Another Girl problem thread

[ZRendZ]

Okay I don't really want to go into too much detail about the story as I feel that the wrong people might come the story and then add one and one to get three or something, so I'm going to give you the skinny within a few points
-Me and my Girlfriend been going out for about 2 months, this is since the time she asked me out, since then we've just been taking really
-Since we started going out she has had problems talking to us (when I say us I mean the group of friends) by problems I mean like her computer has had problems meaning she has to use someone else's computer
-I feel like she's forgotten about us
-I want to be closer to her
-I don't want to scare her, rush her and ultimately lose her (This is basically just me being paranoid of her leaving)
-This is the closest thing to an actual relationship (that I've ever had)

So guys, what do you think I should do?

Edit: gone a bit more into detail, hopefully this would help

 

[artanis_neravar]

Okay I don't really want to go into detail about the story as I feel that the wrong people might come the story and then add one and one to get three or something, so I'm going to give you the skinny within a few points

I'm going to take this one at a time

-Me and my Girlfriend been going out for about 2 months

Going out as in just dates, or an actual monogamist relationship?

-Since we started going out she has had problems talking to me

Problems as in what? She doesn't confide in you? did she do this before hand? and does she confide in other people?

-When she does come to talk to us she doesn't really talk to me

As in she doesn't talk about anything important or she just clams up?

-I feel like she's forgotten about us

If you feel this way you need to tell her.

-I want to be closer to her

You both need to want this in order for it to work.

-I don't want to scare her, rush her and ultimately lose her

From the sound of things she either has intimacy issues, or you may have already lost her

-This is the closest thing to an actual relationship

That you have been in?

 

[Lionsfan]

I agree with Artanis, I think a bit more specification's are needed. If the people in question might frequent the Escapist you could always use a PM to keep it a secret.

 

[SirDoom]

I can't understand your question, personally.

-Me and my Girlfriend been going out for about 2 months

Good.

-Since we started going out she has had problems talking to me

Been there. Although I need more details to comment. Has she ever been able to talk to you?

-When she does come to talk to us she doesn't really talk to me

Us? If not you, who does she talk to?

-I feel like she's forgotten about us
-I want to be closer to her
-I don't want to scare her, rush her and ultimately lose her
-This is the closest thing to an actual relationship

Ok, listen. I'm not so sure about your case, but if I'm understanding it right, it's similar to a situation I was in. Your girlfriend isn't very communicative, doesn't seem committed, and isn't putting much effort in being close to you. This will NOT change if you just wait for it to happen.

It is possible to rush into things, but communication is not like sex. You don't ease into it. It's a vital part of any relationship, and NEEDS to be there from day 1. If it's not there, try talking to her about it as soon as possible. Best case scenario, she agrees and things get better. Worst case, it results in a breakup. But, let me tell you, going through a breakup hurts a lot less than being in a relationship devoid of communication with someone who doesn't care about you. I know from experience.

 

[ultrachicken]

Frankly, you don't seem like you're in a relationship if your girlfriend isn't speaking to you.

Okay I don't really want to go into detail about the story as I feel that the wrong people might come the story and then add one and one to get three or something, so I'm going to give you the skinny within a few points

If you don't give details, don't expect good advice to come from this thread.

 

[Vern5]

Alright. This is your first relationship so a lot of this might be new or strange to you. For example, you need to set up the guidelines of your relationship for it to have any meaning. Are you guys exclusive? Do you actually have anything worth discussing when you are together or do you two use each other to calm the raging hormones influencing your lives?

A clearly defined relationship is a stable relationship. If you two aren't communicating or one of you refuses to communicate, then there is no relationship. You're going to have to ask her what she thinks, what she's doing and what she wants out of this relationship. You've got to know what you want and what she wants and see where you two match up.

Seeing as this is your first relationship, I'm forced to wonder: what exactly do you find worthwhile about this girl? Are you in this relationship for something or is just because she's pretty and has an interest in you? Because if you're just in this so you can say you dated somebody and she's messing with your head, then why are you bothering?

Queries aside, you should just talk to her (if she's trying to be distant then you might have to come up with an underhanded way for you two to meet) and figure out what this relationship is.