Aggression and You (.... or someone you know)

[DoW Lowen]

Here's something for you to think about -

Alice is sarcastic to her boyfriend Alex, she circulates nasty rumors behind his back but she never pushes or shoves him. Alex is never sarcastic to Alice and never circulates rumors about her, but he does push and shove her. Who is more "aggressive"? If both were the same sex would you still give the same answer?

Let's define aggression first. Aggression according to psychologists is the following -
- Behavior (feeling angry is not aggression)
- Intentional (not accidental)
- Aimed at hurting (not playfulness or other)

This is not to be mistaken with Assertiveness which is not intended to hurt but rather to express confidence of dominance. Although assertiveness can lead to aggression but not strongly correlated.

Answer the question above and can you think of a time you were aggressive recently or can you recall a moment which you could define as aggression? Why?

Mine would be in a recent tutorial discussion about capital punishment. A person had stood very strongly by it and he was convinced that capital punishment was a strong deter to crime and he had supported harsh disciplinary actions for small crimes such as stealing. To which I sardonically replied -

"Well let's look at the country of Oman, as in 'oh man, I can't believe you cut off my hand for stealing an apple'.

Or with my friend having an argument on the Xbox live server -

Person: Least I don't sleep with 12 year old's.
Friend: I'm sorry, I didn't know your mum was 12.

 

[darkless]

They are equally aggressive. The real problem is the huge gap between physical and passive aggression, physical aggression is considered to be worse because it can affect mentally as well as physically where as rumours and lies eventually fade away.

 

[nezroy]

The significant difference is that Alex can turn his back and walk away from Alice's form of aggression with essentially no further fear of reprisal. She may still spread rumors, but it's unlikely he'll be directly harmed by much of that, and he is completely removed from her sarcastic aggression. More importantly, Alex will generally feel as though he still has influence over his social circle. He will fight rumor with rumor (or truth), and will still feel as though he can exert significant sway over and resistance to the social aggression. It is a "fair fight", in other words.

In contrast, Alex's physical aggression comes with it an inherently attached sense of control and possession. Alice would have every reason to fear that simply "walking away" would not be sufficient to protect her. There is reasonable expectation on her part that Alex would seek her out to harm her even after she removed herself from the situation. Physical aggression is intrinsically linked to dominance and control.

For practical purposes it's effectively impossible to separate physical violence carried out by a human from the emotional and controlling aspects it carries with it. This is an evolutionary result of our fundamental social tribe nature. It's the same reason that being mugged and getting hit by a car result in totally different emotional outcomes, even if the physical injury sustained might be similar. One evokes a true sense of loss of control and fear, while the other just encourages you to look both ways next time.

 

[Proteus214]

Both of them are being aggressive; they both act with ill intent and both actions can be equally as hurtful. If they were both the same sex, yes, I would have to say it still applies.

rumours and lies eventually fade away.

Malicious lies and rumors can follow a person for their entire lives and can be just as harmful to someone's life as physical trauma.

 

[Disaster Button]

They're both being aggressive, just different forms.
Alice is being passive aggressive where as Alex is being actively ansd physically aggressive.

While theyre both pretty aggressive acts, I'd say he was being more aggressive and she was being more malicious and destructive

 

[DragonsAteMyMarbles]

Was this taken from a psychology textbook, by any chance?

1) They're both aggressive, but in different ways.
Given that they're boyfriend and girlfriend, each presumably knows what will hurt the other - without knowing anything else of Alex and Alice's character (specifically how susceptible they are to physical and mental bullying) I couldn't tell you which was the greater aggressor.

2) Not recently, but a few months back I was accused by someone of revealing something (not going to go into detail here) I had promised to keep secret. I don't have many redeeming features, but I will never break a promise. So, unusually for me, I got angry. Harsh things were said.

 

[JanatUrlich]

Well I'd say they're both agressive.

My friend Frost is on steroids at the moment so he's PSYCHO right now. He's also growing tits XD

 

[userwhoquitthesite]

I have a more pressing question: why arethese two dating if they dislike eachother this much?

they should havea muffin

 

[nezroy]

where as rumours and lies eventually fade away.

Not always true.

She may still spread rumors, but it's unlikely he'll be directly harmed by much of that,

Again, that's not terribly accurate.
It depends entirely upon what rumors she's spreading.

But they're both pretty aggressive.

I agree they're both pretty aggressive, and there are definitely social slings that can be long-lasting (though if your friends trust her over you, were they ever your friends?).

However, physical aggression carries deep-rooted overtones that get handily glossed over in these types of arguments, which is why physical aggression is quite often "more" aggressive than emotional/social aggression, and I would say it is more aggressive in this specific case as well.