AN AWKWARD RELIGIOUS AND MORAL DILEMMA

[kingthrall]

This girl is from the middle east, she is a former muslim now she is atheist but surrounded by muslims. She still doing her university course but when she finishes next year she is thinking of travelling. She likes me a lot and I do too but if she leaves home and gets into a relationship with me, he family and most of her friends will pretty much shun her and probally she would be killed if she went back home. They are all Muslim and she is from a pretty strict religious country.

So what do I do? Go to her at her graduation and confront the parents? Do I just buy her a ticket to come to where I live or just break ties with her for safety.

Also I know her quite well, ive met her in person and talk to her frequently on skype so no funny posts about me going to Bahrain and getting ransom notes

 

[Lilani]

I don't quite understand. Has she asked you to travel with her, then?

 

[kingthrall]

she is not sure what to do with herself she is completely lost. I kind of convinced her Islam is not the only lifestyle that she should be forced to live and she really does believe it now, but she is totally surrounded by Muslims. You could say I converted her to atheist but I myself am not atheist or a believer.

 

[Galletea]

Now there's a delicate situation. I would suggest you look carefully at all your options and discuss them with her. Any decision you take now could have a massive and possibly irreversible effect on the both of you, but especially for her, if she is from a very strict muslim community. The ball has to rest in her court. I do not think it is a good idea for you to confront her parents, I think if she wants to break free from that life, you can be there for her, but it is ultimately a decision about her life, and she has to be the one to make it, and to explain it to her parents.

 

[Arakasi]

I myself am not atheist or a believer.

So you neither believe in a god nor do you not believe in a god at the same time?
What?

 

[kingthrall]

I myself am not atheist or a believer.

So you neither believe in a god nor do you not believe in a god at the same time?
What?

Its not really that important to me so ive never been bothered to think that far ahead

 

[Callate]

I guess the real question is some ways is, given the course she seems to have set, is she planning on breaking ties with her family/country anyway?

Some people steer a course that's extremely contrary to their upbringing at college/university, in part because it's the first time they've had the opportunity to do so. Some of those same people go running back to that upbringing not long after they get out of University, in ways that can surprise you. Others don't.

I think perhaps you need to have a long talk with her and see how/if you fit into what she thinks her future will be.

 

[Evil Smurf]

Chat with her, if you two become an item with financial stability why not travel?

 

[Batou667]

A tricky situation. One of my close buddies was in a situation like this recently: he's an apathetic agnostic/Christian, she was an apathetic Muslim but with super-serious Muslim parents. My friend almost considered converting to Islam just for the sake of being with her, but her parents were so against the whole idea of her not marrying a "real" Muslim boy that they were forced to part.

So, yeah. Your options are probably

1: Convert to Islam
2: Convince her to abandon her culture and family
3: keep your relationship a complete secret.
4: Don't persue a relationship with her.

None are particularly good options, but number 4 is the most sensible.

I think diversity is great, but when culture becomes a barrier then I think less favourably of it.

 

[Cakes]

Wait, I don't get it, are you currently in a relationship? Are you even sure this girl is into you?

 

[Zaik]

I myself am not atheist or a believer.

So you neither believe in a god nor do you not believe in a god at the same time?
What?

Probably means he isn't a devout anti-religionist as most self professed atheists are.

On topic:
Don't bother confronting her parents or anything, in fact I'd recommend avoiding it.

You should probably just make it clear that you don't really have a problem with the religion or anything, but you have absolutely no interest in being around anyone who thinks shia laws are serious business, and you won't consider a relationship with her unless she makes no requirement that you enter those areas. She should probably not be in those sorts of places herself, but if she feels the need to risk getting killed over it, so be it.

 

[JimB]

So what do I do?

You don't do anything. It is her decision and, if what you say is true, it is literally her life. You let her decide how she wants to live and then you either back her play or not, depending on whether you are willing to do what she asks of you

 

[zuro64]

I myself am not atheist or a believer.

So you neither believe in a god nor do you not believe in a god at the same time?
What?

Probably means he isn't a devout anti-religionist as most self professed atheists are.

Well... considering that being an atheist means that your a non believer that doesent really hold up, but I see your point.

Snip

I got a couple of questions just to clarify the situation further:

A) Does her parents know shes not "believing" anymore?
B) Does her parents know about you and that you two have meet?
C) Does she have to stay in touch often with her parents when she travels?
D) Is she having serious thoughts of leaving her family and country without you in the picture?

 

[Jarsh82]

You two wanting to be an item shouldn't be a factor in a major life decision like this. If you wish to help her it should be as a friend. This situation is complicated enough without bringing in a romantic relationship and should be stated in any conversation you have with her regarding the topic. Confronting her parents would be in no way constructive.