Am I missing out?

[renegade7]

Okay, so I'm just starting to wrap up my freshman year of college. And while it was fun, went right past me, I do feel like I'm missing something.

So, to start with, I don't have a wild social life. My major is electrical engineering and a minor in music performance, and that means I typically have to spend 4-6 hours a day on homework and a further hour or 2 for practice, not to mention I spend a lot of time in class, and by the time I'm done with everything I'm just so exhausted that all I want to do is play some video games for a bit or watch TV and then go to bed.

On top of that I'm just naturally very introverted. The party scene is probably the least appealing thing on campus to me. I tried it, I really did, but I just felt awkward and uncomfortable. I'm rather involved in a couple of clubs, but it feels like I don't really click extremely well with any of the other members.

Also, I'm at a rather small campus, only 5000 students maybe, and the the campus itself has very little on it, a few stores, the academic buildings, and the dorms all bunched into a campus that's probably not all that much larger than your high school. Basically, even if I were to feel like going out, there just wouldn't be anything to do.

And then I see my friends from high school who went elsewhere posting all these pictures on their Facebook pages of themselves having amazing times on the weekends, having a great time at parties, and telling stories of all this awesome stuff they do and all these great people they're meeting, this awesome new girl they're dating, and so far all I'm really able to respond with is "Well, I got A's on my midterms in applied quantum mechanics, digital systems, circuit analysis, programming, piano class, and calculus 2 and I did kinda okay in the fencing tournament". And I know that's good, but I still feel like I'm missing something.

And finally, where are all these awesome women that everyone always tells me about? Everyone seemed to be talking up how college was the best dating opportunity I'd ever have in my life, but it just feels like there's no one I'm all that interested in and those that are are either taken or don't feel the same way. I'm not really one to lament my singleness, but come on, it does get a little frustrating sometimes. I mean it's been an entire school year, surely I would have met someone that things might work out with, right?

Is this normal to worry about, is it because I'm doing something wrong?

 

[rutger5000]

First of as for worrying, yeah that's normal I guess. But you shouldn't worry too much. Freshman year must be a big change and your major probably takes massives ammounts of studying. As for the rest.
Sorry to say, but an introvert shouldn't complain about not having a wild social live. That kind of talk is going to end up in self pity, and that won't do you any good. Become an extrovert, it's okay if you fake it, eventually it'll become natrual.
As for studying taking up most of your time. Been there, done that. (I'm studying physics right now, and it's taking up all my time). The trick is to plan for some free time and use it to do fun and social stuff.
I'd recommend trying to befriend a group of people that does go out and have fun.
As for dating see the frist two points. Introverts can't complain about not having any dating prospects. If you like a girl go up and talk to her and ask her out. I know that's easier said then done, and it's easy/tempting to make up excuses, but that's not going to help you.
Owh and as a final tip. Since electrical engenering is a highly sought after skill, you can afford to slack of a little and take some dummy classes. From what I understood you can pick many of your own classes in the American university system.

 

[Rip Van Rabbit]

It's perfectly normal to feel like you're missing out, but you can take solace in the fact that there are many opportunities that will arise (naturally or otherwise) where you can expand your social life as you see fit and at a pace you're comfortable with.

Now I believe you did something very admirable and praiseworthy: You focused on your first year of education intensely. And that is something that will not only pay off in the long run, but also set the standard for how you structure your life. Remember, the primary reason you're there is to study and further your life. Socialising is merely a bonus.

Now that you've laid a strong foundation for furthering your education, now you can get an idea of how to work around it, in order to fulfill those social needs of yours. (The fact that you know yourself and your schedule is extremely important, as this allows you the ability to choose when to be flexible with your time and where to dedicate your energy.)

You said the party scene is not your thing? Well, there's always alternatives like catching a movie, going out for coffee (I prefer tea), spending the day together talking or faffing about, lan's work tremendously well, getting more involved with the people that interest you in the various clubs that you belong to.

