An Asexual living in a sexual world.

[Something Amyss]

It was the same for another episode which it had heavily the subject of Furry culture? I never saw this episode.

That went pretty poorly for the furries, didn't it?

Let me put it another way, If your on the inside it's possible not to notice it. If your on the outside it's impossible not to notice it.

I would think that to be tautological. But I've known people who consider themselves asexual to do tha as well.

I am autistic in addition and have had mental health professionals tell me I 'shouldn't' have sexual feelings, and that's also the kind of experience some of disabled people I know have had.

WHAT? Is this a thing? Like, a mindset? Like, a thing people believe?

 

[Silentpony_v1legacy]

A good friend of mine once described it as "being the only sober person at the party". Not that he thinks being sexually driven is entirely the same as being intoxicated but just that he views the world with a detached, observational attitude while everyone else is absorbed by the party's aura. Or something. I'm not him.

As someone who is asexual, that's spot on. I just sit back, bewildered, as everyone makes an ass of themselves over something I don't get.

 

[Silverbeard]

OK first off I wouldn't say I'm completely asexual. I view my sex drive the same way I view having to eat, breath, or use the bathroom. It's just a thing that I have to take care off when my body needs to. Usually about once a month. But the rest of the time it's something that doesn't really cross my mind.

So that why I feel like I'm an alien living among humans most of the time. Once you start looking at human culture from the outside you begin to see just how prevalent sex/sexualization is in everything. Well that's an exaggeration obviously, but it does seem to permeate most human cultures to a large degree.

And It's not like I don't understand. From a biological perspective the need to pass on ones genes is second only to the need of self preservation. So it makes sense that it would be a kind of common denominator thing.

Which is all the more reason I feel like such an outsider a lot of the time. Like I'm missing something that is one of the most basic things about being human, or even being an animal.

Try and imagine if everyone else in the world was obsessed with, like, sticking their heads in bowls of jello. Like it was everywhere, in books, movies, TV, advertisements. Large portions of the internet were dedicated to it, and those that weren't still had it involved in some way. How weird would it feel to be someone who had no interest in sticking your head in jello, to see everyone else so obsessed with it. That's kind of how I feel not caring about sex in our world.

You're definitely making a big deal out of nothing, mate. I'm fully asexual (haven't knobbed a girl for as long as I've lived and I admit that proudly) but it doesn't affect my life in the slightest. I work full time, I take lunch with my colleagues and I generally have a reasonably active social life. I don't really notice sex around me and nobody ever asks me how high my count is. Sure, I can crinkle my nose at the 'sex-as-reward' scenes in any given movie or video game but that's about as close as I get. It doesn't bother me. It's just not something I indulge in. I treat it like heroin or any other kind of 'hard' drug: if I wanted to, I certainly could partake (there's no shortage of whores in my area) but I just don't feel the need or have the desire. Some people do have the desire and need to sniff said drugs but I'm... just not one of them.

 

[Lieju]

I am autistic in addition and have had mental health professionals tell me I 'shouldn't' have sexual feelings, and that's also the kind of experience some of disabled people I know have had.

WHAT? Is this a thing? Like, a mindset? Like, a thing people believe?

Oh yes. Especially if you have mental disabilities. Some people will just assume you stay a child (the terms of 'mental age' are also used a lot to equate it with being a child...)and the attitude that disabled people don't need sex ed because they won't be into that is common and most autistic people I know have faced that to some extent, especially if they're read as 'low-functioning'.

Also more than once I have had to explain to people that blind people can indeed want sex...
Part of it must be people equating disability (especially mental disability) with childishness, but I'm afraid it's in part because people want to discourage disabled people from having sex because they're uncomfortable with the idea (not just sex but having families and children...)

Disabled people are still forcibly sterilized in many countries, after all.

 

[Silverbeard]

I am autistic in addition and have had mental health professionals tell me I 'shouldn't' have sexual feelings, and that's also the kind of experience some of disabled people I know have had.

WHAT? Is this a thing? Like, a mindset? Like, a thing people believe?

I feel like this is going to get me in a shitload of trouble (especially around here) but I think I'll go for it anyway. Keep an open mind, my peers, I beg of you!

