie with her because she had a bad day and other stuff...which is because i do try to be kind...even if I am a completely evil scumbag liar..sometimes?

I am not sure what that has to do with anything. You can watch movies with people you don't want to date, you know.

 

[Dectomax]

That is a tough situation.

The easiest way to do this would be mentioning in passing one day that you have a girlfriend. Just in casual conversation. If she talks to you about it, that's where it gets tough. Just explain that it's not anything wrong with her, that it's a simple matter of compatibility, not a problem on her end. That's always an awkward conversation, but with your kindness, she should be able to sense your sincerity.

Good luck, man.

Yeah wise words, cheers! Although I'm still scared of the woman-rage...

Well I don't know her, obviously, but she will probably contain any anger if you mention it casually and in public. It would be more of a concern if you took her aside to explain it. Most women I know are much more likely to get emotional than to rage anyway.

Emotional would be worse... Especially in public lol

 

[Dectomax]

True, What I find difficult about the situation is I didn't help it in the first place, I went over her house and watched a movie with her because she had a bad day and other stuff...which is because i do try to be kind...even if I am a completely evil scumbag liar..sometimes?

I am not sure what that has to do with anything. You can watch movies with people you don't want to date, you know.

Yeah...but from her viewpoint...it might have been misleading...God...I cant wait till my basic...8 months without having to understand women or feelings!

 

[Meemaimoh]

Ok, people of the escapist!

Heres the thing....

A while ago, me and a very nice girl ( Girl A ) Got talking, everything went well and we're on a path to being in a very happy place... Unfortunately, out of nowhere, pops A very evil girl ( Girl B )...

So, I've been talking to both, but at separate levels, Girl A, in terms of Being together...and Girl B in terms of friendship. Here's where the situation develops, Girl B seems to have taken an interest in me and due to my kind nature...( Damn you conscience ) I couldn't tell her I didn't like her, which has lead to her thinking she has a chance...

Girl A and I have arranged to meet in a town, but this town happens to be where Girl B works and lives...(So I'm a bit scared of "Raging-mad-woman-death-scream" if she happens to cross paths with me ).

Now, in all honesty I should probably tell Girl B that I'm already seeing someone, but said kindness and the fact Girl B has a few self-esteem issues prevent me from being able to do that...( Conscience Blah blah blah... ).

So, What would you do in my position? also to add discussion, have you ever been in a similar situation?

That's not kindness. Actually, that's pretty mean, because you're just leading her on. Tell her the truth and get it over with, trying to ease the blow of something by lying never helps.

Yeah, I agree with this. Except I wouldn't call it meanness so much as cowardice.

Trust me, I'm in the same boat; I'm a total coward when it comes to conflict. I avoid it like the plague. But that always, always ends up blowing up in my face, just as it seems to be getting ready to do for you, OP.

And what about Girl A's feelings? What if she finds out you've been leading another girl on? You've got to nip this in the bud, and fast.

 

[manythings]

I know a girl for whom the phrase "Attacked several people with a cutthroat razor in public and seriously fucked up the hand of another guy I know" isn't an exaggeration. Are you sure you aren't exaggerating?

I might be a bit....but I wouldn't want to be in the same room as her when telling her lol

Look I don't know her but the fact of the matter is you've got a situation. Here's a bullet friend, it's got your name on it and you're just going to have to bite it.

 

[Dectomax]

Ok, people of the escapist!

Heres the thing....

A while ago, me and a very nice girl ( Girl A ) Got talking, everything went well and we're on a path to being in a very happy place... Unfortunately, out of nowhere, pops A very evil girl ( Girl B )...

So, I've been talking to both, but at separate levels, Girl A, in terms of Being together...and Girl B in terms of friendship. Here's where the situation develops, Girl B seems to have taken an interest in me and due to my kind nature...( Damn you conscience ) I couldn't tell her I didn't like her, which has lead to her thinking she has a chance...

Girl A and I have arranged to meet in a town, but this town happens to be where Girl B works and lives...(So I'm a bit scared of "Raging-mad-woman-death-scream" if she happens to cross paths with me ).

Now, in all honesty I should probably tell Girl B that I'm already seeing someone, but said kindness and the fact Girl B has a few self-esteem issues prevent me from being able to do that...( Conscience Blah blah blah... ).

So, What would you do in my position? also to add discussion, have you ever been in a similar situation?

That's not kindness. Actually, that's pretty mean, because you're just leading her on. Tell her the truth and get it over with, trying to ease the blow of something by lying never helps.

Yeah, I agree with this. Except I would call it meanness so much as cowardice.

Trust me, I'm in the same boat; I'm a total coward when it comes to conflict. I avoid it like the plague. But that always, always ends up blowing up in my face, just as it seems to be getting ready to do for you, OP.

And what about Girl A's feelings? What if she finds out you've been leading another girl on? You've got to nip this in the bud, and fast.

