So, the new year is close at hand. The future is looking promising for gamers everywhere. Certain upcoming releases, such as Gears of War 3, Warhammer 40,000: Dark Millenium, The elder scrolls V: Skyrim, DC online universe, and many more shall be released in 2011. Perhaps the next generation of gaming will come in the new year, we shall see.
Yes, as promising as the future looks, we must take this time to look at certain video game characters who will sadly not see the new year.
The first of which is Crash Bandicoot. Crash was a lively spirit, always eager to jump on things, spin around and talk to floating masks. He was a true hero to be commended, always fighting against evil scientists and smashing crates, bringing entertainment and a sense of accomplishment to both the young and old. He appeared in the titles: Crash Bandicoot, Crash Bandicoot 2: cortex strikes back, Crash Bandicoot 3: Warped, Crash team racing, and Crash Bash. After finishing his work in those titles, he had settled down to retire, but unfortunately his employers kept harassing him to refresh his contract, which led to his eventual death from OUFS (overused franchise syndrome). After this tragic loss to gamers everywhere, his contractors hired an impersonator to carry on Crash's legacy in newer titles. They were all huge failures, and left gamers everywhere shocked and appalled.
The next Character who will not see 2011 is Spyro the dragon. As indicated by the name, Spyro was a dragon, a young purple dragon to be precise. A valiant hero who many aspired to be like, Spyro dedicated his life to his work, attempting to become the most popular dragon in existence. Some of his achievements include freeing a dragon kingdom, killing several witches, slaying Nasty Nork (species unknown), riding a skateboard, and spending time on a holiday resort which lasted forever. After the release of Spyro: Year of the dragon, Spyro took a terrible loss, his older brother Richard died in a mountaineering accident. This took a huge toll on Spyro's mental state. During this period of time, his contractors forced a huge amount of work on poor Spyro, forcing him to release Spyro: Enter the dragonfly. After receiving many bad reviews, and many samples of dog faeces through his letterbox, Spyro could no longer take the stress, and committed suicide. Worried about the future, his contractors recruited Spyro's younger brother Steve to take up the mantle of Spyro the dragon. This, like Crash, was another failure.
Another unfortunate loss is Samus Aran. Samus was always a quiet girl, and refused to speak in nearly any situation. This silence always left people unaware as to her plans or motivation. Her first success was in Nintendo's Metroid. The role suited her perfectly, as it did not require her to take her clothes off (as she strictly specified in her Resume), and nor did it require her to speak. Many gamers were simply astounded by Metroid, as it was awes inspiring and simply magnificent. At the very end of Metroid, It was revealed that Samus was in fact, a woman, countering previous rumours towards her gender. This inspired many more gamers to purchase a copy of Metroid. Her career went well, and her reputation went up like a rocket. However, during the production of Metroid: Fusion, the developers kept putting pressure on Samus to take her clothes off in certain scenes. This did not go down well with Samus, as she insisted that she remained fully clothed at all times and did not reveal herself. After making certain compromises, she agreed to wearing a rubber tank top and shorts, which could only be seen for 1.34528532(recurring) seconds. This caught on well with her supporters, and eventually became her signature outfit. After the release of Metroid: Hunters, Samus realised that she had become a target for fan fiction and some very discrediting photo shop images. Believing that agreeing to wear that outfit had made her a sell out, Samus also took her own life (sources claim she buried herself in a pile of Teddy bears, but this is unconfirmed.) Her contractors, realising what a devastating loss Samus was to the company, hired a replacement to try and keep the series alive. The replacement was considerably less modest than Samus, and was willing to do full nudity on screen. However, in respect for Samus, Nintendo would not allow the replacement to appear naked, nor would they allow her to wear Samus's signature outfit. Insteadm they designed a rubber catsuit for her, which would maintain the characters modesty. The future of this franchise, is still unknown, however critics believe that the series will lose popularity now that the replacement is using her voice. This is apparently an insult to most of Samus's fans.
May their souls rest in peace.
Now, let us take a moment to think of the Game characters who very nearly did not make it.