I believe that some humans should not pass on their genes to the next generation of our species, particularly if there is an obvious flaw or weakness in ones genetic construct- especially one that's easily identifiable and known to be passable to ones offspring. Multiple sclerosis is an obvious example- it's easily diagnosed, hard to cure, and known to be hereditary. Should someone with MS be forced or indeed required to reproduce? I don't believe so.
In my case, I suffer from a debilitating speech impediment that basically makes it very difficult and occasionally impossible for me to speak. No-one knows if it's genetic but on the off-chance that it is, should I really be having kids? Especially if there's even a slight chance that I could pass my defect on to them? I'd be forcing someone else to live my life and this fate is not something I'd wish on my worst enemy, much less my own flesh 'n' blood. So I abstain from reproduction and I could not fault anyone else with a hereditary condition that chooses to do the same. In my opinion, it's the height of hubris and selfishness for one to have children if one knows that there is a better than average probability that the offspring in question are not going to be healthy humans. I think that's one of the advantages we have over other animals: we can make qualified judgments about whether or not we should be passing our traits on through the generations.
So... yes, Amyss, it is a thing people (myself included) believe- with good reason, as I hope I've explained adequately.

 

[Lieju]

I am autistic in addition and have had mental health professionals tell me I 'shouldn't' have sexual feelings, and that's also the kind of experience some of disabled people I know have had.

WHAT? Is this a thing? Like, a mindset? Like, a thing people believe?

I feel like this is going to get me in a shitload of trouble (especially around here) but I think I'll go for it anyway. Keep an open mind, my peers, I beg of you!

I believe that some humans should not pass on their genes to the next generation of our species, particularly if there is an obvious flaw or weakness in ones genetic construct- especially one that's easily identifiable and known to be passable to ones offspring.

I'm not even getting into this argument because it's off topic and I don't have the energy, but disability is not always hereditary. My uncle and his (now ex) wife are both deaf and it's non hereditary.
And yet total strangers think it's appropriate for them to judge them for having children and how it's horrible.

EDIT:

I think there's also a lot of concern for exploitation of (especially severely) disabled people. It happens quite a lot as it is, and I think it makes most people who work in that field more cautious than anything else. After all, for them it will always be a job, with rules and accountability to take into consideration. If disabled people want a sex life, it's going to have to be on the same terms as everyone else's: their own.

Definitely.

But it kinda leads to a situation where people (especially caretakers etc) don't want disabled people to have sexuality because it's inconvenient. Which is one reason you get situations where disabled people don't get sex ed for example. In the hopes that if you don't tell them about sex they won't want it.

 

[Silverbeard]

I am autistic in addition and have had mental health professionals tell me I 'shouldn't' have sexual feelings, and that's also the kind of experience some of disabled people I know have had.

WHAT? Is this a thing? Like, a mindset? Like, a thing people believe?

I feel like this is going to get me in a shitload of trouble (especially around here) but I think I'll go for it anyway. Keep an open mind, my peers, I beg of you!

I believe that some humans should not pass on their genes to the next generation of our species, particularly if there is an obvious flaw or weakness in ones genetic construct- especially one that's easily identifiable and known to be passable to ones offspring.

I'm not even getting into this argument because it's off topic and I don't have the energy, but disability is not always hereditary. My uncle and his (now ex) wife are both deaf and it's non hereditary.
And yet total strangers think it's appropriate for them to judge them for having children and how it's horrible.

I didn't meant to imply that all disabilities are hereditary. Just that some are and that I don't know how I feel about people passing those conditions onto their children just for the momentary enjoyment of sex and having spawn of their own.
At the same time I don't want to fault disabled people (including myself) for having children because enough of the world is against us as is. Why make it worse by pointing fingers and saying 'they're bad people for wanting to have kids'?
Maybe I'm not explaining this sufficiently or properly. It's late where I am and I've been at work all day. The delirium is getting to me!

 

[BarkBarker]

It is such a fundamental aspect of the human personality it certainly seems like you are staring at a world that all "get" something you just don't. Sounds like hell, hope anyone asexual finds a passion cos even learning more about my sexual likes and dislikes is something I find unparalleled in how interesting it is in an introspective kind of way, I sincerely love it and all it brings to me. Must be "interesting" to be of an orientation that is not of particularly pronounced feelings or one that is not particularly grounded and can change easily...I'm sure there is a term for that but eh, Googling that shit hurts my head.

