Am I Gay?

[Shio]

Obviously that's a complex question that can only ever be truly answered by myself, but I'm in need of guidance.

My sex and gender is male, though I do have something of a female side that I sometimes enjoy embracing. 'She' has a name and all. I don't crossdress or have any interest in doing so. But I do enjoy 'being female' sometimes. That could be irrelevant, but I thought I'd mention it. Now, on the the meat of the issue: I find women sexually attractive, be it there legs, their feet, their breasts, their femininity or their hair - women are beautiful creatures. I also find vagina to be extremely sexually arousing, but, I find penis more attractive. Men themselves aren't attractive to me at all. But penis rocks, lol.

I know a title doesn't matter much and being gay or not being gay won't affect me in any way, but I'd like to know. I don't think I'm gay; penis is a sexual organ of males, yes, but males themselves do nothing for me in the slightest. This has all added up to me being very attracted to transgirls, by the way. If that matters. Male to female transgirls are gorgeous ^^

Any tips, ideas or comments would be greatly appreciated.

xxx

 

[gazumped]

If you find women sexually attractive, why would you think you're gay? Surely you're more likely to be bisexual. And if you're not attracted to men in particular you might just have a bit of a phallus fetish that you're more likely to be able to satisfy with a pretty girl and a dildo (or possibly even one with a penis).

Having a female side/persona doesn't necessarily reflect on your sexuality (she could even be a lesbian!) as even full on cross-dressers often aren't gay.

My advice, though, is to not try to over-analyse yourself. Being gay has only really been an identity over the last few decades, anyway, before that people would just avoid the opposite sex or get together with people of the same sex sometimes (and try to keep it on the down low because such behaviour was seen as weird or sinful).

If you get with a guy so be it, but certainly don't think you're not allowed to be with women just because you like penis.

 

[Shio]

If you find women sexually attractive, why would you think you're gay? Surely you're more likely to be bisexual. And if you're not attracted to men in particular you might just have a bit of a phallus fetish that you're more likely to be able to satisfy with a pretty girl and a dildo (or possibly even one with a penis).

Having a female side/persona doesn't necessarily reflect on your sexuality (she could even be a lesbian!) as even full on cross-dressers often aren't gay.

My advice, though, is to not try to over-analyse yourself. Being gay has only really been an identity over the last few decades, anyway, before that people would just avoid the opposite sex or get together with people of the same sex sometimes (and try to keep it on the down low because such behaviour was seen as weird or sinful).

If you get with a guy so be it, but certainly don't think you're not allowed to be with women just because you like penis.

Thank you for that well written and kind reply ^^

You're right about not worrying about it so much. I know it's not really a big deal. I just have a few issues in my life and find it really hard to meet people and form relationships, so I was hoping I could narrow down my search somewhat. I think I would indeed like to meet a girl with a penis. Don't know how hard that'll be, though. I don't know any transgirls and my anxiety disorder keeps me from really "getting out there" and going to gay clubs and stuff.

I've always wondered what my female persona meant - if it means anything. The weird thing is, I'm not feminine or girly normally, but sometimes I just feel like part of my brain makes me a girl. I don't know. It's just something I wish I could work out.

Thanks again for your time and reply. It's reassuring.

 

[BlueberryMUNCH]

By my definitions...nah, it doesn't sound like you are.
If anything, you're bi-sexual by definition but then again...I dunno, doesn't really sound like that to me.

As Lisa said, it sounds more like a fetish than anything else, and I'm sure a lot of girls will be willing to embrace, and undoubtedly enjoy, that side of you. It sounds bedroom antics can be spiced up in all sorts of ways, haha!

At the end of the day though mate, the best thing to do is to just...not worry about it. More thought leads to more doubt and more just...general angst.

Tell you what, I'm sure I can track down the transgender community on here, hang...on...
Okay, crap, they got banned.
BUT, check this out...
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.247694-Ask-a-Transexual-Transgender-Two-Groups
And if you go on to the OP's profile, you can see their Skype and MSN; maybe get in touch with her.
As the OP says, they haven't had any op [haha, double meaning op. Hilarious...*cough*], but they're undergoing the process. Maybe if you get in touch, you can find out about where to meet trans women or other such things.

I don't know if any of that was at all helpful, but hey><.

As far as your feminine side goes...heck, it's just a part of you! Embrace it in moderation, but don't worry about it. Everyone has their inner selves, so if you're worrying about stuff along the lines of 'oh god, is this normal? What's wrong with me?'...all I can say is that of course it's normal, and there's nothing wrong; it's a part of who you are:].

...yeah, all that was probably nonsensical ramblings and completely unhelpful and non insightful...but hopefully there's something in there worth...something.
I'M RAMBLING, sorry xD. Either way, best of luck for the future lad.

