This is cracking me up, but what I find really amusing about this is that when I was a kid (more like 12/13 than the age of this fictional Joey), I used to say this kind of thing to my friends to freak them out. They could never figure out if I was joking. Sometimes neither could I. Best bit is, my name is actually Joey. Funny old world isn't it?
Also, somebody already said this, but you should totally start a website, you've got about the same artistic skill displayed as in cyanide and happiness, so I wouldn't worry about that, and part of the point is that they're crappy anyway (you might be a good MSpaint artist when not trying to be fail, who knows?), but yeah, DO IT! then tell us the URL.
EDIT: just out of curiosity, do you have any children?