Alright, here goes. I haven't asked advice on something like this before and hopefully I will never have to again.
I'm terrible, absolutely terrible, at saying no to people. No matter what I think or how something makes me feel, if someone asks me for something I usually do it. If someone wants something from me, I always say "it's ok", even though I don't like the situation or don't want to do something etc. You get the picture. This comes from trying to avoid conflict to the extreme. I'm just bad at saying no and conflicts make me scared sh*tless.
So, the situation at hand:
I broke up with my ex about seven months ago and we haven't been in any contact during this time which is good, I don't want to hang out with exes or be in any contact with them after le break up, it never does me any good. Never has and I doubt it ever will.
So, just moments ago I got a text from this particular ex and he asked if he could come and visit me later this week. He wanted to see my cat which he liked a lot when we were still involved. Now I really don't want him to come to my apartment. I just don't want to see him anymore. BUT I feel terrible about this because I don't know if I have the right to decline because he specifically said he wanted to see my cat and I know he liked him. I was about to send a message back to him saying, "Sure, it's fine", but it got me thinking - because it really isn't fine for me.
A little bit of background: We didn't have the nicest of break ups, a lot of fighting and he bad mouthed me A LOT after the break up to all his friends. Hence, I'm not comfortable seeing him again. I'd rather just not having any contact with him whatsoever.
Any thoughts? What do you think, do I have the right to decline? And also, how in the name of Beelzebub could I learn to say no without having such a bad conscience about it?
(Also, sorry if this became a wall of text)
I'm terrible, absolutely terrible, at saying no to people. No matter what I think or how something makes me feel, if someone asks me for something I usually do it. If someone wants something from me, I always say "it's ok", even though I don't like the situation or don't want to do something etc. You get the picture. This comes from trying to avoid conflict to the extreme. I'm just bad at saying no and conflicts make me scared sh*tless.
So, the situation at hand:
I broke up with my ex about seven months ago and we haven't been in any contact during this time which is good, I don't want to hang out with exes or be in any contact with them after le break up, it never does me any good. Never has and I doubt it ever will.
So, just moments ago I got a text from this particular ex and he asked if he could come and visit me later this week. He wanted to see my cat which he liked a lot when we were still involved. Now I really don't want him to come to my apartment. I just don't want to see him anymore. BUT I feel terrible about this because I don't know if I have the right to decline because he specifically said he wanted to see my cat and I know he liked him. I was about to send a message back to him saying, "Sure, it's fine", but it got me thinking - because it really isn't fine for me.
A little bit of background: We didn't have the nicest of break ups, a lot of fighting and he bad mouthed me A LOT after the break up to all his friends. Hence, I'm not comfortable seeing him again. I'd rather just not having any contact with him whatsoever.
Any thoughts? What do you think, do I have the right to decline? And also, how in the name of Beelzebub could I learn to say no without having such a bad conscience about it?
(Also, sorry if this became a wall of text)