Am I just at fault?

[Mister K]

If you've known that they are a pair prior to beginning of your activities, then your actions are pretty bad.
But any way, I (inexpirienced in love) think that you should not tell the boyfriend about it, but you also should stop seeing each other.
That is just my opinion.

 

[Hazy]

All is fair in love and war...


...but you're likely to get hit if you go banging another dude's girl.

Relationship guru, awaaaay!

 

[hooblabla6262]

Yes, you are at fault. You both knowingly did something that would emotionally hurt another human being for self gain.
What's worse is you could have avoided the whole situation by simply having her break up with her boyfriend beforehand. Or by having sex with someone else.

But what's even worse than that is you trying to justify your actions by calling him a douche-bag, or by assigning her more blame. If you're going to be part of a cheaters triangle, have the balls to admit that you are an asshole. Don't argue it, don't try to underplay it. Be true to yourself, bud.

 

[Ursus Buckler]

If you've felt the need to ask, you probably already know the answer. Granted in the same situation I doubt that I'd act different, but put yourself in D-Bag's shoes. Time is not on your side. If I were you I'd insist on this girl dumping her boyfriend if you're going to continue to see each other before things escalate, but then again, if she's been willing to cheat with D-Bag, what's to stop her doing the same to you?

 

[Legion]

The only issue of morality is if the woman in this little triangle has led her boyfriend to believe that they are an exclusive couple.

This is true, if the girls boyfriend is not under the impression that it's exclusive, then you are right, there is no moral quandary at all.

That said, if that were the case then the OP would have no reason to ask if he is at fault, because surely he'd know that he is not having sex with somebody in an exclusive relationship. I can't imagine it'd be the case and the girl never told him about it.

So I took it as a given that the person he is seeing was in an exclusive relationship.

 

[Vegosiux]

I'm skeptical. But in any case, it doesn't matter if he knows she's in an exclusive relationship or not. She is the one responsible for her relationship. She makes the decisions of who she sleeps with.

It's not usually that clear-cut, though. Questions of "morality" aside, I simply can't see myself encouraging or supporting behavior that's going to lead to a shitstorm for everyone involved down the line. There's more than just the responsibility of that one relationship in play here, that's not the only thing at stake. Moral or immoral, that's irrelevant, expecting a love triangle to go on indefinitely without consequence to oneself is simply stupid...especially when it's further complicated by stuff like working with people that are involved with it.

It's that "Do what you wan't, but don't come crying..." sentiment for me, I suppose.

 

[Subscriptism]

If he's a douchebag then don't sweat it. If he was either neutral or a nice guy then you'd be a dick for doing it.

 

[game-lover]

Well, ive come to the conclusion that I am just as much, only cuz now it looks like im hooking up with another coworker. And dont worry, shes single. Appearenty everyone here does. But now i wont let it bother me. More snu snu I guess

Wait. Are you saying you've stopped screwing the cheating girlfriend coworker and instead are going to start screwing the single one? Because you know being involved with the slut was a terrible decision? Or are you saying that you know you're particularly wrong because you're now beginning to screw both girls at the same time? And funnily enough, go behind cheating girlfriend's back?

Just want some clarification.

 

[MeChaNiZ3D]

To make it better, we are all coworkers.

uhh... How does that make it better? Like, at all? I hope that's sarcasm.

Not to answer for him or anything, but...clearly sarcasm. Even over the internet, it's really blatant.

OT: It's your fault as well for being compliant and also for deceiving your other coworker. You are being disingenuous. But as to whom the larger share of blame can be attributed, I'd say it is the one who suggested it. If I were you I'd either make sure the other guy condones it or stop. Not to mention he's a coworker, that could get...unfortunate.

 

[Mr F.]

Yes, you are a bad person.

The girlfriend is worse.

But you are also bad.

 

[Johnny Impact]

Yes, you are in the wrong.

If you know you are "the other man" and you keep on with it, you are an accomplice to one of the most despicable crimes a person can commit. Simple as that.

