am i petty

[ryderawsome]

i have a group of freinds that i have been hanging with for about a year
out of nowhere this girl who i (and they are very aware of this) absolutely hate has latched herself onto the group. she is obnoxious racist homophobic and furthermore a total moron (she once asked if "horses can understand english like dogs can")but for some reason i will never understand they dont mind her all that much. after a week of trying to put up with her i am drawing a line in the sand and saying she goes or i go. almost everyone in the group i have helped through one dillema or another (this is a liberal arts college so trust me there are a lot) and this is the only thing ive ever asked.

am i being sensible and mature or is it petty of me and dickish to put my freinds in a choosing situation?

 

[SharPhoe]

Forcing them to choose isn't very fair, but maybe you should voice your opinion to them as to why she annoys you so much. Maybe they'll take notice.

 

[FranzTyphid]

yeah don't make them choose just don't talk to her

 

[Nepeccel]

There's no point making them choose because you may end up losing all of your friends and that is not a pleasant thing. Just ignore her. Or you could be petty in a different way, invite all your mates to a house party except her and she will get the hint!

 

[Lyri]

Don't make them choose you or her, because that could result in a negative outcome for yourself.
Now, I'm only assuming here but I doubt you're hanging out with a bunch of selfless paladin, so here's my advice.

Threaten them with Arson.
It's either them or Her
I for one doubt they will happily put themselves on the pyre when they can be roasting marshmellows round it instead.
Everyone is a winner and you get a lovely bonfire out of it to enjoy with your friends.

 

[TheMatt]

i have a group of freinds that i have been hanging with for about a year
out of nowhere this girl who i (and they are very aware of this) absolutely hate has latched herself onto the group. she is obnoxious racist homophobic and furthermore a total moron (she once asked if "horses can understand english like dogs can")but for some reason i will never understand they dont mind her all that much. after a week of trying to put up with her i am drawing a line in the sand and saying she goes or i go. almost everyone in the group i have helped through one dillema or another (this is a liberal arts college so trust me there are a lot) and this is the only thing ive ever asked.

am i being sensible and mature or is it petty of me and dickish to put my freinds in a choosing situation?

I think you're being a bit of a girl about the whole thing. Don't do the "me or her" thing, that's what chicks do. Make your displeasure known... constantly... make her feel the anger... Be a dick... like a man...

plus, you'll probably lose, she;'s more then likely blowing one of your buddies.. sooo... your buddies will think.. Him, or Bj's?

I'd go with Bj's..

 

[ryderawsome]

i have made it pretty much as clear as i can to them how i feel about her. and she is very aware that i hate her as well. i probably should have made that clear at begining

 

[Nmil-ek]

Bah,

i have a group of freinds that i have been hanging with for about a year
out of nowhere this girl who i (and they are very aware of this) absolutely hate has latched herself onto the group. she is obnoxious racist homophobic and furthermore a total moron (she once asked if "horses can understand english like dogs can")but for some reason i will never understand they dont mind her all that much. after a week of trying to put up with her i am drawing a line in the sand and saying she goes or i go. almost everyone in the group i have helped through one dillema or another (this is a liberal arts college so trust me there are a lot) and this is the only thing ive ever asked.

am i being sensible and mature or is it petty of me and dickish to put my freinds in a choosing situation?

Any situation were you find yourself asking, was that immature of me was not handled correctly rather than going behind her back with this why not confront her yourself? Being blunt it is very cowardly to try and exclude someone through peer pressure, very damned cowardly is there no chance you can work it out with her or tell her to tone it down, have you even tried?

And godamn it this is a thinly veiled relationship thread isnt it only with friends rather than a girl/boyfriend this time argh. Well its a slight step up I guess but is it really that hard ot think this shit through on your own people.

 

[j0frenzy]

Option A: Don't hang out with her. Don't hang out with them when she's around. If you don't like, don't be around her. You guys can't alway be in one massive group.
Option B: Make entirely new friends.

Oh, and I wouldn't call you petty. If you can't stand someone, you can't stand someone. The goal is to not be petty often. Though, from what I can tell, someone being a complete idiot and a jerk to everyone different from her is not being petty.

Oh, and the unsaid option C is to just suck it up and hang out with her, but I wouldn't recommend that. There are surprisingly few moments in my life when I did that with people I hated and I had very particular reasons for putting up with them that I counted as circumstantial.

 

[DannyBoy451]

yeah don't make them choose just don't talk to her

Forcing them to choose isn't very fair, but maybe you should voice your opinion to them as to why she annoys you so much. Maybe they'll take notice.