 

[Brainpaint]

-Snip-

I get how you feel. Being trans and asexual kinda plays that way with me too, from both sides no less. So many of the guys I know default to thinking of me either as one of the guys[footnote]Being considered one of the guys is actually pretty funny to me, because of how stereotypically mega feminine I tend to be, along with how well I generally pass.[/footnote], or a lesbian, so they point out a "hot" girl and say some thing like: "I'd hit that." When I look the most I get out of it is seeing a pretty girl, who might be wearing something cute, and the only thing I want in the latter case is the cute shoes, or article of clothing she has. Other wise it's just; "oh, a pretty girl, yeah that's nice, not interested." With girls I know they'll point out a "hot" guy, to which my general response is "meh", or "yeah he's handsome", with no intent of jumping said person's bones.

Honestly, since I'm panromantic, it's less about feeling alien to me, as much as it becomes an annoyance of everyone around me sexualizing all things. Because having everything get related to sex is really irritating and boring to me.

Same goes for me, too as an androromanic ace transmasculine non-binary person. Folks just seem so obsessed all the time and it makes me just wanna grab them by the shoulders and shake them, screaming "I DON'T CARE!" as loud as I can.

It also disturbs me the faces that manifest when you bring it up. It's like something in their eyes change and a weird grin starts creeping across their face. If they could see themselves I'm sure they'd be disturbed, too but it's the kind of thing somebody out of the loop would notice more since they wouldn't be pulling the same expression themselves.

The whole topic of asexuality can be so alien to other people as well that it can stop people from interacting with you altogether. Even if they're perfectly okay with the idea of you being gay, lesbian or bi; you falling outside of those long established and represented boxes tends to freak people out if they don't shove you into one of those boxes anyway no matter how much you protest.
It also frustrates me just how accepted it is that sex and romantic love are intertwined and not separate entities. That the idea of having one without the other, neither or having one with one person and the other with another person is deemed impossible or lying to yourself.

I don't wanna put any ace people off coming out, but in a lot of ways it's a lot harder than coming out as any widely familiar orientation. You're essentially blowing the minds of anybody you bring it up to since they've likely never heard about it before or only seen it depicted (badly) in fiction.

 

[Nimcha]

The world isn't obsessed with sex so much as straight sex. I'm very sexual, probably the opposite of most people here, but also gay (of the girl variety). Seeing sex all around me but the kind of sex I don't care about is maybe just as frustrating... xD

So I feel sympathy for asexual people. But please, some of you seem to have an idea that not caring about sex is somehow profound. It's not.

 

[Programmed_For_Damage]

Seems somewhat serendipitous that this article cropped up in one of the Australian papers today:

http://www.watoday.com.au/lifestyle/life/family-relationships-and-sex/the-idea-of-sex-repels-me-20151129-glb11m.html

One thing I've noticed more of late is how sex-saturated Western culture seems to have gotten (some people call it the pornification of society - I wouldn't go that far). I think the reason I've actually noticed it is because my wife has a low sex drive, so I don't often get any action. As a result, seeing it plastered everywhere is kind of frustrating to me. I've been married for yonk so it's not like she's just changed and I'm missing the more frequent contact.

 

[KyuubiNoKitsune-Hime]

The world isn't obsessed with sex so much as straight sex. I'm very sexual, probably the opposite of most people here, but also gay (of the girl variety). Seeing sex all around me but the kind of sex I don't care about is maybe just as frustrating... xD

So I feel sympathy for asexual people. But please, some of you seem to have an idea that not caring about sex is somehow profound. It's not.

I'm not sure where you're getting the vibe of being uninterested being used as a profound idea, because I'm not seeing that at all. What I am seeing is that a lot of ace folk, myself included, are rather tired of having everything be related back to sex.

Also being trans, means getting pushed into circles of queer influence a lot, which means I have a lot of exposure to gay guys and lesbian gals. One thing that strikes me is that gays and lesbians tend to be even more foreword with sex, often using their sexuality as a statement. I get wanting to normalize being attracted to the same sex, even normalize same sex relationships, but some gay and lesbian couples I've observed go out of their way to advertise it. Heck some gay and lesbian folk I know use their sexuality as their entire personality, not as influencing them, but as basically their only personality trait period. I know I can tend to advertise being trans, but it's not my only personality trait.

