Ok hey this is going to be quite a long whine so sit tight or maybe go fetch yourself a drink.
For the last 10 years, or probably longer to some extent, i have found myself to be a fairly unenthusiastic place to be, i have been very tired and found it very hard to motivate myself, plus having a weird ache in my side that i was assured was in my imagination by the doctors.
This was fine and i accepted i just wasnt motivated or driven in that way, i had always believed it was a general lack of enthusiasm that had failed to propel me through school and which had served to isolate me fairly comprehensively. At college i found myself going in like 2/3 hours early so deal with certain other issues that were beginning to affect me thus rendering me uselessly tired which would lead to me often falling asleep in class or alternatively falling asleep in a field some place in the sun.....
College failed i have made attempts to study quite a lot of subjects and have never struggled with the subject matter more the attendance, again which i attributed to my imaginary pain and increasing oddities with regards toilet usage.
I pretty much stopped speaking to everyone i knew in rl as i considered the pain i was in as a sign i didn't really like people and that they were a potential cause to my pain which felt then an lot like being very anxious or like when u know ur gonna be told off when your 7 or something, that or ive always had my situation making being told off and such more internally aggravating.
So roll on a few years and im 26 i have a job, am in a lot of pain all the time and bleed when i go no 2, i see on the news that the global recession has lifted, 2 days later im given my redundancy, i accept it as i understand the plight of the business and the fact that my bosses 60 year old mum was working with me purely to do lifting for me, if i did it myself i would have blood in my stools all the more and be in a pain that felt like my insides were being torn apart, I figure i have ceased to be an asset to the business.
2 days after my redundancy day i was diagnosed with Crohn's disease which explains my behaviour to a greater extent with regard the years before, I now find myself realising I need to have a job I can effectively do from home, a job I can do around how I am feeling, even when I find an effective med combo I will not be completely free of the possibility of a "flare up" as im told periods of active Crohn's are referred to. I am awake a lot, I thirst for a step i can take in my huge excesses of time that will productively take me in a useful direction.
I am using free software to improve my wpm and skill at typing i have read through some excel books though find numbers fairly daunting, i had always figured that i would maybe end up teaching R.E., history or maybe philosophy or sociology. I really dont know what to do from home, something computer based seems the most obvious way to head but that's quite a broad environment.
My reason for posting this here isnt for a massive wave of sympathy. I have often been pleasantly surprised with the level of conversation on this site also this site is one of the things that has got me through a lot of nasty times be it watching videos or ploughing through the forums, hell I only got back into computers really because of Chron's, i used to go out and live a bit more than I have for the last 2/3 years, gaming got me through to a point where I now realise I cannot just be gamer I need to be aiming in a useful direction and im after advice.
If anyone works from home albeit through choice or through illness please feel free to explain your route and training required, I just need something I can be studying now so as to make the destination easier, I really don't know what my options are, my pathetic use of punctuation makes me look less able mentally than I actually am, though ideally I wouldn't be looking at a steep learning curve but i see whatever happens happening in tiers anyway, possibly a more accessible yet less financially rewarding job would subsidise me studying for a steeper curve but more financially rewarding job. I just really need to be earning my own money again and feeling some self worth, I have always attempted to do as little harm as possible to the world around me having turned down essentially an apprenticeship as a commercial surveyor and also leaving an advertising company when they were attempting to advertise in and near schools, in both cases because i dint agree with the practices of the company's in question, and yeah im beginning to see ideals as something you have until life gets in the way, both of those jobs were ages ago and definitely burnt bridges. I am currently "living" on state disability benefits or "esa" to those who know, there are more benefits i am entitled to but i would sooner be working and earning than being tied to a label, i have no money when i feel ok and this can depress to the point of being a further detriment to the way Crohn's effects me.
all full on catch 22, any questions and i wll answer.
Any ideas that are relevant to someone living in south east of England would be really appreciated, excuse the wall of text and the writing but its very late and this isnt the first night I have stayed awake unable to rest my mind through lack of a solution.
My skills are few so I expect learning to be a large part of any suggestion, im as prepared for that as I can be, I just need a destination that would cater for me sometimes not being able to use much physical strength and that I could do at times around when I am unable, I accept 8 hours work is 8 hours work, I just can always do my 8 hours when I would like.
this is sprawling and will be edited I am sure when I am more straight of mind, apologies to the mods if this isnt seen as an appropriate use of escapist forum space, im just not sure where else I am liable to get advice from people who may be able to pick a more fun job than excel spreadsheets, though please suggest anything useful it will all give me something to researched broaden my horizons. ty in advance and welcome to the trolls who I am sure will knock this about massively before I make alterations.: P
For the last 10 years, or probably longer to some extent, i have found myself to be a fairly unenthusiastic place to be, i have been very tired and found it very hard to motivate myself, plus having a weird ache in my side that i was assured was in my imagination by the doctors.