The first of these is Duke Nukem. Duke is possibly the manliest man to have ever lived (rivalling Saxton Hale of course). Blood does not flow through Duke's vains, Liquid Testosterone does. Always arming himself with a 9mm and the mighty boot, Duke carries himself with high regard. After fighting his way into an audition (literally), Duke proved himself to be a very vain, and vary arrogant meat head. The casting crew took one look at him and offerred him the role immediately. Since then, Duke has been fighting Aliens and sleeping with women. In one of his older hits, "Duke Nukem - Land of the babes", Duke slept with the entire female cast during his breaks. this amounted to 283 women. After releasing: Duke Nukem - Manhattan project, things took a turn for the worst. His developers suffered from questional motivation, and kept renewing his contract, even though they simply had no inspiration to include him in any of their works. After 12 years, the contractors went under, and so did Duke. Left penniless and support-less, Duke lost his Home, his Harley, and his credibility. After months of living in a back alleyway, Duke saw light at the end of the tunnel. A brave group of contractors known as "Gearbox" rescued him from his peril, gave him a new home, a new Harley, and a contract for a new title, "Duke Nukem - Forever", which will be rocking game stores next year. This is proof that there is some good left in people.
Another notable character was hospitalised a few months ago also. He does not have a name, but is sometimes referred to as "The Mine craft man". Nothing is known about him, other than he buils things and he is truly loved by the people for what he can create using anything he finds. Truly a die-hard Lego fan, Mine craft man dedicates his time to building whatever he can. Not all was well however, as a certain group of people demanded more from Minecraft man, and he simply could not provide. Angered by this, he was viciously attacked and hospitalised for around 2 weeks. The attack was not serious however, and he recovered fairly quickly thanks to his support from his father, Notch.
And now, finally, we pay our respects to Characters who have gone missing.
Firstly, Jade, the star from "Beyond good and evil". Jade beat the crap out of things and took photo's. 'Nuff said. She went missing after the release of her one and only title, "beyond good and evil", and has not been seen since. Seemingly, she has disappeared off the face of the planet, and no one has any leads as to her whereabouts.
Another character who has gone missing, is everyone's favourite scientist, Gordon Freeman. After starring in possibly the highest rating title EVER, half life 2, Gordon and his contractors, Valve, released another 2 expansions to the storyline. After the second expansion, all of the fans were eager for the third. This was not to be however, as Gordon himself has gone missing, and no one seems to know where he is except for Valve, who will not announce his whereabouts. Only time will tell for Gordon.
If you know the wherabouts of either of these 2, please do something with the information. What? Don't ask me who to tell, I have no idea myself!!!
Thank you for paying your respects.
(legal stuff, no i dont own any of these characters, the back stories i made up for giggles, and this should not have been taken seriously in the slightest. Thank you for reading and Happy New Year!)
Yes, as promising as the future looks, we must take this time to look at certain video game characters who will sadly not see the new year.
The first of which is Crash Bandicoot. Crash was a lively spirit, always eager to jump on things, spin around and talk to floating masks. He was a true hero to be commended, always fighting against evil scientists and smashing crates, bringing entertainment and a sense of accomplishment to both the young and old. He appeared in the titles: Crash Bandicoot, Crash Bandicoot 2: cortex strikes back, Crash Bandicoot 3: Warped, Crash team racing, and Crash Bash. After finishing his work in those titles, he had settled down to retire, but unfortunately his employers kept harassing him to refresh his contract, which led to his eventual death from OUFS (overused franchise syndrome). After this tragic loss to gamers everywhere, his contractors hired an impersonator to carry on Crash's legacy in newer titles. They were all huge failures, and left gamers everywhere shocked and appalled.
The next Character who will not see 2011 is Spyro the dragon. As indicated by the name, Spyro was a dragon, a young purple dragon to be precise. A valiant hero who many aspired to be like, Spyro dedicated his life to his work, attempting to become the most popular dragon in existence. Some of his achievements include freeing a dragon kingdom, killing several witches, slaying Nasty Nork (species unknown), riding a skateboard, and spending time on a holiday resort which lasted forever. After the release of Spyro: Year of the dragon, Spyro took a terrible loss, his older brother Richard died in a mountaineering accident. This took a huge toll on Spyro's mental state. During this period of time, his contractors forced a huge amount of work on poor Spyro, forcing him to release Spyro: Enter the dragonfly. After receiving many bad reviews, and many samples of dog faeces through his letterbox, Spyro could no longer take the stress, and committed suicide. Worried about the future, his contractors recruited Spyro's younger brother Steve to take up the mantle of Spyro the dragon. This, like Crash, was another failure.