Yeah I was hoping to do that without involving Girl A... Ideally I have 4 days to sort out a very dangerous situation lol I agree, it's mean and cowardly, but I use kindness to hide the fact that I'm actually a complete prat sometimes...

 

[Webb5432]

To be honest, not saying anything will only make it worse. However, I can understand your dilema (I doubt that is how it's spelled, but let's role with it). I have had some experience with self-esteem issues myself, and I have to tell you, you have yourself in a pretty bad situation. But when caught between a rock and a hard place, think laterally.

What I would do is tell Girl A the situation. Maybe not now, maybe not in such detail, but it is good to let her know that, and this would be perfect to say, a friend of yours is having a small problem right now and you're still thinking of how to fix it. When she asks what it is, tell her you would rather she did not get involved, because you believe it is your responsibility and you would rather it not spill out of control or escalate and hurt somebody, and you are concerned she might get hurt. Remember to tell her that you will tell her all about it eventually, hopefully when it is over, or you need to protect her from it, or when you need her help, (and by all means, do. She will remember).

Don't lie and tell the truth. Tell her what she needs to know so she knows there might be something on your mind and that case, if worse comes to worse, at least she knows you were trying to protect her.


And funny thing, that was the easy part.


Ok, because I am running out of time, I'll try to keep this brief.

Talk to Girl B. Make sure she understands how you feel. But, and this is incredibly important, make sure you give her some hope for the future. Let her know that there are still other guys out there, that you're here for her as a friend, and that you know she'll find a good guy for her. It may not be you, but maybe someone better. You don't know the future and neither does she, but you guys can't change the present or the past. Working to make the future better is all you can hope for. You don't know what will happen in her relationships, and neither does she. But you care enough to tell her that when she does find the guy for her, and she will, he will be the best thing that she ever found. And anyway, even if it's just a dream right now, a hope that may never come true, it is still better than moping over the past. tell her that you care to be her friend, but her boyfriend is still out there waiting for her.


Funny thing, and don't ask how I know this, but I'll bet it's true.

 

[lokun489]

explain and hope you aren't screwed nothing more

 

[Dango]

Ok, people of the escapist!


So, What would you do in my position? also to add discussion, have you ever been in a similar situation?

Who do you think I am? Me, get in a situation like that? Never.

But anyway,

Just tell girl B that while you're still friends, you're with someone else... Not all that difficult, neh?

And I agree with this person.

 

[Dectomax]

To be honest, not saying anything will only make it worse. However, I can understand your dilema (I doubt that is how it's spelled, but let's role with it). I have had some experience with self-esteem issues myself, and I have to tell you, you have yourself in a pretty bad situation. But when caught between a rock and a hard place, think laterally.

What I would do is tell Girl A the situation. Maybe not now, maybe not in such detail, but it is good to let her know that, and this would be perfect to say, a friend of yours is having a small problem right now and you're still thinking of how to fix it. When she asks what it is, tell her you would rather she did not get involved, because you believe it is your responsibility and you would rather it not spill out of control or escalate and hurt somebody, and you are concerned she might get hurt. Remember to tell her that you will tell her all about it eventually, hopefully when it is over, or you need to protect her from it, or when you need her help, (and by all means, do. She will remember).

Don't lie and tell the truth. Tell her what she needs to know so she knows there might be something on your mind and that case, if worse comes to worse, at least she knows you were trying to protect her.


And funny thing, that was the easy part.


Ok, because I am running out of time, I'll try to keep this brief.

Talk to Girl B. Make sure she understands how you feel. But, and this is incredibly important, make sure you give her some hope for the future. Let her know that there are still other guys out there, that you're here for her as a friend, and that you know she'll find a good guy for her. It may not be you, but maybe someone better. You don't know the future and neither does she, but you guys can't change the present or the past. Working to make the future better is all you can hope for. You don't know what will happen in her relationships, and neither does she. But you care enough to tell her that when she does find the guy for her, and she will, he will be the best thing that she ever found. And anyway, even if it's just a dream right now, a hope that may never come true, it is still better than moping over the past. tell her that you care to be her friend, but her boyfriend is still out there waiting for her.


Funny thing, and don't ask how I know this, but I'll bet it's true.

If I could mail you a cookie, I would! I'll try this, hopefully without involving Girl A and see what happens.

Cheers for taking the time to write that up though

 

[Dectomax]

explain and hope you aren't screwed nothing more

Thinks thats gunna be tactic #1 whatever I do lol

 

[atalanta]

Yeah...but from her viewpoint...it might have been misleading...God...I cant wait till my basic...8 months without having to understand women or feelings!

1. This is not hard to understand. Put yourself into her situation -- if you liked someone, and she was acting like she liked you back, would you rather she told you upfront she was already otherwise involved, or would you rather she showed up with her squeeze totally out of the blue?

2. Protip: if you talk to this girl and you go in all LOL WOMEN ARE HARD TO UNDERSTAND! BITCHES IS CRAZY, AMIRITE? you're probably not going to do so well.