This was fine and i accepted i just wasnt motivated or driven in that way, i had always believed it was a general lack of enthusiasm that had failed to propel me through school and which had served to isolate me fairly comprehensively. At college i found myself going in like 2/3 hours early so deal with certain other issues that were beginning to affect me thus rendering me uselessly tired which would lead to me often falling asleep in class or alternatively falling asleep in a field some place in the sun.....
College failed i have made attempts to study quite a lot of subjects and have never struggled with the subject matter more the attendance, again which i attributed to my imaginary pain and increasing oddities with regards toilet usage.
I pretty much stopped speaking to everyone i knew in rl as i considered the pain i was in as a sign i didn't really like people and that they were a potential cause to my pain which felt then an lot like being very anxious or like when u know ur gonna be told off when your 7 or something, that or ive always had my situation making being told off and such more internally aggravating.
So roll on a few years and im 26 i have a job, am in a lot of pain all the time and bleed when i go no 2, i see on the news that the global recession has lifted, 2 days later im given my redundancy, i accept it as i understand the plight of the business and the fact that my bosses 60 year old mum was working with me purely to do lifting for me, if i did it myself i would have blood in my stools all the more and be in a pain that felt like my insides were being torn apart, I figure i have ceased to be an asset to the business.
2 days after my redundancy day i was diagnosed with Crohn's disease which explains my behaviour to a greater extent with regard the years before, I now find myself realising I need to have a job I can effectively do from home, a job I can do around how I am feeling, even when I find an effective med combo I will not be completely free of the possibility of a "flare up" as im told periods of active Crohn's are referred to. I am awake a lot, I thirst for a step i can take in my huge excesses of time that will productively take me in a useful direction.
I am using free software to improve my wpm and skill at typing i have read through some excel books though find numbers fairly daunting, i had always figured that i would maybe end up teaching R.E., history or maybe philosophy or sociology. I really dont know what to do from home, something computer based seems the most obvious way to head but that's quite a broad environment.
My reason for posting this here isnt for a massive wave of sympathy. I have often been pleasantly surprised with the level of conversation on this site also this site is one of the things that has got me through a lot of nasty times be it watching videos or ploughing through the forums, hell I only got back into computers really because of Chron's, i used to go out and live a bit more than I have for the last 2/3 years, gaming got me through to a point where I now realise I cannot just be gamer I need to be aiming in a useful direction and im after advice.
If anyone works from home albeit through choice or through illness please feel free to explain your route and training required, I just need something I can be studying now so as to make the destination easier, I really don't know what my options are, my pathetic use of punctuation makes me look less able mentally than I actually am, though ideally I wouldn't be looking at a steep learning curve but i see whatever happens happening in tiers anyway, possibly a more accessible yet less financially rewarding job would subsidise me studying for a steeper curve but more financially rewarding job. I just really need to be earning my own money again and feeling some self worth, I have always attempted to do as little harm as possible to the world around me having turned down essentially an apprenticeship as a commercial surveyor and also leaving an advertising company when they were attempting to advertise in and near schools, in both cases because i dint agree with the practices of the company's in question, and yeah im beginning to see ideals as something you have until life gets in the way, both of those jobs were ages ago and definitely burnt bridges. I am currently "living" on state disability benefits or "esa" to those who know, there are more benefits i am entitled to but i would sooner be working and earning than being tied to a label, i have no money when i feel ok and this can depress to the point of being a further detriment to the way Crohn's effects me.
all full on catch 22, any questions and i wll answer.
Any ideas that are relevant to someone living in south east of England would be really appreciated, excuse the wall of text and the writing but its very late and this isnt the first night I have stayed awake unable to rest my mind through lack of a solution.
My skills are few so I expect learning to be a large part of any suggestion, im as prepared for that as I can be, I just need a destination that would cater for me sometimes not being able to use much physical strength and that I could do at times around when I am unable, I accept 8 hours work is 8 hours work, I just can always do my 8 hours when I would like.
this is sprawling and will be edited I am sure when I am more straight of mind, apologies to the mods if this isnt seen as an appropriate use of escapist forum space, im just not sure where else I am liable to get advice from people who may be able to pick a more fun job than excel spreadsheets, though please suggest anything useful it will all give me something to researched broaden my horizons. ty in advance and welcome to the trolls who I am sure will knock this about massively before I make alterations.: P