An orphan Christmas

[PurpleRain]

I know it's a little early to start talking about Christmas time and whatnot, but recently, my work has started to play jingles. As much as I hate them, it gets you thinking about the holliday season. The joy and laughter. Sharing presents amoung family and friends.

Though some aren't as lucky. They have no parents to give them any presents or show them any love. The poor orphans with their little button noses and rosey cheeks, coughing as the chimney soot as built up in their lungs. Yet even though their orphanage is nearly run into the ground by greedymen in tophats, they struggle ever so persistantly with a alternative outlook on the world.

With my heart filled with sorrow I thought it nessissary to stop selfish ways and needing and instead help someone else out.

So this is a game to see how much you can open your heart and what you would give the orphans/orphanage for christmas?

I should dig up the corpses of their parents, stick the heads in a present and send it to them before torching the orphanage!

 

[Ultrajoe]

I'll stomp their building last of all, so they can get warm in the fires of destruction before my annual December 25th killing spree claims them.

I'll tell you what, i'll make them last for my december 26 killing spree as well.

Oh, hell, they can have the whole damn week.

 

[Spartan Bannana]

I would give them a puppy, I would let them bond with it for a few years. Then one night, I would come into their house, break their legs, staple their eyes open and make them watch as I broke every single bone in the dog's body and finally snap his neck, then light his corpse on fire.

[is still pretty sore about having to replay an hour of gameplay after Dogmeat died]

 

[PurpleRain]

Hmm, very generous I see.

Well, I think I would buy out the market. Get rich and then sell all of the properties on Christmas day. Shooing them out of their one establishment, they are finally forced onto the street. I would also pay the hobo's in the sector a large sum of cash to hunt down and kill them all as soon as they are run outside.

I would then play the nice passer by and pick up the living children as they flee from their now-caniable attackers. (Seriosuly, hobo's acquire the taste of human flesh).

I will drive them to a safe place where I would then lock them all in a large safe. There is a key in the safe but it's attached around the collar of a wolverine. If any of them make it out, I'll be waitig, with an axe to ensure there are no survivors.

 

[PurpleRain]

I will feed them to Sarah Palin. But of course I have injected the orphans with poison first, telling them that it's a special super needle that will bring their mummy and daddy back.

Kill two birds with one stone.

 

[SenseOfTumour]

I'd just buy half of them a 360 and the other half a PS3 and watch them destroy each other.

Or does that only happen online?

 

[PurpleRain]

I'd just buy half of them a 360 and the other half a PS3 and watch them destroy each other.

Or does that only happen online?

"Pweese sir. We have no power points and no electricity to run it. Last night we had to burn Timmy's last clothing to make a fire *cough*."

I guess you could bludgeon them with it.

What are you talking about? Everyone knows the only thing capable of killing Sarah Palin is silver coated acid. And no, it does not work the other way around. I tried. Don't ask me what I planned to do with the dead body, that's my business and mine alone.

Of course. How could I forget?! But I still want to lie to the orphans about the needles. And perhaps news coverage of the event may make her loose some support. Hmm, maybe not, but it'll send Fox into a twist.

 

[Ultrajoe]

I would feed them just one pringle.

WHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAA

Once you pop... you... cant stop...

Eviljoe, your thoughts?

3/10, this really isn't your strong suit

Oh yeah? And what the hell would you do?

I would do...

Spoiler: this

Spoiler: you sure? It's rather evil...

Spoiler: fine, dont say i didn't warn you...

Spoiler: You REALLY sure?

Spoiler: Ok, here it is

Spoiler: Just kidding, here it is

Spoiler: Oops, next one i promise

Spoiler: It's not the nicest of things...

Spoiler: But since your so persistent...

Spoiler: here it comes

Spoiler: Next one, for sure

Spoiler: *Sigh* so predictable, you still click! Watch, you'll click this one too because curiosity is so damn tempting

Spoiler: Told you

Spoiler

This is what i'd do to the damn Orphans.

You evil son of a *****...