Aside from issues of morality, you should worry about personal safety. People get hurt all the time doing shit like that. I'm not talking about emotional scarring, either. I'm talking about broken bones, smashed teeth, stab wounds, etc. People are universally insane. You don't know how far this guy might be willing to go to get revenge.

Stop this now. Sooner or later, cheating is always discovered. Your luck WILL run out.

 

[afroebob]

Is it wrong to sell meth? I mean, your not the one smoking it. If it wasn't you they are buying it from they would just buy it from someone else. Its the same thing, really. Your not the one cheating but your the one enabling her to cheat.

 

[PrinceOfShapeir]

Yes, you are. Behave with some honor, don't step on other people's relationship. Don't allow yourself to be drawn into a position where you are stepping on it. If she wants to end her relationship, she should actually end it. Until that time comes, you don't fuck her because she's a woman in a relationship that is not an open relationship by prior agreement.

 

[vashthblackseed]

Think of it this way:
If you buy a gun, load it. Hand it to someone else knowing they will kill as many people with it as possible with it. Are you responsible for those deaths?

 

[Strazdas]

So, I'm currently seeing this girl quite often. Friends with benefits thing. Its amazing, dont get me wrong. The only problem though is that she has a boyfriend. To make it better, we are all coworkers. Luckily he doesnt know, but has suspicion. I know she is in the wrong for doing it, but whats bugging me is " how wrong am I in comparison"? At the moment all I can think of is I, m not the one cheating, she is, hes a real d-bag to her anyway, and me always coming to that conclusion is whats bothering me. Whos more wrong?

1. she is NOT in a wrong for doing it. it is her own choice and noone can tell her what to do. its not like shes bearing his child or anything?
You are not in a wrong, because both of you want this and there is nothing wrong.

The only "Wrong" here is that the girl is hiding it. I dont know how the other guy is, (you say its a d-bag but really does that give me a right to judge him?) so i cant say how he should act. but there is nothing wrong with the act itself.

Now i read thoguh other posts, and i am disappointed in humanity again.....

 

[Fasckira]

-snip-

If he treats her wrong, she needs to actually turn round and end this relationship with him. Chances are he isn't as bad as you think however and shes simply painting him in a bad light to justify her own actions (which in turn you're using to justify your actions as well).

I'd say however you're just as accountable - you know the guy and you know whats happening is wrong yet you're still doing it. You're actively enabling the girlfriend to cheat as well and you also need to realise that you can never logically have a decent healthy relationship with a girl who so willingly cheats on her boyfriend.

 

[Amanda Diamond]

It takes two to tango, buddy. She may have approached you, but it wasn't like you weren't equally complicit in it.

 

[Spade Lead]

So, I'm currently seeing this girl quite often. Friends with benefits thing. Its amazing, dont get me wrong. The only problem though is that she has a boyfriend. To make it better, we are all coworkers. Luckily he doesnt know, but has suspicion. I know she is in the wrong for doing it, but whats bugging me is " how wrong am I in comparison"? At the moment all I can think of is I, m not the one cheating, she is, hes a real d-bag to her anyway, and me always coming to that conclusion is whats bothering me. Whos more wrong?

There is no excuse for what you are doing, you are actually just as wrong as her, since you know her boyfriend, and continue to do it as well.

 

[Talaris]

As other's have said, yes you did wrong. If you know the co-worker is mistreating her, you should be a good friend to her and consul her, provide some advice, and back her up if or when she decides to end a relationship with him.

Continuing to sleep with her will guarantee to make the problem worse later on. Either she'll feel a lot of guilt, even if she doesn't show it, or if she doesn't well then I don't know why you would want to be mixed up with a person who doesn't care about cheating on others.

By the way this thread would be better suited to the Advice Forum, if the title was re-worded from who's at fault, to what can be done about this situation.

 

[Frission]

Now i read thoguh other posts, and i am disappointed in humanity again.....

I would say the opposite. I stay away from these sort of threads, but I'm pleased that many people are condemning him.
I don't really understand why anyone would need to ask if they're in the wrong. Wouldn't proper human interaction tell you that is a very cruel and dishonorable thing to do? Not to mention highly risky considering that they're both coworkers?

I would be more scared, if no one here cared.