 

[Shio]

By my definitions...nah, it doesn't sound like you are.
If anything, you're bi-sexual by definition but then again...I dunno, doesn't really sound like that to me.

As Lisa said, it sounds more like a fetish than anything else, and I'm sure a lot of girls will be willing to embrace, and undoubtedly enjoy, that side of you. It sounds bedroom antics can be spiced up in all sorts of ways, haha!

At the end of the day though mate, the best thing to do is to just...not worry about it. More thought leads to more doubt and more just...general angst.

Tell you what, I'm sure I can track down the transgender community on here, hang...on...
Okay, crap, they got banned.
BUT, check this out...
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.247694-Ask-a-Transexual-Transgender-Two-Groups
And if you go on to the OP's profile, you can see their Skype and MSN; maybe get in touch with her.
As the OP says, they haven't had any op [haha, double meaning op. Hilarious...*cough*], but they're undergoing the process. Maybe if you get in touch, you can find out about where to meet trans women or other such things.

I don't know if any of that was at all helpful, but hey><.

As far as your feminine side goes...heck, it's just a part of you! Embrace it in moderation, but don't worry about it. Everyone has their inner selves, so if you're worrying about stuff along the lines of 'oh god, is this normal? What's wrong with me?'...all I can say is that of course it's normal, and there's nothing wrong; it's a part of who you are:].

...yeah, all that was probably nonsensical ramblings and completely unhelpful and non insightful...but hopefully there's something in there worth...something.
I'M RAMBLING, sorry xD. Either way, best of luck for the future lad.

Again, this community proves itself to be awesome. Thanks a lot for your time and effort in making that reply. I appreciate it a lot.

I think I will indeed just relax a bit and let me be me without wondering why or how. I like what I like and I am who I am. You two have given me hope that finding someone who likes me for me won't be as impossible as I thought. My sexuality will become clearer as time goes by. Until then, I've nothing to gain by trying to work it out. Not like a label is going to change my life, lol.

*hug*

xxx

 

[SiskoBlue]

One thing I'll point out, you'd be amazed how many guys at some point worry that they're becoming "gay" (I've worked as a counsellor and it comes up a lot).

The weird thing is that the nub of the problem isn't sexuality but gender. They're not attracted to men, don't fantasise about having sex with men, and it doesn't even occur to them that just maybe THAT would be a clear sign they're not gay.

But what makes them think they're "gay" is that they feel weak, or effiminate. They equate gay = weak. Nothing could be further from the truth of course but there is an insidious cultural message that being gay is a weakness, or being gay, or a woman, is being weak. So when a young man feels vunerable, his self-esteem low, and he's not feeling as capable or as competent as he'd like to he suddenly starts thinking he's gay. It's the oddest thing and whenever I point this out to them it's like some great burden hasn't been lifted off their shoulders.

Another thing to note is that there's lots of "not gay" groups of men who enjoy watching each other jerk off.

I don't what that is but in evolutionary terms the male penis is inordinately large in proportion to our bodies when compared with other primates. Gorillas only have small penises and they're the largest primates. The theory is that because homo sapien walk erect (no pun intended) that the human penis has/had an important role in display. Like a peacocks feathers. It doesn't need to be that large to serve it's function but its size is more important in signalling to male competitors and potential mates the status of the male.

Make of that as you will.

 

[Shio]

One thing I'll point out, you'd be amazed how many guys at some point worry that they're becoming "gay" (I've worked as a counsellor and it comes up a lot).

The weird thing is that the nub of the problem isn't sexuality but gender. They're not attracted to men, don't fantasise about having sex with men, and it doesn't even occur to them that just maybe THAT would be a clear sign they're not gay.

But what makes them think they're "gay" is that they feel weak, or effiminate. They equate gay = weak. Nothing could be further from the truth of course but there is an insidious cultural message that being gay is a weakness, or being gay, or a woman, is being weak. So when a young man feels vunerable, his self-esteem low, and he's not feeling as capable or as competent as he'd like to he suddenly starts thinking he's gay. It's the oddest thing and whenever I point this out to them it's like some great burden hasn't been lifted off their shoulders.

Another thing to note is that there's lots of "not gay" groups of men who enjoy watching each other jerk off.

I don't what that is but in evolutionary terms the male penis is inordinately large in proportion to our bodies when compared with other primates. Gorillas only have small penises and they're the largest primates. The theory is that because homo sapien walk erect (no pun intended) that the human penis has/had an important role in display. Like a peacocks feathers. It doesn't need to be that large to serve it's function but its size is more important in signalling to male competitors and potential mates the status of the male.

Make of that as you will.

The penis - a wonderful and strange thing, lol. Your theory is also pretty interesting. Men have always placed a great deal of importance on the issue and it does indeed seem akin to a peacock. I'm going to look into that!