 

[Anarchemitis]

Wow. Such cruelty is a blight upon this website I must say.
If all the nominees to the Escapist election and supporters thereof are in favour of such travesties, I don't know what I'll do.

I'll use the inordinate capital that my railroad [http://www.jucaushii.ro/images/boxshot/upload/Sid_Meiers_Railroads_pc.jpg] generates, I'll donate to each of them a notable effort in the location of their real parents or appropriate adopters. And a slinky each.

 

[Reaperman Wompa]

This thread scares me.

 

[PurpleRain]

Wow. Such cruelty is a blight upon this website I must say.
If all the nominees to the Escapist election and supporters thereof are in favour of such travesties, I don't know what I'll do.

I'll use the inordinate capital that my railroad [http://www.jucaushii.ro/images/boxshot/upload/Sid_Meiers_Railroads_pc.jpg] generates, I'll donate to each of them a notable effort in the location of their real parents or appropriate adopters. And a slinky each.

But the slinky is made out of hate right? Right?!

This thread scares me.

Not nearly enough I'm sure.

 

[Lord Krunk]

I would give them the gift of mandatory PE classes.

Because there's no greater evil.

 

[Spartan Bannana]

I would give them the gift of mandatory PE classes.

Because there's no greater evil.

I like PE...

 

[Clairaudient]

A little paprika and a pinch of salt, turn your burners to HIGH and add one orphan (peeled). Flip twice to allow spice coverage then press in pan. Let simmer with 1/4 cup vegetable oil with lid on for 20 minutes on LOW. Flip every 4 minutes to allow even cooking. Serve with potatoes which can be boiled, mashed or stuck in a stew.

 

[Johnn Johnston]

I would give them a box of chocolates. Chocolates with small capsules inside, containing highly-alkaline substances. The capsules would then neutralise their stomach acids, leaving them unable to digest due to there only being water in their stomachs. Before long, the alkaline mucus lining of the stomach would kill them.

SCIENCE - DO IT RIGHT, AND YOU TOO CAN KILL ORPHANS!

 

[Anarchemitis]

But the body can create more stomach acid, given adeqquate amounts of salts thereafter. You daft fool, Ionic solutions aren't powerful enough, you need things that cause death more agonizingly, but invisbly!
Ruthenium Oxide compounds cause cancer and are hard to detect thanks to Organometallic compositions, and is not much heavier than Iron, so it's hard to detect as a heavy Metal poison.

 

[Johnn Johnston]

Ionic solutions? Of course they aren't powerful enough! The alkaline substance is one of my own concoction (don't ask for the formula), and contains hormones which suppress the body's acid-creating functions. You must be thinking that I use laboratory science, instead of EVIL laboratory science.

 

[ThePoodonkis]

I'd do the most EVIL thing ever!

Adopt them all and raise them and be as good and loving a parent as I can be. Then, I would treat them as my own and raise them to be good people and upstanding citizens!
MWAHAHAHA!!!!

 

[Johnn Johnston]

I'd do the most EVIL thing ever!

Adopt them all and raise them and be as good and loving a parent as I can be. Then, I would treat them as my own and raise them to be good people and upstanding citizens!
MWAHAHAHA!!!!

If I adopted them, I'd read them a bedtime story every night.

The story would be about how life is meaningless and pointless, with all the optimism of 'Death of a Salesman' mixed with the sweet dreams factor of 'Bioshock'.

 

[Anarchemitis]

Ionic solutions? Of course they aren't powerful enough! The alkaline substance is one of my own concoction (don't ask for the formula), and contains hormones which suppress the body's acid-creating functions. You must be thinking that I use laboratory science, instead of EVIL laboratory science.

You mean like the science that got Dr. No Nowhere?
Normal Science brought humanity Gunpowder, Nuclear Fission and now The Large Hadron Collider.

Also, you realize an acid is only an acid solely because of a H[sup]+1[/sup] ion, right?
(In layman's terms, an Acid that isn't an Ion is like a plane that can only taxi around and not take-off. It isn't really an acid.)