These, only dicks make their friends choose.

 

[El Poncho]

If someone like that comes to my group, I would take a few jabs at what they say, especially stupid things like that, if shes racist/homophobic I would tell her to stop that and if she says it's my rights to free speech then tell her that it's your right to say that you think what she thinks is wrong. She either stays but tones down on what she says or keeps that conversation away from your group, you make her feel uncomfortable she leaves or she stays because she thinks shes being smart and then you leave that way there is less of a chance of you having to leave.

 

[BonsaiK]

i have a group of freinds that i have been hanging with for about a year
out of nowhere this girl who i (and they are very aware of this) absolutely hate has latched herself onto the group. she is obnoxious racist homophobic and furthermore a total moron (she once asked if "horses can understand english like dogs can")but for some reason i will never understand they dont mind her all that much. after a week of trying to put up with her i am drawing a line in the sand and saying she goes or i go. almost everyone in the group i have helped through one dillema or another (this is a liberal arts college so trust me there are a lot) and this is the only thing ive ever asked.

am i being sensible and mature or is it petty of me and dickish to put my freinds in a choosing situation?

That is a bit petty. Rather than stomping your foot and saying "her or me" why not try and engage with people a bit more, explain to them what the problem is, and maybe try and get to know her a bit better too. Maybe hanging around with a bright spark such as yourself might broaden her mind a little, and then she won't be so irritating. Maybe use the opportunity to challenge some of those odd perceptions she has and educate her a little.

 

[thepj]

If someone like that comes to my group, I would take a few jabs at what they say, especially stupid things like that, if shes racist/homophobic I would tell her to stop that and if she says it's my rights to free speech then tell her that it's your right to say that you think what she thinks is wrong. She either stays but tones down on what she says or keeps that conversation away from your group, you make her feel uncomfortable she leaves or she stays because she thinks shes being smart and then you leave that way there is less of a chance of you having to leave.

this, now do that, and tell us if she cools off,

 

[wewontdie11]

Just threaten to kill her family pets unless she takes a walk.

Honestly though that is pretty petty. If you don't like somebody and all of your friends like said person, you've either gotta put up with it or find new friends yourself. It's unfair making them choose, and in all likelihood they'll end up choosing the person that isn't being petty, i.e. her.

 

[EchetusXe]

Brinkmanship eh?

Honestly, devilish plans resolve problems like this. Not ultimatums.

Still, whatever works.

 

[Ben7]

I only ask one question, is she hot? just trying to work out the reasons why your mates tolerate her.

 

[ChaosTheory3133]

Take a step back and contemplate this for a minute. Certainly there is something to it if your "friends" can tolerate this woman and you can't. You have to decipher for yourself which of these is just your own ego and which of these is actually her.

I suggest this to everyone because its such a simple solution. TALK TO HER about what you think. Don't just hide it, get it out there on the table. Just remember that she is a human being and so you must be elegant and delicate in how you present this to her (and for gods sakes, don't do it in front of other people or in a public location, talk privately and in person.). Don't forget you can't convince her against what she believes. But I'm sure you can find some common ground in which you CAN get along. People are rarely as 1 dimensional as they may seem.

 

[ryderawsome]

just to add perspective to some of these comments. she is not hot..like at all. bad acnea and braces

 

[Eldarion]

i have a group of freinds that i have been hanging with for about a year
out of nowhere this girl who i (and they are very aware of this) absolutely hate has latched herself onto the group. she is obnoxious racist homophobic and furthermore a total moron (she once asked if "horses can understand english like dogs can")but for some reason i will never understand they dont mind her all that much. after a week of trying to put up with her i am drawing a line in the sand and saying she goes or i go. almost everyone in the group i have helped through one dillema or another (this is a liberal arts college so trust me there are a lot) and this is the only thing ive ever asked.

am i being sensible and mature or is it petty of me and dickish to put my freinds in a choosing situation?

I think you're being a bit of a girl about the whole thing. Don't do the "me or her" thing, that's what chicks do. Make your displeasure known... constantly... make her feel the anger... Be a dick... like a man...

plus, you'll probably lose, she;'s more then likely blowing one of your buddies.. sooo... your buddies will think.. Him, or Bj's?

I'd go with Bj's..

Now THAT is petty.

As for the OP, either they get rid of her or find a new group of friends sounds right to me.

 

[Jedamethis]

ask why the friends tolerate her. Just don't make them choose