I have indeed actually watched a few friends masturbate, and found it amazingly arousing to be around. I also prefer the taste of penis to vagina. Wonder how common that is.

Anywho, thank you very much for your time and comment.

xxx

 

[CommanderKirov]

You know, this might be far fetched but you might have dual personalities...

Not because you have a feminine side, more because you name yourself different and such...

I don't know. This is a tough thing to give advice about. I would sughest you wait and see. But I would think you are more of a bi-sexual rather than gay.

 

[Drtfgf5]

But I would think you are more of a bi-sexual rather than gay.

I totally agree with Kirov on this one, Do you believe that you are bi-sexual?

 

[Zantos]

Mate, I think you're just in a curious phase. You go into great detail about the female anatomy, with maybe a hint of the male. I struggled with a similar(ish) thing a few years ago, I preferred women sexually but preferred kissing men. I came to the conclusion that, despite the best kisses I've had being from males, I was still pretty damn straight. Just takes a little experimentation and a lot of patience really.

 

[Erana]

What I can offer here is a bit of my own personal experience.
I'm asexual. I've been asexual, all my life. I went publicly about it last Winter. It felt good to come out as such publicly, even though no one really cares all that much, because it was something I needed to to to be comfortable with myself.
Before I did it, I felt like it would make myself fell better.

If you don't feel like it would make you better able to accept yourself, then don't label yourself. Chances are, if it doesn't feel like the natural, right thing to do, then its not necessary.

 

[Shio]

You know, this might be far fetched but you might have dual personalities...

I've thought about that. I don't think it is the case though. I think I just enjoy roleplay a bit from time to time. Whenever that side of me comes out, it is always in the context of flirting or sex. Maybe I just looked too much into it, lol.

Just remember that there really is no black-or-whiteness about sexuality: every person has some attraction to both sexes, and, as in your case, the genders in between. Sexuality is more of a spectrum than a definition. For instance, I identify myself as homosexual, but that does not mean that I don't find some women very good looking. If you are attracted to women, but more attracted to male genitalia, then I'd say that you were probably bisexual, but with a preference to women.

That does not specifically make you bisexual or homosexual. It doesn't even make you heterosexual. Remember that terms such as 'heterosexual' and 'homosexual' are simply labels that people use to identify others. If you don't feel that you are of a specific orientation, then that's just the way you are. Maybe you should search for a term that you feel suits your own orientation. Or just avoid using any defintion at all, if that is what you'd prefer.

As for the dual nature of genders of your personality: I can't really offer much. I have a few different sides to my personality, but all that I have found so far seem to be definitely male. I have even caught myself out having conversations with myself. The three main voices all have different personalities: one is polite, shy, and respectful; another is loud, but more inquisitive; and the third one is slightly hyperactive, although I hear the least from this one. And before anyone comments on this, I've not been told by them to rob old ladies or burn down orphanges. [sub] Yet. [/sub]

I spoke to my dad today about this stuff and he said maybe I'm gay and just prefer extremely feminine men. I disagreed and we talked about how I specifically like girls and the penis is the only attractive aspect of men to me - nothing else about men or the male gender, however girly or manly, is attractive to me in the slightest.

I think you're right about titles not being needed here. I'll just say I'm heterosexual if I ever need to identify my sexuality for some reason. After all, I like women and transgirls (the people I'm most sexually attracted to) are girls.

Mate, I think you're just in a curious phase. You go into great detail about the female anatomy, with maybe a hint of the male. I struggled with a similar(ish) thing a few years ago, I preferred women sexually but preferred kissing men. I came to the conclusion that, despite the best kisses I've had being from males, I was still pretty damn straight. Just takes a little experimentation and a lot of patience really.

Thanks for sharing! It's interesting that we both have a (different) specific attraction to an aspect of men, but not men themselves. I gotta admit, though, boys are fun to kiss

What I can offer here is a bit of my own personal experience.
I'm asexual. I've been asexual, all my life. I went publicly about it last Winter. It felt good to come out as such publicly, even though no one really cares all that much, because it was something I needed to to to be comfortable with myself.
Before I did it, I felt like it would make myself fell better.

If you don't feel like it would make you better able to accept yourself, then don't label yourself. Chances are, if it doesn't feel like the natural, right thing to do, then its not necessary.

I thought I was asexual for the longest time, actually. Everyone around me was interested in boys, girls or both and I was the only one who couldn't and didn't really feel anything for either (other than base level physical stuff, like 'yeah, she has a great body). I think my specific interest in transgirls is the reason for my thinking that; I was feeling asexual because I hadn't found my real sexual interest.

Of course, that's not me trying to say you're not really asexual. Just sharing my story 'cause I like to get stuff off my shoulders, lol.