Another unfortunate loss is Samus Aran. Samus was always a quiet girl, and refused to speak in nearly any situation. This silence always left people unaware as to her plans or motivation. Her first success was in Nintendo's Metroid. The role suited her perfectly, as it did not require her to take her clothes off (as she strictly specified in her Resume), and nor did it require her to speak. Many gamers were simply astounded by Metroid, as it was awes inspiring and simply magnificent. At the very end of Metroid, It was revealed that Samus was in fact, a woman, countering previous rumours towards her gender. This inspired many more gamers to purchase a copy of Metroid. Her career went well, and her reputation went up like a rocket. However, during the production of Metroid: Fusion, the developers kept putting pressure on Samus to take her clothes off in certain scenes. This did not go down well with Samus, as she insisted that she remained fully clothed at all times and did not reveal herself. After making certain compromises, she agreed to wearing a rubber tank top and shorts, which could only be seen for 1.34528532(recurring) seconds. This caught on well with her supporters, and eventually became her signature outfit. After the release of Metroid: Hunters, Samus realised that she had become a target for fan fiction and some very discrediting photo shop images. Believing that agreeing to wear that outfit had made her a sell out, Samus also took her own life (sources claim she buried herself in a pile of Teddy bears, but this is unconfirmed.) Her contractors, realising what a devastating loss Samus was to the company, hired a replacement to try and keep the series alive. The replacement was considerably less modest than Samus, and was willing to do full nudity on screen. However, in respect for Samus, Nintendo would not allow the replacement to appear naked, nor would they allow her to wear Samus's signature outfit. Insteadm they designed a rubber catsuit for her, which would maintain the characters modesty. The future of this franchise, is still unknown, however critics believe that the series will lose popularity now that the replacement is using her voice. This is apparently an insult to most of Samus's fans.
May their souls rest in peace.
Now, let us take a moment to think of the Game characters who very nearly did not make it.
The first of these is Duke Nukem. Duke is possibly the manliest man to have ever lived (rivalling Saxton Hale of course). Blood does not flow through Duke's vains, Liquid Testosterone does. Always arming himself with a 9mm and the mighty boot, Duke carries himself with high regard. After fighting his way into an audition (literally), Duke proved himself to be a very vain, and vary arrogant meat head. The casting crew took one look at him and offerred him the role immediately. Since then, Duke has been fighting Aliens and sleeping with women. In one of his older hits, "Duke Nukem - Land of the babes", Duke slept with the entire female cast during his breaks. this amounted to 283 women. After releasing: Duke Nukem - Manhattan project, things took a turn for the worst. His developers suffered from questional motivation, and kept renewing his contract, even though they simply had no inspiration to include him in any of their works. After 12 years, the contractors went under, and so did Duke. Left penniless and support-less, Duke lost his Home, his Harley, and his credibility. After months of living in a back alleyway, Duke saw light at the end of the tunnel. A brave group of contractors known as "Gearbox" rescued him from his peril, gave him a new home, a new Harley, and a contract for a new title, "Duke Nukem - Forever", which will be rocking game stores next year. This is proof that there is some good left in people.
Another notable character was hospitalised a few months ago also. He does not have a name, but is sometimes referred to as "The Mine craft man". Nothing is known about him, other than he buils things and he is truly loved by the people for what he can create using anything he finds. Truly a die-hard Lego fan, Mine craft man dedicates his time to building whatever he can. Not all was well however, as a certain group of people demanded more from Minecraft man, and he simply could not provide. Angered by this, he was viciously attacked and hospitalised for around 2 weeks. The attack was not serious however, and he recovered fairly quickly thanks to his support from his father, Notch.
And now, finally, we pay our respects to Characters who have gone missing.
Firstly, Jade, the star from "Beyond good and evil". Jade beat the crap out of things and took photo's. 'Nuff said. She went missing after the release of her one and only title, "beyond good and evil", and has not been seen since. Seemingly, she has disappeared off the face of the planet, and no one has any leads as to her whereabouts.
Another character who has gone missing, is everyone's favourite scientist, Gordon Freeman. After starring in possibly the highest rating title EVER, half life 2, Gordon and his contractors, Valve, released another 2 expansions to the storyline. After the second expansion, all of the fans were eager for the third. This was not to be however, as Gordon himself has gone missing, and no one seems to know where he is except for Valve, who will not announce his whereabouts. Only time will tell for Gordon.
If you know the wherabouts of either of these 2, please do something with the information. What? Don't ask me who to tell, I have no idea myself!!!
Thank you for paying your respects.
(legal stuff, no i dont own any of these characters, the back stories i made up for giggles, and this should not have been taken seriously in the slightest. Thank you for reading and Happy New Year!)