Parents mean well. It's a tough job market, and she wants her son to have security. My mother is Chinese, and I know it's a stereotype, but she raised me very strictly. My father was a university lecturer from the UK. I had to the take the so-called "Suicide Six" subjects in High-school (Physics, Biology, Chemistry, Maths B (intermediate maths) and Maths C (advanced maths) plus the compulsory English). No parties, no "hanging-out" with friends, and the constant pressure to do well. She wasn't an ogre - she allowed me to play video games and study how I wanted - the only demand was that I do well. I was in the debating team for my high-school, and while I didn't exactly enjoy it, it did give me practice in public speaking.
It worked. I have a Master's Degree (Molecular Biology). I've been admitted into Medical School at one of the finest universities in Australia. And at the end of the day, I think my most valuable possession (if it can be called that) is my education and knowledge. I am extremely grateful that my mother and father pushed me so hard, because I would be a poorer person for it. My education has illuminated so many aspects of my life - I would be an entirely different person if it was not for my university education.
Luckily, my goals aligned with my parents goals (they didn't brain-wash me, I came to appreciate science on its own). For my brother... well, unfortunately he was of a different mind-set and suffered a lot of stress under my mother's strict parenting style.
So I understand that not all kids want to go to university. But... look, life isn't entirely about what we want. I'm studying to become a doctor because I need job-security. I still intend to be a full-time researcher, but it's difficult to get grants and I need a fall-back position. I've locked myself in for 3 years of Med school + 3 years of PhD course work (it's a joint degree) and a couple more years for further medical training and specialization because I need security in my job and in my life. We don't get to always do what we want all the time.
Think studying is stressful? Try being out of work. Try raising a family on minimum wage. That's much more stressful. Hell, life in general after high school is more stressful than anything I had to face in High school. Learning to deal with stress is important because that's what we have to do. For me, my work load forced me to channel my stress into anger which I then channelled back into work. Because I had a reasonably stressful time at high-school, I've learned to deal with it, to push past the boredom, the anxiety and just DO IT. Whatever I have to do, I have learned the art of just steeling myself and getting on with whatever I have to do.
Forcing your kid to learn and learn well gives them more opportunity in life. The average lifespan in the US is around 80 years these days. There's plenty of time left after High-school to decide what you want to do. Most of us don't even have stable careers until we're 30 these days. A well-educated child is a child with OPTIONS. Your nephew might never go to university, might never want to go to college. When he turns 18, however, he'll HAVE THE OPTION. Whether or not he takes it is up to him and it should be up to him, but his mother is just preparing him so that he can lead the life he wants. We often don't know what we want exactly when we are young. I myself, until I was 16, was dead-set on becoming a physicist. Then, I changed my mind and decided to become a biologist/doctor. If I hadn't taken Biology in high-school, I might not have been able to become a biologist. My high-school subjects enabled me to have the choice to enrol in any university course I wished. I could have become literally ANYTHING. I could have become a computer scientist, a physicist, a chemist, a carpenter, an engineer, a psychologist, a vet or a chef - literally, there was no path that was not open to me after I left high-school. Your sister wants to give her son the same opportunity.
Life is stressful. That's a given. Unless you are lucky enough to be born into a family of millionaires or unless you've won the lottery, there's no avoiding stress. It's better that he learns how to deal with stress at a young age.
However that boyscout stuff is nonsense. By all means push your child in a direction, but you can't make your child a polymath or all-rounder. She shouldn't force her child to take activities that won't give him more opportunities, and being an Eagle Scout might be a nice achievement, but I've never heard of anyone being employed on the basis that they've done good in scouting.
P.S: I have nothing against the United States scouts. I have no doubt that scouting is a fun recreational activity that can teach some useful survival skills. But it's a pretty useless thing to put on your resume, unless you want to be a park ranger, and even then it's not that useful.
So he should drop at least a few of the activities he is doing, especially if he doesn't enjoy them. I know I said that life is full of unpleasant tasks that we have to do, but recreational sports and scouting and church youth groups aren't great providers of opportunity (unless he wants to be a sports coach at a religious university).