I know that LGB folk can feel excluded since the vast majority of society is geared towards heterosexuality, but us ace folk can't even escape the sexualization of every subject with our LGB friends. Sometimes LGB folk are even worse than straight folk when it comes to sexualizing things.

I'm not saying that I disapprove, or that I don't understand, or even that it needs to stop, because none of that is the point.. What I'm doing is pointing out is that it's everywhere, even LGB folk do it, and it can be really irritating when most of a conversation is innuendo. When things go that direction, for me, because of being ace, it's frustrating because I feel left out and that there's an expectation for me to be totally on-board with it, when I kinda can't be.

 

[Something Amyss]

Oh yes. Especially if you have mental disabilities. Some people will just assume you stay a child (the terms of 'mental age' are also used a lot to equate it with being a child...)and the attitude that disabled people don't need sex ed because they won't be into that is common and most autistic people I know have faced that to some extent, especially if they're read as 'low-functioning'.

This still surprises me, considering that while not autistic, I would certainly fall under that blanket. Though I guess I come off as "high functioning." Still, I know several people on the ASD Spectrum, and I've not heard this specifically come up before. I'ma have to start asking people.

Also more than once I have had to explain to people that blind people can indeed want sex...

My SO frequently gets asked how they can drive if they're Hard of Hearing.

Part of it must be people equating disability (especially mental disability) with childishness, but I'm afraid it's in part because people want to discourage disabled people from having sex because they're uncomfortable with the idea (not just sex but having families and children...)

Not exactly a real shocker there.

Disabled people are still forcibly sterilized in many countries, after all.

Sadly, not exactly shocking there, either.

I believe that some humans should not pass on their genes to the next generation of our species, particularly if there is an obvious flaw or weakness in ones genetic construct- especially one that's easily identifiable and known to be passable to ones offspring.

I'm of the opinion that most humans shouldn't breed, and I'm somewhat dodgy on limiting it to "most." But I'm also pro-choice, and I'm not sure what any of this has to do with "autistic people shouldn't want sex." There's a reason I engage in safe sex: I'm not interested/prepared to pass on my genes and doom the human race with the spawn of Cthulhu. But that's far from not wanting sex.

In short, no, you did not explain anything related to what I asked.

 

[Something Amyss]

Actually, OP, I don't even need to leave the thread for an example:

One thing that strikes me is that gays and lesbians tend to be even more foreword with sex, often using their sexuality as a statement. I get wanting to normalize being attracted to the same sex, even normalize same sex relationships, but some gay and lesbian couples I've observed go out of their way to advertise it.

The fact is that we are routinely inundated with all sorts of heterosexuality on a daily basis. Here, we have an example of someone insisting that it's the gays and lesbians who are going out of their way to advertise it, because straight sexuality is so normalised. The reality is that gays and lesbians tend to "advertise" their sexuality in ways that would be completely unremarkable if they weren't, you know, gay. This is a heteronormative viewpoint being pressed by a self-described asexual.

But it does have the benefit of making a point for me.

 

[Lieju]

Actually, OP, I don't even need to leave the thread for an example:

One thing that strikes me is that gays and lesbians tend to be even more foreword with sex, often using their sexuality as a statement. I get wanting to normalize being attracted to the same sex, even normalize same sex relationships, but some gay and lesbian couples I've observed go out of their way to advertise it.

The fact is that we are routinely inundated with all sorts of heterosexuality on a daily basis. Here, we have an example of someone insisting that it's the gays and lesbians who are going out of their way to advertise it, because straight sexuality is so normalised. The reality is that gays and lesbians tend to "advertise" their sexuality in ways that would be completely unremarkable if they weren't, you know, gay. This is a heteronormative viewpoint being pressed by a self-described asexual.

But it does have the benefit of making a point for me.

Yes, this kind of talk makes me kinda uneasy because in my experience whether behaviour is read as sexual or not depends on lot of things, including the genders of the people.
For example, man and a woman kissing = innocent nonsexual.
Two men kissing = SEXXX hide the children.

