Another post about a girl...

[Dr Snakeman]

See what happens tonight, if she is interested and anything happens between you tonight that she instigates or you feel comfortable enough to instigate then problem solved. If not, then just ask her the hell out tomorrow, and make it completely clear that you mean as a date, not just as two friends. If she says yes then great, if not then you have your answer and you can move on and treat her just as a friend. Your situation really isn't that difficult to solve. And trust me, though this will sound egotistical on my part, this really is the best advice you are going to hear on this thread. Seriously. Anyhow, good luck, and I hope everything does go well for you, and for this girl too .

Hahaha... Maybe not the "best advice on the thread", but certainly a solid plan.

Really, it all boils down to "do what feels right". If you like her, say so. Maybe hold her hand. Or kiss her. Or something.

Just don't keep sitting around, worrying about what the consequences might be. Either you wind up together, or you don't. Either way, you don't really have anything to lose.

 

[Deviluk]

Alright, seeing as this got no replies in the advice forums, i'm gonna re-post it here:

Alright, I'll get straight to the point, there's a girl I like, I think she likes me but she's giving me mixed messages. I've known her for a few months now and have grown quite close to her, obviously I like her. recently she's been saying things to me like; "I feel safe around you" and been coming over my house randomly to watch a movie with me before I walk her home at about 1 AM. Anyway, she also has mentioned that she doesn't like relationships and keeps on bringing up her old boyfriends fairly often and telling me how they were arseholes. Basically, I'm just confused as to whether she likes me or not, we've been to the cinema together etc where she would lean up close to me and look at me as if she wanted me to kiss her but she's also totally ignored me at a party she invited me too, as a result I'm in two minds about how she feels about me and I don't want to just ask her out just to find out she acts like this with every guy.

Anyway, over to you, what do you guys think?

EDIT: Just thought I'd mention, even though I've known her for about 3 months now, we don't see each other often enough for her to have forced me into the "friend-zone" tbh. I maybe see her once or twice a week depending how busy I am, yet we live virtually next door to one another and whenever I do see her she always tells me how She gets excited and it makes her happy.

EDIT: Another thing I forgot to mention, she invited me back to hers last night but was very upset when I couldn't make it seeing as i was working however, she's invited me over tonight so i guess I'll be finding out tonight if she likes me or not. Just put this up as It didn't seem that "Friend-zoney" to invite me over to hers, on my own when her mum is out.

Dude, let me say I've been there, and I know how you feel. In my case the girl acts like she wants you, but thats as far as it goes, right? Some girls like to have that power and exercise it over guys, just like some guys like to hang around with girls being all friendly, because it boosts their self-esteem because they see themselves as popular and attractive with all this attention. The fact is these people are in no way prepared to make a jump to a real relationship because they're scared, or inexperienced, or whatever. She's hooked you, and she'd like you to hang out with her, she probably even wants you to have a crush on her, but thats as far as it will go unless to really face her directly and get a yes/no. Thats my experience and I'm guessing you guys are mid to late teens, so hopefully you won't make my mistake. If theres other guys who she treats like you then get away.

 

[sumanoskae]

Sounds to me like you need to just go for it, don't be a brute, just go in for one of those kisses, or say it straight up. If she says crap like "I've never thought about it", you'll know she's lying, in which case she probably doesn't know how she feels.

The worst case scenario is that she flat out rejects you(After all this leading you on, in which case she's not worth your time), you're out a friend, but at least you have closure.

You have to keep moving on, no matter how much it might hurt, that's life. You can either risk the pain now, or draw it out. If you don't bring this to a conclusion, you'll always wonder what could have been.

 

[ProtonGuy]

If you have to ask a bunch of complete strangers if you think a girl likes you I'm going to say she's just playing games with you. However you could take this advice to heart and win her in no time. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly8cMUqkdY

 

[someonehairy-ish]

By telling you that her old boyfriends were arseholes to her she might just be looking to see your reaction - maybe she's unsure of how you feel about her and she's looking for a response along the lines of 'I wouldn't treat you like that' or some kinda reassurance that you don't think what they did was fair.
Orr it could just be making conversation.

