Another angle on the whole 'geek girls' thing.

Harbinger_

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similar.squirrel said:
I've read countless threads here about those elusive members of the fairer sex who share some of the more esoteric interests that define this forum community. The bottom line, usually refuted, was that they are not nearly as elusive as people make them out to be.
I agree with that, and my issue is another one. I've come across a couple of these women. They are genuinely smart, funny and pleasant to be around. They understand references to a variety of literature, music and film that's considered to be outside of the mainstream, and they've got a nice, dark sense of humour. The problem is that, thus far, none of them have been what would commonly be considered 'attractive' [physically speaking], with the exception of one lady I dated for a while.
Is there any particular reason that women of the geeky persuasion have a habit of letting themselves go? I understand that the same kind of guys are generally not the most attractive themselves, but it doesn't seem quite as pronounced.

Please don't flame. I'm not trying to generalize. Just making an observation that, for me, has been true more often than not.
I've had the same problem, it's usually a matter of location with a mixture of defeatism/self-esteem issues/bad luck with relationships. They feel that people should care about them when they don't care enough about themselves to take care of themselves.
 

emeraldrafael

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I've never actually gotten why they're called the fairer sex. After knowing friends who worked in clothing stores, theres nothing fair about a woman once a sale comes around on Black Friday.

Now I have to question OP, your definition of a geeky woman. It sounds as if you split the world into airheaded models and unattractive geeky girls with the rare expcetion of cross breeding which would never survive in either group.

because the world simply does not run that way. Now I'll admit, I've dated, and I've dated normal girls, airheaded sluts, mousy geeks and among them there were the normal girls, the skin and bones porcelain twigs, and the overtly huge, as well as girls withs ome healthy meat on their bones. The idea of beauty is subjective, and to each his own of course. But I've always wnated a girl with some personality rather then assets, and if that means dipping down a number or two, or choosing from the one that may add a little more to my tab at Eat n Park, then I accept that. I've never found anything wrong with a girl who has more to love to her, or with the girl that could shatter mirrors on a good day.

because lets face it, we all get old, and when you get old, you start to sag and wrinkle, and fighting that losing battle can be quite an expensive and dangerous campaign. And if you cant see yourself with a girl after age takes its course, or she lets herself go as she gets comfortable around you, or if she had some catastrophic accident/disease that robs her of her features, then really there's not point to the relationship at all.

...

and of course the same can be said for men from a woman's prospective too.
 

Twilight_guy

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Wow... I just... Wow. I didn't think anyone could that that big of ass out of themselves without even trying. Okay, so first of all people are different everywhere you go. The subset of individuals that you have encounter do not define the whole of any group so who you encounter is largely subject to local variables. I.E. It's just the people around you, there isn't some overall trend.
Secondly, "let themselves go"... your implying that your subjective form of beauty is the correct one and that anyone who doesn't conform to it is thus somehow not keeping themselves up or not following a correct way. People should be free to look however they want without being subject to arbitrary notions of beauty or aesthetics. You can choose who is beautiful or ugly for yourself but lets not imply that anytime who doesn't fit into beautiful is that way because she "let's herself go" as opposed to simply liking the way she looks or something else.
Thirdly, I support the notion that you should like people for what's inside and you seem to be brushing that off as not important. I don't know if that's true and honestly not everyone has to agree with that but that does bug the hell out of me.
Fourthly, Have you ever considered that maybe as a dude you aren't good at judging how dudes look? I think girls probably have a little different set of criteria then you do (of course you could be gay or something too and have that that alter your criteria but it didn't sound like it from the OP). Did you ever think that maybe your school has just as many homely joe geeks as homely jill geeks and you just can't see it? Something to think about.
Lastly, It's generally a bad idea to post a thread about relationship problems because people don't really care. It's a discussion about your personal feeling rather then something that allows everyone to contribute their own experiences. Thus it generally makes for a bad discussion topic. On top of that, we aren't you and we don't know what your individual situation is like so its hard for us to judge in anyway but by apply our subjective judgment to the issue.
 

Tselis

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Because geeky girls don't get alot of attention from good looking guys once those guys realize they've met a geek wearing female skin. After enough of that, why bother to try?
 

