A small situation...

[BonsaiK]

Ok, people of the escapist!

Heres the thing....

A while ago, me and a very nice girl ( Girl A ) Got talking, everything went well and we're on a path to being in a very happy place... Unfortunately, out of nowhere, pops A very evil girl ( Girl B )...

So, I've been talking to both, but at separate levels, Girl A, in terms of Being together...and Girl B in terms of friendship. Here's where the situation develops, Girl B seems to have taken an interest in me and due to my kind nature...( Damn you conscience ) I couldn't tell her I didn't like her, which has lead to her thinking she has a chance...

Girl A and I have arranged to meet in a town, but this town happens to be where Girl B works and lives...(So I'm a bit scared of "Raging-mad-woman-death-scream" if she happens to cross paths with me ).

Now, in all honesty I should probably tell Girl B that I'm already seeing someone, but said kindness and the fact Girl B has a few self-esteem issues prevent me from being able to do that...( Conscience Blah blah blah... ).

So, What would you do in my position? also to add discussion, have you ever been in a similar situation?

Answered in the relationship problem thread at the following link: http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161-Relationship-problem-thread?page=44#7620266

 

[Lord Mountbatten Reborn]

Just tell girl B that while you're still friends, you're with someone else... Not all that difficult, neh?

If it wasn't for the fear of her jumping off a bridge or going crazy I would, but as said...Self-esteem issues may make her on a bit of the..weird side?....

Attention-grabber. I went out with someone similar, ended up mitigating preferences. She'll simmer down after a while, and she certainly won't kill herself.

 

[Sir-jackington]

Tell girl B that if it weren't for girl A, you would be with her. You were with girl A first so its not really that much of a lie and it will spare her feelings, for the most part anyway

 

[Dectomax]

I'm not going to belabor this thread devoted to your passive-aggressive narscissism TOO much, but here's a couple of tidbits:

Everything that should be done has been said. Now its just become a Afterschool Special and you are in the starring role. You know what to do, you've admitted to behaviors that you need to address. Stretching this out turns this thread into an extension of your personal attention-seeking in your RL.

You need to address why you like having drama around you, and look at what it feeds in you. That is really what this is about. Right now its "girl A & B", but next month its going to be something else, and then after that you'll get bored when it quiets down and you'll draw in more attention to play the helpless victim. Its all about you, not them (although the web you've spun keeps them around you to feed you).

So, enough already.

I wouldn't say I was an attention grabber? Most of the time i like to keep myself to myself and try and avoid drama?

I was posting this up in the main to get some advice, and to see whether other people have been put into silly situations...

But I agree, What needs to be said has been said, so the topic can move onto other peoples personal experiences, if they choose to share them.

 

[TerribleAssassin]

Tell B, we wont go out yet, as I'm with someone.


Now was that too hard?

 

[PhoenixOnly]

Right heres what you do. Chances are girl B wont see you in town anyway. If she does but doesnt come and talk tell girl B that girl A's your sister. If she comes and talks to you then just dont say anything about the girl with you. If she asks if you two are together say "Can't a person go for a walk with someone without getting together?" (In a jokey way) Thus not rejecting girl A nor upsetting girl B. Then take girl A home and have excellent sexy times. Then phone girl B and take into town to do it all again!
No need to thank me when your sleeping with both of them.

Edit: Also in terms of personal experience. I've done above but with different girls (obviously) in almost exactly the same situation apart from they both live in my town. I slept with both and neither ever knew. Just dont ever brag or tell anyone. Thats how people get caught.

 

[Kermi]

If you haven't got a confirmed relationship with girl B, you don't owe her anything. See how things go with girl A, then let girl B know you're off the market.
She might get butthurt about i, but it seems like you don't want her anyway, so if being unavailable is the easiest way to bounce her, then do it.

 

[Dectomax]

Right heres what you do. Chances are girl B wont see you in town anyway. If she does but doesnt come and talk tell girl B that girl A's your sister. If she comes and talks to you then just dont say anything about the girl with you. If she asks if you two are together say "Can't a person go for a walk with someone without getting together?" (In a jokey way) Thus not rejecting girl A nor upsetting girl B. Then take girl A home and have excellent sexy times. Then phone girl B and take into town to do it all again!
No need to thank me when your sleeping with both of them.

Solid advice! haha Whilst I would contemplate this, I don't think my management skills are that good, especially when both their names are basicly the same ( one ends with I, the other with A ) Could cause a momentous backfire if it all goes to hell!

 

[PhoenixOnly]

No way! that makes things even easier! If you say the wrong name then you just say you had a slip of the tongue! Not like you can blag it if she's called becky and you accidentally call her sarah.. Work at management skills, its definately worth it

 

[Webb5432]

To be honest, not saying anything will only make it worse. However, I can understand your dilema (I doubt that is how it's spelled, but let's role with it). I have had some experience with self-esteem issues myself, and I have to tell you, you have yourself in a pretty bad situation. But when caught between a rock and a hard place, think laterally.

What I would do is tell Girl A the situation. Maybe not now, maybe not in such detail, but it is good to let her know that, and this would be perfect to say, a friend of yours is having a small problem right now and you're still thinking of how to fix it. When she asks what it is, tell her you would rather she did not get involved, because you believe it is your responsibility and you would rather it not spill out of control or escalate and hurt somebody, and you are concerned she might get hurt. Remember to tell her that you will tell her all about it eventually, hopefully when it is over, or you need to protect her from it, or when you need her help, (and by all means, do. She will remember).

Don't lie and tell the truth. Tell her what she needs to know so she knows there might be something on your mind and that case, if worse comes to worse, at least she knows you were trying to protect her.


And funny thing, that was the easy part.


Ok, because I am running out of time, I'll try to keep this brief.

Talk to Girl B. Make sure she understands how you feel. But, and this is incredibly important, make sure you give her some hope for the future. Let her know that there are still other guys out there, that you're here for her as a friend, and that you know she'll find a good guy for her. It may not be you, but maybe someone better. You don't know the future and neither does she, but you guys can't change the present or the past. Working to make the future better is all you can hope for. You don't know what will happen in her relationships, and neither does she. But you care enough to tell her that when she does find the guy for her, and she will, he will be the best thing that she ever found. And anyway, even if it's just a dream right now, a hope that may never come true, it is still better than moping over the past. tell her that you care to be her friend, but her boyfriend is still out there waiting for her.


Funny thing, and don't ask how I know this, but I'll bet it's true.

If I could mail you a cookie, I would! I'll try this, hopefully without involving Girl A and see what happens.

Cheers for taking the time to write that up though

No problem, man. I hope it goes well for you. As they say in Italian, "Bueno fortuna"! ('Good fortune', by the way).