Thank you all for your comments. Between my parents pretty much shrugging and not caring in the slightest when I told them and you guys being so helpful and nice, I feel really good about myself. Looking forward to exploring my new found sexuality!

xxx

 

[The Man With the Soap]

If you find women sexually attractive, why would you think you're gay? Surely you're more likely to be bisexual. And if you're not attracted to men in particular you might just have a bit of a phallus fetish that you're more likely to be able to satisfy with a pretty girl and a dildo (or possibly even one with a penis).

Having a female side/persona doesn't necessarily reflect on your sexuality (she could even be a lesbian!) as even full on cross-dressers often aren't gay.

My advice, though, is to not try to over-analyse yourself. Being gay has only really been an identity over the last few decades, anyway, before that people would just avoid the opposite sex or get together with people of the same sex sometimes (and try to keep it on the down low because such behaviour was seen as weird or sinful).

If you get with a guy so be it, but certainly don't think you're not allowed to be with women just because you like penis.

J. Edgar Hoover was a cross-dresser, and he had a wife and kids.

I agree with this post. It's more likely that you're a bisexual than homosexual.

 

[Shio]

If you find women sexually attractive, why would you think you're gay? Surely you're more likely to be bisexual. And if you're not attracted to men in particular you might just have a bit of a phallus fetish that you're more likely to be able to satisfy with a pretty girl and a dildo (or possibly even one with a penis).

Having a female side/persona doesn't necessarily reflect on your sexuality (she could even be a lesbian!) as even full on cross-dressers often aren't gay.

My advice, though, is to not try to over-analyse yourself. Being gay has only really been an identity over the last few decades, anyway, before that people would just avoid the opposite sex or get together with people of the same sex sometimes (and try to keep it on the down low because such behaviour was seen as weird or sinful).

If you get with a guy so be it, but certainly don't think you're not allowed to be with women just because you like penis.

J. Edgar Hoover was a cross-dresser, and he had a wife and kids.

I agree with this post. It's more likely that you're a bisexual than homosexual.

Really? Wow. He doesn't look the type. Not that there's anything wrong with it - dress however the hell you want - just surprises me.

 

[The Man With the Soap]

If you find women sexually attractive, why would you think you're gay? Surely you're more likely to be bisexual. And if you're not attracted to men in particular you might just have a bit of a phallus fetish that you're more likely to be able to satisfy with a pretty girl and a dildo (or possibly even one with a penis).

Having a female side/persona doesn't necessarily reflect on your sexuality (she could even be a lesbian!) as even full on cross-dressers often aren't gay.

My advice, though, is to not try to over-analyse yourself. Being gay has only really been an identity over the last few decades, anyway, before that people would just avoid the opposite sex or get together with people of the same sex sometimes (and try to keep it on the down low because such behaviour was seen as weird or sinful).

If you get with a guy so be it, but certainly don't think you're not allowed to be with women just because you like penis.

J. Edgar Hoover was a cross-dresser, and he had a wife and kids.

I agree with this post. It's more likely that you're a bisexual than homosexual.

Really? Wow. He doesn't look the type. Not that there's anything wrong with it - dress however the hell you want - just surprises me.

Everybody knows that Hoover was a cross-dresser.

 

[Shio]

If you find women sexually attractive, why would you think you're gay? Surely you're more likely to be bisexual. And if you're not attracted to men in particular you might just have a bit of a phallus fetish that you're more likely to be able to satisfy with a pretty girl and a dildo (or possibly even one with a penis).

Having a female side/persona doesn't necessarily reflect on your sexuality (she could even be a lesbian!) as even full on cross-dressers often aren't gay.

My advice, though, is to not try to over-analyse yourself. Being gay has only really been an identity over the last few decades, anyway, before that people would just avoid the opposite sex or get together with people of the same sex sometimes (and try to keep it on the down low because such behaviour was seen as weird or sinful).

If you get with a guy so be it, but certainly don't think you're not allowed to be with women just because you like penis.

J. Edgar Hoover was a cross-dresser, and he had a wife and kids.

I agree with this post. It's more likely that you're a bisexual than homosexual.

Really? Wow. He doesn't look the type. Not that there's anything wrong with it - dress however the hell you want - just surprises me.

Everybody knows that Hoover was a cross-dresser.

I honestly did not. But yeah, just looked it up. Apparently he was none to pleased with homophobics. Cool dude.

 

[SweetNess_666]

Love this thread. It does sound to me like you are either bisexual or bicurious, as for the fem side that doesn't mean your gay at all. I'm 26 and have had a fem side for as long as I can remember I also xdress and go out as my alter ego to clubs and pubs etc but I also have a lovely girlfreind who loves my fem side even sexually sometimes so the advice I can ultimately offer you is. Be who you want to be embrace who you are life is wayyyy to short xxx