Amazing/Awesome/Funny Stories from the Tabletop.

[dogenzakaminion]

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You should check out Countermonkey or the spoony experiment. This guy has a whole series where he talks about funny tabletop stories.

For me, any time I play Munchkin, hilarity ensues. Like the Tommy-gun. Anyone named Tom, Tommy or Tommie gets a bonus +2 to attack, anyone named Thomas but doesn't go by those names gets a -2 penalty.

 

[Lil_Rimmy]

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You played d&d as a group consisting of humans, orks, an eldar and A DWARF?! HERETIC!!

Hey! The ork is like a big cuddly toy that occasionally insults random people's choice of clothing, the eldar is just a crazy idiot with a grappling hook and the Dwarf... well, he fixed a horse with a wrench so not only is he fucking Jesus but we kinda owe him.

Oh, the humans? Those guys are kinda dicks...

 

[Daffy F]

This is from a game of Warhammer40k itself, rather than a more RPG style game, but I thought it was a funny story so I'll share:

A friend and I were playing a game of 40k, my friends Imperial Guardsmen versus my Chaos Daemons, and I had taken a silly army with lots of Monsterous Creatures (this was only in a 1000pt game) and he had gone for a fairly standard mix of Infantry and tanks.

The silliness began early on in the game where my greater daemon of choice (a Bloodthirster) was shot at by a the only guardsman from a particular squad to be in range, only to be hit and killed by the shot. We were both pretty speechless at this point, not only because lasguns suck but because my Bloodthirster had been flying at the time and therefore hard to hit.

We naturally then invented a name and backstory for the guardsman - whose name, it turned out was Olaf and he was a hopeful Vostrian guardsman who hoped to one day be a commander.

Because of the insult of my greater daemon having been killed by a lasgun shot I decided I would stop Olaf's dream from coming true by purposefully slaughtering the entire chain of command in my opponent's army to prove that he was nothing: A mere mortal.

My remaining daemon princes set upon his warlord and his veteran squad sergeants with ease, but they were slowly being weakened by his tanks and lots of meltagun fire. Eventually I had a single daemon prince left with the mark of Khorne (close combat). He had just chased down the last of the veteran squads and that meant there was only one target left - Olaf's unit.

We had been rolling Olaf's shooting separately to see if he was special but he had failed to do any more that entire game so far.

My final daemon prince charged Olaf's unit and killed every person in it except one plucky young guardsman - Olaf. Olaf then proceeded to not only hit but also wound my daemon prince and kill him.

Olaf is now my friend's imperial guard company commander and his full title is now 'Olaf Daemonbreaker'

I find games are always the most fun when silly things like that occur

 

[spartandude]

in warhammer 40k i killed a Grey Knight DreadKnight first turn with out losing anyone
basically my opponant shouted it forward and then rolled a bunch of 1s and 2s on its to hit rolls. then i charged it with a shit load of Death Company and just butchered it

 

[Rblade]

Me: Ghost Hand allows me to lift an object of less than 10 pounds and move it 6 feet in one turn, correct?
DM: Yep.
Me: We are fighting kobalds, right?
DM: Correct.
Me: And one is less than a foot from me... how much do they weigh?
DM: ......(sigh) about 6 pounds.
Me: I use Ghost Hand on the kobald, stick out my sword, and run him through on it three times.
DM: Roll for it.
Me: 18
DM: It works, roll three times for each hit.
Me: 6, 4, 4.
DM: That's a dead kobald.

I love a DM that just rolls with the punches, allthough there is no way in hell that a DM in my group (me or any of the other guys) would have allowed you to both cast and lift your sword in a menaching manner. And if you had me convinced, somehow, of that being possible you would have had to roll at least 3 to hits because of the kobold fending for himself while being tossed around. But other then that, I love a DM that can appreciate a funny idea and lets it fly.

 

[DrunkOnEstus]

Let's see...I was DM for a 3.5 game for my wife and her family, I was there for the holidays and decided I'd show them the joys of RP sans electricity. I was explaining to them as they were working up a rocky path that there was an encampment ahead, with a circle of four creatures. Knowledge check showed size and other features consistent with bugbears. I explained that there must have been something odd on their fire, as the smoke was inconsistent with that of normal campfire smoke. My wife's little brother yells "Am I allowed to roll a will save to not get a contact buzz??"

