About Relationship Sanctity....

[Thyunda]

but I make it clear that if a girl wants me more, dump the other dude's ass,

Then what are we even arguing over? That shit's fair game.

Oh. And in my anecdote - she's my ex now. Her little affair killed the relationship. Though I forgave her in words, never did in my head, and hell, even my current girlfriend managed to have an online...incident. I wouldn't care so much normally. It's in IMVU, y'know, a 3D avatar chat. It was roleplaying, in a way, but she's the one who insists we remain a couple in that particular area, and yet she's the one who had cyber-sex AND sent a lovely message the morning after detailing how much better he was in cyberspace than I was in real life. That wasn't spur of the moment, that was...anyway, I'm getting angry again. I confronted the guy in question. The first thing he did was blame her. The second thing he did was tell me his friend was flirting more. The third thing he did was attempt to convince me she wasn't worth it.

I fell apart laughing at him. It was so pathetic. No, the thing that stings the most is that she insists she doesn't know why she did it. If I don't know the cause, how can I prevent it happening again? I even asked her if she would rather be separate in IMVU. It's a damn chat network filled with teenagers and children - It's not a big deal. I couldn't care less if she cybered a thousand men.
No. My problem is pride. I don't care if she cybers a thousand men. But I care if a thousand men can say they've cybered my girlfriend and gotten away with it.


((If this was real life, I'd have left her with the flat and a severely injured lover and gone straight back to my hometown.))

 

[Teejonis Rahl]

All you got to do is be her best friend and even get to know the guy. When you have feelings for somebody, make sure that it's more than just physical and that it is on an emotional level too. You could also be just blunt with her (gasp!) Find out if the guy is treating her right too, cuz if he's not, that's when you let her know that he's not right for her if he just hurts her. Rebound? aw yeah, that's the only way I can get a girl.

 

[DoomyMcDoom]

but I make it clear that if a girl wants me more, dump the other dude's ass,

Then what are we even arguing over? That shit's fair game.

I dunno man, sometimes I figure(for whatever reason) that I need to clarify myself in greater detail, didn't know we were on the same page here, but I guess we are.

Oh. And in my anecdote - she's my ex now. Her little affair killed the relationship. Though I forgave her in words, never did in my head, and hell, even my current girlfriend managed to have an online...incident. I wouldn't care so much normally. It's in IMVU, y'know, a 3D avatar chat. It was roleplaying, in a way, but she's the one who insists we remain a couple in that particular area, and yet she's the one who had cyber-sex AND sent a lovely message the morning after detailing how much better he was in cyberspace than I was in real life. That wasn't spur of the moment, that was...anyway, I'm getting angry again. I confronted the guy in question. The first thing he did was blame her. The second thing he did was tell me his friend was flirting more. The third thing he did was attempt to convince me she wasn't worth it.

Good stuff man, you did the right thing, sometimes you gotta cut em loose for your own health, those were both those times.
Kinda funny how much of a wuss the other guy ended up being, but I guess that's pretty common.

I fell apart laughing at him. It was so pathetic. No, the thing that stings the most is that she insists she doesn't know why she did it. If I don't know the cause, how can I prevent it happening again? I even asked her if she would rather be separate in IMVU. It's a damn chat network filled with teenagers and children - It's not a big deal. I couldn't care less if she cybered a thousand men.
No. My problem is pride. I don't care if she cybers a thousand men. But I care if a thousand men can say they've cybered my girlfriend and gotten away with it.


((If this was real life, I'd have left her with the flat and a severely injured lover and gone straight back to my hometown.))

Lemme get this clear for you, women for whatever reason have a hard time resisting emotional urges, it has to do with brain chemistry, men and women think differently on a very base level, she may have identified the urge itself, but not the reason since the reason was not a logic reason but an emotional reason and I don't know anyone who can ever truly identify emotional reasons, I mean you can kinda define em, and we get that too, but it's just not the same way, hard to explain without writing an entire thesis paper length article about it, but lemme make this clear, you will never find out the reason by asking her, you can only find that out by looking at how you acted, what you did, and all the little things about how you express yourself through body language and all that crap, you MAY find the reason there, and even then that's a major effort, just take it for what it was, she was a deceitful and disloyal person, and work on improving yourself for your own reasons, the past can sort itself out, look to the future, and kick some ass man, that's all you can really do... Unless you unlock the secrets of time travel, in which case hook me up bro.

 

[Johann610]

Two thoughts spring to mind:
1, it is ALWAYS better to be "the other guy", because she is confessing everything to you, that she thinks about the first guy. She is giving you more, than she gives him. If you can tolerate the sneaking, enjoy it.
2, A person is only going to be as loyal to YOU as they are to the first guy. Once she leaves him, expect "another" to take his place, and you are now the "first guy".
If you want the roller coaster, be my guest.

If the "other guy" isn't you, then repeat what you know, and then pipe down--no repeating. Those facts, there? Took me YEARS to learn, and no, I didn't believe at first. No one bleating them in my face would have made it easier to learn, either.
If the "first guy" is you, decide if you want to be "other guy"'s friend, or not, but know this--it's not his fault. The girl decided to run around on you. Sorry.

