About Relationship Sanctity....

[UsefulPlayer 1]

There have been some questions regarding relationships lately and I was hoping to hear from the Escapist on the matter. Please take this seriously.

Anyway, let's say there was this girl you like that was also interested in you. But you know she has a boyfriend, though you don't know him personally. Would you back off? Is it really a big deal at all?

(This is kinda the same question for the ladies but also really important...)
What if you had a sister or close female friend that really, really liked a boy and the boy was interested in her too, but he had a girlfriend. Would you tell her to back off? Would you think badly of her if she didn't?

Keep in mind that in both situations, the person does not ultimately intend to break up with their respective partners and wants to "get it on."

What I want to know is how wrong is it to get involved with someone who has a partner. Or am I just being alittle conservative and it's not wrong at all to be that guy on the side or that mistress?

 

[The Preened Mr. Fust]

To answer your first question:

Assuming I was single, yes I would. Attempting to compromise the emotions between two people for your own personal gain is a sick, selfish, neurotic thing to do. Anything that involves you hurting someone else for your own personal ends is awful.

You never know what is really going on with a couple, you never have the full story, and you should always remember that when you are involved with one you are involved with both of them. Exploitation of a situation is exploitation all the same.

In short, do not be an exploiting churl.

 

[Fieldy409_v1legacy]

Yeah No I wouldnt go for it.

Unless I was too drunk to say no.

That being said, I would watch the relationship like a hawk over facebook and happily remind the girl I was single if she broke up.

 

[Vault101]

Once I find out that a woman has or has had a boyfriend within the last two years, that closes them off to me entirely.

why? assuming they arnt together anymore

 

[Aris Khandr]

Back off, it is the only appropriate thing to do. I don't hate a lot of people. But one of the ones I do is because she violated that rule. There is no justification that makes it okay. You do something like that, you go on my list for life.

 

[theevilgenius60]

I always back off if they are taken. More of a not wanting to fuck up 3+ people's lives thing than anything else. Jumping into a relationship with someone that breaks a relationship with either of your then-current partner earns bad blood all around. Even if it's only one person deserving the hate, it'll eventually stick to everyone in the mess. Just don't do it. There are plenty singles out there, probably some better suited to you as well. Funny you should bring this up now, I just made myself back away from a girl who really connected with me. I think she might have been playing me against her boyfriend(didn't think she was coming at me serious until it was obvious, so I'm a bit dense). Can't win em all

 

[NorthernStar]

If someone's taken you back off. It's that simple.

Although, it's interesting to me that you mention that the person that you fall in love with is interested in you too, even though he/she has a partner. If someone expresses that kind of interest, while at the same time being in a committed relationship (I'm going to assume that person wants to stay with his partner out of love and not some feeling of moral obligation), then you have to have the self-respect to say: "If you want to be with me, you break up with your current partner first and then we'll see what happens / we can be together."

Seriously though, starting something with someone who's in a relationship can end up hurting a lot of people and I highly doubt it's ever worth all that pain.

 

[Dandark]

Nah, you should not try and break into their relationship. It's just not right to try and break them apart. If they break up however then go for it.

 

[UsefulPlayer 1]

Thanks for the responses, it really helps me think about a couple of things, and Im quite surprised that many chose to back off.

This isn't the thought that I prescribe to, but I figured many would have said that the relationship was already in pieces since the partner was willing to cheat.

I always thought it was blatantly wrong, but recent events made me think maybe I was just being conservative. I mean if you had a friend that did that, could you really judge them that badly?

I've never had this situation in real life, but I do hope I make the right choice.

 

[Thaluikhain]

That depends on the circumstances.

If both involved agreed that the relationship should be mutual, then yes, you should avoid that. However, that's not the case for a lot of people.

 

[Vault101]

Once I find out that a woman has or has had a boyfriend within the last two years, that closes them off to me entirely.

why? assuming they arnt together anymore

They'll be comparing me with the partner, even if they aren't together any more. I don't like that. I like to be considered on my own merits, whatever they might be.

[sub/] *sigh* and you wonder why you aparently cant get a relationship [/sub]

seriously? so what?

that fact that (hypothetically) shes going out with you in the first place..well that certainly says somthing doesnt it?

I mean seriously, its stupid, you cant let somthing like that bother you (and remember that happening or not its probably going to depend on the girl) ansd its not t=somthign you can prevent/controll its natural..it doesnt matter

 

[BringBackBuck]

Nothing wrong with it at all. Relationships end all the time, if she chooses you over her current partner then that is great, if she choses to stay with her current partner then good luck to her.

Relationships have different..err...intensities to them, ranging from "fling at college", to "The real deal, time to settle down, buy a house, dog, and stationwagon and have seven children". If you met a woman and were destined to be together forever and she was casually shagging her pizza delivery guy just for the lulz, then hell yes you pursue her all you can and get her to trade up. It will be the best decision either of you make and the pizza delivery guy will probably be happy that you two found true love with each other.

 

[BringBackBuck]

To answer your first question:

Assuming I was single, yes I would. Attempting to compromise the emotions between two people for your own personal gain is a sick, selfish, neurotic thing to do. Anything that involves you hurting someone else for your own personal ends is awful.

You never know what is really going on with a couple, you never have the full story, and you should always remember that when you are involved with one you are involved with both of them. Exploitation of a situation is exploitation all the same.

In short, do not be an exploiting churl.

I don't understand how this is exploitative. The OP said that you like the girl and the gril likes you. Presumably more than her current partner. If the girl is freely consenting than she is not being exploited. Presumably there is something wrong with their relationship if she is entertaining your advances. Maybe he has already cheated on her, I don't see how he is necessarily being exploited either?

 

[manic_depressive13]

This isn't the thought that I prescribe to, but I figured many would have said that the relationship was already in pieces since the partner was willing to cheat.

Bingo. I wouldn't go for someone who is taken and I would discourage any friend who is considering it, but ultimately the blame lies on the person who cheated. The fact that the person in your hypothetical situation is planning to lie to their current partner and continue the relaionship shows that they're basically scum. If my friend was willing to sleep with someone like that, I'd be much more disgusted with that person who betrayed their partner's trust than of my friend who understandably could not care less and just wants sex. My friend's actions may be unscrupulous, but they're just looking after their own interests. It's the cheater who wanted it both ways and was willing to shit all over their partner's feelings and dignity. The relationship wasn't going to last long anyway if they're going to jump at the first opportunity to sleep with someone else so I don't think the cheatee has that much to feel guilty about.

 

[Jedoro]

If she's dating him but likes me, then all I can really do is tell her she has a choice to make. I won't try to woo her away (mostly because I'm sure I'm terrible at that) but the second their relationship ends, it's fair game to ask her out.

 

[Dave In A Cape]

Speaking from experience since I'm going through this right now, I don't think that it is okay on any level.

If you are unhappy in your relationship you need to try and talk it out with your partner.
Of course if you've talked and talked and nothing has been fixed then you should consider breaking up but that doesn't mean that it is right or indeed fair to see someone behind your partners back with the intention of breaking up at a later date.

I'm going through this right now with my girlfriend (ex now I suppose) and someone from this forum. They haven't met but they decided to plan to meet up and do stuff that I shouldn't really have to explain all while she was with me.

I can tell you all that this is a pain that nobody should have to go through.

So ladies, guys and transgenders. Please just be honest with your partner if you're thinking of seeing someone behind your current partners back.

/opinion