Maybe not that funny, but we all had a good laugh. I need to play some pathfinder or something soon...

 

[FrostyChick]

Well I don't really stick to any one system for GMing. But whenever I do, things tend to take a turn for the bizarre.

Like the time I ran a swords and sorcery campaign using Savage Worlds. One of the PCs found a talking sword. The alignment of the sword was evil, as it was inhabited by the soul a long dead Elven king who tried to wage war against the gods. The PC that found the sword thought it would be a good idea to listen to the sword and thus most of the party joined him in a scavenger hunt for several major magic artefacts. The game ended with everyone but the party's monk on a quest to take vengeance on the gods.
The game sadly ended as several of the players moved away.

The second major screw up came when I tried to run a game based on a strange hybrid setting I made. Iit was a miss-match of MLP and some creepy pasta I had read.
In the last scenario I had written, the PCs found a nest of giant crickets in an eldritch ruin that was located at the bottom of an abandoned mine.
One of the PCs who was playing a Scottish pony, decided that it would be a great idea to try and act diplomatic with the giant crickets. As it was the last scenario, I decided to humour him.
The fucker rolled a natural 20...
Automatic success. Turns out, giant crickets that nest in eldritch ruins are actually sentient and this specific PC happened to spontaneously develop the ability to speak cricket.
So the PCs waltzed into the final chamber and confronted the BBEG with a troupe of circus performing giant crickets in tow.
They then sabotaged a ritual spell that was being cast by the BBEG that was supposed to send him home. They followed the advice of a blank faced man in a white suit. And so the PCs, the crickets, a shoggoth, the white man and the BBEG landed in 13th century Scotland.

I also play Golden Heroes, which is an old super hero RPG that was produced by Games Workshop.
I'm playing an Ice Elemental magic user. And have lots of fun using an illusion spell to trick the 2 Viking gods in our party by creating ghostly wolf noises as well as conjuring images of wolves.
This has proven rather dangerous, especially when we end up having to go toe-to-toe with a group of Finnish power armoured werewolves.

At the moment I'm planning an Iron Kingdoms RPG to begin in the new year.
Current characters include.
-A Khadoran pirate/warcaster
-A Cygnaran arcane mechanik/warcaster
-An Iosan arcanist/investigator
-An Ogrun stormblade/soldier
-And there is the possibility of there being an Ogrun pirate too.

 

[snappydog]

Um... well, just the other day I was playing with some guys from uni and a few things happened... Let me just post the summary that I put up on Facebook for the benefit of those who couldn't make that session.

A human monk, a half-elf ranger, a half-elf wizard and an elven rogue all showed up at the same pub in a city that was under siege. They all got some information about some sword that was stolen from the king, but decided not to join forces and all went looking for it separately.
A big conga line formed, with the wizard and the ranger following the rogue, but neither of them aware that the other was there too. (The monk was in the bar still, getting drunk and asking for donations.)
After too much looking, and an incident in which the ranger lost literally about three quarters of his money, they all found the house of some guy who knew about it, and formed a group accidentally. The guy said that he would tell them about the sword only if they passed his tests, so the ranger and the monk took on the physical fighting challenge while the rogue and the wizard took the intelligence test.
The monk gut-punched some stuff, and the ranger went crazy with his fucking kukri. Meanwhile, the rogue and the wizard spent about an hour trying random combinations on some wheel of connected stuff to which the answer turned out to be to line up the things with the same first letter, even though in this world they aren't speaking English so that wouldn't work...
Anyway, the guy was all like 'yeah, there's this other guy you need to find, he's in prison'. So they went there, and the ranger tried to shoot an arrow attached to a rope through a window.
He missed the building.
Twice.
So the rogue climbed up on her own, but then a guard came! The ranger went crazy with his fucking kukri, and the monk did some gut-punching, and the wizard sent ice spells at him.
They all missed.
So the rogue swooped down and stuck a dagger in the fucker's eye, then looked at them, tutted and climbed back up. The guy wouldn't tell them where the sword was unless they busted him out, so they did that with surprising efficiency and literally nothing went wrong.
Then they tried to break into the palace, because the guy had told them there was a passage there leading to where the sword was. The monk suggested gut-punching both the guards, while the wizard was in favour of a more subtle magical approach. The rogue thought that distracting the guards and picking the lock would work, while the ranger advocated the wizard and the rogue (the two female characters) sucking the guards off.
They went with the rogue's plan, but she fucked up with the lock-picking so they got attacked by a couple of guards. The ranger went crazy with his fucking kukri, the monk gut-punched them, and the wizard tried freezing them, while the rogue got the door open. They got in eventually and made it through the palace, past a riddle (nobody could work out quite why it would be there, but went along with it) and into the passage.
Down there, they made a wrong turn and nearly got killed by a pit trap.
So they went the other way, where they were attacked by a swarm of spiders. The monk's gut punch and the ranger's fucking kukri were useless against them, so they killed it with fire.
They got out into a forest, and almost immediately got attacked by some weird thing that's like a tree but isn't or something? I dunno. Anyway, the rogue hardcoreparkour'd it through the treetops to leap down and stick her dagger in its eye, but it didn't die and killed her in one punch. Seriously. So then the monk, the wizard and the ranger did their various shit and beat it eventually, then they found a place with the sword and a potion to bring back the rogue. They did that, at which point the king showed up and he was all like 'my sword' and they were all like 'how did you even get here' but basically they won.

