Alien Experiments

[zombiejoe]

Your walking down the rode when suddenly a GIANT UFO CRASHES RIGHT NEXT TO YOU!!!! You and the alien are kidnaped by the CIA/FBI/WTF group. They decide since you found the alien, you should experiment on him first. Don't think about treating this living creature with respect, or having morals, THIS IS FOR SCIENCE!


The question is, if you where in charge of experimenting on an unknown alien, what would you first do.

I would bring the alien into a room full of random human objects, like cups, radios, tv's, toilets, porno magazines, you understand. I would study how he interacted with our objects.

Example:
Alien: Ok, let's see here, this "doll" must be for playing, and I think this red thing is a food, but what's this?
*looks into playboy*
Alien:BLAAAHHHHHHH *vomit*

 

[Cpt_Oblivious]

Say "Trust me, I'm a doctor" then cackle evilly for a good few minutes.

 

[Marter]

Look at the brain and fully analyse it.

 

[GundamSentinel]

Inject it with horrible viruses and see if it is resistent. Always a good time for medical research.

 

[UBERfionn]

I would demand to know where the best tasting cheese in the universe is and would not let him go until he tells me!

 

[RicoADF]

If its dead, postmortem. If alive, interact and try to communicate with it (weather visually or voice).

 

[blackhole1]

I would want to know how he got here. If there is anything left of his craft, analyze that. If it is sentient, try to learn how to communicate with it so that we can learn how his stuff works. Heck, this little guy might advance our species' technology 500 years!

 

[FallenJellyDoughnut]

I would want to know how he got here. If there is anything left of his craft, analyze that. If it is sentient, try to learn how to communicate with it so that we can learn how his stuff works. Heck, this little guy might advance our species' technology 500 years!

Of course its sentient! Unless the aliens put thier equivilent of chimps in space crafts and sent them into space for no reason.

 

[||XIII]

full DNA recognition find out how many chromozones if they have higher cognitive functiion then

probign all orifes with wooden clubs

This.

I would want to know how he got here. If there is anything left of his craft, analyze that. If it is sentient, try to learn how to communicate with it so that we can learn how his stuff works. Heck, this little guy might advance our species' technology 500 years!

And this, I believe that should about cover whatever interesting things you might learn about these things. Oh, and the communication part should probably start out with simple geometry.

 

[LWS666]

attempt to impregnate a woman with him.

 

[zombiejoe]

attempt to impregnate a woman with him.

I would fund that project

 

[zombiejoe]

This is a very telling thread.

<Picks up phone, starts dialling The Man>

what? what does "telling" mean? lol...

full DNA recognition find out how many chromozones if they have higher cognitive functiion then

probign all orifes with wooden clubs

If I understood what you where saying I would lol

 

[supagama]

imma put the DIE back in disection

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

Discover the most edible and delicious parts, and prepare them for a feast.

This is a truly focussed mind. Priorities set here.

Freak it out by speaking gibberish and acting in an ape like way. Walk move and talk randomly when around the alien to confuse it intensely. Walk sideways with a gait and talk as fast as you can in clicks and whoops.

 

[zombiejoe]

Discover the most edible and delicious parts, and prepare them for a feast.

This is a truly focussed mind. Priorities set here.

Freak it out by speaking gibberish and acting in an ape like way. Walk move and talk randomly when around the alien to confuse it intensely. Walk sideways with a gait and talk as fast as you can in clicks and whoops.

Wow, it would not be happy when it's HIS turn for the experiments.

 

[monkyvirus]

Yeah the communication thing would be most important. Though even math is relative so it could be a struggle...

 

[Yureina]

Nothing.

Simple reason for that is what would happen in the opposite situation. If I got captured by wierd aliens and got experimented on, my planned response would not be "Oh, hello strange people, how are you?". It would be bloodthirsty genocide down to the last. I would hunt down and kill every single one of those aliens I could find until none of them remained.

So, yeah. I don't think i'd want to experiment on something, just in case it held the same attitude as I do when it regards such things.

 

[zombiejoe]

Nothing.

Simple reason for that is what would happen in the opposite situation. If I got captured by wierd aliens and got experimented on, my planned response would not be "Oh, hello strange people, how are you?". It would be bloodthirsty genocide down to the last. I would hunt down and kill every single one of those aliens I could find until none of them remained.

So, yeah. I don't think i'd want to experiment on something, just in case it held the same attitude as I do when it regards such things.

As already stated "Don't think about treating this living creature with respect, or having morals, THIS IS FOR SCIENCE!

 

[Jark212]

It depends, it's an attractive female alien I would closely document how she would react to a candle-lite dinner with with me while the cool vocals of Barry White are playing in the background...

For Science... Ya... Science...

 

[HT_Black]

Engage it in conversation; see how quickly it picks up english, if it does at all, and study its language. Then, ask it where it came from, how it feels, if there are any more like it, whether or not it would like to leave, and could it take a video camera with it if it does.

Why piss it off, I figure.