Always had a selfcomplex

[alandavidson]

So basicly, like 80% of my life i always have simply hated myself for how i looked,
and by that i mean my body, i have a bit too mutch weight and well a lot of people seem to really struggle with that.
i can honestly say where i fnally came to a point where i took more action and motivation to actually start losing that extra weight, but by all means it really isnt easy!

I feel in a sort of battle with myself everytime again, and i have a wonderful boyfriend, to my feeling the relationship is really getting serious, and he says he loves my appearance.
I know he wouldnt lie about something like that, but this part of me just doesnt believe it.

And i am not talking in a way of *Omg i cant believe he loves my appearance*
No i am talking about actually having a part of me disbelieving that, because i have build up so mutch hate towards myself i struggle really hard to believe any compliment made about my body.

Also i know he usually isnt great fan of bigger girls like that so that only adds up to my feeling of *Why the hell do you love mine then*
besides all other stress i have every day this just adds up to it, and i wonder if besides just working really hard on changing if i could do something... because right now it is simply driving me nuts.

From a health standpoint, losing weight will do a lot for you. For example, reduce your risk of heart attack, stroke, diabetes, hypertension, and even some forms of cancer. Plus, exercise releases endorphin into your brain, which makes you happier and more focused. So, no matter who you are, and what you weigh, you should work out because it's good for you.

The honest truth about your appearance is that you will always have some some self-doubt about it. You need to realize that you are beautiful just the way you are, and that your personality is the most attractive thing about you. The guy you're dating is with you because of you.

If you want to lose weight, do it because it's something that you want to do, and do it for you, not anyone else.

I'm rooting for you, you can do this, and things will get better. Just remember to look in the mirror and remind yourself that you are beautiful, because you are.

 

[Simalacrum]

One thing to try and bare in mind that what is 'attractive' is something that is almost ENTIRELY socially constructed by society.

In many parts of Africa, an attractive woman is in fact one whom has weight, and thus there are rituals in which women are fed as much as possible and pampered in preparation for marriage (I can't, sadly, remember which exact culture does this? I had a lecture on Social Anthropology at university once and saw it there); women in Feudal Japan used to blacken their teeth to attract men. There are plenty more examples of practices that people who have grown up in Western culture may see as bizarre. (although, Western culture has had dramatic shifts in the idea of 'attractive' too; just look at how we laugh at 70's hairstyle!)

Point of the matter is, there isn't really any such thing as "what is attractive"; its all subjective. Same thing with weight; the reason you dislike the way you look may have a LOT to do with the sort of society we've been brought up in.

I don't really know if this helps? but, I dunno, when I think of it that way, I kind of feel like there's no point in conforming to such ideals, when its so subjective; I've never liked conforming to societal pressures, anyway! I wore incredibly ugly cotton trousers as a child (gloriously comfortable stuff, I tells ya), and now, as an adult, I'd quite happily wear a colander as a hat if the mood takes me! (I do in fact have evidence of me wearing a colander as a hat, if you want evidence :3)

Same thing should go with looks, in my opinion; sure, make sure you don't become clinically obese (thats more a health than social issue ), but otherwise, really, I think its far more healthy and, in some ways, far more FUN to be yourself than something that society wants you to be.

Well yes in a very large portion you are right, but everyone wants to be just that bit more because they simply want to fit in, not to mention that a lot of clothing stores simply dont care for bigger people and you have to drag yourself all kinds of different stores to find something that fits well, or even buy it on the internet.

A lot of the time I've actually found that 'fitting in' is more a matter of finding people who are like yourself, rather than conforming to a certain way or certain looks. ^_^ If people don't like you for who you are then honestly they can go screw themselves.

On the practical side of things about clothes and stuff, they don't really sell stuff for underweight people either. XD A lot of the time I find that those really cool pair of jeans just flop to the floor when I try them on. Sadly, thats more clothing stores sucking than anything else.

 

[SycoMantis91]

You sound a lot like my girlfriend. I don't think your two opinions need to be exclusive. People have different tastes, and a lot of people (especially attractive women for some reason) hate how they look. I personally think really thin girls are disgusting and I know many guys that believe me. My girlfriend and I just had a long talk about how she feels about her looks. She thinks I deserve a better looking, "sexier" girl. Now I think that's exactly what she is, but what I told her, is that I love her for the sweet, caring, supportive, funny, nerdy, loving, amazing girl she is. She just happens to be beautiful to me physically as well.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, (besides that chances are slim you're half as bad looking as you think) is that looks really don't matter that much. No matter what he thinks of you physically, you shouldn't dwell on it so much. If he loves you enough as a person, it'll really never matter what you look like on the outside. He'll be happy to be with someone that makes him happy, makes him feel good, and that he enjoys being with. Looks don't matter nearly as much to guys as most women think. Though if he says he loves your body, I'm sure it's a 100% honest opinion.