 

[Athinira]

It's people's job to be ethical.

Is it? Since when?

Since the OP asked 'is it wrong to..?' He's asking whether it's an ethical predicament, not whether it is 'advantageous', not whether it's legal, not whether you'd do it yourself, but if it's ethical.

That still doesn't implicate in any way that it's our (or his) JOB to be ethical. Therefore, Mortai is wrong. He is asking us whether or not we THINK it's ethical, but that doesn't change the fact that acting "the ethical way" is not a requirement, and therefore not anyones job. No matter what the common/democratic census is on the subject, it's still no obligation.

If the census is that it's unethical, the OP is still free to go right ahead and ignore the census, following his own determination. He may still choose to have our opinion weigh in (and considering he is asking us for advice, that's likely to be the case to some extent), but he isn't obliged by adhere to it.

If you are acknowledging that finding yourself in such circumstances is unethical, how can it therefore not be 'wrong'?

Because whether or not something is ethical or unethical is, and always will be, a subjective matter.

He isn't the first person in the world to either ask "Do you consider X unethical" or directly state "I find X unethical", and then have people respond "It's not unethical, go right ahead". Or vice versa for that matter.

So when you ask 'Since when [is it someone's job to be ethical]?', the answer should be obvious. It is your job to be ethical if your goal is to be ethical. If you don't want to be ethical: fine. But it doesn't mean you're in the right.

...except that the OP never stated that it was his goal to be ethical.

His original post states...

...I was hoping to hear from the Escapist on the matter.

...which only implies that he has ethical considerations, but considerations alone doesn't make a goal.

It's not that i don't get your point, but it doesn't hold op if you put in context of the OP's post )

 

[Angie7F]

Its no one job to be ethical when it comes to situations like this.
If you want to be ethical and take the moral high road, I applaud you for that, but you cant expect everyone to do the same.

Like other people mentioned, its more about pride.
Why would you want to be the person "she wants to get it on" with with no intentions of breaking up with the other guy?
If they really really wanted to be with you, they would ditch the other guy and concentrate on you.
The fact that they dont do that and tells it to your face means that they are not that into you.

 

[SilverApple]

Lemme get this clear for you, women for whatever reason have a hard time resisting emotional urges, it has to do with brain chemistry, men and women think differently on a very base level, she may have identified the urge itself, but not the reason since the reason was not a logic reason but an emotional reason and I don't know anyone who can ever truly identify emotional reasons, I mean you can kinda define em, and we get that too, but it's just not the same way, hard to explain without writing an entire thesis paper length article

So, any more deterministic sexism where that came from?

 

[Whateveralot]

This happened. I back off straight away. If that won't work and I came close enough to that person to disengage, I'll friendzone them and I won't feel a thing.

Sure, she's propably very likable, but that doesn't mean I'll have to blindly fall in love with someone; let alone reserve myself for her. I'll move on and eventually date someone else.

Funny thing is, this happened to me about a year ago. I insta-friendzoned her, lost contact, met up with her half a year later, talked a bunch; she broke up. Took a shot, it worked out quite well, for the time being. So, I think it's just better to stay the hell back.

 

[Malty Milk Whistle]

I found a beautiful quote for this on a wall in an Irish bar. I don't know who the original author is.

"A brave man defeats his enemy with the sword. The coward does it with a kiss."

Or something like that. It was years ago.

Oh, it was an IRISH bar...it all makes sense.
Racism and joking'ness aside, Don't. Really, don't. its one of the suckyest things in the world to get cheated on, and even though you don't know him, are you still prepared to receive the backlash? Besides, you don't even know if she reciprocates these feelings, basically, you prepared to go for short term gain(because it WILL be short term) which will devolve into a lose-lose situation?

 

[Thyunda]

I found a beautiful quote for this on a wall in an Irish bar. I don't know who the original author is.

"A brave man defeats his enemy with the sword. The coward does it with a kiss."

Or something like that. It was years ago.

Oh, it was an IRISH bar...it all makes sense.
Racism and joking'ness aside, Don't. Really, don't. its one of the suckyest things in the world to get cheated on, and even though you don't know him, are you still prepared to receive the backlash? Besides, you don't even know if she reciprocates these feelings, basically, you prepared to go for short term gain(because it WILL be short term) which will devolve into a lose-lose situation?

...You aiming that at me or the OP?

 

[Malty Milk Whistle]

I found a beautiful quote for this on a wall in an Irish bar. I don't know who the original author is.

"A brave man defeats his enemy with the sword. The coward does it with a kiss."

Or something like that. It was years ago.

Oh, it was an IRISH bar...it all makes sense.
Racism and joking'ness aside, Don't. Really, don't. its one of the suckyest things in the world to get cheated on, and even though you don't know him, are you still prepared to receive the backlash? Besides, you don't even know if she reciprocates these feelings, basically, you prepared to go for short term gain(because it WILL be short term) which will devolve into a lose-lose situation?

...You aiming that at me or the OP?

eh, i forget other people don't see the cymbal monkey thing in my mind sometimes... i meant it at the OP, sorry for confusion.