At this party she could have just been distracted by catching up with mates or something. Its a good sign that she invited you, so there's something.

What I'm saying is, try to see if the negative signals are really there because there could be other explanations. You could always just try asking her about it (tactfully).

Also, have fun tonight. Ignore doomsayer post underneath this one. If she trusts you with personal feelings about shiz it probably isn't because she sees you as a 'beta male.'

 

[mortalsatsuma]

She doesn't like you. She's just looking for somebody to lean on, somebody she doesn't perceive as being emotionally attached to her in a romantic sense. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that she considers you to be a beta or even gamma male, which is why she's even talking to you about it.

By the way, this is the wrong forum for relationship threads. The Advice Forum is there for a reason, and why you got the idea to clog up Off-Topic with your relationship thread is a conundrum which I can't solve. Please tell a moderator to move this thread as soon as possible, because The Escapist has that forum to move the relationship threads to an area where they could be separate from more important and interesting issues. Not that that's worked out quite as planned, but I'd like to think that somebody will think of something cleverer than "So, there's this girl..."

I did post it in the advice forum and got zero replies, so instead it will remain here.

 

[Nabohs]

Anyway, I feel like she does like you, given what you've said here, it just seems like she knows very little about how guys think and what works on them. She probably thinks her signals are perfectly clear, if that is the situation. You can test the waters if you like, hold hands, kiss on the cheek, etc. and see how she reacts. The only other thing I can tell you to do about it is just ask her. Take her to lunch or something and tell her how you feel, and that you feel like she feels the same way (I know, a lot of feeling there). Good luck, man.

Oh, and by the way, if it doesn't go well and she says that's not what she wanted at all, then that probably means she's a drama queen who loves attention and it's probably not healthy for you to be around her, anyway. Girls who freely give signals like that and then refuse offers never make for stable relationships or friendships.

This is possibly the best advice anyone can honestly give. The same thing happened to me about a year ago now, where the girl was giving me signals (like legitimate signals), but when I asked her she said she didn't know and she needed time. Once I started trying to spend more time with her (as in like everyday for like 5 more months), she still was unsure. My advice to you is like what Lilani said, if she doesn't give a definite yes or no after awhile, she may just not want to hurt you feelings. Remember though, this was one case that happened to me, it may not be the same with you

 

[mortalsatsuma]

I did post it in the advice forum and got zero replies, so instead it will remain here.

I think Lilani says everything important about this issue:

Okay, first of all, I'm afraid waiting 10 minutes does not mean your thread has "no replies" and thus is worth reposting. This isn't exactly a peak time for posts on the Escapists, and the advice forum tends to get fewer replies, anyway. Maybe after a few days or if it fell off the top page you could repost, but 10 minutes is just unnecessary.

As I've waited literally years to get replies to some of my threads, in busier parts of the forum, I think that you need to exercise a bit of patience.

I don't have days to wait, I have until 6.00pm today until I see this person next, I needed advice now and if that means placing this topic into an "off-topic" forum instead of a pretty much deserted "advice" forum, then that's what I have done and will do when necessary.

 

[skywalkerlion]

It sounds like someone you shouldn't waste your time thinking about. If she hasn't made up her mind that she likes you or she doesn't after 3 months you should just move on and accept her as a friend. I'm no expert though. Even if she did like you the relationship wouldn't last long, if she keeps talking about how she "hates relationships" and complains about her ex's all the time.

 

[tobyornottoby]

Have you seen the ending of "A guy thing"? =D
It's like that, you just have to man up and kiss her (or ask her out, or tell her) and see what happens from there.

 

[Whateveralot]

Have a massive sit-down conversation where you talk about relationships, what you expect and what you don't want to happen.

If you match, you match. Fear of relationships is something that can be pretty dangerous if you don't talk about it.