Tselis

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Loop Stricken said:
Tselis said:
... a geek wearing female skin.
But surely this is like the holy grail?
What gives?
Handsome guys don't want a geek in female clothing. I know, >.> , I tried going after the handsome guys and they didn't like that I laughed at Monty Python, like Shakespeare, play video games, and know more about computers than them (mostly because my daddy was a programmer/computer engineer both professionally and as a hobby). They thought it was weird that I had three computers in my house in 1982, and learned my alphabet on a keyboard with a program that daddy wrote for me. Popular guys didn't like that I didn't swoon over their muscles or cars, and called them on their bullshit. Then I met my husband. He's a geek through and through. He also played football, was in drama in high school and is an absolute genius. I swoon over his geek chic, it's so sexy. So yeah, geeks do come in the female variety, but society doesn't like them, so they hide. It's kind of a bummer.
 

sivlin

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Just to throw a very small amount of support towards the OP:

First off, for all those hissing a fit at him not finding many of these geeky girls attractive... there is a reason.

In a very general sense - if you do not take care of yourself that equates to you being less attractive than at your best.

Which leads me to: Many (read: not all or even a majority for all I know) "geek" types find bettering yourself physically to be a task not worth the effort. This isn't really an issue that only relates to girls as the OP is kind of implying. The reason it seems more OUT there is due to the fact that we as a society hold females to a higher standard of beauty than we do the male counterparts. This is why so many women spend so much time and effort into perfecting themselves when many of their male counterparts do just about nothing towards the same effect.

Back to something that has always bothered me. Beauty is very rarely in the eye of the beholder. Some people are less shallow than others - but were I to show you a picture of some gorgeous starlet or Brad Pitt - You would be hard pressed to find someone who would say that they looked ugly. This means NOTHING about what TYPE of person they are - but there is no denying that they are attractive people. Some people are less attractive than others and that is really just something we all have to live with. It is unfortunate that you might be judged less than someone who looks better - but deal with it and move on. Hell, I know I'm no Brad Pitt. I'm passable at best and that's fine.

I just see so many people up in arms about how this person is judging people based solely on looks.. Holy shit people. Live in the real world. This is how things work.
 

No_Remainders

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mgirl said:
No_Remainders said:
mgirl said:
Ugh, this is seriously a thread?
For starters, beauty is subjective! And if you think that clothes that you don't like is one of the things that makes a person unattractive.... wow, just wow.
Objective =/= subjective. Fixed it for you.
Damn it! That's what I get for ranting and not thinking :)
Understandable really.

Rants are fun! But still, best to proof-read things :)
 

tobyornottoby

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Harbinger_ said:
thefreeman0001 said:
Harbinger_ said:
It was mentioned earlier in the thread that apparently the OP is 'picky' because he doesn't find the women he mentioned attractive. I'm not sure why people are supposed to settle for less than they desire to be perfectly honest.
you can desire a hot model but doesnt mean its a good idea to ignore other women chasing just one
It also doesn't mean you should pick the first girl you come across.
The point is, that model is putting a lot of effort into her appearance. Of course she will go for a sports guy who does the same. If you're picky in that way, you better work on yourself too.
 

Harbinger_

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tobyornottoby said:
Harbinger_ said:
thefreeman0001 said:
Harbinger_ said:
It was mentioned earlier in the thread that apparently the OP is 'picky' because he doesn't find the women he mentioned attractive. I'm not sure why people are supposed to settle for less than they desire to be perfectly honest.
you can desire a hot model but doesnt mean its a good idea to ignore other women chasing just one
It also doesn't mean you should pick the first girl you come across.
The point is, that model is putting a lot of effort into her appearance. Of course she will go for a sports guy who does the same. If you're picky in that way, you better work on yourself too.
Thats a little extreme isn't it? Why not someone who's not a model but hasn't completely given up on taking care of themselves? I've actually dated a girl who looked like a model and she didn't go for the sports guy. Being picky doesn't necessarily mean going for one extreme over another.
 

tobyornottoby

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Harbinger_ said:
Thats a little extreme isn't it? Why not someone who's not a model but hasn't completely given up on taking care of themselves? I've actually dated a girl who looked like a model and she didn't go for the sports guy. Being picky doesn't necessarily mean going for one extreme over another.
And how do you take care of yourself? =)

It's indeed not that black and white, but it's just that those skewed expectations can be part of someone with Nice Guy Syndrome.