Now I know the feeling of watching a bunch of pics pop up on Facebook, showing a potentially crazy night of wacky hijinks. I've been on both sides of the fence. Doing the partying and as I got closer to my degree, I primarily stayed at home and spent time with the odd close friend.

-Those parties and crazy evenings you see happening to your friends? How long do they really last? A few hours at most. And they really aren't all they're cracked up to be: For every great party, theres about 2 terrible one's and 3 mediocre nights better spent elsewhere.

-Those awesome stories? They're rare and only serve as a highlight for what was probably a mediocre evening up until that point.

-Those great people they end up meeting? They're usually somebody interesting you meet for that night. Someone you party with for a short while. But ultimately, that person will descend into being a "party-acquaintance" and it won't be long until you find someone new to entertain you for the evening. Overall, these meeting of new people are very shallow and nothing feel envious of.

I do understand your frustration with regards to finding someone special. Bear in mind the two dominant mentalities that occur within the first-year student's mind: 1)Partying, making friends, socialising, minimal effort in work. 2) Rigorous focus on studying, little time for socialising, emphasis on work.

There is obviously a middle-ground, but it's very rare to find those that tread along those lines.

Importantly, a relationship should not be pursued, but rather discovered. While it is frustrating since you were lead to believe that college is a hive of opportunities, you're going to drive yourself into the ground with frustration if you keep that expectation in mind.

The best I can offer at this point is to find someone you fancy in your clubs or classes (somewhere where you can socialize and work at the same time) and build up your confidence through socializing in those environments before inviting them out to spend time exclusively with you. Approach the situation like you would be making a friend, this helps to tone down unrealistic expectations and self-sabotaging behavior.

All in all, the best things happen through time and you still have plenty of time to discover and meet new and interesting people along the way.

Hope any of that was useful.
Best of luck OP!

 

[Batou667]

Well, firstly congratulations on the good grades. The academic side is the whole point of university, with the social side being a bonus, not vice-versa as many students seem to believe.

Having said that, university is a great opportunity to try new things and meet people from a huge variety of backgrounds, and it'd be a shame if you let that pass you by. Don't like partying? Don't go out partying then. That was never really my scene either, so I joined my university's skydiving club, anime society and tai chi club instead, and had a great time with the alternative/geeky crowd.

As for women? My university was a science/tech one, meaning the girls were far and few between. The breakdown was something like 70% males 30% females (and that's even after you factored in the female-heavy departments like pharmacology). Let's assume that you're not picky and would date 60% of them. Of those, 50% already have a boyfriend, either on-campus or more often than not back home. That leaves under 10% of the student body as attractive, single females, and a hell of a lot of male competition. Suffice it to say I spent most of my student years very celibate indeed, although as soon as you get back into the "real world" the odds become much more reasonable.

Anyway, good luck. You've got the tricky bit under control, just see if you can't branch out and get some social time in as well.

 

[dmase]

Well college for me was about changing who I was while keeping basic me. You can act different do whatever you want and judgement is rather sparse. Well to your face, if you wanted to do a 360 and become outgoing you could but believe it or not it takes work.

I understand the rigors of engineering I'm a BME(I've taken 3 electrical engineering classes already) but forcing yourself to get out and do something is the trick. You have time whether you just don't see where it is or want to admit it to yourself the problem is finding the motivation. You have to actively motivate yourself to go out and party even though you have an 8 am the next day, of course rule number 1 is always be able to keep school a priority.

And as far as women go, your EGRE and from the classes I see in the electrical field its going to be mainly dudes and taken women. Expand your horizons and stop looking at those immediately around you.

I still classify myself as an introvert because I like to be alone and most of the week I am but when my friends call me up I usually go out or if someone talks to me I have a conversation not try to move as close to the nearest exit as possible. Figure out if you really want to change yourself then see in what ways you actually want to change yourself then make it happen.