 

[tobyornottoby]

Yeah, you don't really know how men work, you cannot be a true friend to a girl that you are romantically and sexually attracted to, it is just not possible. You CAN be great friends with someone that you find fun, interesting but not attractive, but that's an entirely different thing.

It certainly is possible.
Not all men work the exact same anyways.

Sounds to me like you need to just go for it, don't be a brute, just go in for one of those kisses, or say it straight up. If she says crap like "I've never thought about it", you'll know she's lying, in which case she probably doesn't know how she feels.

The worst case scenario is that she flat out rejects you(After all this leading you on, in which case she's not worth your time), you're out a friend, but at least you have closure.

What??? Maybe if she just wanted a good friend that's not worth his time?

 

[oreopizza47]

Well I know how that story ends "but I don't want to ruin our friendship", "but you're like a brother", "but we're just friends",... I speak from way too much experience.

Anyway here is the deal, if you want a straight anwser then ask her on a date and be clear that it's a date date.
She will decide but you haveto be prepared for the consequences, 9/10 times it will go bad and be prepared for it before you stir the murky waters.

Speaking from experience, I can agree that the "sibling-type love" between friends is very treacherous ground to attempt to cover. But if you've got feelings for a person, it's a risk you have to take. Easy to regret choices you never made, ya know? In fact, I realized in the middle of one relationship that my best friend who was practically my sister... was way better for me, was already crushing on me, and that I was crazy for her. It was literally a three day process between when I realized I liked her, told my girlfriend what was going on in my head and we mutually broke up, and I let my friend know how I felt. And we've got two months under our belt as of yesterday. All I'm saying man, take the leap. You never know if you'll love where it ends up.

 

[Rinji]

Dude, to me it sounds like you still have very good chances, just go for it, experience tells me that there is nothing worse than uncertainty and missed opportunities in those things.

By the way, I also think this is the best advice:

Anyway, I feel like she does like you, given what you've said here, it just seems like she knows very little about how guys think and what works on them. She probably thinks her signals are perfectly clear, if that is the situation. You can test the waters if you like, hold hands, kiss on the cheek, etc. and see how she reacts. The only other thing I can tell you to do about it is just ask her. Take her to lunch or something and tell her how you feel, and that you feel like she feels the same way (I know, a lot of feeling there). Good luck, man.

Oh, and by the way, if it doesn't go well and she says that's not what she wanted at all, then that probably means she's a drama queen who loves attention and it's probably not healthy for you to be around her, anyway. Girls who freely give signals like that and then refuse offers never make for stable relationships or friendships.

 

[maddawg IAJI]

I did post it in the advice forum and got zero replies, so instead it will remain here.

I think Lilani says everything important about this issue:

Okay, first of all, I'm afraid waiting 10 minutes does not mean your thread has "no replies" and thus is worth reposting. This isn't exactly a peak time for posts on the Escapists, and the advice forum tends to get fewer replies, anyway. Maybe after a few days or if it fell off the top page you could repost, but 10 minutes is just unnecessary.

As I've waited literally years to get replies to some of my threads, in busier parts of the forum, I think that you need to exercise a bit of patience.

I don't have days to wait, I have until 6.00pm today until I see this person next, I needed advice now and if that means placing this topic into an "off-topic" forum instead of a pretty much deserted "advice" forum, then that's what I have done and will do when necessary.

It belongs in the advice forum and that is where I'm moving it. Next time, don't try to bend the rules to get what you want.

 

[aei_haruko]

Alright, seeing as this got no replies in the advice forums, i'm gonna re-post it here:

Alright, I'll get straight to the point, there's a girl I like, I think she likes me but she's giving me mixed messages. I've known her for a few months now and have grown quite close to her, obviously I like her. recently she's been saying things to me like; "I feel safe around you" and been coming over my house randomly to watch a movie with me before I walk her home at about 1 AM. Anyway, she also has mentioned that she doesn't like relationships and keeps on bringing up her old boyfriends fairly often and telling me how they were arseholes. Basically, I'm just confused as to whether she likes me or not, we've been to the cinema together etc where she would lean up close to me and look at me as if she wanted me to kiss her but she's also totally ignored me at a party she invited me too, as a result I'm in two minds about how she feels about me and I don't want to just ask her out just to find out she acts like this with every guy.

