Another Terrible Pun Thread.

[sir.rutthed]

Yup, it's exactly what it sounds like. Not anti jokes, not innuendos, I want your absolute worst (cringe/groan/shudder inducing) puns here. Example:

What do you call an awkward load of vegetables?

Cucumbersome.

Let 'er rip, boys and girls.

 

[MercurySteam]

What have people been calling PSN lately?

PlayStation Notwork!

 

[TriGGeR_HaPPy]

What do you call an awkward load of vegetables?

Cucumbersome.

What have people been calling PSN lately?

PlayStation Notwork!

How very punny of you!

 

[PureChaos]

two people came to my house yesterday and started going on and on about the goodness of brown bread. i can't stand Hovis Witnesses

(as Hovis isn't sold outside the UK, Hovis is a brand of brown bread)

 

[Dr.Susse]

As a puntologist here's a few;

A computer store had stock stolen during the day. Management claimed no one was monitoring the monitors.

Breaking Pun News: A Dutch man was found in a drain. A plumber was called in to confirm the drain was clogged.

After a bacon tree attacked me I realised it was a hambush.

My favourite part of going commando is the de-briefing.

What's the most funny thing you can see rising in the morning? The Punrise.

After reading picture books I'm frequently lost for words.

[small]I've got a twitter page full of these[/small]

 

[Evil Cabbage]

Q: Why did the woman become a baker?
A: Because she wanted a roll in society

Q: Why couldn't the police solve the mystery of the stolen toilet?
A: Because they had nothing to go on

Q: In what unit do you measure pain?
A: Hurts

Q: In what unit do you measure hearing difficulty?
A: "What"s

Q: What do you get if you stare at Macs for too long?
A: iStrain

I'll make another post if I think of any more

 

[TheRealCJ]

Here's a little something that I drew for this very eventuality:

 

[Gigathrash]

A man walks into a grocery store and buys two melons and a banana. He approaches a women with a pack of oysters, and says: "Produce?"

 

[Phishfood]

The escapist had a pun contest. Only pun in ten was good.

What did the fish say when it swam into the wall? Dam.

To quote Jimmy Carr (Don't read if easily offended)

Spoiler

Is it wrong to call the disabled section of a theatre the vegetable patch?

A great name for the vagina would be Carr park.

Usually I'm better at this...need my coffee.

 

[WolfThomas]

There was a man who entered a local newspaper's pun contest.

He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

 

[JacOak]

I know so many tree, gardener and plant related puns it's unreal.

You know the local gardener? He's my best bud.

Get out of that tree and leaf it alone.

That tree spoke to you? You're barking.

Maybe I'll twig and realise tree puns aren't funny.

Perhaps I should bough out.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say I should stop.

 

[Dr.Susse]

I know so many tree, gardener and plant related puns it's unreal.

You know the local gardener? He's my best bud.

Get out of that tree and leaf it alone.

That tree spoke to you? You're barking.

Maybe I'll twig and realise tree puns aren't funny.

Perhaps I should bough out.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say I should stop.

After those tree puns you should just leaf.

 

[Jonluw]

The only one I can remember right now is one that I made on facebook a while ago.

"I'm drinking chocolate milk from a whiskey glass. Classy.
Or should I say Glassy?"

 

[Escapefromwhatever]

-You might say that My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic has a colt following.

-Oy, this thread is such punishment.

 

[RedEyesBlackGamer]

Two silk worms decided to race. They ended up in a tie.

EDIT: I doubt this thread will be as epic as the "Granite" one.

 

[Aetera]

This one is pretty long, but it ends with a super cringe-worthy pun. It's the best/worst that I've ever heard. I'm not sure if people not from America will get it, though. I posted it on another forum and the people not from the US didn't seem to get it. I have no idea if it's just a US thing, or if the people on the other forum were just strangely unaware of certain things.

___

Okay, so, the people in Trinidad are called Trids. In Trinidad, there is a small village. Outside of the village is a large hill. At the top of the hill is a cave. Inside of the cave lives a huge ogre, and every day the ogre comes down and kicks one of the villagers.

A rabbi had come to the village to help out the poor villagers. After a year of living in the village, the Rabbi was puzzled by the ogre's ritual of kicking one villager each and every day. Now, since he'd been living there for so long, each of the villagers had been kicked a dozen times, at least. However, the ogre had never even looked at the rabbi, much less kicked him.

One day, the rabbi just couldn't take it anymore. He climbed up the hill, entered the cave, and demanded to know why he'd never been kicked. The ogre just smiled.

"Silly rabbi! Kicks are for Trids!"

 

[binvjoh]

You should all be punished.

 

[Crumpster]

I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang... but then it came back to me.

I changed my iPod name to Titanic, it's syncing now.

And my favourite:

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.