I also really don't like the idea that there is some vague pressure just to be 'sexual' or for 'sexuality', instead of there being very specific kinds of sexuality that's favoured...

Even if we don't go into sexual orientation, how often, unless you specifically seek it out, you see fat people for example engaging in sex or sexualised in media?

 

[KyuubiNoKitsune-Hime]

Actually, OP, I don't even need to leave the thread for an example:

One thing that strikes me is that gays and lesbians tend to be even more foreword with sex, often using their sexuality as a statement. I get wanting to normalize being attracted to the same sex, even normalize same sex relationships, but some gay and lesbian couples I've observed go out of their way to advertise it.

The fact is that we are routinely inundated with all sorts of heterosexuality on a daily basis. Here, we have an example of someone insisting that it's the gays and lesbians who are going out of their way to advertise it, because straight sexuality is so normalised. The reality is that gays and lesbians tend to "advertise" their sexuality in ways that would be completely unremarkable if they weren't, you know, gay. This is a heteronormative viewpoint being pressed by a self-described asexual.

But it does have the benefit of making a point for me.

That's a good point, a lot of things that come of as non-sexual get automatically sexualized when lesbian and gay folk do it. I am absolutely not going to deny that.

I should correct myself here and clarify an important point it's also a stark minority of LGB folk who over-sexualize. Although, with the people who do, they tend to do it more than heterosexuals. I don't mean things like holding hands, kissing, hugging, or even open cuddling and sitting in each others laps. I see nothing overtly sexual in that type of behavior. When it gets to me is when people start making comments about people around them they want to sleep with, especially when they go into explicit detail. I just happen to notice a small portion of certain groups doing that sort of explicit commentary a lot more than others.

Being ace I can be very oblivious to sexual things until it gets real explicit anyways. So it's quite possible that I miss the more subtle cues given by most. Also it could just be the people I know and the fact that some of them refuse to stop when I tell them they're making me uncomfortable.

 

[SweetShark]

It was the same for another episode which it had heavily the subject of Furry culture? I never saw this episode.

That went pretty poorly for the furries, didn't it?

I don't know. I never watched this episode. I just saw one small clip with the leader of the team [I don't know his name] explaining why Furries exist while seeing them walking like cotrolling drones....

 

[Eric the Orange]

Snip

I feel like we may have had a failure of communication. It was never my intention to say that you have to be asexual to notice the sexualization of things. Or that I am different or special in some way that makes me uniquely qualified over everyone else. This wasn't supposed to be a "woe is me, feel sorry for me" kind of thing. I was only voicing an interesting Thought I was thinking about at the time. I am well aware that many other people deal with the same things and that it's not just asexual people.

 

[Eric the Orange]

To be clear, for those having an angstgasm over most people's focus on sex...

...it's the basis of our reproduction, which is the basis of our single drive before death. It's the single act which has been a defining characteristic of the lineage of our species for a hundreds of millions of years, and most of what we did before dropping dead (that wasn't a desperate struggle to stay alive). It's what our nearest relatives on the evolutionary ladder do pretty much whenever they're bored, angry, happy, sad, or anything else.

You can look at it as being sex-obsessed, or you can take the more realistic view that an organism requiring sexual reproduction to pass along its genes, while lacking a desire to do so, is broken. That's not a moral judgement, anymore than a broken leg means someone is bad. Why is it though, that some broken things need a culture to spring up around them, in denial of what they are? I'm glad that asexual people seem to have this thing that doesn't cause them much grief, that's nice, it's still objectively broken as hell.

It's fortunate that we're the one species that has ever existed on Earth, for which being a little broken:

1.) Isn't an outright death sentence
2.) Your genes end, your legacy doesn't necessarily end, with subsequent generations never knowing you existed or sharing kinship.

An asexual human may do what no other animal would, and still reproduce (and good for them), just like we use crutches when we break a leg.

I did say that in not so many words in my original post.

And you seem rather defensive about the whole thing here. Like people are attacking you or your world view. I can't speak for others but It was never my intention to say that the prevalence of sexualization was wrong in any way. I'm happy for people to live however they choose and I don't feel that people should change just because I'm not into sex.

Also "angstgasm", I think you may be reading more into my words than what was put in them. My intention was never a "woe is me" attitude. It was just a thought I had and wanted to express.