Anyway, over to you, what do you guys think?

EDIT: Just thought I'd mention, even though I've known her for about 3 months now, we don't see each other often enough for her to have forced me into the "friend-zone" tbh. I maybe see her once or twice a week depending how busy I am, yet we live virtually next door to one another and whenever I do see her she always tells me how She gets excited and it makes her happy.

EDIT: Another thing I forgot to mention, she invited me back to hers last night but was very upset when I couldn't make it seeing as i was working however, she's invited me over tonight so i guess I'll be finding out tonight if she likes me or not. Just put this up as It didn't seem that "Friend-zoney" to invite me over to hers, on my own when her mum is out.

I'd say to just be friends for a while longer, then work up the cohones to tell her how ya feel. I certainly hope it works out man

 

[BOOM headshot65]

All the cries of `Friendzoned, bro!` are funny to me. I was friends with my boyfriend for months before we started going out.

You are the 1%... That doesn't mean that everyone else should stay in miserable dependent friendzone-type relationships in case 3 years down the line she changes her mind, that's a waste of life, there are plenty of women out there.

I imagine it would be miserable, if you are the kind of guy who pins all his hopes and dreams on one woman, following her around pretending to be her friend while pining away at night. But those guys are not friends. I'm talking about someone who is, actually, your friend- who can pursue other people, but not rule out something more happening later on.

Yeah, you don't really know how men work, you cannot be a true friend to a girl that you are romantically and sexually attracted to, it is just not possible. You CAN be great friends with someone that you find fun, interesting but not attractive, but that's an entirely different thing.

Thats BS. That is the kind of thinking that causes relationships to end. When you stop treating a your other half like a friend, and like...I guess you are going with a sack of flesh (I HOPE IM WRONG!!), then you will have problems.

 

[sumanoskae]

Yeah, you don't really know how men work, you cannot be a true friend to a girl that you are romantically and sexually attracted to, it is just not possible. You CAN be great friends with someone that you find fun, interesting but not attractive, but that's an entirely different thing.

It certainly is possible.
Not all men work the exact same anyways.

Sounds to me like you need to just go for it, don't be a brute, just go in for one of those kisses, or say it straight up. If she says crap like "I've never thought about it", you'll know she's lying, in which case she probably doesn't know how she feels.

The worst case scenario is that she flat out rejects you(After all this leading you on, in which case she's not worth your time), you're out a friend, but at least you have closure.

What??? Maybe if she just wanted a good friend that's not worth his time?

Well then she shouldn't be implying the exact opposite!.

If she honestly can't see why he would feel differently after everything that's happened so far, she's probably either confused or being disingenuous.

And if she in all honesty hasn't seen ANY romantic undertones in their recent activity, then she should understand why he would.

If she can't even do that, then she's not his friend.

 

[Giftfromme]

Honestly, just get her to be your wing chick and help you pickup other girls. If they she readily helps you, then she really isn't interested in pursuing anything with you. If she has issues with it, it might be because wants something but isn't quite sure etc. or she could be really bitchy and not want you to have anyone lol. In that case, RUN AWAY from her

 

[tobyornottoby]

If she honestly can't see why he would feel differently after everything that's happened so far, she's probably either confused or being disingenuous.

And if she in all honesty hasn't seen ANY romantic undertones in their recent activity, then she should understand why he would.

If she can't even do that, then she's not his friend.

Well, with social interaction there are a lot of grey areas, interpretations, subjective perspectives, etc. It's perfectly possible she didn't mean it that way without being confused or disingenuous. We're only hearing one biased side of the story here, remember.

It certainly is true she has to understand and respect where he's coming from, she should do that as a friend. But that's not mutually exclusive with flat out rejecting him.