The end.

..
what a heartwarming tale.

 

[Lil_Rimmy]

so they killed it with fire.

That is pretty much everyone's soloution to everything?

Barmaid too ugly? Fire.

Spider too big? Fire.

Guy not willing to sell you a turret for 200 credits when it is totally worth 200 credits? Fire!

Townguards men hate you? FIRE!

King hates you? FIIIIIIIIIRE!

Want to cover your escape? Do not use fire, it always ends badly.

 

[VeneratedWulfen93]

This is from a game of Warhammer40k itself, rather than a more RPG style game, but I thought it was a funny story so I'll share:

A friend and I were playing a game of 40k, my friends Imperial Guardsmen versus my Chaos Daemons, and I had taken a silly army with lots of Monsterous Creatures (this was only in a 1000pt game) and he had gone for a fairly standard mix of Infantry and tanks.

The silliness began early on in the game where my greater daemon of choice (a Bloodthirster) was shot at by a the only guardsman from a particular squad to be in range, only to be hit and killed by the shot. We were both pretty speechless at this point, not only because lasguns suck but because my Bloodthirster had been flying at the time and therefore hard to hit.

We naturally then invented a name and backstory for the guardsman - whose name, it turned out was Olaf and he was a hopeful Vostrian guardsman who hoped to one day be a commander.

Because of the insult of my greater daemon having been killed by a lasgun shot I decided I would stop Olaf's dream from coming true by purposefully slaughtering the entire chain of command in my opponent's army to prove that he was nothing: A mere mortal.

My remaining daemon princes set upon his warlord and his veteran squad sergeants with ease, but they were slowly being weakened by his tanks and lots of meltagun fire. Eventually I had a single daemon prince left with the mark of Khorne (close combat). He had just chased down the last of the veteran squads and that meant there was only one target left - Olaf's unit.

We had been rolling Olaf's shooting separately to see if he was special but he had failed to do any more that entire game so far.

My final daemon prince charged Olaf's unit and killed every person in it except one plucky young guardsman - Olaf. Olaf then proceeded to not only hit but also wound my daemon prince and kill him.

Olaf is now my friend's imperial guard company commander and his full title is now 'Olaf Daemonbreaker'

I find games are always the most fun when silly things like that occur

This story is hilarious because it reminds me of the time a Guardian of mine killed Mephiston, Lord of Death.

 

[Lil_Rimmy]

The only time I ever tried to play a board-game, apart from a model train phase when I was six-to-ten years old, was warhammer. how did i go about it? I stole a ton of my friend's toys one time when i went back to my home country for half a year.

got a call a few days later from his mum telling me i'd stolen his toys and that i should bring them back.

haven't spoken to that kid since; though that in itself isn't unusual for me. what is unusual is that i've chosen to forget him out of shame rather than simple life experience.

... You do know how much they cost, right?

That's kinda a major dick move. My collection alone is over $2000 and it's only small... Sorry mate, but stealing someone's warhammer is pretty much just a big FUCK YOU! and ain't that funny...